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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic


He woke up to his death
taking breath
first of last
saying "cherish it I must"
as he wasn't to perish.
And in all that mirth
forgetting death and closing birth
as we're never born completely
neither are we dead
so weakly
madly, gladly
living between
being neither peasants nor kings and queens.
Do we even have a choice
what to do and what is done
can we even raise a voice
when we're forced when we're banned.
what we know is what was given
to even
our mind and our hearts
to protect our souls
from evil faults
of not our doing
scene 1
there's a story no one knows about yet
with a chance for evil and good, to get
understanding of easiness they bring
black and white with no link
as a lesson, not to complicate
beauty of life to appreciate
if you good from very inside
doing good with no light
leaving evil when it smiles
as it always lies
But we think we are to be lost
we don't know what it costs
to decide too much to think of the dark
forgetting to bring to every day a spark
of a smile
good deed,
we prefer to bleed
whining, complaining
nothing gaining.
And now you, you think you can't
it's a helping hand
til we've got the time...
(rainy day, Paul sits on the bench in the park)
What I've done so bad, so cruel
one won't answer in this hour
life's half empty and half full
of the sweetness that tastes sour
can I ever understand
this odd fight to defend?
or I'm sentenced to a state
I'm not able to create
in my fate.
Who forgot about my love
who desires it still here
is there someone there, above
or just me and the fear?
are these people here for real?
am I conscious? do I know
anything in fortune's wheel?
I assume I'm just a pawn
who's the master is unknown
I just frown
I just frown...
Oh my love, I can't remember
everything's a blur so thick
was it still, was it tender
was it strong, was it weak?
where you there, by my side
or a milion miles away
did it go or just died
in dark night or bright day?
still confused by my mind
what I've lost can't be found
am I able to survive
in my life that cannot thrive
many years it has been now
I've been here alone in crowd
cannot hear, see, stand or sleep
love has gone beyond my weep
neither rain nor the sun
does exist for me no more
maybe I should take a gun
finish what I don't adore.
(going away through the park)
scene 2 (Paul's flat, mess everywhere, he walks around)
That's a state I must confess
where the order is the mess
look at everything around
no connection, nothing's bound!
I must get away from here
I must find someone like me
who can help me let it be
cause he's near, a friend sincere!
am I dreaming in this numbness
are these mares about to dwell
in my head wrapped in fondness
in old loneliness they can't spare
my soul's squeezed misunderstood
I pray in doubt, doubt in pray
that's the only chance for good
I can't help I've gone astary
So please send me here, dear God
someone who will look for soul
who is lost like me and mad
who can't find it in this world
so we could try to be brave
save each other from the grave
that we're heading to in eternal damnation...
(leaving the flat)
scene 3
( graveyard. Paul's standing in front of a grave where his old love's buried)
In every and this hour dark
that to be eternal seems
I come here to my lark
that's gone to the world of dreams
I don't get it, never will
why I had to go through hell
losing everything and still
being hidden in a shell
I have not built.
You were my passion, my light, tomorrow
You were a cure for all my sorrows
So as it happened you've been taken
I'm left here , by life shaken
in every second mistaken.
(Paul sits for a while numbed as a man-Devil approaches)
I am sorry to bother you
as I heard your words weeping
but it happenned that I'm too
in the darkness deepening
I am sorry but your eyes
tell me more about myself
and I want to sacrifice
all my fears in this place
And I've got a feeling good
I'll be here now understood
would you mind if I sat here
would you spare a minute dear?
Oh I'm sorry through despair
could not see you standing there
I've been lost in memory
of my life's history.
I'm no company today
nor tomorrow, yesterday
I'm sure you don't need a man
who is broken for Aman
And don't look at me like that
I am not exaggerating at all
Nothing happens to me but
constant sorrow, dying soul.
that's the place I need to say
everybody's lost in gray
thinking of the things that are
covered by death, not alive
coming here you're living past
And you need to understand
it's impossible to last
you just have to let its hand
and go
with the life's flow.
