A mother gone wrong
Not all mothers are perfect and sometimes bad situations make the perfect mothers go wrong. I was young when it started. Just ten years old as I slipped my hand into my mothers and fastened the
dog’s lead so that we could head out on a mission that was to change my life forever.
“If he’s at it we’ll catch him,” she said as we walked. Aiming ourselves in the general direction of the small shop where my
father worked. The shop was a tatty old newsagent’s which took up all of my dad’s time. Mum had never minded till now. In fact she had repeatedly said on many occasions. “He has to support us
somehow and at least when he’s working we know where he is.” But that opinion seemed to have changed since dad stopped coming home at nights. He told mum that this was because they were planning to
remodel the shop and give it a new lease of life but as of yet no changes could be seen within the shop itself.
We skirted the town surprisingly avoiding the small shop and after almost an hour of just aimlessly wandering mum told me to sit
down on a bench and wait. What I was waiting for I could not be sure as I watch mum dash across the road, between two cars, and disappear down a small alley way. Almost an hour pasted and still I
sat their waiting my nerves on edge as the sky began to darken with only my collie cross Colin for company.
Then there was the wail of sirens as two police cars sped around the bend heading in the direction of the newsagents. I knew
instinctively that something bad had happened and unable to stop myself I was up and running in a blind panic, Colin, matching me step for step like the good dog he was.
As I reached the shop my worst fears were realised as the two police cars were both outside and just seconds later an ambulance
pulled up behind them. A group of onlookers stood watching the shop with interest but no one seemed to notice me as I stood there frozen to the spot, my dog by my side, trying to get a glimpse of
An hour past and lots more official looking people and police men arrived. Only the ambulance left with no one inside and the shop
was cordoned off. Soon a couple of officers were trying to clear away the growing crowd. Suddenly Dad’s boss Martin pulled up and spotting me he hurriedly got out of his car and rushed to my side.
“Stacey.” He said placing a hand on my shoulder. “What are you doing here?” he added hurriedly before pushing me towards his car
and instructing me to get in the back.
“Now you wait here and don’t move.” Was all he said before he hurried across to speak with one of the police officers while
I just sat there staring at the shop my arm draped around Colin’s back.
It was not long before Martin returned followed by a female police officer who gazed through the window at me and my dog as if we
were merely objects on display in some shop window. Then she talked low to Martin who nodded and climbed into the driver’s seat.
“There’s been an accident Stacey. Your to come home with me for a while and then someone’s going to come along and explain ok.” He
said looking nervous as he started the car. I simply sat there not knowing what to say or do.
I clutched to Colin all of that night but no one came. I clutched to him all the next day too. I did not cry but just sat there
waiting silently Colin beside me. We did not eat or drink and I refused to speak.
Martin and his wife tried everything to get me to talk but I could not. I knew the minute I started to I would not be able to
stop. I would want answers, need answers and if they could not be given them I would cry.
I still heard though. I heard Martins hurried whispers to his wife, his fears that I had seen it all and that this was why I would
not speak. I heard him call someone and tell them the same and shortly after that the police arrived.
I knew it was bad and clung to Colin for dear life as they sat across from me the two police women. One rested her hat lightly on
her knees and gave me a gentle smile while the other seemed uncomfortable and fingered the hem of her skirt.
“Stacey,” The smiling one said as she gazed into my face. “A terrible thing has happened to your father and we need to know if you
“Do you know where your mum is?” she asked gazing at me then gently shuffling across the floor till she was in front of me and at
my own eyelevel.
“You’re not in trouble Stacey. We just need to know where your mum is so that we can tell her what’s happened and where you are,
that’s all.” She said but it was all in vain as I would not, could not, speak. When they left at last I heard her whispering to Martin about shock and psychiatrists.
“Take the dog out.” Martin said after they were gone and shooed me into his back garden. I perched on the small wall that was next
to a mess fence while Colin searched for a place to do his business.
“Stacey.” I heard someone whisper from behind me. Turning quickly I saw my mum lying on her tummy looking at me from the long
grass. She pushed a finger to her lips but I couldn’t have said anything even if I wanted too.
