Giant Rainbow Colored Monster of Destruction

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Action and Adventure  |  House: Booksie Classic
An action-packed, adventure-filled story about Roberto and Mr. Petunia's epic battle to the death!

Submitted: January 21, 2015

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Submitted: January 21, 2015

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WRITER:  *Hello reader!  Welcome!  To the world of Urth.  It’s pretty much Earth, except the laws of physics bend for the purpose of this story.  Also, some of the things that happen in this story should not be attempted in real life.  Just a disclaimer.* 

Mr. Petunia was a Librarian, who was also a beekeeper back home in Florida.  Roberto Rodriguez Jr. was a straight-up G, as he called himself, *NERDSPEAK*:  A gangster.  Roberta Rodriguez was Roberto’s sister, who was obsessed with books and ponies.  Both Roberto and Roberta worked for Mr. Petunia at his beekeeping business, called Petunia Bees.  They worked with a guy named Steven, who was mostly nice, but was power hungry, and a little bit OCD.  Sometimes, when he called himself “Sexy Steven,” Mr. Petunia was a nice man, and he paid them well over minimum wage.  He could probably afford it, though, considering that he owned a portion of the Atlantic Ocean, and rode his golden Jet Ski everywhere.  He was also obsessed with skydiving, so he bought a 50 mile by 50 mile piece of land in some part of Mexico that no one lives in.  Yeah.  He’s filthy rich.  Also, he retired at age 12, if that says anything.  His beekeeping business was world renowned, and so wass his library.  He knew how to make a business succeed.

It was usually a simple job, working at the beekeeping business.  Usually Roberta enjoyed working, but, “Straight-Up G’s,” don’t got no time for that!  Mr. Petunia was usually only at the beekeeping business once a week, occasionally two, just to check in on things.  Roberto, Roberta, and Steven basically ran the place, which was actually pretty cool sometimes.  Sometimes, it was boring, and sometimes, it was downright horrible.  Once, Steven was being extraordinarily smart *THE SARCASM IS ABUNDANT*.  There was only one case of Japanese Hornets, and Steven forgot to lock them up.  The hornets eventually escaped.  This happened while the workers were on their lunch break, and the hornets started to chase them.  Steven got stung 8 times, and when Mr. Petunia found out, he was furious, and he put Steven on an unpaid suspension.

Today was a normal day.  Steven and Roberta were happy, but Roberto was angry that he had to work.  So, that was normal.  Steven had always been curious why Mr. Petunia chose to create a beekeeping facility and a library.  It never struck him as suspicious, but he always thought that it was strange.  Roberta would always respond to him with, “Well, if you were to start two businesses, then don’t you think that some people would disagree with your choices, too?”  Steven would just nod his head.  Roberto would always slack off on the job, but when Mr. Petunia was around, he would work like it was going out of style.

It was after work one fateful day on January 21, 2015, that Roberto was walking past Mr. Petunia’s mansion, when he was all like, “Awwwww shizzle, Big P. ain’t home!”  *NERDSPEAK*:  “Mr. Petunia is not in his mansion.  He’s probably on vacation.”  So, being the person that he was, he decided to *Try* break in.  Since there is a mansion in Florida, and Roberto is a gangster, he was going to, “acquire,” as many valuables as possible.  Roberto was trying to sneak his way in, which consisted of moving through a bunch of moving laser beams that would, “slice and dice,” if you will, anyone who is not Mr. Petunia.  Also, he would have needed the passcode to get into the front door.  And since Roberto didn’t have the passcode, that was a problem.  So, instead of just giving up and walking away, Roberto went outside, and started throwing rocks at the bullet-proof glass windows.  That obviously didn’t work.  Roberto finally gave up and went home.  He had tried breaking and entering multiple times before, but to no avail.  Bummer for him.

