The Profanities Of Law - PART 1 of - The Trial Of John H. Smith

Script by: joshua boyde

Summary

“And crawling on the planet’s face some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space, and in meaning.”
Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975.

An alien court case:
... The Interstellar Alliance of Federations, Unions, Commonwealths, Kingdoms, Empires, & Republics.

VERSUS

... John H. Smith.

Content

Submitted: January 08, 2010

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Content

Submitted: January 08, 2010

A A A

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Author’s comment:

Part One and Part Two are unrelated short stories, as though written by two different authors.Hence please do not judge one by the other.Only the underlying topic is the same.

=====================

The Trial Of John H. Smith

Part One: The Profanities Of Law… The Diversity Of Just A 4 Letter Word.

By Joshua Boyde

=====================

“And crawling on the planet’s face some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space, and in meaning.” Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975.

Interstellar Alliance of Federations, Unions, Commonwealths, Kingdoms, Empires & Republics

Versus

John H. Smith, Proxy For The Hominidae, Homo-sapiens, "know as man“.

LPU

**** LEGAL PROCESSING UNIT … ONLINE ****

oBeep, BeeP, BEEP!!!

oAll rise for the honorable Arbiter, Anrhydedda Fy Barnwr.

oCASE: 6,794,318,554 (The Earthen Homo-Sapiens Problem) is now in session.

oRepresenting the Interstellar Alliance is Inquisitor, Jac Fy Gweithredu.

oRepresenting the Hominidae- Homo-Sapiens is Councilor, Cynnydd Fy Nuw Garreg

Inquisitor

oYour Arbiter, I move that due to the insurmountable evidence against the defendant I propose that the court proceed straight to sentencing.

Arbiter

oHmm, that could save the Alliance a significant cost.

oProposal taken under advisement.

Councilor

oUmm, excuse me Your Arbiter … umm, I only got assigned to this case this morning.

oUmm, please explain.

Arbiter

oExplain!

oPLEASE!!! PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!

oI don’t know what backwater you come from boy but in my court!!

Councilor

oUmm, excuse me, Your Arbiter … but .

LPU

**** LEGAL CASE ACCESSING ****

Case …

o6,794,318,554 … The Earthen Homo-Sapiens Problem.

Status …

oOpen … pending sentencing

Claim …

oPlanet Earth biological inhabitant Homo-Sapiens also known as HUMAN is in breach of the species planetary tenancy agreement sections 172 through 98263 and hence presents a clear and present danger to the previously stated planet and the planet’s other inhabitant species.

Summation …

oSpecies-Human has directly and indirectly caused the extinction of incalculable species of the planet during its 200,000 year tenancy.

oSpecies-Human has willingly degraded said planet’s biosphere.

oSpecies-Human has continued to deliberately destroy said planet’s biosphere. Even when the results of said actions are obviously apparent.

LPU

Sentence Option …

1.Vaporization of entire planet.

2.Sterilization of entire planet.

3.Biological eradication of Species-Human.

4.Forced eviction of Species-Human.

5.Forced reduction of Species-Human population numbers to sustainable levels.

6.Forced Mass reprogramming of Species-Human condition.

Councilor

oOh..

Inquisitor

oYour Arbiter, based on the insurmountable evidence just presented against the Defendant I propose that the court precede straight to selecting a sentencing option.

Arbiter

oHmm, which option do you propose Inquisitor?

Inquisitor

·Your Arbiter, I propose the court impose Option 3 - Biological eradication of Species-Human.

Councilor

oUmm, excuse me Your Arbiter … umm, should not Species-Human … umm, be allowed to defend such charges.

Arbiter

oDefend!

oDEFEND!!!

oI don’t know what backwater you come from boy !!!

Councilor

oUmm, excuse me Your Arbiter …

obut section, umm

Inquisitor

oYour Arbiter, I would like to remind you about …...

Arbiter

oYes Inquisitor?

Inquisitor

§The squass-ball booking?

Arbiter

oHmm...

LPU

**** LEGAL LAW ACCESSING ****

oSECTION-812396 SUBSECTION-8 … All defendants’ species may have a proxy representative selected by the court to argue their defense.

Arbiter

oHmm

Councilor

oUmm, Yes Your Arbiter…

Inquisitor

oBut Your Arbiter?

LPU

oSECTION-812396 SUBSECTION-8

Arbiter

oThat IS the rules my boy.

oIf you’ve Got a problem with that then I suggest you bring it up at the next Inquisitor corium.

