Friday the Thirteenth

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

As there are so many horrible things about the world right now, I decided to share this story despite it not being close to Valentine’s Day or a Friday the 13th. It is completely true and although it happened over a decade ago, it still makes me laugh like a maniac every time I think about it. Hope it brings a smile if you need one!

Side note, I feel the need to add here that the protagonist of this tale, Wes, was very much a class clown who liked to be dramatic for attention and was not actually very distressed or worried over it being Friday the Thirteenth. Once he recovered from the initial surprise of this incident (it was legitimately startling), he immediately began reenacting the event to anyone who would listen, giggling with glee as he did so.

When I was in third grade (eight, almost nine years old), Valentine’s Day fell on a Saturday, which necessitated that my class’s Valentine’s Day party occur on the preceding Friday—Friday, February 13th, to be exact. Most of my classmates, myself included, were too distracted by the whole “party!!! candy!!! eww, cooties!!! SUGAR!!!” aspect of the day to take much notice of the foreboding date, but one boy, whose name was Wes, was extremely concerned.

“I can’t believe we have to come to school on Friday the Thirteenth!” he wailed, as our teacher and a handful of parent volunteers began to hang decorations and set up our classroom for the party. It was nearly two o’clock, almost time for the festivities to begin, but Wes stubbornly refused to join in the excited chatter that had swept through most of the room. “Don’t they know that’s just asking for trouble, making us come? It’s the unluckiest day of the whole entire year!”

“I don’t think it’s so unlucky,” I told him, though I was more interested in the plate of strawberry-frosted cookies being set out on a nearby table than his petulant complaints. He’d spoken of little besides our impending doom the entire day, and frankly, I was unimpressed by the lack of catastrophe that had occurred thus far. “Nothing’s even happened yet, and anyways, we’re going home in an hour—”

“It is so unlucky!” Perhaps the sugary fumes from the candy and treats that filled the room were getting to him, for Wes became more and more agitated, wobbling up and down and left and right in his chair like a malfunctioning bobblehead doll. “It’s Friday the Thirteenth! How can you not be worried about Friday the Thirteenth? Everything goes wrong on Friday the Thirteenth!”

For emphasis, he flung his arms outward, as if to expel any invisible demons that might be lurking nearby. What he actually expelled were a dozen pencils from the cup they were sitting in, as his enthusiastic gesture sent the jar flying off the edge of his desk and across the classroom. Pencils rolled in every direction, their orange paint bright against the dark green carpet. Wes stared at the disaster for a moment, then let out a groan.

“You see?” he whined, shoving back his chair as he knelt to pick them up. “I told you this day is unlucky! It’s cursed, I say, cursed—”

“It is not,” I said impatiently, rolling my eyes. By now, the party was almost set up, and the sweet scent of the delicious holiday treats was making my mouth water. Just a few minutes longer! our teacher was telling the class, as he and a parent volunteer tacked a glittery, heart-studded banner to the wall. Once the party started and we were free to leave our seats, I had every intention of ditching Wes for less doomsday-obsessed company. “Knocking over the pencils wasn’t unlucky. It was just clumsy.”

“Clumsy?” Wes sat up straight, looking indignant. “Clumsy? I am never clumsy! I’m the un-clumsiest person there is. Don’t you see what’s happening? It’s Friday the Thirteenth! It’s messing up everything! The pencils are just the beginning, you’ll see. What’s next? Aliens? Monsters? Flying monkeys?

It was at that moment that it happened—the kind of coincidence which usually occurs only in the most contrived of romantic comedies. The classroom door opened and a parent volunteer ducked through, bringing with her the last of the decorations for our party: a Valentine’s Day poster, a stack of valentines for each of the children in my class, and a cluster of balloons. Most of them were regular latex balloons, round and colored neon pink or red. But one was a mylar balloon, shiny and shaped and painted to look like a monkey.

A monkey dressed as Cupid.

With a bow, arrows, and yes—

Wings.

No sooner had Wes’s inquiry as to whether flighted primates might soon appear to usher in the apocalypse left his mouth, did he turn around to see the volunteer step into the classroom, and he came face-to-face with the beast from his nightmares. The pencils dropped from his hand. The blood drained from his face. Wes uttered a scream so bloodcurdling it brought the teacher running for fear someone had been grievously injured. What he found—Wes, babbling about flying monkeys, and me, the quietest student in the class, on the floor howling with giggles—did little to ease his concern.

“What happened?” he demanded, but Wes and I were too far gone to answer. All I got out was—

“It’s—it’s a flying monkey!”

“Please get back in your seats,” sighed the teacher, probably thinking (not for the first time) that he did not get paid enough to deal with a few dozen sugared-up eight-year-olds. But for once, I was having too much fun to be bothered by an instructor’s disapproval. I have never laughed so hard in the years that have followed this incident, and to be perfectly honest, I doubt I ever will.


Submitted: June 13, 2020

© Copyright 2021 KathrynAcacia. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Sue Harris

What a delightful story this is and so well written. Poor Wes, with his Friday the 13th paranoia and his absolute belief that something dreadful was about to happen... the spilling of the pencils an omen of worse to come, and his rambling predictions of doom including flighted primates.. what unbelievably good timing when he suddenly came face to face with his worst nightmare. I can just imagine the chaos that descended, Wes howling like a banshee in terror accompanied by your howls of hysterical laughter... perhaps he was right about Friday the 13th after all, it was certainly eventful and memorable! So enjoyed this, thanks for sharing it, and yes, it did lift my mood and was a much needed distraction from the gloom and doom that is every day life right now.

Sun, June 14th, 2020 6:59pm

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Thank you so much for reading, I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun remembering it and writing it down, it's one of my favorite stories. Such a crazy coincidence, but it makes for a good tale. Thanks for giving this a read!

Sun, June 14th, 2020 1:59pm

Sharief Hendricks

If ever there was a better case of perfect , or in Wes case worst timing ever ...hilarious..

I can picture the trimmings and balloons and confused looks as Wes screamed and scampered and you rolling on the floor...a teachers worst nightmare indeed on a Friday 13th...hahahaha

Loved it Kathryn !!

Mon, July 13th, 2020 10:32am

Author
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Our class was certainly wild, I do pity our poor teacher.
Thanks so much for reading!

Mon, July 13th, 2020 12:52pm

smircle

I love when things like that happen xD It reminds me of the time when I asked someone a favour in the lab and he responded "I'll do it when pigs fly", and then a few minutes later, the lecturer was throwing a pig's head across the room, and we just looked at each other like "do you have to do it now or .. ?" (I should clarify I study vet medicine, so random animal parts being thrown around isn't as weird as it sounds :P) Anyway, really liked your story, made me laugh :)

Thu, September 10th, 2020 5:58pm

Author
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Your comment made me laugh out loud! My roommate has to dissect a piglet later this week for her online physiology class...I would suggest she use it to make this kind of pun, but considering she'll be performing the dissection in our kitchen, maybe not. Thank you so much for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

Thu, September 10th, 2020 11:23am

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