For the next two weeks, Mr. Petunia was out of town.  No one knew where he went, which was kind of suspicious.  But no one cared, either.  Anyways, when Mr. Petunia got back, he immediately checked on the beekeeping farm, and was impressed that the “trio” had held up the fort this well for this long.  All 3 of them were working right now, so Mr. Petunia was satisfied.  Mr. Petunia visited for a good hour or so, and then headed home.  He departed with a cheery, “Goodbye!”  And then he was gone.

Roberto  still pretended to work for another minute or so, and then he trailed Mr. Petunia home.  Mr. Petunia had a deep respect for the environment, so he never took a car.  He only walked, biked, Segway-ed, anything that didn’t pollute the environment.  He was a good man.  He even donated half of his fortune to charity once.  Pretty impressive if I do say so myself.  I wish I could say the same about Roberto, though, because the first thing he did after Mr. Petunia left was follow him home, so that he could rob his house.

When Mr. Petunia had finished his hour-long walk home, he went up to the front door, and put in the passcode.  Roberto was watching, but Mr. Petunia did a good job of hiding the passcode with his hands, so Roberto decided that he would just follow Mr. Petunia into his house.  Mr. Petunia opened the door to his house, and deactivated the evil-human-killing-death-lasers-of-DOOM!  Roberto followed him into his home, staying a few yards back from him, so as not to tip him off about his presence.  The evil-human-killing-death-lasers-of-DOOM!  Automatically activated again when Mr. Petunia, (and Roberto) were inside.  Mr. Petunia might have been a happy man, but he sure wasn’t dumb.  He knew who Roberto was.  He knew that he was in his house.  He also knew that this day would come, which is why he stashed a .45 caliber pistol in his sofa.  He also activated his houses’, “Super-Duper Scary Stabby-ness” protocol, because he wanted to turn all of his furniture into electric chairs and spikey death robots with Gatling gun arms.  His plants even had machine guns built into them.  There were also more lasers.  Super deadly.

Roberto was aware of this, so he was extremely careful.  The first thing that he saw when he walked through the door and peeked around the corner, was the Mona Lisa.  And then he saw the original “The Scream” painting on the opposite side of the room.  Roberto immediately knew what he was going to take.  The paintings.  They were worth millions!  He would literally have a “Cool Billion!”  Roberto was jumping with joy.  Roberto’s marveling was interrupted by the sound of a plant in a planter box locking on to him and starting to shoot.  Roberto immediately ducked behind a wall, because if the plant could run out of ammo, then he could sneak past it.  And don’t worry, the walls had bulletproof insulation in them, so as not to have any problems with the walls.  Little did he know, Mr. Petunia literally had a basement full of bullets, all just piled on top of each other.  There were some plastic tubes that fed bullets all the way up to the planter boxes and sofas with machine guns built in.  There was even a couple of fiber-glass tubes, containing pure energy for the lasers.  Scary, huh?

So, Roberto, being scared out of his mind about getting shot, or laser-ed to death, pressed on through the house going a different way, because he didn’t want to die today.  When he got closer to the paintings, he noticed a quick flicker of blue-ish light.  He presumed that it was nothing.  There!  It happened again.  Roberto was confused, so he stopped for a minute or two.  It happened three more times before Roberto had figured it out.  It was a force field!  So, Roberto got angry that he couldn’t get that painting.  He got really angry.  So angry, in fact, that he said:  “Who cares,” he touched it, got shocked with a bunch of gamma rays, and turned into a big green monster that was super destructive.  *EDITOR:  That’s taken.*

*WRITER:  That’s taken already?  Oh well.  Sorry.  How about:  he turned into a giant rainbow colored monster of destruction.  Yeah.  I bet no one has that one yet!*