I must tell you I surrender
to its beauty easiness
and I have a hope that's slender
it will fill the emptiness
Though the present may be hard
You should think what is ahead
cause you play here the main part
you lead life not you're led
everything is in your hand
what you want is what will be
you are not an empty land
you're the wind that's wild and free
All those words are theory
that will not erase
all my lovely memories
though their fate
lay in disgrace
of unexistant state.
this is nice though to converse
as your thinking's quite reverse
you don't seem to dig the past
but to cover it with dust
I have failed to find what's sought
falling deeper into bane
of my mind that forgot
my soul's also in disdain
hapinness was long, long dead
so I chose this place instead
where the grief is in the air
all your fears are declared
If you feel humiliated
what your days have created
you should show all your pain
let it go or make it slain
How am I supposed to find
all the strenght for this task
if I can see the last line
the horizon, coming dusk
There is no possibility
to fight it here stubbbornly
to finish it with dignity
to finish it not forlornly
You forgot I'm standing near
I can't help you take the fear
But I cannot let this sadness
make your life a complete madness
Shall I walk you to your door
cause the night will fall soon
and I'd be all over the moon
if I could meet you some time more
The time's passed and I've got
things to show you and so do you
We can learn hell! a lot
from today, tomorrow too!
You just need to give a chance
that tomorrow will have sense
of your withdrawn existence.
This excitment is in vain
nothing can erase the stain
that the past has painted in
the first day of everlasting sin
cannot win
cannot win...
I advise you very clearly
you should wait till the morn
when the night is gone nearly
but the day's not yet born
I am sure that your thoughts
will take then a different form
getting angry doesn't hold
any need nor is it needed
makes you blind, your heart cold
You don't hear what you're told
You're created to tell others
others are to tell you well
but for now you can't be bothered
it will lose you, you will fail
Please at least consider me
as a person who is worth
with who you step back and forth
who your friend just can be
I am sorry , my behaviour bad
is caused by a long, lone time
this day's just been really mad
let's just say it's all fine
if you visit me in my flat
Oh how splendid my dear friend
I shall come to meet you again
Now the darkness has come
it's the time to go home
( thay walk away their ways.)
scene 4 (Paul's at home)
What a very strange man he was
I must say, though there is something
about the way he puts gain and loss
as achievment so as nothing
Maybe I just can't see I've got both
I'm too busy to despair
I'm too busy to just loathe
my life that I can't repair
Maybe it's just an illusion
That there is any confusion
maybe everything is easy
or the world is really teasy
wanting to try us out
giving strenght, putting doubt
in the day in the night
from the dark to the light
maybe doubt's then not so bad
it depends what you doubt
Oh new friend, I shall wait
maybe you're just written
in my fate
in that state I must say
let's just see what life brings
Massive storms, an easy bay
or strong winds
that break my wings
or make me fly
out of sight...
and I know it's kind of weird
but his words seem to sear
in my heart in a good way though
making me feel alive, not so low
I am quite amazed and cannot wait
til I talk to him again
at any rate
First good feeling came
after long years lame
Now I must go to get things for the feast
for the man who might walk me out of the mist!
(with an exitement he walks out the flat)
scene 1 ( Paul's flat-Devil comes, conversation in the leaving room)
I am facing now my aim
I'm the devil but I'm scared
that my efforts are in vain
my intentions will be bared
Oh how stupid is the life
it's so fragile always slived
yet it's still more work to do
good or bad they are no clue
up or down
rag or crown
I don't care still for them all
all I want is my dole
in this vague, pointless hole...
(knocking on the door to Paul's flat)
Open then, no time to lose
oh, so great I shall come in
bring the food bring the booze
no cheap piss in the tin
well...fine wine!
What's the matter with tonight
you're so glad yet keen to fight
I hope it won't bring the trouble
It will hurt me twice as double
Want to win have to fight
in the darkness of the light
dying, sighing, praying still
that's the winner's greatest deal
And I am, I'm telling you
I will win so badly that
if I have to I'll kill too
only rotten soul - the rat
I am scared of you right now
you have changed I don't know how
I don't want you here no more
you'll bring death you will gore!!
