As a preface to this particular poem, I had some things I need to say cause I feel like this is the only way I can say them. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have to prove to people that I’m not a bad person and that I’m not an immoral human being that just sees people as a means to an end. The only reason I feel this way can be boiled down into a name that I can’t bring myself to utter. She’s a girl and she means the world to me. Anyway, I messed up with her in a major way but ever since then, I’ve just wanted us to get back to where we used to be. I don’t know if it’s possible but I can’t help but wonder. I guess I’ll never know unless I try. This poem is addressed to her. I know she’ll never read it but I had to write it anyway.
My sister is what you were to me.
A bond unbreakable.
But even then, I was wrong.
Cause the rift in us is unmistakable.
I don’t deserve your hatred.
I don’t want your rage.
I just want you to love me again.
Cause your hate for me is like a cage.
I know that I betrayed your trust.
And that that’s a privilege for someone like you.
But I promise you that it was unintentional
That much is and always has been the truth.
So imagine me on my knees
Begging for your acquittal.
I need you in my life.
And I’ll work for that trust. Little by little.
Just look at me
As you saw me
A year ago
See it clearly?
I’ve made some changes,
But I’m still the same old me.
I just want you to see.
To see that I’m not evil
That I’m not thoughtless
That I love you so much
That I’m not heartless
In short, I just want your love again.
I can’t bear your hatred any longer.
I really hope someday
You realize I’m not a monster.
© Copyright 2016 Julius Blake. All rights reserved.