Chapter 1The night was cool, quiet and, full of mystery. As I sat on the bench. It was so quiet I could hear my heart crying as I waited on Rodney’s face to appear under the moon light. Getting a little impatient on waiting for, I got hungry. Moments later my stomach was growling loud, but for some reason I didn’t really care because that was not of importance to me right now. I could feel the tears and the tears and the fear waiting to over flow. How I wish I could go back in time, back to the night of February 10, 2008. But time is nothing to mess with, time waits on nobody. I had seen Rodney’s face appear under the bench light. To see the expression of love and care basically ripped my heart out on the seen. He walked over there and sat down. He looked at me in mystery like what was going on. I could kind of tell he was wondering why I called him to meet me at the park at mid-night when he had to be at work ay 1:30 and I was sitting here not saying anything at all. He huffed, so I swallowed my tears and tried my very best to stay calm.I took a deep breath and simply said ‘’ Hey baby””. He looked at me, leaned in quickly and kissed my cheek with relief as if he couldn’t wait to get the silence over with and replied with a ‘’hey baby’’ and wrapped his arm around my waist scooting a little closer to me to the point that there was no space in between us at all. He impatiently asked,’’ Where were you today at school?’’
And I started to smile through all I had been through today and all my depression that I was going through, I actually smiled. But I knew that I was going to have to hurry and tell him, hurry and get this off my chest. Some how, I had to get this out in the open. I could not stop swallowing, I could not figure out what the right words or how to say it. I had already thought about it and everything, this was going to mess up his life, mine too. But he has so much going for him, he is a great basket ball player and I and this Stupid baby do not need to barge in his life. He has a car, he has a good job, and the kind of grades that could get him a good scholar ship into Spellman or Georgia University which is where he dreams of going. And I, a future Cosmetologist, and a great family and hopes and dreams of not being what people see African American Women as being. And not as good as the white people, but even better. But not anymore, I just proved all of that hater, racists, and all the other people against what I am well were trying to be.Danyelle: Were you really?Rodney: Yea, why wouldn’t I be?Danyelle: No reason, I jus didn’t think you would be thinkin bout me that’s all.Rodney: Well you act like you don’t want me to.Danyelle: Naw, that’s not it. I do baby, I really do, so lets just drop it.Things got really intense and quiet. Rodney leaned in to kiss me, but I rejected it. I just couldn’t with all that’s going on. So he got the picture, he gently kissed me on my forehead then stood up. I grabbed him by the waist and quickly stood up in front of him to stop him from leaving with out hearing what all life changing news I had to tell him. He grabbed me and just stood there holding me. I felt so much better, I felt like everything was going to be okay again. I looked up in to his beautiful hazel brown eyes and gently whispered,’’I love you’’. Out of no where he in and gently kissed me, not just any kiss but one like never before. His lips slowly touched mine, I felt like my leg would pop up like in the fairy tails. A little disappointed, but after that special kiss I was a little weak in the knees, so we sat back down. He put his arm back around me then started to hold me tight. He kissed me on my neck then whispered,’’ Baby, what is it ?’’ That’s when all my worries came back, tears slowly tears started to rise and my eyes got real watery, after that I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. As I began to force the words out a knot had got in my throat. I slowly started to push the words out of my mouth and then it came out followed by tears, forgiveness and a lot of emotion. Danyelle: Baby, IM PREGNANT! I’m sorry. Baby, I’m so sorry….. I love you so much! I kno this going to ruin your future!.... Baby, I’m so sorry!... I love you, baby I’m sorry!.... If you leave me baby I understand. He was speechless, it’s like he was froze in time. He looked up at me, with his mouth opened wide and tears feeling in his eyes. Then he put his face hands, he wasn’t crying but he was thinkin, thinkin hard and good and it was what he was going to do with me, this baby, his career, and his dream. When I saw him doing this, it just got worst I started crying even harder my head fell into my hands. Through all of the crying, thinking, screaming and, bottled up emotions being let out I could hear nothing, nothing but my heart throbbing on what to do. I thought I was going to die, with all this heartache going on I thought my heart was going to give up just like I was about to.He lifted his head up very slowly, then looked at me sitting with my head buried in this dreadful state of mind. He gently stroked my back a couple of times before I got the confidence to sit up and look him in the eye. He looked so sad, like he had been ambushed by a gang of bloods or something. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, then he started to dial a number. I had no idea what on earth was going on.Feeling as if I had been abandoned or set off to the side, I gained the strength from somewhere to get up and when I did its like my body did not want to move at all. But I picked them up and drug myself. He noticed I was walking off; I had been wiping all the tears off my face and was trying to look like something on my way home. Until I felt his soft moisture like hand grab my arm and pull me back. I turned around and just stared at the ground as if I didn’t deserve to look him in the eye.Rodney: Where you going?Danyelle: Home, where I belong.Rodney: Why? We ain’t talked bout this or nun.Danyelle: Cuz you don’t want to. You picked up the phone and started calling somebody so I was fenna go home and jus do dis by myself like my momma did.Rodney: But you got me and you not gone do dis by yourself cuz you godda man for dat. And I was calling my job tellin dem I wasn’t comin tonite I a jus take wendsday.Slowly regrouping myself a smile spread across my red face and tears came to my puffy red eyes. You just don’t kno how good that felt to hear him say dat, I thought it would be so much worst. My voice started to get quivery.Danyelle: You don’t godda call out Imma go in a minute. But I godda kno Rod, you still love me after all dis?Rodney: Yea, jus cuz you pregnant don’t mean nun, you still my baby no matter what.