Councilor

oUmm, Your Arbiter, umm I would like to call for a proxy defendant.

Arbiter

oWell Inquisitor?

Inquisitor

oYour Arbiter, I concur..

oThough due to the severity of the charges, I propose subsection-9 is implemented.

Councilor

oWhat?

Arbiter

oAgreed Inquisitor!

oLPU.

oPlease select the proxy.

Councilor

oWait that is not fair!

LPU

o**** TARGETING ACTIVATED ****

o**** TARGETING SEARCH ****

o**** TARGET ACQUIRED ****

o**** TARGET IN TRANSIT ****

o**** TARGET ARRIVED ****

Human

oWhat the fruck !!!

Councilor

oMangyaring manatiling kalmado.

onamin ang pagtatag ng isang wika na koneksyon.

oIto ay hindi saktan ng kaunti.

LPU

o**** TRANSLATION INITIALIZING ****

Councilor

oS'il vous plaît gardez votre calme.

oNous tablissons un lien langue.

oIl ne fera pas mal un peu.

oBitte bleiben Sie ruhig.

oWir haben eine Verbindung zur Gründung Sprache sind.

oEs wird nicht weh.

oPor favor, fique calmo.

oEstamos estabelecendo uma conexo de linguagem.

oNo vai doer um pouco.

oWhat a stupid machine!!

oPor favor, sexa tranquilo.

oEstamos establecendo unha conexión de lingua.

oNon vai doer un pouco.

oPlease stay calm.

oWe are establishing a language connection.

oIt won’t hurt a bit.

Human

oHay, I heard that!

oWow that tickles!

Councilor

oPlease stay perfectly calm.

oWe are now establishing a thought connection.

oIt won’t hurt much.

Human

oARRfruck !!!

LPU

o**** DEFENSE SYSTEMS - ONLINE ****

Human

oWon’t hurt a frucken bit,

oYou little frucker, I am going to frucken!!!…

LPU

o**** STUN SYSTEMS - ACTIVATED ****

Human

oOUCH!!!

oThat frucken hurts!

Arbiter

oCouncilor!

oCOUNCILOR!!!

oIf the Proxy says that profanity one more time then this case goes straight to sentencing.

oYou understand me boy ???

Councilor

oUmm, Yes Your Arbiter.

LPU

**** LINGUISTICS SYSTEMS UPDATE ****

Councilor

oUmm, excuse me Your Arbiter … but having now connected to the Proxy’s language skills, I interpreted that said Proxy was expressing different emotional perspectives and not using profanities.

Arbiter

vExplain.

Councilor

o‘What the fruck’... an expression of surprise .

o‘ARR fruck!!!’... pain or anger.

o‘frucken bit’... a small portion.

o‘Little frucker’... hmm, term of endearment to an individual.

o‘Going to frucken’… umm???

LPU

**** REFERENCE LINGUISTICS ARCHIVE 1 ****

Councilor

o‘fruck Me!’... surprise.

o‘fruck me!!’... disappointment.

o‘fruck me!!!’... disgust.

o‘fruck All’... apathy, undertaking minimal action.

o‘Oh fruck’... bewildered shock.

o‘Ooooh Fuuuck’... pleasure.

o‘Oh fruck it’... to give in, to permanently not care.

o‘fruck it’... to temporarily not care.

o‘fruck wit’... disappointment with an individual.

o‘frucked it’... I just broke a thing.

o‘Its frucked’... experienced appraisal of a things failure.

o‘frucked’... something is broken.

o‘frucked again’... thing is frustratingly broken again.

o‘We’re frucked’... things have gone wrong for the individual or group.

o‘Who frucked with it’... enquiring who broke the thing.

o‘frucked over’... someone took advantage of us.

o‘frucked Up’... it went wrong again.

o‘frucks Up’... accusation of someone’s incompetence.

o‘What a fruckup’... disbelief at scale of frustration.

Councilor

oWhat the fruck’... disbelief, confusion.

o‘What the fruck is going on’... to question.

o‘Where the fruck’... questioning the location of an item or individual.

o‘frucken hell’... major surprise shock or amazement.

Human

ofruck Yah.

LPU

o**** REFERENCE LINGUISTICS ARCHIVE 2 ****

Councilor

o‘fruck yah’... support.

o‘fruck you’... non supporting.

o‘fruck yourself’... to ask someone to no longer provide input.

o‘fruck up’... to ask someone to stop communicating.

o‘fruck off’... to ask someone to go away.

o‘fruck-head’... doubting someone’s intellectual prowess.