(devil calms himself drinking wine and smiles)
I am sorry I was trying to
bring emotions back to life
cause for a reason I don't know too
long ago they've been sacrificed
by you.
And you need to feel alive
jump as high as deeply dive
in your life you have to see
you've been blind
that's the key!
so you'll find what is looked for
I say sorry we'll talk no more!
that is awkward but I know
in a weird way it's a help
I will say what you yelp
I will go with the flow
Maybe it's the wine in veins
it ain't loss, I can gain
more from having a mad friend
if you're me you'd understand.
I will let you lead me there
heaven, hell everywhere
let's just do it now! tonight!
as my weakness seems to bite
in couragous side
Yes of course, let's take a walk
I will show you but! don't talk
we will cry and laugh and die
of the beauty wanting to hide
in oblivion, in a lie...
Scene 2 (outside the flat)
I will take you to the place
where's no time nor the space
deeply to the bottom of your heart
where's the end and the start
Where you'll see your fate's not bad
you're the lucky in this world sad
let's go...
as they started walking deep night grew
into the grey streets that were blue
because of all the misery that came by here
and didn't want to go bringing tear by tear
you imagine every day that becomes the night
for the inner feelings you have to fight
there is light but no one can guide
there is an exit
but there, no one can fit
So the place was like that
wasn't raised nor was flat
wasn't empty, wasn't full
only sadness on streets dull.
our gents,new friends
they saw a little house standing alone
it looked so poor and seemed to moan
for the tragedy that was happening inside
high in its cruelty, in mercilessness eternally wide
our men looked through the window
looking for sad faces inside
they saw a woman in black to become a widow
and three children on her side
covered in tears whining and crying
as with their father they were all dying
who was lying on an empty bed sighing
death on his face was grinning in triumph
the father was the only one who made them secure
without him they will all die soon for sure
the woman will be trying so hard
that it will weaken her heart
so she will die with children on her lap
the children, sitting down, will never get up
Our men had to go though before it all
they had to take another stroll
to a little prison at the end of the street
walking there, Paul started to weep
as no hope was lit
In prison they saw a man on death row
his innocent soul was cracking, slow
with pain so big he could not talk or cry
no hope, death in vain, no answer to Why?
he fought for so long, he prayed, he swore
that there was no reason to die for
and he already felt so low
despite the fact still years to go
to be killed
with nothingness filled
he'll be locked in a cell
years til they ring the bell
to swell
his body til it's broken,
freezing his soul
Now they were back outside
from misery there was nowhere to hide
and though Paul's knees so weak, they went
to see another picture from misery's hand
Old and young holding hands
facing illness cruel and mean
giving wounds you've not seen
giving pain and no defence
They had each, one hand left
rotten legs and their eyes
death was not here very deft
having not decided if they'll die
but the sound that's coming out
from their mouths falling off
like the worst oposition to love
the worst painfulness of doubt
So Paul wanted to go from there
cannot stand this awful sounds
and their faces with bones bare
bodies falling to the ground
to die maybe one merciful day
before this evil thing will flay
them completely.
a man stripped from dignity they met
lying on the dirty paddle's mud
before him a row of crows already set
to eat out all his freshly dying gut
they were not bothered for death to come
serving themselves dinner in a big scream of pain
as their life gave them quite important wisdom
not wasting anything away by waiting in vain
pinching every single part of his body
til he bleeds out with wide open eyes
dying alone as a nobody
disappearing slice by slice
bringing conclusion: life doesn't exist - it's death in disguise
in the darkest side of the street
they met a girl with rats on her feet
and one of them bit deeply in her toe
so she could not walk but crawl
oh no! death has no mercy at all
but is too lazy yet to fall
on the poors fate
she keeps them in that state
til it's to late
to feel the pain
she's cruel and vain!
(the end of their walk - outside the flat)
but is death the only danger here
my dear?
or humans that are alive
they only strive
to survive
rejecting themselves
only one will be left
Imagine sudden shout, roar and scream
of the old that's too wise
to protect its shattered body when in grin
youth untought yelled to uprise
its size
for endless stupidness
killed weak man but so strong in mind
youth won't be left in loneliness
but in idiot crowd unkind
bigger and wilder it will grow
turning the world into the ruin of eternal stupidity.
