For most of my trip to France I had been looking forward to the boat ride on the Seine. Unfortunately, about 12 seconds into the speaker’s monologue I realized something. This was the most protractedly boring experience of my life. Through sheer force of will I managed to keep my eyes open. I noticed several of my friends were not as successful. Marcel was literally drooling on the Japanese tourist next to him. As the purgatorial monotone continued to drift from the speakers, I lost consciousness more often. (If you’ve seen the commercials for Diet Pepsi Maxx, you have an accurate picture of what I looked like.) After blacking out for the countless time, I felt something hard smash into my face. My forehead made an obscenely loud clank as it hit the metal armrest next to me. I was so dazed that it took me a fairly long time to realize what the hell even happened. When I did, I began looking around me like an idiot. Luckily, my fellow travelers were safely asleep. No one saw that…
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