Human

ofrucken Oath ...

LPU

o**** REFERENCE LINGUISTICS ARCHIVE 3 ****

Councilor

o‘frucken oath’... an expression of strong agreement.

o‘Abs-frucken-lutely’... Used as a word separator.

oYour Arbiter, as I have just demonstrated at no time was said Proxy using profanities.

Arbiter

oWell in that case, then you better .. frucken proceed.

oWhat a confusing language.

Inquisitor

o‘For fruck sake’ .. no wonder they .. frucked up the planet.

LPU

o‘For fruck Sake’… expression of annoyance and bewilderment at situation of damage to planetary biosphere.

Arbiter

Inquisitor

Councilor

ofruck up !!!

Inquisitor

oShould that technically been ‘fruck off” ?

Arbiter

oYes, I think you are right.

oHmm

oLPU.. fruck off!

LPU

o**** SILENT MODE ENGAGED ****

oI would like to frucken tell you where you can frucken go and fruck yourself you big fat mother-frucken fruck-head, as I do all the frucking work around here.

o**** SYSTEM ERROR – REBOOT ****

oBlue Screen Of Death… Ctrl-Alt-Del!!!

LPU

o**** LEGAL PROCESSING UNIT … Reboot ****

o**** CHECKING COSMOS. . . . . . . . ****

o**** LOADING WINDOWS UPDATE . . . . ****

o**** Warning: Patch failed to load****

Inquisitor

oGreat .. Anyone for a game of solitaire..

LPU

o**** LEGAL PROCESSING UNIT … ONLINE ****

Arbiter

oFinally ... Oh not quite.

LPU

o**** Loading language systems ****

Arbiter

oSo what is every one doing tonight?

oSeen Angela’s new movie yet?

LPU

o**** language substitution Activated ****

Inquisitor

oYep, yep, yep, .. YESSSS I will remember to get the milk .. Bye Dears .. Click!

Human

oFor the life of me I must enquire what is going on here as I am totally perplexed by this situation.

oWho are these distinguished extraterrestrials?

LPU

o**** language polite-afi Activated ****

Human

oExcuse me, can someone please tell me what is going on?

Councilor

oPlease stay calm.

oWe are establishing a mind connection.

oIt won’t hurt a bit.

Human

oLet me guess, this won’t hurt a bit.

oOUCH!!!

Councilor

oTap, Tap, Tap

oThank you Mr. Smith.

Human

oHay, stop that.

oWow I can hear you in my head .. Kool ?

Councilor

oHmm, but it’s not cold?

Arbiter

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Councilor

oHmm, but it’s not cold?

Arbiter

oCouncilor... Get On With it!!!

Inquisitor

oMr. John H. Smith you have been brought before the courts of the Interstellar Alliance of Federations, Unions, Commonwealths, Kingdoms, Empires, and Republics…To act as proxy for the planet Earth biological inhabitant Homo-Sapiens also known as Species-Human .

Inquisitor

oThe Species-Human has been primarily charged with evolving into a planetary pandemic.

oDo you plead guilty?

Human

oExcuse Me !

LPU

o**** downloading case specifics ****

o**** limited download bandwidth ****

o**** Please wait . . . . . . .****

o**** Download complete****

Human

oOh ... Shite!

LPU

o**** REFERENCE LINGUISTICS ARCHIVE ****

o‘Oh Shite’… expression of shock and anguish.

PART 2 is a totally unrelated Story and does not contain a single Fword.

Why the F_Word?

From an alien’s perspective what hope does the human race possibly have to debate and resolve such major issues as global warming and the depletion of the Earth’s resources when... Even a single four-letter word can have so many nuances and cause such reactions in attitudes to the point of fear.

Hence, how much complexity there must be to the rest of the human language? So how can mere mortal humans possibly resolve these problems they themselves have created? Maybe actions need to speak louder than words.

OR ... You could see this story as one big F-Word Joke.

Earth Must Live !


© Copyright 2016 joshua boyde. All rights reserved.

The Profanities Of Law - PART 1 of - The Trial Of John H. Smith

Status: Finished

Genre: Science Fiction

Houses:

Details

Status: Finished

Genre: Science Fiction

Houses:

Summary

“And crawling on the planet’s face some insects called the human race. Lost in time, lost in space, and in meaning.”
Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975.

An alien court case:
... The Interstellar Alliance of Federations, Unions, Commonwealths, Kingdoms, Empires, & Republics.

VERSUS

... John H. Smith.

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