If You Are Reading This I am Probably Dead
Short Story by: kaleab1
Reads: 889 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 3
I made the biggest mistake of my life on Nov 1. The hurricane hit and the jail was destroyed. I met a man on the side of the road and in this time of distress who knows he could be
needing help badly. So I, Let him come in my car. I turned the radio on and it say to beware of a serial killer on the loose. It gave the exact description of the man. The guy told me turn
the radio off now! He was a gloomy man. Didn’t even talk or ask me what my name was. The next thing I knew I woke up in the middle of a white room. Which I thought was heaven, but it couldn’t be.
VICTIM ONE.
The man went out of the car and walked to a nearby neighborhood. He knocked on 8792 Burman Rd. a house with a couple and there one toddler. Mrs. and Mr. Berry were both home. But, Mr. Berry
left just before this mystery serial killer came to their house. He knocked on the door and lied acting like he was in need of shelter desperately. She let him in, giving him the little amount of
food that they had too. She offered him to stay for the night. She should have not done that. Mrs. Berry’s daughter woke up from her nap. The man was watching TV in their living room. Mrs. Berry
had no idea what was coming her way. While, she was making dinner he came up behind her. VICTIM TWO.
Mr. Berry came home to find his wife on the floor dead. Their daughter was untouched and fine. Now, this mystery man is looking for trouble. An alert has been out, that if anybody especially
a man comes up to your door or asks for help NOT to talk to them. Well, that’s not what the next victim did.
The next victim was walking back from the only grocery store open because of the storm when she saw a man trying to get in his car. He said he had a
broken arm and he needed help getting in. He told her, which was Mrs. Dannie to start his car. She said “Oh Sure! Not a problem!” There was a problem. Once she went inside the car to start the
engine he came up to the open window. VICTIM THREE.
Now, Detective Hamer is on the case looking for this killer before he finds his next victim. But, this will be a very hard case to crack because of Hurricane Sandy. He looked through all the
serial killers that had been known to escape. There were only 4 on file, all the other files were lost. Well this was a problem for the Detective, but he was determined.
While Detective was looking through the 4 killers files he looked at why they were in jail. The four were Jonathan Smith, Grant Hamken, Louis Poredo and Kaden Byers. Mr. Smith went to jail
for strangling a person to death. Mr.Hamken forced his victim to death. Cause of death was not told. Mr.Poredo was a psychopathic and Mr.Byers was put in jail because of killing a 73 year old lady.
Cause of death not told. Detective Hamer came to the first conclusion that it was Mr. Smith because victim one was strangled to death because of a ring mark on the neck. So the journey begun to
find this killer. While looking for this killer, Detective saw a suspicious man walking the streets of the family friendly neighborhood. He went up to the man and asked him for his name. The man
said Mr. Berry. So, Mr.Hamer asked for ID. “Mr. Berry” got very shaky. When, he showed his ID it said John Berry. So, Mr.Hamer let him go because unless he has court order he can’t ask for any more
proof of being Mr. Berry. The man was let to go.
So, this man supposedly Mr. Berry went to another house and did his usual thing. He said that he needed help and he was sick. This next man was named Mr. Donald who answered the door. He was
found on the floor he would have lived if he didn’t bleed to death. But, the thing is that their toddler heard and saw him from up the stairs. VICTIM FOUR.
Now, Detective knew that someone very, very dangerous is out on the streets attacking innocent lives. This was a big problem now. All the family members were interviewed. None of
them had answers except the toddler. She had the description of the man and what he looked like. She said he had dark brown hair, brown eyes and that he was wearing a “scary” looking jacket.
Detective Hamer knew who it was. It was the man that he had saw walking in the neighborhood and in that neighborhood someone was killed. This case was finally fitting in the pieces. Now, he just
needed to find this man. He went out looking for this man. This case has finally made a turn.
THE NEXT THING THAT HAPPENS WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING.
