The Secret Life of Ethan Summers!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic

A coming of age story.

The water is getting cold, but the blood is still warm as it washes away. I look down to see my reflection in my slightly fogged razor. "what do I do now?" I think to myself as I stand up and continue with my shower as if that didn't just happen.

The door opens and I hear my moms voice ask if I'm alright, I reply yes in a shallow voice, I instantly clear my throat and say yes again. Although she sounds unsure she says okay and closes the door.

She likes to act like she actually cares about us; my two younger siblings and I; but no matter how much she acts and how much other people believe her, it will never be true, she doesn't give a shit about us.

The only things she actually cares about is work, alcohol, and whatever guy she is screwing while my dad is deployed.

I miss my dad so much he was the only person I could count on, but now all I have to count on is me. I'm pretty much raising my two sisters Samantha and Joanna, but I try not to complain, I love my sisters and I'm happy they have a big brother like me to take care of them when no one else will.

Joanna is only 13 months younger than me and Samantha is nine, I'm almost 16 and a sophomore in high school, I don't have many friends but I get by on who I have.

I've been keeping a big secret from my family for the past few years and I'm scared to tell them what it is. My mom and sisters always wonder why I never have a girlfriend or like to bring girls over; but what they don't understand is that I don't think that girls were made for guys or that guys were made for girls....

My family doesn't understand that I don't like girls like that, I wish I could just tell them, just come right out and say it, "I'm gay!" but in order to stay in my house and stay with my sisters, that's just not something I can tell them.

My mind always runs wild when I am in the shower, I thought it was the best place to relax but not for me, it's where I get my anger out and where I go for my razor blade.

I wish I never would have started, but I did and now I can't stop. I'm not trying to kill myself, I just want to release myself and cutting is the only way I can do that, but no one would ever understand, so it's just another secret I keep hidden away.

School is pretty much a blur sometimes, I get straight A's without even trying, but that isn't my probably, the classes are easy. The hallways is the hard part for me.

There he is, oh god, he's so gorgeous. I just wish we could show our love, Michael Champion; my secret lover, to bad he has a "not so secret" girlfriend. He's hidden and in the closet, kinda like me but I am at least out at school, he's hidden from everyone including his self.

We've hooked up a few times but he doesn't like to admit it, until it's time to do it again. He's great at it for a straight boy, I love how he will have sex with me and not his girl, but for some reason I can't help but be jealous when I see them together at school, probably because she has what I want but I get what she wants.

When he touches me I lose my breath, I can feel my heart pounding in my toes as he thrusts himself at me. When we're alone. Trust me we are alone and there isn't even an earth to interrupt our moment.

He told me that he loves me, and I know I love him whenever i am around him. My whole world is right but that girl is ruining our love and I will not let that happen. Me and Michael are going to be together, all I have to do is some how get rid of Alexia.

I'm always confused when it comes to our love, he bullies me at school and then after school we are perfect soul mates. In my opinion it is all because of that little homophobic "girlfriend" of his, she makes him act that way, the only reason he won't break up with her is because she is the preachers daughter and him and his parents go to that church.
I would be all for going to church but Christian people are way to judgmental therefore I will never go.

Home is way too hard to deal with sometimes, my mom is completely ignoring me and my sisters. She came in last night staggering drunk with some guy I've never seen before, probably just another one night stand, she brings those home a lot. The morning after I usually think it is better to take the girls out then to deal with my mom.

I take my sisters out for ice cream once a week so they can get out of the house and away from our moms stupid behavior. I try to get my own money but if I can't I just take some from my moms bag, I let each of my sisters bring a friend if they want but the friend has to pay for themselves, if I take too much money my mom will notice that some is missing.

Since i cant drive yet we have to take the bus everywhere, but i don't really mind. The bus is only a quarter per person and going to the ice cream shop is totally worth it. I love the homemade ice cream, it's delicious.

When we get to the ice cream shop I see Michael. I guess he got a job working there and forgot to tell me about it; we don't really talk about work stuff, mainly just school, our families, and our little secret, sometimes we don't even talk at all, sometimes our mouths are either too busy or our face is crammed into a pillow.

We go up to the counter to order, my sisters and their friends go first and then me, there were two people working behind the counter; the older gentleman who owns the small little shop and Michael, and of course I would have to give my ice cream order to Michael.

I couldn't stop staring at him and he knew it but I was trying not to make it so obvious to my sisters.

I could see the love in his eyes and I just wanted to jump across the counter and kiss him and let him hold me, but that wasn't going to happen so I just gave him my order.

The girls went to sit down while I payed. I was shocked when I tried to give Michael the money and he didn't take it, he pulled out his wallet and put his money in the register. As he put his wallet back into his pocket he pulled out a folded piece of paper, he winked at me and handed me the paper. I walked to the table after showing a big smile and trying not to blush.

"hi there gorgeous, I can't believe you are mine, well anyways, I promise that by the end of this year I will be out. Alexia will be out of my life and it will be all about you. I'm tired of hiding and having to lie about us. I love you Ethan(:"

I folded the paper back up and put it in my pocket, I couldn't stop smiling and now I really wanted to kiss him. My sisters could tell something was up but they couldn't figure out what it was. I need to start being more careful when I'm around them, they can't find out, not until the end of the year.

When me and Michael turn 18 we are going to move out of our houses and move in together. Well that's the plan at least but I don't know if I'm going to be able to leave my sisters with that bitch of a mother we have to deal with.

