Sobriety

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
More drunken ramblings and thoughts on love and the like

Submitted: August 30, 2019

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Submitted: August 30, 2019

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There are plenty of vices I wish I could be free of. I wish I could go more than one week without snapping on someone because I haven’t had a cigarette. I wish I could get through one weekend with drowning myself in alcohol so thoroughly I lose my vision. I wish sugary food and drinks weren’t the only things keeping me awake. And for the love of God I wish I could go longer than two weeks without looking at old pictures of you I’ve had for the past year. For every bottle I drain and every butt I toss I’ve spent countless hours obsessing over your visage. 

It’s not healthy, I know this please don’t remind me. Half the time I can’t tell if the memories I have and the feelings I had are real or if my broken psyche has crafted some wonderland I can escape to so as not to further destroy myself. 

Were we happy? Was it really just a simple unaligned mindset and different expectations that drew us away? Or am I truly what I’ve always feared? Some dark, twisted, depraved being that sates it’s lust for companionship by drawing in those it sees as easy targets and sucking away at their life until they can’t take anymore and leave?

I can’t feel for another person like I felt for you, like I still feel for you. You are an ethereal image that always floats at the edge of my vision or haunts the back of my mind and I can never tell if it’s the ghost of a once in a lifetime love that’s slipped through my fingers or an angry specter that I’ve crafted to remind myself of the horrors I subjected you to. 

I’ve never known a healthy lifestyle. Even now I drink and smoke and no matter how much I want to appear to be some sort of “One above all” and emanate an air of untouchability I’ve never been anything more than a broken down drunk who craves that which he can never have. 

You were the strongest vice I ever gave into and the withdrawals are killing me more and more each day. 

 


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