Detective was out eating breakfast when he sees the man he has been looking for, for months! Detective threw his donut and put his hand on his gun. Right, when this man got out of his car and
saw Detective Hamer he went back in the car, stepped on the pedal, and drove backwards right into an oncoming lane. Chaos was going on cars crashing and Detective is trying to get him to stop. The
police come but this definitely doesn’t stop him! He goes into the right lane and unbelievably jumps out of his car and goes free falling from 45 feet to the ground! He survives the drop, but has
to crawl to get up. But, that means that this slows down the police. He hijacks a random person’s car and goes straight to highway to the sign that says New Jersey to Indianapolis. He’s off to
another state.
Detective Hamer has lost his mind. He doesn’t know where this criminal is heading for.
While, the Indianapolis Police Department was having lunch. Police Naker said he to head off to get papers from his office. While driving there he had a picture of all the “Dangerous &
Armed” from all the states. He saw one of them right in the back of his cruiser while he is driving. Mr.Naker doesn’t know what to do. He follows this man all the way to where he is going. He stops
into a motel room. Mr.Naker gets back up to come to the motel he was staying at. They all are ready to raid his room. But, this criminal sees the police coming up the stairs. He had nowhere to go.
He knew that his time in hiding was done. Before, they even come to his door he comes out puts his hands up and goes down to the floor. Mr.Naker arrests this criminal.
Court Appearance: This criminal’s name which was actually John Daniel was one of the escaped criminals that files were destroyed. Mr. Daniel confesses to all of
his charges. The Judge has ruled charged him with 4 counts of secondary murder, 4 counts of voluntary manslaughter, identity theft, and no reason of insanity. The jury had ruled out that he is
guilty for ALL charges. Judge now has to decide if it is life in prison without parole or the death sentence. After, 3 hours of deliberation it was decided he would get the death
sentence.
August 13, 2013- John is on death toll. Until, he is killed he will be put in jail. New Jersey now has one less killer on the streets that killed innocent lives. The family’s that had their
family members killed still mourns. But, remember because of ONE toddler and ONE heroic police cop the case was cracked, don’t forget Detective Hamer! KILLERS OUT THERE: N/A CAUGHT: 1
in New Jersey.
Submitted: February 03, 2013
© Copyright 2023 kaleab1. All rights reserved.
Comments
Matthew D. Hay (Tangible Word)
Loved this :D Amazing job at crafting such a brilliant poem :D I don't like to critique too much, since I tend to make the same mistakes often :D So, again, I have to say this was incredible, props to you (:
Sun, February 3rd, 2013 11:01pmFacebook Comments
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Spencer Nair
Not sure where to begin with this story. It has great potential and overall was a good story, but there were many things dragging it down. The main thing that made this story hard and even tiring to read was the punctuation. I'm not much of a "grammar nazi", but it is terribly frustrating to be reading a story and having random commons everywhere. Example: "He had nowhere to go. He knew that his time in hiding was done. Before, they even come to his door he comes out puts his hands up and goes down to the floor". This is just frustrating all around. The randomly misplaced common forces the reader to read the sentence with a pause after "before", completely ruining the sentence. The sentence should go "Before they even come to his door, he comes out, puts his hands up, and goes down to the floor". That sentence could still be worded better to flow through the mind more efficiently, but at least with the proper use of commons the reader's mind can stay on subject instead of thinking "wow, that common doesn't belong there!" Another part of this story that I felt needed work was the actual killings. This story isn't very long at all, so there is no need to try to keep it short. Instead of describing the way the serial killer killed his victims, which would of been exciting and fun to read, you simply set up the kill then said "VICTIM ONE". I suppose this could actually be widened to the simply general suggestion of using better descriptions. Talk about the weather to set up the night the killer is killing on, describe his victims more in depth, actually state how they die, talk about the safety precautions the killer uses so forensics doesn't bust him in 5 minutes, etc. Also relating to the same thing, I truly did not feel like I knew the characters at the end of the story. With short stories, you must take care to really describe and draw emotional ties your characters quickly, versus a novel in which you have 300 or so pages for your reader to connect to your characters. There's a lot more you could change that would make this story exceptionally good, but i'll leave it there. I liked the overall story, but you could improve it so much and make it a wonderful story. Keep it up!
Sun, February 3rd, 2013 9:20pm