If worse comes to worse then I will just take Joanna and Samantha with me and they will live with me and Michael. I don't think he will mind, he knows how bad my mom is and he knows how much I love my sisters.

When the girls finish their ice cream I'm kinda sad, just being in the same room as Michael gives me chills and I love it. As we walk out of the door I
look over at Michael and give him a little wink and an air kiss, then surprisingly he smiles and does it back to me. I love him.

The walk to the bus stop is pretty awkward, the girls are silent other then slight little giggles and then they all look back at me, I stop in my tracks,

"Okay, what's so funny?" I lash out at them.

"Oh nothing, we just think you and your boyfriend are so cute together, that's all." Joanna says as she giggles.

Oh shit they know, I have to play this off.

"Boyfriend? What are you talking about? I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even like guys, I like girls!" I say kinda fast.

"Okay big brother, we believe you." you could always hear the sarcasm in Samantha's voice.

As we get on the bus all I can think about is how to either come out to my sisters or try and fool them, but considering they already don't believe me I think it's going to be a little hard to fool them. So I have to come out to them.

I sit in the hot water filled to the top of the tub, my razor is sunken in the water, I can't stop staring at it. Other than Michael, cutting is the love of my life, it takes all the pain away. I don't think I could ever stop cutting, I'm too addicted.

All my scars aren't very deep just so they will be able to fade away and the people who I don't care about won't ask me stupid questions. I always hear the stupid questions in the back of my head, I try to shake them away but I just can't, I guess it is my own inner voice wondering why I am doing it.

I can actually deal with school now, Michael is talking to me more and yesterday he held my hand at lunch and he's now acting like he doesn't care if people know he is gay or that we are together. He walks me to all my classes everyday, well until we come across a janitor closet, not giving any details but let's just say I'm later to class.

I'm starting to bring him over to my house so I can tutor him, let's just say he's not the brightest crayon in the box. My sisters never stop staring at us the whole time so one day I did it.

"Samantha...? Joanna...?" I yell.

Michael looks at me with a kind of worried look, I nod my head to reassure him that I have to and it's okay. I trust my sisters, they are all I have and I hate lying to them.

"Yeah, what is it?" Joanna says as they both come to the kitchen table; where we were sitting.

"I want you guys to meet someone."

Both of the girls look at me then at each other and smile.

"Guys this is Michael, you know the one that works at the ice cream shop..." I pause.

"Oh, that's where we've seen you before." she says looking at Michael with a big smile.

"Well, you see, he is I mean we're...." I can't get the words out. I turn red and feel like an idiot until the last thing I expected really happened. Michael grabs my hands in his and sets them casually on the kitchen table.

"Me and you brother are boyfriends and we are very happy together..." he pauses briefly an looks at me.

"....and we are very in love!"

My sisters are looking at each other yet again.

"It's okay guys we knew that already." they both smile at us.

Michael and I can't help but smile back at them and then we can't stop looking at each other. Forgetting about my sisters being in the room, we end up kissing and when we finally stop, the room is empty.

My sisters decide that it is time to leave us alone. The house is now empty and we take no hesitation to go back to my bedroom.

Laying in bed; completely naked, cuddled next to the man I love. I wonder how I got so lucky to be in this very place. Then in a single second my world is shattered.

The door knob turns and my heart instantly stops. Before I can even react my mom comes through the door.

"What the hell is this?" my mom is screaming as her eyes widen.

"Mom....what are you doing home?" my voice is shaky.

"Get out of my house!" she is directing that towards Michael.

I don't want him to leave but I can't get the words out of my mouth. He gathers his things not even bothering to get his clothes back on and walks out of the house only covering his private parts.

The next thing I remember is watching Michael's cute little white butt leaving my room, then my mom walking over to my bed; with me trying to cover myself. She raises her fist...BAM! I'm out.

I wake up the next morning; still completely naked. I try to gather my thoughts on the events that had occurred the night before. "My mom!" I think to myself. "She knows...oh shit."

I walk out of my room; after putting some pants on, and see her sitting at the kitchen table getting her things ready to go to work.

"Mom." I say in a shallow voice.

"What do you want Ethan?" she snaps.

"We need to talk about yesterday mom."

"I really don't have time Ethan. I have to get to work." as these words come out of her mouth my jaw clenches, my hands turn to fists and I can't help but yell.


"I have nothing to say to you Ethan. You have ashamed me and you are dead to me." I never thought I would hear these words come out of my moms mouth. I am having trouble believing that this is all really happening. I just want this all to be a dream and to stop.

"I have to go to work. I'll be home late, take care of the girls." she says while she walks out of the front door. As it slams behind her I mutter to myself; "What's different?"

After I hear her car pull away I go straight to the girls room to get them up for school. I knock on the door and slightly open it just enough to see if the girls were still in bed. They both share a bed since their pretty skinny and don't really need a bed to themselves. I can't help but stare at them for a little and admire how peaceful they both look when they sleep. The girls don't have to worry about anything, they have it so easy and if I have anything to do with it, that's how things will stay.

Submitted: April 26, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Kaitlyn Sellers . All rights reserved.

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Sun, May 6th, 2012 2:46am

Kaitlyn Sellers

yeah i kno but it's not finished yet. I keep adding.

Thu, May 10th, 2012 12:54am

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Short Story / Gay and Lesbian