So Long Snake Gourd and Welcome Chi-Chi

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Juggernaut decided to do something about those that planted serious conspiracy to slander some veggies and fruits with funny and derogatory names despite their nutritional, medicinal and other values and in the process make fun of vegetarians worldwide.

Submitted: April 27, 2012

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Submitted: April 27, 2012



So Long Snake Gourd

Welcome Chi-Chi

Subba Rao

“I have an axe to grind against persons I consider reckless in calling some vegetables and fruits with funny and insulting names.”

“What vegetables?” Dan looked at Juggernaut appeared agitated and sad.

“Snake, Bitter, Wax, Bottle and Coyote gourds, Lady’s Finger, Egg Plant, Devil’s Dung, Stinky Fruit, Horn Melon, Buddha’s Hand, Dragon Fruit, Goat’s Beard, and so on, these names are judgmental and descriptive to a point of insult. These veggies were in fact nutritious and tasty if cooked properly.” Juggernaut’s voice was emotional and he was in tears.

“Who were these people that bad-mouthed these veggies and fruits with derogatory names and what we are going to do about it?” Dan appeared to show some concern considering the fact Juggernaut was in some distress from the injustice done to these veggies and those that eat them on a regular basis.

“I believe the people responsible for naming these veggies were not from the areas where these fruits and veggies were grown and yet indulged in bad mouthing and name calling.” “To add insult to the injury to these plants, I am flabbergasted to read the names of various meat cuts on menu; they sound so fabulous and even sexy.

“Name some.”

“A dish made from rubbery lining of stomach of animal offal is sold as Chitlins and Tripe in restaurants. The other day I went to a steak house to order a regular steak, the fancy names on the menu given to various steak cuts of meat were mindboggling; T-Bone, Porter House, Tenderloin, Filet Mignon, Chateaubriand, Ambassador, Strip Club, Delmonico, Shell, Club, Chuck, London, Flank, Trip-Tip, Culotte, Triangle, French Cut, Chuck Arm, Arm Swiss, Rib-Eye, Chuck-Eye, Chuck Fillet, Philadelphia Steak, Kansas City Steak, and this is only partial list.. For crying out loud, these fancy names were given to various parts of animal body, nothing more.”

“Now I can visualize sitting in a vegetarian restaurant and what I see on the menu; stuffed Bitter Melon, Snake Gourd stir-fry, Coyote squash or Wax gourd soup and stinky fruit salad; one can see and feel the great injustice done to these veggies by giving them ugly names with no regard to the vegetarians and yet label fancy names to animal parts they love most to eat,” Dan now feeling the feelings of Juggernaut.

“Hear the names given to various cuts of a pig at a fancy well known pork pit; Boston Butt, Loins, Ham, Picnic Shoulder, Spare Ribs and Bacon for pig belly fat.” “Where is the justice and fairness in naming names of veggies and fruits particularly from tropics," Juggernaut jumped from his chair and started pacing with high steps as if he was walking over imaginary hurdles with his coffee mug filled with wine with strong odor made from cashew apples.

“Your anger and outrage was totally justified.” Dan was sympathetic.

“Listen to the fancy names given to chicken parts at all you can eat chicken place; Drum Sticks, Buffalo wings and White meat.” “I smell a serious conspiracy here against plant kingdom and vegetarians in general.”

“What can we do now for centuries of injustice?”

“Well, we can always bring a class action lawsuit, the American way.”

“Against whom?”

“It is up to the lawyers to find out to see fairness is imposed and bring the culprits to justice that planted serious conspiracy to slander some veggies and fruits with funny and derogatory names despite their nutritional, medicinal and other values and in the process make fun of vegetarians worldwide,” Juggernaut was pleading loudly.

“Well, that sounds good but at personal level what you are doing to erase the tarnished image of some veggies and fruits?”

“Well, for starters I renamed Snake gourd as Chi-Chi, Ash gourd as Ko-Mo, Bitter gourd as Mo-Mo, Coyote Squash as Cho-Cho, funny smelling Devils Dung was renamed as Angel Dust, Banana flower is now Hang-Loose flower and stinky Jack fruit now sold as Sweet Heaven; these given names are associated with local language andin harmony with their native habitat and culture. I am doing my part to bring justice to these plants that emerged on the earth well before we were evolved, it will take a long time to change well established expressions how derogatory it may sound but how long one man’s crusade can take to bring a sea of change in plant nomenclature ?” pondered Juggernaut loudly. Dan did not reply knowing it was a rhetorical question.

“In my opinion the only meat dishes appropriately named without vanity or fanfare were Jerk Chicken and Jerk Pork cooked on the curbside Jamaican style,” Juggernaut rested his case.

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