Be= Beryllium.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Among the family Godhizveil, the children are very peculiar. Bhjalfistz, Azla, and Basketball Jones are the youngest of 33 children and they find themselves in yet another wacky predicament. With demons and hellfire.

Submitted: June 21, 2010

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Submitted: June 21, 2010

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"Ring, Ring," went the chuchbells, signaling the start of a new day. Azla, the oldest of the three youngest peeked her head out of the blanket and looked at the medieval sundial to check the time. 5:17. Two hours before the bells were supposed to ring. It was the local feral baby deer playing around in the bell tower. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard a loud explosion, undoubtedly one of the baby deer, undoubtedly killing several of other deer.

"Was that one of those deer again, Azla?" asked Bhjalfistz, the youngest of the three youngest, as he rubbed his eyes.

"Yes Bhjalzy, go back to sleep." She said getting up from the only bed in the house to go heat up the porridge from the night before.

The air in the house was cold and filled with the cries of the housemaid, Ms. Hennen, who was being beaten by thier mother for neglecting her duties. She had been crying all week for some reason to do with her parents getting hit by a medieval train.

"SHUT YOUR BLABBERING!!" screamed Mother, "YOU SOUND LIKE GRREMLIK, THE TOWN FOOL!!"

At that moment, Grremlik, the Town Fool, upon hearing mention of his name, peered in through thier window. "LOL U GUYZ R DUM. WATS GOIN ON?"

Suddenly, Father, who is always enraged by Grremlik, the Town Fool's speaking, ran headlong into the room and struck him in the face, knocking Grremlik, the Town Fool throught the window and down a hill, where he died on impact. He was then revived Antonius, the local town priest. His faith in his religion made it possible for him to perform miracles readily, even if his religion was Satanism.

"Thanks for that, reverend father! I would certainly have been hanged for murder!" Father shouted out of the window.

"Any time! Hail Satan!" then he disappeared in a cloud of evil red smoke.

"LMAO, I WUZ N HELL 4 1 SEKUND!!" said Grremlik, the Town Fool. This soft enraged Father, causing him to climb from the window and run down the hill and deliver a 360 degree roundhouse kick to Grremlik, the Town Fool's face, killing him on impact. His corpse was re-animated by Antonius from his Hell-chamber. It disappeared into the morning fog.

Back in the house, Azla had just finished heating the porridge and was making herself a bowl when suddenly she heard the carrier pidgeon fly in. "Mom," she cried from the kitchen, "the pidgeon's in!"

"SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!!" replied her mother, warmheartedly. "WHO IS IT FROM ALREADY?!"

"It says:

Dear Family Godhizveil,

Your dear great, great, great, etc. grand nephew, Stephen, was killed this week 600 years in the future in a mosh pit at a Styx concert.

Sincerely,

Earl Foreshadow"

"WHO IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS MEDIEVAL IS EARL FORESHADOW?" inquired Mother curiously.

"Why, I think he's that nice man from the castle," replied Bhjalfitz, coming in from the bedroom.

"WHO ASKED YOUR STUPED OPINION?! WHERE IS BASKETBALL JONES?!" Mother said through huge spoonfuls of porridge.

"I think he is in the courtyard, playing basketball, dear," Father said, climbing in through the window. "He has been ever since our neighbor's kid, Tommy Football said that basketball was g... gh-ai...? Well at any rate, Basketball ran him through with his longsword. Really showed the kid who was boss." He was an aging man of 28, clearly weathered from his years and many, many children. 33 at total.

"WELL THAT SHOWS HIM RIGHT DOESN'T IT?!" responded Mother, who was the exactly the same age as Father, seeing as they were twins. Incest was common at the time.

Azla, a young girl of 12, was quite remarkable in that she has looked the same age since she was 11 months old. That is to say, she's always looked as if she was 13 or 14. She had long blonde hair and always wore a medieval aviator jacket.

Bhjalfitz was the youngest of all the children and rather plain and unremarkable. Let's move on.

Basketball Jones was the middle of the three youngest, making him the 32nd youngest. He loved, among other things, to churn butter and watch cattle mate. He showed a strong aptitude, stronger than his siblings that is, for nature worship. He could also summon Satan himself if he was feeling exceptionally constipated. He could hold his breath underwater for 13 minutes and blow dry laundry by exhailing on it. He once transformed into a stone column and then beat up a roving band of thieves. He laughed for 3 days straight afterwards then peeled an orange and then commenced to eat the peel, stating that the fruit was "working for the French". He beat up Isaac Newton and made him do his physics homework, even though it was Basketball Jones who first developed the idea for gravity in the first place.

Azla and Bhjalfitz suddenly walked out into the courtyard to watch Basketball. When they passed through the door, they entered the courtyard. Suddenly, they saw him do a lay-up and then become possessed by the devil. They found this extremely hilarious for he did nothing but summon baby deer and stab them, killing them instantly. They walked over to meet him after he was done being possessed and suddenly a portal to Hell was opened up and swallowed them.

"Where are we?!" cried Bhjalfitz, acting cowardly and hanging on to his brother's shirt sleeve.

"Quiet fool! We are in the second circle of Hell!" said Basketball Jones to his brother. They were in the middle of a great colloseum surrounded by fire. In the stands of the colloseum, thousands upon thousands baby deer were cheering for no apparent reason. Suddenly they all exploded at once. They all died on impact.

Then, suddenly, out of no where, Satan's first lieutenant, H. Humbert, strolled out in front of them.

"Hello, children and... young woman..." He said, his voice trailing off as he realized that Azla was a girl. "A...ah... e..." he regained his composure, "please excuse me, where are my manners. DIE!!" He turned into a cave bear and began to scream "nymphet". There has never been a reason for why he did this. And there shall never be.

Basketball drew his longsword and climbed onto Humbert's back. Humbert reared up roared, but this did little to stop Basketball Jones. He plunged his sword into Humbert's back. He fell to the ground instantly and ran away from the bear.

"Stand back!" cried Azla, "when he hits the ground, be prepared to fight the High Dragon!" The great bear, in his throes of death, began to do backwards sommersaults.

"I have but one thing to say!" said Lieutenant, "It is: mik þú vegr." Humbert died instantly, on that spot, of coronary thrombosis.

"Well," said Basketball, putting on a pair of medieval sunglasses, "...let's get the Hell out of here." He dramatically pulled off his glasses while some one screamed "Yeah" loudly in the stands of the colloseum.

Suddenly, as a heavily armored man ran out a opening in the colloseum, the children wondered who he was. "I am the Earl Foreshadow! I've come to aid you on your quest through hell." the man panted. "Without me, it could prove to be a pain in the side." He drew a sword and began chanting something.

"I told you he was nice!" said Bhjolfitz, jumping for joy.

The Earl glared at him angrily. "You'll be the first to go."

Just as Bhjolfitz began to cry, a massive dragon came from the sky and clawed Basketball in the ribs. He began to recover and but as he did, the Earl laid down on the ground next to him and whispered into his ear "Basketball, stab it in the stomach, it'll be a riot!"

"Thank's" said Basketball and he got up and stabbed the dragon. As he did, thousands of people arrived in horse drawn carts and carriages. They got out and killed the horses and began tipping the carriages and starting fires. The children and the Earl used this as a distraction and snuck away from the dragon into the last circle of Hell.

They came into a room with high walls and tapestries with detailed scenes of dismemberment and sodomy. In the middle was a massive stone chair, presumably a throne. It was filled with Satan. This caused Basketball to be very angry, forcing him to behead the devil. Afterwards the climbed into the mideival elivator and went home.


© Copyright 2019 Joshua Brown. All rights reserved.

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