I know we haven't spoken for a while, and it's actually painful, just the thought of you gone. But it's the truth, it's the reality. You left me with the false hope that you would come back. All that hope has now changed to sorrow over the past nine months. I mean, excuse my Disney Musical quote, but you're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing. Now, I know I've never heard your voice before, but I hear it, in my head. The words only seen when we first met 'you shouldn't fall in love with me'. With those words you left me hanging, over the edge. I was about to fall in love, helplessly. When I did you caught me, and that's why I sing. That one song we would send each other lyrics to, back and forth: A Thousand Years. You're probably wondering how I still remember. Well, I'll tell you, I won't forget; it will probably take me a thousand years to forget, as I'm brought to tears every time I hear it. I sing that song to the fullest, in memory of you, even though I don't sing it often. I fully resent music and stories that always have happy endings. Our ending wasn't happy, so why should I enjoy seeing other people end happily? You, you died young, too young. It was a sharp knife that ended your short life, or maybe even a razor? Either way, old friend, that doesn't mean you didn't die. Either way, your soul has forever let. Your body might still be walking, even though I'm not completely sure it is, but your mind certainly has left us.
I guess I should stop blaming you and get on with the truth. It's my fault, completely my fault. I fell in love with a wonderful man, and I left him. I didn't want to leave you, but things in life changed. If I were there, would I have changed your mind? I probably would have. I wouldn't be here in my empty room feeling so alone and empty, as you would be with me. I gave you half of my heart, all the right pieces, and in exchange you gave me half of yours, all of the right pieces from you as well. When you left, the pieces disintegrated, leaving airy holes in my heart, making it seem complex. Now, the question I ask before ever letting those holes be replaced is, is it so wrong? Is it so wrong to be in love? I feel like now I'm just a pawn in its game, and it makes me so tired. It makes all of this feel too real. I now feel as if I've lost my love, but love is not lost, as sometimes I think of you. Even though you're gone, you can still make me smile, and you've enabled tears to flow down my face and realize how humanly inhuman you've made me.
Your Dearest Love,
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