A Collision of Hearts.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's a short story, originally written for school, about a girl who discovers she's bi-sexual and is terrified. Not only that, but, she's also very attracted to a girl named Katra. It's not a very long story, and was kind of half-assed. So, I can tell you right now it's not the best.

Submitted: May 18, 2008

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Submitted: May 18, 2008

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Normal.

What is "normal"? Nobody knows for sure. The exact definition is conforming to the standard, or the common type. Regular. Usual. Average. Natural? I wouldn't go that far. To be natural is to be yourself. And, by society's rules, to be yourself isn't normal. So many of us change ourselves, so we can fit in. So we can be "normal". But, in reality, nobody is normal. We're all different. We all have our little quirks. Normal doesn't exist. It has no meaning. And yet, it still takes over us. Making us want to be it. Our biggest obstacle in life, is to overcome that want, that need, to be normal. If you can overcome that, you can overcome anything.

My name is Lilith, And I once wanted to be normal.

 

April 23, 2008. Dark Valley.

 

"Earth to Lilith. You alive in there?" I jump a bit and look at Remy, blinking a couple times before breaking out into a smile, chuckling. "Hey, sorry. Guess I zoned a bit. What's up?" "You tell me. I've been talking to you for the past 15 minutes and something tells me you haven't heard a word I've said. Two guesses as to what you were thinking about. Or should I say who?" He grins, watching me. I feel my cheeks heat and can just imagine how red they are, knowing he's refering to Doyle, the one guy I've had a crush on for 4 years. "I can't help it. He's always there. It's like he's moved in with my brain, and won't be evicted. Bastard doesn't even pay rent." I feign a pout, then laugh and lean forward, wrapping my arms around my best friend. "I'm sorry I wasn't listening. I'm the worst friend ever and should be punished." I wiggle my eyebrows at him, grinning as he bursts out laughing like I knew he would. I pull away from him and lift my hand, checking the digital watch on my wrist, then cursing softly. "We're 20 minutes late. Tom is gunna be pissed." I quickly gather up my lunch stuff, walking over to the garbage can and dropping it in, then turning and taking my bag from Remy as he comes up behind me. We take off at a run, effortlessly weaving through the crowds of people in the city mall. We burst through the mall doors and sprint across the parking lot, both of us laughing as we run around the parked cars. I turn my head to look back at Remy, grinning as he starts to lag behind, then gasp as I collide into someone, both of us falling to the ground. I curse softly and sit up, looking over at who I ran into, frowning. "I am so sorry. Are you alright?" I wait for her reply, my heart beating rapidly as she stays quiet, just laying there. I shift to my knees and lean over the unconcious woman, biting my lip as I reach forward and lay my hand on her neck, searching for a pulse. Can you die from running into someone? I prayed that you couldn't as I kept searching, then let out a sigh of relief as I feel it, steady and strong. "Is she dead?" I squeek and whip around, glaring at Remy as he laughs at my reaction. "No, she's alive." I turn back to the woman and move closer, gently lifting her head and laying it in my lap. I stare down at her, a weird fluttery feeling happening in my chest. "I think we should get help. Check her purse for a phone and her wallet, see what her name is." I continue to stare at the girl infront of me, lightly petting her pretty brown hair, barely aware of Remy as he moves to obey my request. I find myself wondering what color her eyes are, wondering what her voice sounds like. Wanting to know everything about her.

Later on that night, I lay on my bed, trying to concentrate on my homework, and not on Katra. After reading the same page of my text book for about the fifteenth time, and still not knowing what it says, I give up. With an exasperated sigh, I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling, trying to sort out my mixed feelings.