(they go upstairs tot he flat)
scene 3 (living room)
I must admit we succeded tonight
despite all the awfulness with pride
you must see it as well my dear
others lives are worse, their sadness is more real
They are in constant sorrow
although they always follow
all this stupidness in God's will
they thank him for that and they always will
even if the worst happens they say
we'll be awarded after the grave
for being brave
and believing
Oh let's just leave what they think
but you must! you must see as me
there's a lot of going there what stinks
in this world but makes them somehow free
not here, but after they're asleep
for real.
I hope you feel better after all
I know you thought your life was mean
cruel and pitifull as it was to fall
apart , but now you're ready to win!
What are you talking about
to win?!
be happy about it so loud
is a sin!
These picture of poor will stalk me forever
I can't live with them! Never ever!
I was so stupid you're right
but now I know, there ain't no bright side
All I wanted was to make
your life seen in a better way
open your eyes, your mind wake
so you could start another day
as a new person full of hope
intead of ending it with a gun or rope.
That is an absolute nonsense
making better of showing worse
you ain't showing no remorse
your opinion I don't endorse
I was naive I expected
You would help me, you would save
my soul that has been affected
by some demon that made it a slave
maybe I misunersood you badly
but I cannot change it, sadly
I must ask you now to go
leave my life and my soul
But you can fight for it
not let happen all this shit
you can stand up, run, be brave
wisdom of old and mercy you'd save
Oh another task for a weak me
how do you imagine it will be
me against the all strong brainlessness
that would be an absolute obscure boldness
that would lead me to concience's distraction
with deep dispair next to me just by a fraction
breathing in my neck leaving me in fear
with all depressed feelings in gear
we both know, you've got nothing to lose
your life's nearly ended but not yet! just confused
what to do to make it full of happinness
no idea? I've got some-it's better than emptiness.
That's enough! because of you
I feel worse and lost a lot more
everything feels tired, sore
like my soul just got a flu
You must go, right now, I said
go and find a new friend
ours friendship's dead!
(Devil, with a surprised face, is leaving)
scene 4 ( Devil's taking a stroll)
So I lost years before for those people on the street
sending on them the greatest fear and grief
ruining their lives in strong belief
my aim would see how life is still incomplete
and that it would save him, he would change
on his supposedly mean life taking a revenge
by staying alive
How have I failed, was it my fault
maybe my grief I could not hold
out of sight for this man of the end
of him, of me, of every head that's bent
before something that's worse than dying
eternal sadness and constant crying
We all want one day to be saved
to end this that's what I crave
I can admit it now before myself
and I was given a chance that will bring life's wealth
which is soul I suppose.
I won't give up, I won't wait
another one thousand years long
filled of defeat, full of hate
being reminded again I was wrong
I need to try to get to Paul
I will, that's my role
though the time is running now
I'll do it soon, somewhat somehow!
But what else can I show him
as I can't give in this task
everything seems now so dim
as I can't take off my mask
being straight about what is
really going and make it ceased
as soon as possible
to achieve the incredible
for both
for me.
I'll convience him with no sadness
introducing him a pleasure, gladness
He will see by talking to others
with who he shares the past
so he'll bother
about making moan last
taking look beyond his misery vast.
I will organize it very soon
as there ain't no time to lose
party with uprising moon
he'll be happy and confused
by the time the sun comes out
that all has disappeared
fear and doubt!
(walking around, thinking)
No... I can feel in my bones
it's not a good idea at all
delicate persuasion it is as a bag of stones
to make it work, I'll have to do a different call
it cannot be spoiled
oh no!
What I'll do, I'll try to show
if he lets me do it again of course
evil things have its own special glow
and don't make everything always worse
they can bring remorse
oh yes!
