Childhood Bloodsucking

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a story about myself as a kid. A twisted, demented, but altogether amusing kid. Hopefully you enjoy!

Submitted: July 08, 2010

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Submitted: July 08, 2010



“No really. I’m a vampire.”


I delivered this line with grave seriousness: a mixed countenance of both absolute certainty and nonchalance. It’s easy to affect such an expression while sitting in an octagonal alcove of an enormous plastic play structure.  A beguiling mixture of urine and sweaty feet clung to the air. In spite of the atmosphere, I was unswervingly excited. I had just revealed a secret truth, a fantastic side of myself which I hoped would drop her jaw to the sticky floor. Instead, she pretended that she too was a stalker of the night.

She already told me her name. Selena. (So alright, it was a pretty legit vampire name, I’ll give you that.)


Selena leaned in close to me, until I could almost count the freckles on her nose, and looked at me hesistantly.


“Me too,” she whispered.



The shiny red walls began to spin. No…no this girl is a liar. She’s a fake, I thought furiously. How dare she impersonate another of my kind?


I quickly devised a strategy to reveal her treachery. After all, there was only room for one vamp at this YMCA camp.


Once lunchtime rolled around, I pounced on the opportunity to prove myself superior to the imposter. I unzipped my un-cool, un-decorated (and piss yellow) lunchbox and pulled out my drink. I ordinarily would have pinned for the Pepsi-cola’s and Sprites in everyone else’s lunches.

But today I snatched the plastic vessel of liquid that pretended to be Kool-Aid, and I ripped into the pouch.


The red, sickeningly sweet liquid cascaded from the torn package, so, I dramatically held it above my head. I gasped and sucked and drank whatever amount of juice didn’t stick to my face and hair. I looked at the Selena girl with a more than slightly crazed smile, and said,


“Mmmmm! Blood!”


The lines rang with all of the sincerity and panache of a hunger-stricken car salesman; my evil, malice filled little heart swelled with the joy of making her feel less cool than me. Never mind the copious amount of juice all over me.


Her eyes fell momentarily, but I saw gears beginning to turn in her head. Acting fast, she grabbed her can of Wild-Cherry Pepsi and took a hearty gulp. Then she said excitedly,

“Mmmmm! Poop!”


She smiled a slightly deranged, gap-tooth grin and sauntered off with a misplaced sense of equality. I wanted to throw something at her. I could just suck her blood in a dark corner of the gymnasium, I thought…


But I just hissed and barred my fangs at her instead.


Later, back in our octagonal clubhouse of secrecy, I tried a more diplomatic approach.


“Look Selena,” I began with an appropriately pompous tone. “You’re not fooling anyone, so just give up this act. Cause I actually am a vampire.”


She rolled her muddy brown eyes at me. The cretin.


“Yeah…well so am I,” she said matter-of-factly. She chomped on her gum defiantly.


“Fine,” I sighed in exasperation. I threw up my hands to emphasize my superiority and frustration.


Then she smiled so smugly at herself that I couldn’t allow to think that she won. So I said something that wiped the smile right off her face. I savored my next words, reveling in my own cleverness.


“Oh that’s cool, Selena,” I said emphasizing her name like a foul word. “Cause I’m not actually a vampire.”


Malicious, spiteful, elfish delight coursed through my child’s frame. I grinned, ever so slightly.


“I’m a mermaid.” 

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