*EDITOR:  You are so dumb.*

*WRITER:  Thank you.* So, Roberto, now being a giant rainbow colored monster of destruction, was plowing his way through the house to find Mr. Petunia.  All of the machine gun things stopped working, for some reason, though, which Roberto didn’t pay much attention to.  He was ripping the place to shreds.  Support pillars were falling, and the second floor was starting to collapse; it was a mess.  Roberto searched for a couple more minutes, but to no avail.  Roberto had started to try to stop plowing through everything, and be a little more careful, or else the whole 9 story house would fall on him.  Even though he was extremely strong now, he probably couldn’t take that.  Finally, Roberto found him.  Or should I say, Mr. Petunia found Roberto.  Roberto screamed when he felt a large thorn hit him in the back.  It was like a sharp stabbing pain, as if he had just fallen into a really big cactus spine.  He turned around, only to find a giant-mechanical-Thorn-Shooting-bee-chameleon-monster-thing.  It was Mr. Petunia!  “I touched the force field on accident once, and I turned into this.  I only send out my clone into public.  He has been trained with super-duper ninja skills of awesomeness, which is a plus.  Anyways, the gamma rays shock you and turn you into something random.  That’s why my machine guns weren’t shooting at you, because you have too much radiation in your body.  You will die within the hour.” Mr. Petunia said in his rough, mechanical robot voice.

“Why haven’t you died yet?”  Roberto asked Mr. Petunia.

“I had a medicine that will not reverse the physical effects, but it will stop you from dying.”

“Give me the paintings.  And the medicine.”  Roberto demanded in his deep, gravely giant rainbow colored monster of destruction voice.

“No.  Also, I don’t have any more medicine.”  Snapped Mr. Petunia, as he fired off another 3 rounds of machine gun thorns.

“Ouchy.”  Roberto replied, blocking the shots with his arm, as he lunged toward Mr. Petunia and ran him through the wall.

Roberto kept running with Mr. Petunia for a couple of seconds, and then he threw him into the wall of a building.  Mr. Petunia crashed through, but then he was gone.  Roberto was puzzled.  Mr. Petunia had just vanished out of thin air.  Roberto then heard the sound of Mr. Petunia’s wings flapping.  Roberto was really confused now.  He could hear the police coming, but he knew that they wouldn’t be any trouble.  They would either back down in fear and run away, or start shooting, and get squished by Roberto.  He then noticed that there was some kind of distortion in the sky above him.  He jumped up, punching Mr. Petunia right in the thorn-shooter, cutting up Roberto’s hand pretty bad.  Mr. Petunia’s camo then faded away as he was knocked high up into the sky.  Mr. Petunia then started shooting at Roberto.  Roberto saw some of the thorns hit the ground around him, and he started running around the city.  Mr. Petunia just stayed still and shot thorns at the fast-running Roberto, chasing him throughout the city with his thorns.  Mr. Petunia wasn’t horribly accurate, so it was kind of hard for him to hit Roberto.

Roberto then decided that it was time to stop destroying the cities’ above ground layer, so he jumped up super-duper high, Mr. Petunia still shooting at him, and he did a Mario-style ground pound.  *EDITOR:  Wow dude.  You need to stop stealing other people’s thunder and just write the story.  OK?*

*WRITER:  Fine.* So, anyways, he was now in the sewer system, with all of the alligators and taxis and other weird items that should never end up in the sewer, but still end up there in cartoons.  Mr. Petunia followed him down there, only to hear a loud screaming noise.  He turned a couple of corners to find Roberto, and saw a bunch of alligators, with one really, REALLY big, red, dog, who was just finishing up his giant rainbow colored monster of destruction snack.  The only evidence that Roberto had been there was his beat up hand that he used to punch Mr. Petunia, just lying on the ground.  Yummy. 

*EDITOR:  Was the dog’s name Clifford the Big Red Dog?*

*WRITER:  Your mama!*

*EDITOR:  Shut up.*

*WRITER:  Fine.  A large red alligator.  Happy?*

*EDITOR:  Yes.* “My name is Steven.”  Said the large red alligator. 

“What?”  Mr. Petunia replied, confused with what the alligator had just said.  “Crap.”  Mr. Petunia muttered, as he started to turn his back to run away from the horde of hungry hungry alligators.  One of the alligators caught a part of one of Mr. Petunia’s wings, causing him to be grounded, and become unable to fly.  Mr. Petunia was soon caught by the alligators, and met the same gross, nasty fate that Roberto happened to meet. 

The End. 

Thank You.


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