Trapped by all that kept me so completely indulged in you.
Tantalized by your touch, look, expression of notice.
I want to find a darker place, to be unhappy not by the cause of your longed memory, but the bleakness, the numbness, all that keeps you so wrapped together, crystallized, poised in your attractive tower, with that attractive face.
Myself alone shows such remorse for the previous me, I took advantage of all that newness, with impurity.
Now we’re here, tainted in both of our own individual messes.
Never aligned, but we still kiss.
The feel of your lips will always feel good conjoined with mine.
I’ll never not enjoy, take relish in that time.
Some days I fantasize what it’d be like for I to be only yours.
No more vacant gawks from the girls that do themselves up right just for your lore.
I want to keep all that encases itself within your brain, surprises of intellect, stories of intrigue, you’ll forever captivate me.
I know you’re bad for me.
Incapable to truly care, whether I bleed out on the streets, or fall down a flight of stairs.
We’ll share our bodies, bread at whatever table we find ourselves at, but never the minds that separate us.
I only play make believe with all that I use to know of and feel for you.
I don’t really know you.
Your body is the perfect sculpture, the container I want to put all this imagery of lovesick, fairy tale, girlish dreams into.
Yet, when I’m with you, I feel so connected, so strong willed, to show you that I’m not apart of the masses, nor do I intend to share my bed with the ill minded.
I only want you.
I’m not certain why, but the heart and mind can’t yearn for such things without probable reason.
Forgive me, if this causes treason between my previous self.
She’s long gone, has long left.
I’m only yours for the taking, yet I have these deadly visions of you just simply stepping over my open heart, my chest, a fatal collapse I should inevitably have on the stone steps.
You’ll never belong to me.
© Copyright 2016 Kathleen Megquier. All rights reserved.
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