I don’t want to limit myself.
I have to remind myself that deep, down, in my core, there lives vibrancy.
Colorfully, decorated, vibrancy.
I can get excited, cry, scream, shout, but all of it is part of the spectrum that is me.
I’ll come back to myself always.
Your kiss, your touch, it’s just a stroke of blush I wear to enhance the face that everyone sees.
The beauty, the joy, it will come find me again.
It always does.
Inner battles within myself will be fought and defeated.
I’ll flee from the pain that is within me.
Soar, hear me roar through the halls.
I want you to hear this, see this, but if you do, it all goes back to you.
I just want you to know I’m okay, better than before.
Time without you has been a blessing and a curse.
I’m more afraid to get hurt than I ever was, when attempting to be with you.
Why does everything always have to be about you?
You. You. You.
You’re not even that great.
You kick a ball around.
Made me smile once or twice.
Soft lips, the crusty face should cancel it all out, but you’re normal.
I wanted to be part of that.
But I’m not, you see?
Everyone in awe.
“What are they doing?”
They’d ask one another in surprise.
“She’s pretty, but have you heard the girl talk?”
“He’s a total jock.”
A joke, this has to be a complete joke.
Withered away, alas, finally no one cares.
The moment is gone.
Then, why do I feel like I’m still here?
I hate you.
Yet, the problem of the matter is, I don’t.
I miss you.
What else could it be?
If I was happy, I’d move on and be free.
“Just like me?”
You ask inside the walls of my brain.
I use to be so big.
I felt like I had it all.
My pride, taking it all in with each stride.
Then came you.
Blasted into my life, what’s a girl to do?
I knew what you could be.
The hearts you eat.
Yet, I crawled into your arms for warmth.
Let my head rest on your shoulder, on the ride home, your home.
You brought me to your bed.
My emotions fled.
I grew stiff, this always happens.
You always happen.
Entering me slowly, and freely.
Feeding off me.
Get off me!
I want myself back.
Take the glass of venom, and drink.
Drink for me.
Never saying please.
You just took.
Please let me go.
Pure and innocent, that’s what I’ll be.
I’ll wait around for a guy to actually cherish me.
Scars on my body, they haven’t faded.
I feel jaded.
Numb from everyone.
Just take my hand, enter my world of hurt and destruction.
The junction of collided thoughts, wrapped up in a box, filled to the brim of broken promises.
Someday, I’ll be with him again.
To begin, to refresh, leaving past sin behind.
No man will enter, no man will leave.
I’ll have him, an epic win.
My father, my keeper.
No touching, no blushing.
Pure, innocent, bliss.
Something I’ve missed.
Sleeping in, being close without the confusion of boy.
I’ll muse over my past, and laugh.
Dreaming gets you nowhere.
Actions speak louder than words, so, I’ve heard.
Everything will fall into place, if I just let it.
Bathe in it, sleep, drink, eat, in it.
My planet of bliss.
Who am I kidding?
I dream for pure kicks.
© Copyright 2016 Kathleen Megquier. All rights reserved.
Book / Young Adult
Book / Literary Fiction
Book / Literary Fiction
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