I will have to prepare myself very well
as it's crazy, oh mental it is
make it - what I want he sees
what I say in his head and heart will dwell
as my spell
yes or no does not exist
there's no doubt, being lost in mist
he will have to stand by my side
cause it's to late to try to guide
to pretend to be so good
maybe was like a rotten root
faking holding a tree that looks
big and strong with beauty in it
with its fruit given so soft and sweet
but it will fall over with the small wind's blow
laying in oblivion, in death slow
so all I have to do is save
doesn't matter what way!
and the fact that's very true
sometimes what looks as happiness
is a deep sadness in complete loneliness
so goodness becomes cruel
and the very bad things
turn to be the angels' wings
that will make it fly after all
will reddeem one's soul.
maybe my friend then will change the look
at the world and his life as a closed book
and will start believing it is worth to wait
and the importance of his fate til it's too late
he is only a human being and as everyone
he longs, belongs to vanity of being someone
I'll convience him I believe in it and then
we'll both win, we'll both gain
life that's sane...
scene 5
So the devil went to see Paul
having so little time to achieve his goal
being in a hurry to turn his thinking
to good and save him from sinking
As a person in this world
all his abilities were on hold
only with human strenght he was able to act
everything or nothing but with no pact
So he ran to the flat, started knocking
no answer, with annoyance he started walking
around and shouting for his friend- an aim
couldn't get in, he used a fire's flame
to burn the door
then he stepped surprised on to the floor.
What he saw made him scream
in an anger that was beyond
any imagination or a dream
there was no hope fond
Paul was hanging from the ceiling
overwhelmed by his feelings
that existed then disappeared
to blow in him again reappeared
then they were gone again in a way weird
leaving him in constant fear
of himself
His face purple as it was to say
in the last second of his life he was regretting
going this way, forgetting
of a reminder hidden deeply in him.
And the devil knowing he lost again
all his doing had been simply in vain
as the vanity of humans that think
thay hold their lives, it belongs to them
to decide what happens where and when
how to die and do it is better then a lie
about happiness in their hearts applied
oh, no thinking what is afterwards
they will not be back from the dead
they'll be led
without awards
in emptiness
With a quiet second, devil lifted a note
Paul had left before leaving life's boat
and he read how Paul explained his deed
caused by some evil seed
sawn in him, growing into a weed.
the note said:
I cannot think anymore
I can't talk, look or hear
or I know is the fear
I can't stand for any second more
all I remember is the pictures of ugliness
views of complete emptiness
sounds of pain in hopelessness
evilness leaving us unconsciousness
I do want to take a chance
for a better life with God
I know a suicide sounds mad
but to say in my defence
death did not want to come
I had to go and find her moan
tell her to take me
to get strenght to be
so I am going away with her
hoping next life is more fair
I'll feel what it means to feel
even if I have to wait for redemtion
that's the deal
in which I'll put the greatest attemption!
(to my F.)
You convienced me to try again
maybe not in the way you wanted
but I'm just one of billion grains
you'll find another just don't take it for granted
not everyone is as strong as you
not everyone wants the same as you
you need to listen, you need to learn
come out of your attidute stern
I believe we'll both win
what we want defeating sin
of us.
(Devil is leaving the flat with his head bent in a failure)
Act III ( gates of heaven)
scene I (devil standing in front of the gate waiting)
There was en empty grey land
with no water nor the sand
with all the waiting souls
to be let to the beautiful land of no faults
devil stopped before a big gate
knowing exactly his fate
it was now too late
to repair anything
the gate then open wildly
all the soul shouted gladly
an old little man came out from inside
telling the souls to stand aside
as it wasn't their time yet.
Little Man:
He's waiting for you penance's failure
you'll come in to the garden and wait for Him
he's doing you a big favour
meeting you after your task grim
you didn't win
(he smiles)
you really believed you can get in here at last
you ain't no good, you don't deserve that!
I ain't talking to you, I'll wait for Him
You go or I'll take you to my world dim
Little Man:
HA! with this attidute great
you'll be for sure stuck in that state
when you have to wait and wait
I'm going now as you disgust me
you don't deserve nothing but
it's just my opinion and that
doesn't matter but I can see
He has the same one
with you He's done!