What's happening to me? This is so weird.. "....Okay?" I blink and look up, realizing that Remy was talking to me. "Huh?" He frowns and looks at me, closing the girl's purse, her wallet and cell phone in his hand. "Are you okay? You're acting weird." I nod absently, looking down as I feel the girl's head move in my lap. I watch her face, breathing another sigh of relief as her eyes open, then quickly start speaking as I see fear fill her startlingly blue eyes. "Hey, It's okay. I'm Lilith, this is Remy. You and I had a little accident. Remy got your phone and is calling for help. I hope that's alright." I watch as her full lips shift into a frown, her head bobbing up and down in a nod. I smile and smooth her hair off of her face, staring into her eyes. "Can you speak? What's your name?" I see her face twist up in confusion, as if she can't remember, then she opens her mouth to speak, her voice coming out raspy. "..Katra." I nod and reach behind me, grabbing my bag and opening it, pulling out a bottle of water and a straw. I reluctantly move my hand off of Katra's hair and open the bottle, sticking the straw in and holding the end to her lips. "Just a small sip." I hold the straw as Katra drinks, pulling it away as she starts coughing. "Hey, easy now." I mumble quietly, setting the bottle to the side. I move my fingers back into her hair, smiling down at her as I wait for her to finish coughing. "You going to live?"I ask jokingly. My chest swells with pride as Katra laughs and nods, her voice seeming normal now as she speaks. "Yeah, I think I'll survive." I smile at her, then look up as Remy comes back, aware of Katra's head shifting in my lap as she looks up at him as well. "I called an ambulance, they'll be here in like 5 minutes. And I also called Tom, to let him know what happened." He looks at Katra and smiles his friendly smile. "How're you feeling? I hope you're okay. You probably hit heads with Lilith. She's got a hard head." He winks at her and she laughs as I pretend to pout, unable to pull it off as my lips curve into a grin. I look back at Katra and watch her as she laughs, struck by how pretty she is with her long, brown hair and big blue eyes. "Whoa, what's going on over here?" Comes a shrill voice. I stiffen instantly, my brow furrowing as I frown, knowing that voice very well. I slowly look up and see the source of my every day misery standing not 3 feet from us, her arms crossed over her ample chest. I narrow my eyes in a glare as I meet her green eyes with my grey ones. "What do you want, Carrie?" I sneer, vaguely aware of Katra shifting her head to look up at me. "Oh, Don't be that way, Lil. I just wanted to come and introduce myself to your new friend." I watch her as she eyes Katra, jealousy filling my veins instantly. I start at the new emotion, looking down at Katra and meeting her eyes. She smiles at me weakly, as if she knows how I feel. I recoil instantly, calling for Remy. "Sit with Katra? I'm going to go see if the ambulance is coming." I lift her head off of my lap and move out of the way, letting Remy take my spot. I stand up, trying not to meet Katra's eyes as I walk past her and Remy, purposefully giving Carrie a wide birth. I hug myself as I walk along the sidewalk, lost in my thoughts. What's going on..? The only time I've ever felt like this before was with...I stop, my eyes widening slightly as it dawns on me. Doyle. The only other time I felt like this was with Doyle. Though, not even with him was it this strong. But that's not possible.. She's a girl! I'm a girl. It's just not possible.. But deep inside, I knew it was. And I knew it was time to face the one thing I had been avoiding for 8 years. I'm a bi-sexual. I take a deep breath, finally letting myself think it. I wait for something to happen. For the earth to open up and eat me. God to strike me down where I stand. Anything to punish me for such a sinful thought. Not that I was religious or anything. I just couldn't believe nothing at all would happen. But, nothing did happen. I look around and realize that everything is the same. I am a bi-sexual. I nod my head a bit, then turn and trot back to where Remy and Katra are, noticing that Carrie left. I roll my eyes. Of course she had only been there to torment me. That's the only time she's ever around. As I near them, I hear Katra's laugh, and I see the ambulance pull up. I pick up my speed and get there just as the EMT guys get out of the truck and go to where Remy is sitting with Katra. I kneel beside Remy and smile at him, avoiding looking at Katra, not quite ready to go there yet. I feel her disappointment as the EMTs kneel beside her and check her over. "Well, It's safe to say you're alright, miss. Just took a bump on the head. Knocked you out for a bit. It happens." He smiles at her and pats her hand, then straightens and goes back to his truck, the other EMT close behind him. I watch them go, then move my gaze to the ground, sighing quietly before turning and looking at Katra, smiling at her a little as I offer her my hand. As her palm connects with mine, I feel a slight jolt. I try to ignore it, knowing full well that Katra felt it too, as I help her to her feet, mindful of the fact that there's bound to be dizziness. Sure enough, as soon as she stands, Katra sways against me. I catch her effortlessly and hold her close, closing my eyes as her perfume takes over my senses. I open my eyes and look down at Katra, my eyes meeting hers. We stare at each other for a bit, then I look away, glancing at Remy. He nods, knowing what's on my mind, and steps forward, gently taking Katra out of my arms. I take in a deep breath and step around them, going straight for my bag and scooping it up, then taking off across the parking lot, heading toward the bus stop.So, I'm a bi-sexual. I guess I can learn to accept that. It's not like i've changed or anything. Just discovering something else about myself. I frown slightly. I only hope everyone else can accept it, too..

