Why do I write in here? It should be “dear journal” instead. Its so much better than looking sensitive. Who would want that anyway? So the year is almost over, and I am happy yet sad.
I'm so proud of Chris for coming into the university program with me. He is such a good guy but he is so stubborn! He didn't believe that he was smart enough for it, nobody did. Man, you should have seen that wussy teacher's face when he walked into the classroom. Now that, was classic. I'm glad I finally persuaded him to come, it took a lot of work though. He agreed after realizing that this was his chance to prove everyone wrong, that he wasn't just another Chambers kid. He seemed to really enjoy it too and he got some pretty decent marks, he didn't just slide on by.
So diary or whatever you are, there was something or well someone else for that matter that I wanted to talk to you about. Her name is Lisa. Lisa, it has such a nice ring to it. She is so beautiful diary, and she is into a lot of cool stuff. Golly, you could have a conversation with her about crime for hours and she wouldn't get bored. She loves going on little adventures, looking for things and such, and she even found Vern his pennies, and well, she writes too! As you can probably tell, I like her... a lot. I doubt she likes me though, as more then a friend anyway.
Its been nine months, two weeks and three days since we found Ray Brower. I can still see his face and magled body. His eyes were filled with fear and sadness. I have nightmares about him sometimes, about how he was alone and in pain for so long. I feel guity. Why couldn't we find him sooner, why couldn't we save him? I never really talked to him, or hung out or anything when he was alive, I regret that.
Nothing is really new. Dad still wishes I was the one dead instead of Deni, and mum still ignores me. Maybe it should have been me and not Deni. He was the better son. He did everything that dad wanted him to, and he was so cool about it. He played football and joined the army. Girls were always around him. God, why did he have to go! It should have been me! It really should have! Why did he have to go off and join the army and be such a model son? Why couldn't he just have stayed home with me? He could have played football, gotten married and had a family. We would have seen eachother all of the time. Most families don't stay in touch after everyone has grown up and moved out, we would have been different. It would have been the same as always. There are so many things we could have done together. Why him? Why now?
I hope that Ace rotts in a hole, I want my hat back. Maybe I should have shot him. He was threatening Chris. I should have just gotten it done and other with, then he wouldn't be able to be an ass anymore. I would have liked that. If I did though, Chris wouldn't have gone into the university program with me and decided to become a lawyer.
I guess what I am trying to say is that my year was reletivly good. I had a great time and came out with great grades. I have met a bunch of very interesting people and learned a lot about myself that I didn't know. I do hope that I will someday become and famous writer. I also hope that I will stay in tounch with my friends, especially Chris.
See, or write to you later,
© Copyright 2017 Joy Evans. All rights reserved.
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