Without Noah

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Christina has been desperately in love with Noah Campbell ever since she first laid eyes on him. But in one day, her whole world will change.

Submitted: August 08, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: August 08, 2011



Maybe it was supposed to happen. Or maybe it was a sign that I shouldn’t have been so in love with him in the first place. But could I help it? Could anyone have blamed me? After all, I had thought he was a miracle. I remember the day I had fallen for him perfectly, the memory still crystal clear in my head. It causes the blood beneath my cheeks to bubble and the butterflies in the pit of my stomach to flutter. That feeling never went away.

I remember asking myself if he really was a miracle. The way he had his hands in his pockets, walking toward his lunch table just seemed surreal to me. I’d never seen a guy walk with both hands in his pockets before, but the way he did it so gracefully made it look like dancing. And that smile tugging on the edge of his lips while he walked, that was certainly something too. His warm, beautiful smile made me swallow hard, wondering how on earth I could have forgotten to notice someone as gorgeous as him. That simple smile showed his heart and showed me that the rumor of him being a player was far from true. There was no way a smile that kind could be a part of a player. That smile showed me a world I never knew. It was like he was a big storm headed my way, but all I could think about was how I just wanted to let it rain.

His eyes caught mine before continuing to overlook me as he took his seat. And in that brief moment, I realized the affect he already had on me. Those eyes…they were a deep brown with specks of green and blue. I was more than captivated. I barely had time to notice how my breathing became uneven and how that crooked smile of his made me tremble to the bone. I was forever changed when I noticed him.

That night I had dreamed of what it’d be like to have his arms wrapped around me. I kept imagining how his golden brown skin would feel and how smooth it’d be.

After that, I began to watch him when he wasn’t looking. I learned a lot just by doing so. He never made fun of anyone. His buddies had teased the kids with mental disorders. He refused. His friends laughed at the kid who had a breakdown in the lunchroom. He looked away. His reputation was totally demolished and I realized that he had a good heart.

I could tell you that his birthday was on the tenth. I knew that. I could tell you that he was number thirty-six on the football team. He was the quarterback. I could tell you that his older sister was the most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen. I could tell you he wasn’t what everyone thought.

My love for Noah went unnoticed. Not even my best friends saw the depths of my feelings for this boy. No one had ever made me feel the way he did. When I saw him in the halls, it was like my body shut down. I stopped dead in my tracks. My brain couldn't get my feet to function. I became breathless. I’d never experienced something like that before. It was so foreign to me that it took my body by shock. I’d never dreamed of a boy every night for a week straight. I’d never cried myself to sleep before because I knew that I’d never have a chance. When I was around him, my world just stopped. And because of him, my world had drastically changed.


Only my best friend, Shay, was a little bit of aware that I had a ‘crush’ on Noah Campbell. She went through multiple over-exaggerated attempts to get us together. In fact, they were all failures mostly due to the fact that I was too scared to even meet him. Shay claimed we would be the school’s cutest couple if he asked me out. There was one problem, though: he failed to know of my existence.

She went a little insane on one of the nights. It was the last varsity football game and Noah was going to be there, no doubt. Shay called me, obviously over-excited and screamed, “Christina, just come, please!”

Although I was silent, she heard my anxiety. “He’s nice. He might even hug you,” she persuaded me.

Even though she taunted me a lot, it was starting to work this time. “You know what? Fine. I’ll go,” I gave in.

She celebrated on the other end and told me she’d be over in a couple minutes.

I rolled my eyes and got started on curling my hair. I’d learned to love putting my dark locks in long, soft waves. Right as I was finishing the last touches, my doorbell rang. My mom answered the door, and I heard her tell Shay that I was in my room.

Her familiar footsteps scurried up the flight of stairs. When she appeared, she went straight for my closet. That was typical.

While I waited for her to pick my outfit, I read a magazine on my bed. She cleared her throat, and I looked up.

“Ugh, you’re making me wear that?” I whined, sighing at the sight of the outfit in her hands.

She propped her hand on her hip and scowled at me. “Are you doubting my mad styling skills?” she questioned.

I couldn’t really argue with her. The girl could make a scrub look stylish if she needed to. “Fine. Give it to me.”

Shay squealed. We’d already gotten way past the part in our friendship where it was no longer uncomfortable to change in front of each other. “That,” my mom had claimed, “is when you know for sure you’re best friends.”

Adjusting my shirt, I stared in horror at my reflection. “I look like a Barbie doll.” I frowned.

Shay had her pondering look on, and then she snapped her fingers. “Here, maybe that was a bit too much pink.” She exchanged my pink shirt for a white tank and told me, “Now tuck in your shirt so it looks like a one piece dress.”

I fixed it the way she wanted it and returned to the mirror. “Much better,” I approved, smoothing out my pink skirt and adjusting the black elastic waistband.

