How to Be a Couch Potato

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

You should always learn something...

 

First, forget. Forget about the 78 on your history exam, forget that text from your guy friend confessing his love to you; most importantly, forget the schoolwork. It is ok to neglect doing that PowerPoint presentation on Japanese media or that 10-page research paper on the levee system in New Orleans due this month – heck, ignore your geology homework that is due tomorrow. Who needs geology anyway? You are now entering the exciting world of true bliss, where nothing else matters, but your inner happiness.

 

Get yourself relaxed. Inhale 1, 2, 3. Exhale 3, 2, 1. Now that you are at ease and found a peaceful state of mind, choose the best place for your comfort needs. It is important to remember that you will be calling this place home for the next few hours, maybe even days (depending on how invested you are in this ‘activity’).

 

Your brother who has dropped out of college in pursuit of a modeling career at the Gap might be in your spot, but no worries you are strong. You want that spot. Think it loud and proud, and you shall have that spot. Your brother is not the smartest cookie, manipulate him Jedi style; ask him to show you his signature move he calls the “Silver Hippo.” As soon as he gets up, victory will be yours.

 

This place is going to be your home, why not add cushions, pillows, and blankets – a scented candle, perhaps. What better way to delve into the world of  “Jurassic Park” than to surround yourself with scents likes ‘Evergreen,’ ‘Plantation,’ and ‘Dragon Blood?’ After all, Television is meant to place its viewers on a journey.

 

Grrrrrrrrrrr. Your stomach is rumbling, grumbling, crying to be fed. You need something fast and quick, and most importantly something that will look good on your lap as you sink into your humble abode. You would want to first go to the refrigerator, thinking you would find just the thing that will satisfy. Wrong! Cabinets are your friends. That is where you will find the goods: potato chips, Ritz crackers, chocolate cookies, Honey Nut Cheerios, cheese puffs, peppermint candy canes, lollipops, and M & M’s.

 

Grab the remote. Thank the lord that Zenith Radio Corporation invented it. Be thankful that you do not have to get up to change channels. Watching television would then become an exercise, and who wants that?

 

The green light on the television flickers. Ryan Seacrest interviewing Tom Cruise about his new movie “Rock of Ages” appears onto the 46-inch wonder. While you like Seacrest and think he does his job with pizzazz, you will not waste your time on Cruise and quickly switch the channel to something classier – the Jersey Shore. Kick back and enjoy seeing a bunch of drunk Hollywood wannabees running down the street, yelling at trees – mistaking them as people, and sobbing cross legged on the cement sidewalks outside a local grocery store.

 

Commercial break.

 

An Excedrin commercials airs. The girl looks familiar, but you cannot figure out where you have seen her before. No worries. Whip out your iPad 2 and run a simple Google search. You discover that that girl is no other than Elizabeth Moss, aka Ms. Peggy Olson from Mad Men. Slap yourself. Feel dumb that you could not figure it out on your own.  

 

After two hours, nature calls. Do not under any circumstance get up. Pick up the jar that is by your side…You are overcome with relief. 

 


Submitted: May 02, 2012

© Copyright 2020 Kaleidoscope Heart. All rights reserved.

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