Just an Opinion

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
An ironic essay about how I don't like writing but I do.

Submitted: June 05, 2013

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Submitted: June 05, 2013

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I hate writing essays. I mean, I do not exactly ‘hate’ writing essays, but I don’t like writing any either. I do not like writing essays because there are too many points associated to the whole process which makes the whole process painful, especially when you fail an essay. Then your whole GPA will fall and it will hurt your grades. Examples of essays that may hurt your grade (speaking from experience) are expository, descriptive, persuasive or narrative essays. Even then, there are tiny small harmful traps that can easily lower your grade.

Let’s start with the descriptive essay, the worst of the bunch because to write one, you need to feed it tons and tons of adjectives and adverbs. It means that I have to make it really good and appealing to the readers. In a way, though, I like descriptive essays since they make me feel as if I am in them. It’s always the writing part that hurts the most. Put too much detail in the essay, and BOOM! The readers get bored and stop reading the essay even though it could have taken the writer a couple of hours or even days to produce. I have some books at home that I stopped reading just because they belched detail. A descriptive essay is like a recipe; the slightest fluctuation in the amount of salt can ruin flavor and have disastrous results. Even a bit too much or too little can change the reader’s mind.

You could have the brains and wits of a rocket scientist and yet be a complete failure at persuading through your writing. A persuasive essay requires more effort and is much more challenging than sending a rocket ship into space. To write a persuasive essay, you must be able to sell products to a foreigner who barely understands English. This means that you have to think about the people who might read the essay; more like, you have to think like the person who’s going to read the essay. This maybe easy work for the people who read the articles in magazines, but nothing is easy. As with the descriptive essay, too many fancy words in a persuasive essay and you either get your reader confused or the reader will get bored of you elegant words. Every professional writer should have been daunted by this type of essay, at least once or twice, since it is common to read unpersuasive commentaries on the Internet that leave you wondering, ‘Why did I read this essay?’ but, then again, it could be the title that is the good fisher and catcher.  There are essays that have the exact opposite effect.  This pinches your head, doesn’t it? Well, you’ll dislike the next type even more.

The expository essay starts confuses writer’s with its very name. Even if you find the word “Expository” in a dictionary, its meaning doesn’t make any sense. The definition of an expository should be like “having pain in every part of your body”, it’s easy once you realize this is the basic “how-to essay”. The really hard part of this essay comes from; describing and writing directions so that even a person who doesn’t major in biochemistry can accomplish the task. It can’t be like, add five hundred kilograms of sodium chloride to the HCL mixture. It has to be simplified so that even a literate kindergartener can do. Even writing ‘add five hundred kilograms of salt to the mixture that you have created in Step# three makes it better. The hardest part is how detailed you need to be in describing the process. Like the persuasive essay, you must think like your reader. In fact, to be taken seriously, if you don’t succeed at composing any well-explained expository essays, you can’t be a teacher or a professor.

The essay that should be ranked the easiest of them all is a narrative. You just narrate, narrate, and narrate so it’s like a clay sculpture project that you can shape in your own unique way. Many points that you would want to be careful of (since I fell prey to the traps) are, choosing the write narration. There are the first person, third person omniscient, third person limited, and the unreliable narrator. The unreliable narrator is a bit on the hard side since you need to deceive your reader. The last time I tried being an unreliable narrator, it was a big mess. I had to rewrite my sentences many times. The second point to be careful of is to supervise your active and passive voices. Once you get them twisted up, you can’t easily disentangle them. I mixed up the voices and earned myself a lower grade than was planned by me. Lastly, don’t write narrative essays every single time you get a chance. Try tackling other types of essays and get used to them when you get the time. Like me, you will regret not trying this strategy someday because every kind of essay packs a punch.

How do you feel after reading all the types of essays? Did you feel it boring, ironic or actually fun to read this? Did this essay change your way of thinking? If it was funny or a good essay, think of it as a miracle, since grammar isn’t a very nice subject. That’s why I don’t exactly like writing essays.


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