If only you had been a guy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
A first real lesbian experience, more about the feelings of everything being so new than graphic content. It's semi-based on a true story.

Submitted: January 25, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 25, 2008





That night we had been out dancing and drinking with another friends and she hadn't felt well so I followed her home.


I knew she didn't feel ill, I knew she wanted me to stay over. Just to be near, sharing a bed, just being comfortable, had been plenty for us ever since we got to know eachother 4 months ago, I saw no signs of tonight being any different.


On our way to her house was where everything changed. The world shook and we would never be the same again. For where I was, it was no big deal at first, tough drunk guys yell things all the time, I just don't pay attention, but this time they hit a sore spot with my sunshine. Still to this day I'm not sure what exactly they said, but I saw her face sadden, I knew she would not lighten up before the rest of the world was out of sight.


Got to her house. She was sad, I was doing my best at being supportive without being too nosy. After all she was my soulmate, not in a romantic way as I had joked about two weeks ago, but as someone who knew me without having to listen to my life's story.


And it went both ways, of course. There was nothing she could say that would change my feelings even slightly, but it was all related to us being just friends. Had I imagined doing stuff to her that made me blush? Of course. Had I thought about accidentally kissing her on the lips instead of on the cheek like we usually did,maybe even hold on to it for a while, to make sure we really didn't have any romantic feelings towards eachother, maybe get really into it and join together in a tounge swirling fashion? Well, which girl, or person for that matter, wouldn't? Okay, so I was smitten. Okay, so I wanted her to know it, and feel it.



What we knew about our past love life was that I had been with girls as well as boys and she had been the black sheep where she was from, hadn't dated even once. People must have been blind or stupid back there, this girl was like a dream.



Dreams do come true. We brushed our teeth together in the bathroom. There's something magical about that, it's just a normal thing, people everywhere brush their teeth, but you can't talk, just look eachother in the eyes through the mirror and try to communicate that way.


Communicating without words was no problem for us. I knew she needed comfort, that night more than ever before, so I stood behind her and put one hand on her shoulder. Her head leaned back, as a token of her appreciating my hand and me being there. My other hand left the toothbrush and wrapped itself around her, still from behind. She smelled so good I could have stayed there forever. They say you fall in love with the natural aromas a person possess, but that it could be sensed after a night out, where people had been smoking, could that be so? She put her hand on my arm that was wrapped around her. I didn't know what to do. That was a perfect moment right there, if either of us moved it would be gone.

After what seemed, and most likely also was, like a few seconds we left out toothbrushes in the sink, took eachothers hands and went out of the bathroom.


Gently let her go once we entered the bedroom, she went to change by her wardrobe and I slipped out of my jeans and sweater.

I wondered if she was shaking too but was too shy to look her way. Instead I crawled down under the covers in her bed, the bed made for one we had shared so many times before and the furthest we had ever gone was to by accident, touch eachothers arms while sleeping, or faking sleep in my case. I know I just put a stop to denying all my feelings, this was it.


She looked like an angel when she returned to me, and the closer she got, the more lovely she appeared. The switch was flipped, it got dark, and I felt the warmth of her skin right next to me, almost touching but not quite. All I could hear was our breaths, and I wondered if she could tell mine got faster as I thought about possible turn of events to take from there. Clearly she had to. Or was she asleep already? Her breath was slow.


I lay myself closer, until I felt her face against mine. A tear was strolling down her face. I used my cheek to wipe it off. My mouth was so close to her,

I wondered how far I could push it without ruining our moment before, or this the new moment I could call the best in my young life so far.


"You know I think you're beautiful, right?", I said, my mouth barely an inch from hers.

"Oh, if only you had been a guy...", was her response. It hurt, but her being told me what she really meant, when her words couldn't.

Her breath on my cheek made me want her. I took the plunge. With my eyes still closed, my lips kissed the corner of her mouth, I felt her tilt her head and drew me closer. I stroke her perfect hair as my lips searched for hers. We were like two creatures, blind all our lives, right up until this moment. We blended in a stir of emotions, with our tongues as compasses.


It could never stop, and I knew it wouldn't. When I pulled away from her for a second, I opened my eyes and the intensity of her whole being was almost religious. Was this love? We needed to find out, so I grabbed her to get her close to me to continue exploring.


Her hand om my thigh was slowly moving further and further as the kissing got more intense. This girl, my everything, was bolder than I had expected. I liked it. With my hand on hers, I let her know it was more than fine to not prolong the unstoppable suspense but fight our shyness and find out what's to gain.

I woke up first, I always did. She looked calm and safe, and I knew I would always care for her even though we could never share a life together. If only I had been a guy. Or she hadn't been so judgemental towards her own feelings.

If only you had been a guy.

Then.. then what? I disagreed with her, I had no interest in genetically being a male. Ew, the thought disgusts me even now. Still, everything she did was perfect, everything she said had to be interpreted and noone could do so but me. We were special.

© Copyright 2018 karenwalker81. All rights reserved.

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