We stood there in silence for a moment, having one of our conversations with only our eyes. When she figured out that she wouldn’t be able to get any makeup on me, she stepped out the door and said, “Come on, girly. We’ve got to get Noah Campbell to fall for you tonight.”


I don’t recall how Shay even got me to the game. I was so stubborn with her that I doubt it took less than twenty minutes to get me out of the car and in line to get tickets. Maybe she persuaded me again. After all, if Noah had walked by, that would have changed my mind instantly.

However, I do remember her dragging me out of the car. I had complained to her, thinking Noah would think I was weird. And by the way I was acting, there shouldn’t have been a reason as to why Noah didn’t think I was weird. But Shay knocked some sense into me and I entered the stadium with a little more confidence.

“Just calm down. I’m close to Jake, and he’s told me plenty of stories about Noah. Noah just seems like a dork, if you ask me,” Shay told me.

Honestly, I loved dorks. I fell more easily for them than the jocks. Maybe that’s why I fell so hard for Noah.

Jake, Noah’s best friend, had a thing with Shay. She always denied that she liked him, but the whole holding hands thing wasn’t giving me the ‘just friends’ vibe.

I fondled with my ticket and ID badge while we waited to get a seat in the crowded bleachers. I felt my stomach twist when I saw Noah standing with Jake and a mass of girls swarming around them. There was no way he’d notice me through all of those pretty girls.

Before I dropped my head in defeat, I heard Shay’s name being called out. It was Jake.

“Hey! You guys can come over here!” he called, pointing to the empty spot that was really only big enough for one of us.

Shay gripped my wrist tightly and practically ran up the stairs. Jake greeted with her a hug and me a wave. I was used to those awkward acknowledgments.

That was usually how the games went for me. I actually watched the games while everyone else had social hour. I eventually got sick of it and moved to a different side of bleachers so I could see while sitting down.

I hugged my arms to beat the cold, annoyed at the throng of high school students who didn’t even care about the intense game. I had actually gotten too into the game that night, I think. Our team was playing real well, although the score was almost tied. I had gotten angry at one of the refs because he made a bad call. That was when I realized who was standing next to me.

It felt like I had jumped out of my skin. He was smiling down at me. All I could think was, Oh, God, that lop-sided smile.

“A girl who’s actually into the game. I like that,” he told me, crossing his muscular arms in front of me.

I nodded weakly. “I prefer to watch the game than be involved in,” I gestured toward the overly-packed side of bleachers, “that.”

He laughed the laugh that sounded like music to my ears. “You mind if I sit down?”

Rather than being able to mutter out a yes, I nodded like an idiot and made room for him. He gave me that look again. It was the kind of look that made me believe that he could see my soul, even if I was hiding and shying away.

“I actually watch the game, too,” Noah told me, rubbing his hands together to warm them. “The girls get annoying after a while.” He turned to look towards Jake, who had his arm around Shay. They were both ignoring us completely.

“Isn’t it great how our friends ignore us?” I laughed weakly.

He smiled. “Oh, yeah. It's awesome.”

There was a slight moment of silence, but I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I was in heaven. He, the boy I was so crazy about, was talking and sitting next to me. Not any of those other girls. Me.

He turned to me again and gave a little grin. “I’m Noah, by the way. I don’t think I’ve met you before.”

“I’m Christina,” I stammered out, avoiding looking into his eyes. If I had looked into his eyes, I would have submitted completely. I would have done anything for him.

“Noah,” a girl in the crowd crooned. “Come over here with us.” She sounded annoyed that he was with someone who wasn’t part of the ‘in’ crowd.

To my amazement, Noah told her, “Nah, I think I’m going to stay over here.”

He talked to me that night. And it seemed incredibly natural for me to talk so easily to him. He made me laugh and I made him laugh. It was the easiest thing I’d ever done.

The game ended with our players in the lead. We’d beaten the other school’s butts. Noah cheered at the final touchdown, but I felt as if I were the one who won the game.


It was only a week after that when my world came crashing down. Noah Campbell knew who I was and he actually talked to me. We became friends in that short amount of time. He took notice that I sat at the lunch table next to him and started talking to me more often. I realized more and more how much of a nice guy he really was.

I fell even more madly in love with him than I was before. I hadn’t known that that was possible, but I managed to do it. It was impossible not to dream about him. He was the fantasy I was desperately holding on to.

I was in my room that morning. It was a beautiful Saturday, everything and everyone was carefree. While I was singing along to the radio, I got a phone call.

“Hey, Shay,” I said into the receiver, knowing it was her by the ring-tone.

“Christina?” Her voice was shaking, like she’d been crying.

“Shay, what’s wrong?” I asked as nicely as possible. I didn’t want to have to go beat Jake up because he’d broken her heart. They’d gotten official over that week.

“No, no,” she murmured, trying to hide the fact that she was crying. “I’m in your driveway. Can I come in? I need to talk to you.”