With that thought, I sit up and scoot off the bed, crossing my room and opening the door. "Dad?", I call as I stride down the hallway, peeking into first his bedroom, then his office, smiling as I see him hunched over his desk. "Hi, Daddy." Without lifting his head, he responds with a mumbled, "Hi." Refusing to be discouraged, I march across the room toward his desk, and drop to my knees beside his chair, looking up at him. "Can I talk to you about something?" He gives a grunt of affirmation, and I sigh quietly, staring down at my lap. After a few minutes of silence, as I try to figure out what to say, my father looks down at me with an arched brow. I lift my head and meet his eyes, taking a deep breath before blurting, "I'm a bi-sexual." I quickly look away, unable to hold his gaze, waiting for him to yell, scream, jump up in disgust, anything. But to my surprise, he simply says, "Alright. And?" I blink and look back at him, confused. He waits patiently for me to go on, no judgement in his eyes at all. Encouraged, I rush on, "Well, I ran into a girl today. Literally. Her name is Katra. She's so pretty! And, I don't know. I'm just scared of how she makes me feel." I go quiet, wondering if I overstepped. He wasn't an overly stern father in any way. But sometimes, I have this bad habit of saying things he really doesn't need, or want, to hear. I sincerely hoped that wasn't the issue here. Just by uttering those two words after my confession, he showed me that he wouldn't judge me in anyway, shape or form. And that felt good. It gave me hope that everyone else would be just as accepting of it. "First, where did you meet this pretty young lady you speak of?" I can't help but smile as he asks questions about the girl his daughter has a crush on. It just seems so.. Out of the ordinary. "Well. I met her in the mall parking lot. Remy and I were running across the pavement, because we were late, and as I was looking back at Remy, I ran into her. She fell unconcious for a little bit, but then came to. I tell you, she has the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. Kind of like mom's!" As soon as the words leave my mouth, I wish I could call them back. I bow my head briefly, then glance up at my father, noticing the tears that fill his eyes, that he tries to hide by turning his head away. He's not all that great at showing his emotions. But when it comes to mom, he can't help it. Mom has been gone for a while, she died 4 years ago in a car accident. It still hurts sometimes, but her and I were never really that close. I know it doesn't effect me nearly as much as it effects daddy and I sometimes think that may make me a bad person, but it's not like I choose to be uneffected. "Your mother certainly did have gorgeous blue eyes,"He states quietly. "What are you going to do about this woman, Katra you said her name was?" I nod and sigh softly, shrugging my shoulders. "I'm not sure what to do. I'm not used to feeling like this. Other than with Doyle, and even then, it wasn't like this." After I finish speaking, I rise to my feet, leaning in and hugging my father tightly. "Thank you for listening. I think I'm going to go for a walk." Not responding to his mumbled "Okay", I turned and left his office.I've only known her a couple hours. How can the thought of losing her hurt so much already? As if reading my mind, Remy speaks, "Love works in mysterious ways. Sometimes it takes years to fall in love with someone, sometimes, it takes mere minutes. If love is meant to be, nothing can stop it." I chuckle quietly and drop the piece of grass in my hand, turning toward him and tilting my head. "How'd you become so wise?" He smirks and leans in, hugging me tightly. "I have a very wise best friend." I grin and hug back, my voice filled with laughter. "Very true."

