A new chapter of life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic

We grow to become what makes us happy, follow your drems and never give up in been happy...

 Growing up in a life filled with fear, where knowing what time of the day it is becomes very important. Not been able to understand at an early age everything that is going around, why the yelling, why daddy was acting crazy for no reason. Crying yourself to sleep after asking mom what had happen and getting such an answer that in many ways as a child you believed. 

 Time comes to a stopping point where you grow up not been what anyone expected. Where growing up makes you make decisions that will one day create a road a head that may lead you in to a happy life or simply destroy you till the end. I made my first life decisions at an early age felt in to alcoholism deep depressions even tried to OD. Nothing work as I'm obviously still a live. I denied my emotions, I was to scared to make things worse for every one. I really didn't want to make things worse at home as my dad and I did not even talk to each other no more. My family had officially fallen apart.

 After trying to OD I realized that taking the easy way out to avoid more troubles in life was not my best choice. Thankfully my best friend was there for me every second that I needed her. A friend who I felt more for but never told anything to. I was to scared of losing her, we had been friend since fifth grade and by the time that I would go out with friends and had already had two girl friends we had a friendship of five good years. My family problems became the least of my worries, I had a new one and that was what to do with my feelings towards her. 

 A year past and I never said anything, kept quiet. But to my surprise she had confronted me by telling me she had a girlfriend and felt the need to tell me as we were best friends. My heart that broke into a million tiny pieces, I had no words to say. Tears ran down my face and she asked me what was wrong, I answered back nothing but I was never able to lie to her she knew me to well. She asked me and hold my hand and said "please tell me, I know something is wrong, believe me I didn't tell you I'm a lesbian just because," those words where all I needed to hear. I hold my breath and said " you can't have a girlfriend because I like you." 

 Things after that day took a turn we started dating and I couldn't be happier. Unfortunately that happiness lasted only so long as my dad was catching up to our behavior and so was her mom. About a month in to our relationship her mom confronted us and told us she knew what was going on and that we had nothing to worry. We felt great relieve but we still had my parents to tell, I was to scared so we never said anything, we kept quiet. Eventually I told my brother and sister and they were fine with it, they didn't judge me nor they make me feel any less. 

 Everyone knew except my parents. I was so scared of telling my mom, my mom was my friend. I couldn't accept the thought of losing her and letting her down once again. Eventually my dad told me he knew that we were not just friends and that he understood me been confuse because of all the problems at home. 

 I moved out at a very early stage of my life, and close to a year of been out of the house and distancing myself from my family including my mom I decided to tell her I was a lesbian and that who she knew was my best friend was and had been my girlfriend for a year and a half. My heart broke as she didn't say anything back, I asked her for forgiveness but she didn't answer anything. That night I cried myself to sleep once again, I didn't call her a waited for her to come around. The days felt forever and god the time felt as it had stopped moving. I had lost the one person in the family I had a good relationship with, my mom was not there for me. I was not able to call her and ask her for advice or tell her how my relationship was going.

 Three months latter she finally came around as if nothing had ever happen. My mom came back into my life in a way that I couldn't believe, she came back in talking to me as if I had never told her anything. But I didn't say anything I just wanted her in my life. Little did I know that when I decided to ask her if she was okay with me been a lesbian her answer was worse then not having her in my life, she replied back to me " you don't know what you are talking about." My those words I will never forget. I answered her back that she was wrong and to please see that I was happy.

 As the time past by her ways of thinking didn't change. I decided that the best choice for me was to distance myself once again, so I did.I only saw my family in special occasions spoke to them once or twice a month or after two months of lost communication. 

 Nothing really matter as much as it had in the beginning, I had made a choice for myself to be happy and be with who made that happiness happen. Losing the closeness of my mom did hurt and believe me still does, but you wouldn't believe that after been with the same person for five and half years she was still saying she hoped it was just a face. She lied to many people in my face about me and my partner and that I couldn't accept, my partner was the person I had chosen to share my life with so I stood my ground and told my mom if she still was not able to accept my relationship then she was definitely not ready to have me back in her life. Close to another year past and she came back around, this time she asked me to forgive her and she had to be honest by telling me she will never accept my relationship but as her daughter she was going to be there for me and not make us feel any less at her home.

  At that point I had officially stopped caring who was in or out of my life, I cared for me and my partner. The way they look at us or talked about us didn't matter no more I was happy, I didn't live scared of my dad coming home drunk and the scary yelling, the yelling had stopped. Up to today it's still just us and what anyone thinks, well that's up to them I know who I am and I love me to care about what anyone has to say base on my personal life. 

 Making a decision to fine my happiness was hard but at times the onces closes to us are the ones that hurt us the most in a life choice. Sometimes moving a way for a while and accepting yourself before anyone else does could be the best choice you can make. Be sure to never let anyone or anything come and affect your life style because that life style is yours and no one else and as long as the choice you have made brings good to you fight for it. Please never fall into drugs or alcohol or try hurting yourself just to prevent damaging others because before anyone else you come first. 

Love yourself more then life its self, for other to accept you and even if they don't it should never matter because you put yourself first...

 Today we have seven years soon to be eight together and if I ever have to distance myself a ay from anyone again, I will with out a tough. This is my life and I love it, I'm happy and I'm not hurting or killing no one by my life style.

Don't judge me as I wont judge you... 


Submitted: December 01, 2014

© Copyright 2021 jworld513. All rights reserved.

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