My little bubble of trouble.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I hate to sound vain, but I'm one of those skinny blonde girls that guys love and girls hate. I'm one of those girls that'll kiss your boyfriend and his best friend and maybe his brother all in the same night. I'm one of those girls that seems dead inside.

Submitted: October 28, 2013

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Submitted: October 28, 2013

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You see those girls, the ones who kiss everyone and like no one? They’ll giggle at your lame jokes and smile at your pick-up lines, they’ll compliment your arms or your abs or your hair and they’ll let you kiss them all night long. They’ll let you buy them drinks and give them smokes and then they’ll give you their number and stumble off into a taxi, never to be seen again.

I’m one of those girls.

And I’m here to tell you that it’s not that I don’t like you. It’s that I don’t like myself anymore. I can’t stand letting any of you hopelessly charming boys inside my little bubble of trouble because I can’t bear for anyone else to have to cope with all my mistakes.

I had a boyfriend for a few years. And at least once a week I would wake up with a throbbing head, a spinning room and him yelling at me for whatever I had drunkenly, stupidly done.

We broke up eventually and it killed me. I had hurt him so much. I had let someone into the bubble and they had had to deal with all my mayhem. It killed me.

It’s been over a year since he left. Now, I take different people for different things. I have one boy to sleep with, though I barely ever talk to him, or kiss him for that matter. Then I have my male friends, who take turns looking after me so they never have to do it too often. I have some girl friends, with whom I go shopping and talk about sex. And then I have everyone else, whom I will kiss and flirt with for all of ten minutes before I decide I want to kiss and flirt with someone else, and so on.

I have to say, this seems to be working for me. Nobody gets too hurt by me. I get to have plenty of sex, but only with one boy so it’s not too dangerous, and I can flirt with whomever I please.

But I miss having a boyfriend. I miss having someone to text in the morning and talk to all the time about everything. I miss having someone to kiss me and fuck me and talk to me and cuddle me. I miss having someone to share life with, and I miss having someone who’s mine.

But I can’t deal with hurting anyone like that again. So I’m going to stick to my ways of flirtation and separation. I’m going to continue to fuck a guy that doesn’t give a shit about me and stay far away from anyone who does.

Maybe some day I’ll change. Maybe I’ll stop drinking, stop smoking, start covering my arse and tits and stop causing trouble. Maybe one day I’ll pop my little bubble of trouble. Just not today.

 


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