Who knew waiting this long could be so hard?
Funny to believe its already been 80 days... I was always told when I was a little girl, I've always been so stubborn to let go of the things I loved. The fearful thought of 'What if they decide they rather be without me?' seen to many people come and go in my life. Its easy to be stubborn and wanting to hold onto the things I loved when I sacrifice everything I had to make others happy. Yet, no one knew this little girl without recognition did everything in her power to create those moments for others; thoughs moments where they could look back at and smile with pure joy. Bet no one knows the things that had to be sacrified to create moments like that for others. Alot of pain, that I can tell you. Sometimes I want to be bitter at the fact that others are enjoing the things I long for, the moments I wish someone would help create for me; but then I remind myslef that its all worth it. Seeing them smile and be in love. Its all worth it...
Although this part of my life isn't so peachy, I dont mind it now. Before I learned what I've learned at this point, I was so bitter and hurt. The pain inside killed me, over and over every single day. Was so easy to blame God for everything that was happening. I knew when I messed up there would be consequences but didn't really understand what was to come until that day came and...the one thing I love the most had to be blocked off from me. The pain still creeeps back every now and then when I have time to meditate. That unbearable memory of that day, it tries to haunt me when it can. Oh that day, when we both knew it was going to be the last time he will hold me in his arms, will be able to say my name, tell me he loves me, and for the most part the last time he would acknowledge me. Repeatedly reminding me that no matter how long it takes, wait. Wait and he promises once he comes back he'll never let me go a day without him.
Now, knowing what I've learned so far and going though many other Mountains (hardships) that I realized; I can't stress about the things that are beyond my control. I have to have faith that one day all the pain and sorrow will be over. Yes, there will be other struggles but none like this ever again. The most challenging aspect I've learned so far is, learning how to wait. To rest on the fact that its all going to be okay, not to worry about tomorrow when you can do your best and live for today. Having faith that tomorrow will be better and knowing that everyday is a new day; its another chance to change and become the person you want to be. Its NEVER to late no matter how many people tell you it is. Its not, so don't buy in to that thought.
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