Danyelle: Rodney, I love you too. An I still wanna be with you. I mean I kno dis is a surprise an you have a lot goin for you an I don’t wonna be tha reason you godda throw it away. You got mad talent you could really be sum body. You know wat i mean you could have fame, fortune every thing you eva dreamed of……you could have it.Rodney: But i already got it......you, your are everything i wont..All I could do was stand dere struck with astonishment not being able to believe he still wanted me, not many do. Even in the darkness I could feel my face glowin with… I don’t even know wat to say at this point….its like I ran out of thoughts, I was glowing but I don’t what with….. it’s a feeling I can explain mixed with so much emotions even if I knew how to explain it I couldn’t tell you what it was called lets just say… I was very amazed. I could not believe he took it this well. And I took a step closer and instantly threw my arms around him. He looked down at me and I looked up into his eyes, from right then and there I knew this was real and that this is da dude I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He caressed my waist with his manly hands and held me tightly then kissed me on my neck. The way I could feel him breathe on my neck made me want to pass out. I laid my head on his chest and I instantly inhaled the ‘’fresh out he shower and axe’’ that filled my lungs. I almost hit the floor so thankful he was still mine and mine only. I closed my eyes dreaming of the day we would be grown and raising our family, him pursuing his dream, me having my own beauty shop and our child being happy living with both its parents pushing him to be the best he could. I loved it all, the tender heart warming hugs and everything, I never wanted it to be over, I didn’t even want him to go to work. I wanted him to hold me forever. It was all going so nice and slow until I was almost scared to death by the alarm on his phone. Telling him it was time to get ready. So I knew he had to go. Something inside me wanted to never leave, and I knew it was my heart. Danyelle: Call me.Rodney: okay. And Danny, I love you baby. Don’t forget it.Danyelle: i wont. I love you too. I quickly walked home. I ran my shower water, I made it extra hot to kind of punish myself for what I had done, I thought long and hard in there while I basically scrubbed off my skin. After I got out I put on my pajamas and started looking for my momma to tell her the bad news. But I received a text just in time from Rodney saying that we would do it together tomorrow. So I just went in my room got in the bed and thought. No sleeping! Too many things to think about. Until tomorrow. A new day…What I thought would be one of the most hardest and most complicated day in my life turned out ot be the worst. Not only was I pregnant at tha age of seventeen and my ma didn’t kno about it and I didn’t even know at I was goin to do at this point in my life since I wasn’t about to have an abortion. Out of all of that I had been lied to, deceived, used, thrown to tha side, played, wat ever you wanna call it was what happened to me. By tha person I thought loved me. By somebody I had put over my family an still risking all most every thing to be wit did all of that to me. It was a normal day I got up, did my daily routine and went to pick up my little sister from ha daddy house to find a note on the door that says:Hey, Danny we went to the movies to celebrate CI-CI’s report card before I go to work pick her up at 1:15. Here is my number to call me.683-2837 Terrell cellSo I went back to tha car to look on my phone an saw it was 12:48. So I stopped by da corner store to get me lemonade and get Ci-Ci a little debbi cake an a Hawaiian punch for getting A B honor roll. An was on my way to tha movies wen I thought an checked my phone to notice that I aint talk to Rodney since last night so I called to check on him an see how his morning was goin and check on our plans. no answer, so I hung up then I couldn’t stop thinking bout him so I texted him only to receive nuthin in return. So I pull up at tha movies at 1:02 so I walk in side and stand by the photo booth where two little white girls are in there taking picture laughing getting on my last nerves. Its 1:12 so I been here for bout ten minutes wen I hear this familiar voice. I turn around to see my ex best friend Candace huggin all over Rodney as thet walkin in to tha movies goin to da popcorn stand. Down through my spind tingles this unknown feeling like last night but this time it’s a total opposite of what I was feeling wen it was me that all ova Rodney but now its that hooker all ova him. There it was that mix of emotions, I kno now why he didn’t answer his phone I kno now why he couldn’t text me back. He