I was your jewel, your prize.
Now you've left me in bitter, sweet, demise.
I'm happy you're gone, happy I have my thoughts returned to me, but you see...
Where does that leave me?
I'm more damaged than before, more lost, more sore.
I don't miss you, just the illusion you led, the truth you fled from, ran from.
While the chase was going on...
You left me with the lies.
Deceiving eyes that look back at me when we were done.
Tears trickle down my cheek, eyes swell with shame.
I'm not sure if you know what it's like to be tricked, kicked to the curb when you become aware that you've been hurt, violated even.
I don't know, I don't know you, only the person I wanted, the person I let inside...
Only to remove his mask when he arrived.
Boys will be boys.
I'm still waiting, anticipating for that moment.
It's inevitable, that need, that want to be wanted, and not to be falsely desired.
It's stained, your true colors surface.
Not bright reds, greens, and blues.
Only dull, browns, and shades of grays.
Disappointment washes over me, I drown in it, wallow in it.
Unfaithful creatures crawling, nesting, inside me, till they take flight.
A new place to retreat to...
I look in the mirror, the scars are not there.
I am bare.
Then why do I feel so beaten and battered?
I was Alice, you invited me in for tea.
Just so you could ask me to leave, but I won't, I can't.
Not until you give me the key, or at least a hole to crawl out of, a window to jump out of, a sky to fall out of.
Anything to escape the past...
It haunts me like the unsatisfactory feeling the dead carry from time to time.
Mourning the feeling you use to give me.
It's time to go...
Push you behind the red, velvet, curtains.
Dim the stage lights.
Into color again.
Pull off the dress, flee from black and white, walk out of the kitchen we use to share kisses in.
Become naked, all revealed, reborn, find solis in the trees, cover my bare skin with leaves.
Happiness has revived me.
I've entered it's realm.
Go down to the river to clean off my skin, he's off me now, off my mind.
His fangs no longer teething into my brain.
I'm no longer insane.
© Copyright 2016 Kathleen Megquier. All rights reserved.
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