Alone. How many words are there to define this feeling? Motivation escapes me, only minimum of a few things elate me. I wish I could just runaway from me. I want to cut off all my golden hair, scrap off patches of tainted skin, and only then, people would be able to see the real me. If my physical appearance could be unraveled from the start then maybe, there wouldn't be so much future conflict, future deceit. Everything would be transparent and clear, I wouldn't have to cry or drown in bitter demise. Here I go again...why is this pain so visible? So near to me. I can't steer myself outta this thought process. He'll come back. No he won't. You'll find someone new. Like who? I'm sick and tried of being this worn down, old, shrew. There is nothing else to hide with, I'm out in the open, feelings noticeable as daylight. I want to fly away. I have no support here, no one cares if I'm suffering in this dark room, alone, and breaking. My arms are unhooking, what will I use to hold on tight to myself with? I'll blow away, or worse, decay slowly and willingly, because what's there to live for?
I have no means to, people have no means for me to as well. Just as well, I'm better off ten feet, buried in the ground anyway, I can't function, I cannot play. I'm unhappy this way, can't anyone hear my pleas? Save me, or at least do us all the favor and end me. Finally, I'm away from pain, away from illusion, and the confusion. I'm something reborn, purified at it's finest. I'm the finest, don't you see? The earth has finally released me. I can now have wings, and take flight to any damn well, place I choose. Never to loose again, because all failure is underneath me, has escaped me, now envies me, because I am now rid of it and free from it.
Mother never cared to listen, relatives only watching from afar, never really knowing or showing what pain has done to them, the easiest way is to shun them, all of them. I've given up, life's too rough, I'm fragile in all it's lies. They poke and prod my thoughts till I'm forced to bleed out. I wish you all understood my cries, affection is what I craved, but Mother never failed to cave, she wanted me to be better, smarter than I ever wanted to be. I guess, I never wanted anything out of this life, and if I did, it was only to subside the missing part of me that truly never wanted anything at all. Tall and strong, that's what you all will be without me. I've finally ended my silent sickness, and with some luck, maybe, I'll be able to see him again. My father. Oh, how you've haunted my soul, I want to end it with you.
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