“I caught him Stacey. I caught him fucking her right there in the back room,” She hissed. Then holding up a blood stained
piece of shrivelled flesh she added “Let’s see him cheat now.”
“You didn’t do as I told you though did you baby. You were meant to stay on the bench remember. But you didn’t did you.” She added gazing at me with wide, frightening eyes.
“There after me now though,” She said getting to her knees and reaching a blood stained hand through the fence. “I’ll not go down
for his crime.” She added, standing up and reaching over the fence towards me.
I took her hands and she pulled me over. “Now call Colin,” She said and I gave a whistle. He bounded to the fence and she quickly
lifted him over too. Then taking my hand she dragged me across the field as fast as she could.
We walked for hours keeping to the fields as far from the road and other people as mum could possibly get. There was blood all
over her clothes, her hands and even her face and the whole time she clutched that shrivelled piece of flesh as if it were a lucky talisman.
Several days passed like this with us just walking while mum talked on and on about dad and how he’d got what he deserved. We did
not eat only drank from streams along the way. Colin however managed to catch a rabbit on the firth day and mum snatching it up sat there eating it raw while I watched on with disgust.
Day six we came to a large lake.
“This is where it all began.” She said gazing at me. “This is where it will end too.” She said and laughed. For an hour she ran
around bashing the shrivelled piece of flesh against rocks and screaming up at the sky. “You bastard, you fucking bastard.” Over and over again while I sat there Colin by my side as we both shook
Then she flung the flesh into the water as hard as she could and slamming her hands to her face she let out a high pitched, wild
scream that seemed to go on forever. I could not see what she was doing but then she suddenly stopped and turned to me blood gushing from several deep cuts in her face.
“They’ll lock me up if I don’t.” She said suddenly a wild frantic look on her face. “They’ll lock me up and throw away the key.”
She added as she grabbed my hand and started dragging me into the water. I instantly started to panic and fought to get away but she kept a tight grip on me. I was afraid of the water and always
had been. My dad had always promised to teach me to swim but there had never been enough time.
“Don’t worry,” she said seeming to read my mind. “I never learned either. They say it’s the most amazing way to die.” She added
pulling me deeper whilst Colin barked franticly from the shore.
Soon I could not touch the bottom but she continued to pull me deeper and deeper until she too was struggling to touch solid
ground. “You have to trust me baby, it’s for the best,” she said, as she shoved me forward and my head dropped beneath the water. Seeing her beside me I fought in a panic to cling to her but she
shoved me away. As I struggled to stay above the water I gulped down huge amounts of the vile liquid but as hard as I tried I could not keep my head above the surface.
Then I saw mum gazing at me through the murk her eyes open as she calmly sunk to the bottom of the lake, “I love you.” She mouthed before she faded into the darkness. I cried out to her
sucking in yet more water. Then fought to get to the surface where I would be able to breathe again but as hard as I tried the light seemed to get further away.
Then I felt something brush my side and I was being pulled upwards. I realised that something had hold of the hood of my coat and
was pulling me towards the surface. Gasping for air I cried out reaching in the direction of my mum then looking round I saw that it was Colin who had my hood and that he was slowly towing me
towards the shore.
He deposited me on the banks and dived back into the water in search of mum. I watched helplessly as he paddled out as fast as he
could and began to circle around before diving beneath the water. Appearing a few minutes later he circled and dive again repeating the process until exhausted and alone he returned to the shore
I knew in an instant that it was now too late. My mother was dead.
My mother was once the perfect mum kind, affectionate and happy. She was devoted to her family, loyal and generous to a fault but
when my father cheated on her something inside her snapped and she became a stranger.
My father died for his infidelity and so did his lover while I live on a silent victim of my parents mistakes. Colin is beside me
as I write this. He is old now and the therapist has told me that if I write down all that happened back then Colin can stay with me when I go to my new home.
They tried to take him off me once before but I fought them so hard that they found me a foster home where Colin could come too.
This is their final attempt to get answers before I am shoved out of the system and no doubt they will read it wrong.
But before you go please remember that my mother was not a bad person, just a broken one.
© Copyright 2016 Jossie. All rights reserved.