I was beginning to get scared when she told me that. “Of course,” I told her. I looked out my window and sure enough, her black BMW was in the driveway.

I ran down the stairs and opened the door. Unlike her usually bubbly self, she was in a black jacket and sweatpants, dressed kind of drag. She usually wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit. That couldn’t be a good sign.

Her body trembled as she cried. When she reached my doorstep, she threw her arms around me and bawled into my shoulder. I was getting tears in my eyes just by looking at her, but I didn’t understand what this was all about.

“Chris, Chris,” she wept, hugging me tighter and tighter.

I pulled her in the house and sat on the stairs with her, but she wouldn’t let go of me. Something must have really gone wrong.

“Shay, you’ve got to tell me what’s the matter,” I had told her firmly, trying to keep my voice from failing, which could make me burst into tears along with her.

“It’s Noah,” she cried into her hands.

I felt my throat go dry. Noah? Why would she be crying this hard about Noah? I thought she liked Jake!

“Last night,” she explained, “he was driving home from a friend’s house. A drunk driver from a party nearby h-hit his car.” She was having such a hard time speaking that she couldn’t finish.

There was a cold, tight knot in the pit of my stomach. It intensified as I realized the reality of this problem. Noah. Poor, sweet Noah was hit by a drunk driver. I could imagine his handsome face right then and there, eyes wide with shock…

Tears streamed down my face silently. I wasn’t much of a bawler like Shay, but I didn’t usually cry that much, either. “Is he going to be okay?”

The question set her off wailing again. She shook her head in her hands, and my body went numb.

Noah wasn’t okay. Then what was he? In grave condition? In a body cast? What?

“Shay?” I asked, my voice quivering from anxiety.

She looked at me through red eyes, and whispered, “H-he’s d-dead.”

I remember my body going cold.

I was no longer held onto Shay because I couldn’t. I was too weak. I couldn’t lift my hands, so they laid limp on Shay’s waist.

My head started spinning. Noah. The Noah I was so deeply and unconditionally in love with was dead. I didn’t even have a chance to tell him how I felt. I hadn’t told him goodbye. I couldn’t tell him that he was the reason that I got through school every day. He had meant the world to me and he didn’t even know it, and he never would.

Tears spilled out of eyes. I stared blankly at my living room television across the room where I heard the faint buzz of the eleven o’clock news. My world stopped.

I could sense that Shay was shaking my shoulder, but I couldn’t feel it. I was spaced out. I couldn’t feel her hand on my arm, and I couldn’t hear her screaming my name.

I looked at her from the corner of my eyes. She was crying hysterically in her hands beside me, yet I couldn’t hear her cries. Why couldn’t I?

After so many weeks, I finally knew the answer. It was because it was as if Noah was the one that held me to the earth, and without him, I wasn’t all there. I was physically sitting next to Shay, but not mentally. I could only hear the ragged breathing in the back of my throat like someone had plugged my ears. My heart’s beat seemed to slow down. Who was I without Noah Campbell?


On the night of the funeral, I almost lost it and broke down. I didn’t know how I was going to survive it. I stared at my puffy eyes in the mirror. Making my long hair cover my cheeks, I only seemed more depressed. My black dress didn’t seem beautiful enough for the occasion. Nothing could be good enough for Noah.

My parents dropped me off at the church. I met Shay there, who was hugging onto Jake with everything she had. I’d never seen a guy as strong as Jake look so lifeless. It only made me cry harder.

We got into the church and picked a pew by the window. The silence was tearing me apart. It was dreadful to go through. Then, as the service began, the faint sound of people’s cries was only worse. I couldn’t bear to look at the casket in the front of the room, knowing who rested within it. Shay squeezed my hand through the harder parts, but nothing had eased the pain.

When it finally ended, it seemed as if everyone rushed to get out of the building, too afraid of it’s sad surroundings. I noticed a few people saying apologies to Noah’s non-responsive parents. After giving me a brief, remorseful glance, Shay left the room with her arm around Jake’s waist.

I went up to the shiny, dark red casket when there wasn't too many people left. I thanked God that it was closed. I peeked around, noticing that Mr. and Mrs. Campbell were by the far window, talking to the preacher. I ran my finger along the casket, remembering that crooked smile and those beautiful eyes. Roses were on top, arranged perfectly. I felt the tears coming down my cheeks, and I saw that one tear fell onto the casket.

I made my way out of the room, too overwhelmed. I ran to the back of the church where there was an old attic, and I climbed the stairs. I sat in the darkness and cried to myself.

So, today, after a full year, I lay here on my bed, remembering Noah Campbell. As I watch my ceiling fan go around in slow circles, all of my hope is on that night of his funeral.

All I can think of is my single tear hitting his casket, and all I hope for is that beautiful Noah Campbell will always carry a little piece of me.

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