coul.dnt text me bac with dat hood rat all ova him. He reaches to his right side to get his wallet and pay for da movie dat dey probably not gone watch at all. Right wen I was bout to run out Ci-Ci ran and hugged my leg, and Terell right behind her he gave me a hug then her a hug an left. Then I assume that he saw me out of da corner of his eye becuz he let go of her waist fast. He walked ova to us but before he could get all tha way I grabbed Ci-Ci’s hand and started to speed walk out of there wen he called my name but I didn’t turn around but Ci-Ci turned around and snatched away and started runnin his direction and I turned so fast an called her name but she screamed danny its Rodney still runnin his way, she ran right in to his arms and he picked her up and gave her a hug. Feeling as if I had been defeated at war I slowly walked over to him an got Ci-Ci an in told her to go to da car. She went to da car an was in ha goody bag afta dat an I looked at him shook my head an turned to walk away wen he grabbed my hand.Danyelle: Wat du u wont Rodney?!... I aint got nun to say to you an ya broad in dere waitin on you.Rodney: Baby you kno she aint nun to me!Danyelle: den y u at da movies wit her why iis she all ova you an yaw laughin havin a gud time wen im havin yo baby.Rodney: Well if you would listen you would kno. Listen, I was under a lot of stress an she called me lookin for my brotha an she asked me wat was wrong and I tol her and she ed well me at da movies an we can talk about an how she really wanted to see sex in the city. An I got caught up in tha moment, yak no she my ex I jus miss hangin wit ha das all. Baby I love you.Danyelle: if you needed to talk about it you could have talk to me! im your babymama now. And dont you think i need somebody to talk to too? Im pregnant! How long were you gonna be caught up in da moment until you went to far? You cant talk about shit in tha movies! No rodney das bull shit!Rodney: Danny please don’t du dis. Please don’t cuz I aint in da mood to hear dis you kno imam take care of my baby you kno I love you. so call me wen u aint trippin.Danyelle: Well I already tried an maybe I wouldn’t be trippin if I didn’t have so much on my mind like havin a baby or why my dude wit my ex friend at da movies but you cant return my calls or text me bac but I can pick up my 7 year old sister an see you hugged up wit da biggest hood rat in school dat been through just about every body in school. Iz dat wat you wont Rodney? You wont a hoe?On that note we both went our seperate ways. I thought it was over. Now i was really ready to give up ready to give this baby up thats when i made up my mind to give this baby up. Some thing in my heart was screaming for me not to give this baby up something was tearing the inside of my body up as i walked to the car telling me keep it.At the same time i was telling my self to to keep myself from knowing i was guilty, this is the same reason me and Rodney were not on speeking terms and the same reason me and my momma are not going to have a mother and daughter relationship anymore and the same reason i was never goig to have my own life none the less have my beautyshop like i wanted every since i was a kid. For the first time i actuallly thought about an abortion. What else was thewre to do? I had no plan on how to raise this baby and no help.I see im going to have to this byself. But i still love Rodney, i love him with all my heart i will never ever feel the way i feel with him with any one else. It hurts me to say this but, he is my true love, i dont know were we stand as of now, but i know this baby could be the only thing i have to keep us together. Should i givethis babyup? is all i can think about right now. This is not a over night decision but it is a decision that needs to be made quickly and with lots of thought. God please help me, is all i can say, I cant stop crying, What does the Lord think of me now? I have always put god first.What does he think of me now.I know now that i have made the biggest mistakee in my life.He knows it too, i can feel it.
Danyelle: No reason I jus had some stuff to handle, you know a few appointments.
Rodney: Well everything okay? Baby, you okay?
Danyelle: Yea, I just had check up kind of thing. But I’m good.
Rodney: Well you keno I a do anything for you but you know I got to work tonight so if we need to talk we need to speed things up.
Danyelle: And baby we do need to talk, but I missed you today. And so I really need to know. Do you really love me?
Rodney: More than you will ever know. Why? Mane what is it? What’s wrong wit u?
Danyelle: I was thinking about you a lot today. You jus would not get off my mind.
Rodney: I was thinking bout you too.
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