(Little Man walks away, God comes and speaks to Devil)
I have not change my mind
I don't know why you've come here
you should take Paul's soul unkind
to the life he so feared
I gave you a chance to get to my house
by saving one lost soul on Earth
you filled my heart with hopeful vows
your evilness die with goodness birth
You'll create a soul and heart
but you've come to the start
of another thousand years in hell
waiting til I ring the bell
for another chance
so I'll forget your vengeance.
You failed badly, you're not ready yet
You can't see what's good and bad
there's no mercy in you that
undarstanding would let
in you.
Paul is walking there, outside
wanting to get here, inside
but I don't talk to those with
no respect to what I give
I am sending him to hell with you
you've got years to talk him to
comprehension of his deed
but it won't chage it
he's reprobated.
I am angry with you both
I don't hate but you loathe
everything, anything
what I bring
You should have told him there's love
shown him beauty of the world
given him friends, filled him with goodness gold
looked a bit above
your own interest
wanting to do best
for him.
But instead you led him
where he was leading himself before
giving him reasons more
to switch off life's beauty's glim.
Now you shall walk outside and go to the flames
with your guilt and your blames
taking Paul to real misery where's no end
no real hope, no helping hand
where the tears are your friends
giving relief for one moment
to bring another, bigger torment
I say goodbye til thousand years on
you've lost heaven but one more soul is won
scene 2 (Devil walks away to hell with Paul's soul)
So they walked away to eternal unhappiness
Paul's soul looked so dived in bitterness
not reminding human being at all
but a little fiend ready to fall
into absolute forgetfullness
of goodness
with gnashing of teeth
for a relief.
and they left and fell in deep
darkness lightening in weep
they had nothing they wanted to keep
when to hell they slowly slipped
that's the really wierdest place
you see sounds, feel unfelt
everything's surrounded by a haze
of something with what you've never dealt
you know but explanation starts to melt
you think but realisation loses its link
all is pain of loneliness
in a crowd
all is loneliness of pain
in doubt
I could tell you more and more
of this place made of gore
that's not why I am here for
but to tell you to adore
not to fall into roar
that will defean your concience and soul.
The blessing of immortality
has place only with dignity
here you are inhumane
worse than any animal
you are less than insane
stuck in unexplanation eternal.
EPILOG (Paul's last words to God)
Long hours I was lying
a long while I was thinking
in silence and loud crying
disapperaing in dark night
just few minutes I was standing
for a short while I went numb
in big nise, silent crying
reappearing in dark night
I remember these light times
when the sun was shining staright
in my face til it dried all my tears of life's bile
when I lived just of a smile
but soon you, when I left, clothed me in nonsoothing longing
and you didn't give that what you wanted me to feel
so I turned everything around me into sour haze
hour by hour, moving into an ignorant place
Don't you worry, I'm back though, I won't go away again
I took all the blackness now it's more than a good deed in vain
covered by a stain of untouchable fame
you said I should do what I'm told, mind on hold, be blindly led
but you did not say a word when my eyes disappeared in my head
they were a mirror of my soul but she did not want to be seen
so she broke it with an open fist
I remember I said "if you want to break me do it well
I can't stop you anyway but I pray just don't quell"
I could shout "don't you dare!" but it would be risen swear
to your holiness one cannot tear
I would say my soul's unbared but how can you want to hide
poor emtiness recreated to pretend enormous pride
trying to cover it with the rags you just dug up
from the dirty corner of your mind
You said:
"what I know I don't say otherwise you would faint
you would stumble over good heart and fall into earthy drain
of humanity you cannot see through shattered dignity
let's make it then your opportunity"
So I am trying to follow you and what you do
swallowing bitterness all my sins I confess
hoping that would change it soon putting guilt in praying tune
and showing wrong image to them in the front of the spoon
but you called it ludicrous shouting "everything you've dreamed
long ago died but I'll be good and I'll ket you keep your will
it's my blessing on the bill of all the sins that you have filled
consider it merciful deal
signed and sealed"
the end


Submitted: October 01, 2013

© Copyright 2021 Kaja Withnail. All rights reserved.

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