Nein! Nein! Nein!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Another conqueror has fallen. Now is just another mass murderer, like, Alexander, Hannibal, Caesar, Napoleon, Nero,
Stalin, and of course, Hitler. This is a parody about, Hitler.

Submitted: August 31, 2013

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Submitted: August 31, 2013



Nein, nein, nein; the man with the funny mustache was furious, foaming coming out of his mouth. He was screaming, yelling, cursing, and of course farting. His staff, had no other option, but swallow this little man harangue. Ich bin der Fuhrer! And all of you will do as I say; Verstehen? (Understand?) Jawohl! Mein Fuhrer! All the men answered at the same time.  Dast ist gut! Said, The Fuhrer. You, General Merner Von Britsch; good for nothing, take your army group A, and attack France, right away. Mein Fuhrer! France already belong to us, France was invaded, and put to his knees a month ago, Herr Fuhrer! Was! (What!). Who was the idiot who gave that order, without consulting me. You did, Mein Fuhrer! Said General Merner. Nein! You, dumnkopft (idiot) how you dare to call your Fuhrer an idiot, Mein Fuhrer, you asked me who gave the order to attack, France, you gave that order, Mein Fuhrer. ShiBe! (Shit)...General Merner, you have new orders; give back France to the French people, then, attach again, and put France, under Nazi Dominion; Verstehen?...Ja! Mein Fuhrer! Why am I surrendered with so many incompetent, Generals? I, The Fuhrer, trying to conquer the world, and my Generals, doesn't even know, where Germany is. Let's see, on my map, where Germany is? ShiBe! I can't find it, myself...who cares...I'm The Fuhrer. Anyway, once I conquer, England and Russia, I'll be unstoppabble, if my Genarals, don't mess it up; they'll be the only ones to blame, if I failed to conquer the world. Well, I must prepare, the Russian invasion, before winter comes...General Unwurdig, Ja! Mein Fuhrer!...I want you to put in full alert, army group B; and get ready for, Rasparrosa...Raspa what? asked General Unwurdig. Rasparrosa, you idiot; that's the code name for the Russian invasion; Jawohl! Herr Fuhrer! General Unwurdig, replied...Herr Stalin, I will make you eat my nazi turd. The Fuhrer, said. General Unwurdig, asked the Fuhrer, Mein Fuhrer, what about England?...England? Nein! Leave that old fart Churchill to me, said the Fuhrer. I'm planning to fly over, England myself, and get rid of that cigar smoker, once and for all. No more, Wisnton Churchill, he'll be kaput. With due respect, Mein Fuhrer; you don't know how to fly a plane. Little Caesar, got really mad; who said that i can't fly a plane? Ich bin der Fuhrer, dumnkopft. Jawohl! Mein Fuhrer! But, remember, during the First War, you was nothing, but a bohemian corporal, not a pilot, Mein Fuhrer...Nein! Nein! Nein! General Unwurdig; if I was a pilot, or not, that's not your damn business, Verstehen?...Ja! Mein Fuhrer! O Mein Gott, O Mein Gott. Barrun! Barrun! (Why, Why) Little Caesar, was pissed off. General Unwurdig, for your insolence, to your Fuhrer; now, you'll have to show me your, nazi patriotismus. My nazi patriotismus? Ja! Herr General! Said The Fuhrer!...General Unwurdig; pull your pants and underwear down, stick your middle finger into your nazi asshole, and invade those damn Russians, with your finger in your ass, Verstehen, General? Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer! Gut! Show, damn Stalin, what we are capable for our Fatherland; So, General Unwurdig, went to invade, Russia, with his middle finger still stick in his nazi ass. The Fuhrer, this little maniac, called the rest of his staff. Herren! Tell me, how's the situation on the western front? Herr Fuhrer!...The allied, just landed at Normandee. Normandee? Exclaimed the Fuhrer; why did they landed in, Portugal?...Mein Fuhrer, not Portugal, but France. Ach! France? Are we winning? Nein! Herr Fuhrer, 200k germans soldat, surrendered to the allies. Was!...Nein, nein, nein. A German soldier, never surrender, they should die for, der Fuhrer...General, I command you to shoot those 200k soldiers, and shoot them on the spot; Verstehen? Ich bin der Fuhrer! Mein Fuhrer! We can't shoot those Germans soldiers, they're on the allied custody; gut! then, shoot those Germans traitors, and the allies, with them...O Mein Gott, O Mein Gott! Why me? Why Me?...Ich bin der Fuhrer...All, for my Fatherland. Herr Fuhrer! Another, General, interrupted. We have news from the Eastern front. The Eastern front? Gut! Did Stalin, surrender? Nein, Mein Fuhrer! Nein? Barrun Nicht? (Why Not?) Asked, The Fuhrer. Mein Fuhrer! Stalin, wants to know, why, we attacked Russia, after, a non-agression pact, we signed with them. Why? Because, Stalin, is a criminal, a mass murderer, he had killed so many innocent people, he has no respect for human life at all, that's why, I attacked Russia. Herr Fuhrer, are you being sarcastic? Why do you ask, General? Mein Fuhrer, we are doing the same, as Stalin, all around the world, we are war criminals. Mein Fuhrer, we are the biggest butchers of the world. Butcher? You, idiot, don't call me a butcher, I'm your Fuhrer. Anyway, I'm just cutting-off, the extra fat from this world, Verstehen? You, miserables, nazis; the whole world, will appreciate my effort. Herr Fuhrer, another thing, Stalin, sent a message for you, Mein Fuhrer. Ok, General, read that message, what does he wants. Herr Fuhrer, Stalin's message says...I shit on you, nazi dumnkopft. That's the message? Ja! Mein Fuhrer! Damn communist, scumbag, said, Hitler. General, fly to Moscow, and shoot, Stalin on the spot. Mein Fuhrer, that's impossible, Stalin, is well, guarded, he's an impenetrable wall. General, if you can't go, and shoot, Stalin, then, shoot yourself, on the spot, Herr General. And, Herr General, shot himself. Gut! He was a good nazi.

Sie Kommen! Sie Kommen! Alarm, alarm; who's coming? The Fuhrer, asked. The Russian, armee, Mein Fuhrer! Shit, shit, shit. General, do you have a city map? Mein Fuhrer, a city map? Why a city map, now? The Russian are already in, Berlin.  General, this news, got me sick, there's no toilet paper in my Latrine....O Mein Gott! O Mein Gott! Germany, is Kaput. Amerikaner, Englander, Canadien, are coming from the west...Damn Russians, coming from the east. And, who's to blame for all this mess? Not me, Ich bin der Fuhrer!...Mein Generals; they are the ones to blame, arrogants, unintelligents, and lack of military knowledge, who put these men in charge, to run mein wunderbar armee?...Bunch of Idiots!

Burn, Belin, Burn...Stalin, eat my Nazi German turd! Dumnkopft!...Now, what I need is, a fucking harp, like once Nero, did. I'll sing my last song.

Too late the heroe, if you want to be, like damn, Nero...He's only, ashes, dry as dust, now, he's only a zero. I am, the great, Nero, yes, too late to be, the great heroe, if I only had taken, my placebo...Mein, dear Nero!

Auf Wiedersehen! Mein Vaterland!

By: Juli Monat

Copyright (c) 2012

© Copyright 2019 Juli Monat. All rights reserved.

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