I had a dream last night,
normally I would have dismissed it,
dreams are just dreams,
I have dreamt about many different things before,
about passions of mine,
I have dreamt about nonsense,
things that would never happen,
things that could never happen,
things that were not right.
People I used to know,
Places I used to go,
Things I used to do,
and things that I do now.
Last night seemed like a normal night,
my dream seemed like a normal dream,
as normal as any dream could ever be,
maybe it was just the turkey.
Maybe I was just over tired,
maybe I had been reading too much Harry Potter,
maybe it was that fact that we just went through yet another holiday without you,
and that I did not shed a single tear.
Maybe it was starting to feel normal to have seven chairs around the table,
maybe I felt guilty for not mentioning you,
and how much I miss you.
There are so many different accuses that I could call upon,
but there was no doubt,
I saw you last night,
in my dream.
It was a shock,
it took me by surprise,
I'm still not sure if it was really indeed you,
and not just my mind playing sick and twisted games with my heart.
The only dream that I distinctly remember you being in,
after our family's d-day,
was you coming to tell me that everything is ok,
that you were ok.
I asked what heaven was like,
you said it was beautiful,
I tried to show you to mum,
to maybe give her some piece of mind.
Maybe I'm just worried about mum's surgery,
maybe I'm scared that she is not going to wake up,
that the pace maker will malfunction inside her,
and we will loose another link in our support system.
After trying to come up with an explanation for last night,
why you were a minor character in my dream,
playing a boy who only looked like you,
I have come to an understanding.
Maybe was not my mind playing tricks on me,
Maybe it was not indeed you coming for a chat,
Maybe it was just me missing you,
my big brother.
Life is happening so quickly,
things are happening so fast,
I will be graduating in two years time,
Something that you never got to do.
I want you here so badly,
to give me advice,
to help me through this.
I love you,
I'd give anything to see you again,
even if its just in a dream,
a sick twisted wrong made up frustrating confusing full of nonsense dream.
© Copyright 2016 Joy Evans. All rights reserved.