Teen Love Never Lasts

May 14th Thursday 20159:50-10:05 am

My girlfriends ask me about him. I try to tell them everything’s okay. I don’t sound sure. They ask me if we’re still together. My answers are unclear, I say “yes”. And I feel how my stomach has swollen. Each of them gives me their opinion. We sound like in a talk show where I’m a super star and my relationship status is as alarming as global warming. I feel afraid of being alone. I tell them what I feel. They tell me the only logical option left. It is what I was afraid to hear. I think and think, are they right? Probably. My heartbeats go fast and I feel like if my heart is about to get out of my chest. I made a decision. I stand up and tell my girlfriends I will do it. They stare at me looking unsurprised and say I should have done that a long time ago. I know they’re right. Anyway, there’s still time.

School grounds, stairs and halls10:05-10:12 am

I look for his face in the crowd. I find him. I get nervous as usual. My legs don’t respond to my command. I do an effort to get closer. I pat his back and let him know that we need to talk. He stares at me, confused. And I think this may be the last time I will talk to him this close. He says hi and kisses me on the cheek. I blush and feel butterflies in my stomach; I always loved the way he did that.

Words seem to have gotten lost in the way to my mouth. After doing a great effort to talk, I tell him he already must know the reason of our chat. He says no and he says there are a lot of things that came into his mind. His thoughts are unclear, just like mine. I tell him about how beautiful everything was in the start and how slowly we’ve been drifting apart. He knows that better than I do. I give him my reasons. He listens to me as we walk on the now seemingly endless stairways. There’s a worried look on his face. I tell him this will hurt me more than it will hurt him. Then, I give the final hit. I say: “I’m so sorry, but I must leave you”. I say it clear. I say it once. I look at him to see if his expression changes. Certainly, it doesn’t. I’ve gotten the impression he dies on his insides.

As we reach the second floor, he says he had failed at talking more to his female friends than to me. I don’t deny that. I’m curiously kind of glad he recognized that. And it makes me think that if he knew that, why didn’t he do anything to change it?

We reach the third floor. He takes me to my classroom. I tell him I’m really sorry but I had to do it. We stand together. He stares at nothing with a grim expression, I apologize again. I’m worried. He assures me he’ll be okay, that after all, he was the one who did this. He says it all happened because of his stupidity. I don’t want him to be hard on himself. Right now, I want to hug him tightly. Watching his look fade away reminds me he’s not mine anymore. The bell rings. It separates us. He says bye. He kisses me on the cheek. I wish it’d be on my lips, for one last time. I tell him he made me really happy. He takes his path, so do I. My friends surround me in hugs, with worried looks. I can’t feel anything now.

The Classroom10:13-12:10 pm

I’m back at classes. I find it hard to concentrate. I only think about him. I barely manage to keep up.

School grounds12:10-12:20 pm

I go to recess with my girlfriends. I tell them what happened and how it happened. We sit on our usual table. I find his face. I stare at him. For my dismay, he turns around and stare at each other. I look away, ashamed. We aren’t too far. Our looks usually cross for the remaining time. He looks at me too much. I feel sad. I will never look into those eyes again. The bell rings and then we leave.

Classroom12:20-1:40 pm

I sit quietly on my desk, trying to figure out what just happened. On the outside, I may seem lost.

School bus1:40-2:40 pm

I go in the co-pilot’s seat, like I always use to. I feel confused. I see him I try avoiding to think about it, but each time, those memories flood my mind like poison. As I get to my house, I get off the bus.

Home2:44-rest of the day

I try to understand all this mess. I tell my best guy friend. He calls me. His call helps me to relieve the pain. I ask myself what I did wrong, one time and another. I feel helpless. I wish I could go back in time and fix this from the start. But it’s over and nothing can be done now. I cry. I miss him. I don’t cry for him. I cry for myself. For believing such fake words. My best friend tries to comfort me. I don’t understand.

Present

I find him every day at school on the halls and stairs, at recess and on my school bus. Both of us pretend we never see each other. I have realized it0s over. Does he miss me like I do? Soon or late (but on time) this won’t hurt anymore.

Dear ex-lover:

You were my first love and I loved you since I met you. I loved your eyes, the way you looked, the way you talked, I loved everything about you. You and I. It was almost perfect. But now babe, you’re gone. And there’s nothing I can do about it. Recently, I heard you’re back with her. Every time I see you and your dreaming gaze, I get sad because it doesn’t belong to me anymore. But I like to think that once it was mine. I like to remember that I could make a boy’s heart beat fast. I still love you. But it’s time to move on. You are like if nothing happened. And I’m here, still wondering. You said you didn’t want to hurt me, that you still cared about me and you still loved me. Now, I don’t think the last two things are true. Because you’re with her. It’s kind of hard to forget you when I see you almost every day. I really wished I could have given you a last kiss on your lips. Your voice had been like a drug, but not anymore. I must be thankful because for a short time, you were a big part of my life. So, I will be okay, I promise. Take good care of her. Best wishes for you.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.

P.D: You should listen “All of me – John Legend” for one last time. I will. I miss you.