Today I now see,
I'm merely the prototype.
The failed experiment.
It would have been better to have left me to my death the day of my birth.
You should have let the doctor stop his revival and give up on me like he planned.
My life should have ended in my suffocation in the mucus of life that killed me once.
No, you forced my life which now brings you disappointment.
You can't hide it though you try to deny it.
You admitted I was to blame.
You admitted I bring you shame.
So why do you try to hide it behind a motherly facade.
Your fictitious lies are only skin deep.
Even your favorites of daughters admits that even she sees the violence in your voice when directed at me.
What she receives is love and encouragement.
What you give me is hardly fair in comparison.
But who could blame you.
A child to long in the womb.
Too large a baby for your figure of five foot two.
Born to death only to be revived on a threat of the violent man that was her sire.
Too slow for regular classes until the grade of six.
Too curious to leave her life in the past.
When I went away I was broken but not as bad as when I came back.
When I came back it was my younger sister to whom i was replaced.
Your gave her your love.
You gave her your care.
I don't blame you.
She was perfect.
She was unbroken.
A shiny new toy to be cherished forever,
For her your life was not to much to sacrifice.
You blamed me then like you blame me now.
And your right.
What I struggled with she breezed though without a second glance.
She won trophies and the president's honor where I fell below the prior.
I was slow she fast fast.
Where I queer and estranged she opened her wings and flourished.
I'm sorry I can't be her.
I'm sorry I can't be unbroken.
I'm sorry I can't be fixed.
I just hope one day you'll see the true me and not what you threw away.
I hope one day you'll look at me and won't fight back bile.
I hope one day you'll truly love me and not just play the part.
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