 

I was half way down the street, heading for the small park in the neighbourhood, when I heard my name being called. I sigh and stop, turning around and waiting for Emily, Carrie's best friend, to catch up with me. "What's this I hear about a new friend you have? Carrie said that he's absolute gorgeous." Emily states. I blink, confused, as I watch her lean down and brace her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. "What are you talking about?" I ask, irritated. Emily and I have never gotten along. She's always been Carrie's right hand, Carrie's slave, and has never hesitated a moment to bully me at Carrie's command. She's one of three little sheep that belonged to Carrie's flock, but the other two don't hover around me as much as Emily does. Sometimes I wonder if she lives only to torment me. "Carrie said she came upon you in the mall parking lot, with some guy unconscious with his head in your lap." Emily, who had finally caught her breath, prattled on. "Brown hair, blue eyes. Really gorgeous. She says she wants him. So, if I were you, I'd just back off now." I lifted an eyebrow, a small smirk spreading on my lips. It's true that Carrie always gets what she wants. It's happened so many times in the past. And, usually, what she wants is what I have. Or almost have. But Emily really had no idea that it was a girl she was speaking of. Doesn't surprise me, really. Carrie is deeper in the closet than I am. While I'm trying to find my way out, she's just piling more boxes and coats infront of her, pushing herself deeper. I'm guessing her biggest issue is, she's scared what people would think if they found out. Wouldn't want to tarnish that golden image of hers, now, would we? Unable to help myself, I throw my arm around Emily's shoulders and start walking with her, my smirk still in place. "Well. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't remember any guy in no parking lot. Unless you mean Remy. Though, He wasn't unconscious. And doesn't have blue eyes. But, I do remember a beautiful girl, named Katra, who fits the picture you're painting perfectly. Minus the fact that she's a girl, not a guy." I watch Emily's face as I pass on this small piece of information, grinning at the confused expression. I lean in and whisper to her quietly, "Maybe you should run back to Miss Carrie and demand a few answers. Seems to me that you've been duped." I laugh and pull away from Emily as she stops walking, not bothering to stop with her. Suddenly filled with a bubbly kind of happiness, I start skipping toward the park. For once, in the 6 years I've lived with her, I've finally bested Carrie. What an amazing feeling. Sure, I feel semi-guilty for letting out her secret, but, she deserves it. After all the grief she's given me these past years, she needs to be bumped down a few notches. Maybe now she will learn. I stop skipping and frown. Or, maybe now she'll just get meaner. Holding back a groan, I enter the park and walk straight to the small copse of trees beside the fence. My favourite spot in the park. The branches from the trees all bend down around a spot on the fence, creating a private little area, where I've learned I can hide and nobody can find me unless I want them to. I found it about 3 years ago, and have been coming here whenever I've needed to be alone. Which, has been alot recently. I'm not really sure why, but I just randomly feel suffocated. When those moments attack, I instantly run here. I even packed a small back-pack, with a blanket and a few snacks and drinks that don't need to stay cold, as well as a couple books. I keep it in the closet by the door, so whenever I have to leave, I can just grab it and take it with me. It, along with my packed purse that holds my Ipod and gameboy, keeps me entertained and helps me get my thoughts in order. For a little while, anyways. Within about an hour or two, I get bored and head home. As I approach the small copse of trees, I notice a familiar shoe sticking out from behind a branch. I sigh, stopping for a moment and taking a deep breath, readying myself for the small confrontation to come. "Don't worry. I'm not gunna bite your head off too much," comes a male voice. I shake my head and smile, walking around the branches and plopping down beside Remy, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, sighing. "Alright. I'm all ears. Go." I mumble. Sure enough, he starts on his rant right away. "You know it wasn't cool to just take off like that. I think you really hurt Katra's feelings. I know you're scared about how you feel, but, running isn't going to make it go away. It'll just chase you until you're to weak to run anymore." As he pauses to take a breath, I sigh quietly, knowing he's right. I guess I've just run all my life, and will continue to run, because I don't know how to deal with problems. As he continues, I start picking pieces of grass and pulling them apart. "You need to accept your sexuality. I'll help you, you know I will. And, when you tell your dad, I'm fairly sure he'll help as well. But, we won't know until you tell him." I smile slightly and drop the piece of grass in my hand, only to pick another as I speak quietly. "I told him." I feel Remy go still beside me. "And?" I smile a bit more and glance at him, "His exact response was 'Alright. And?'" Remy starts laughing and soon, I join him. "You see? It's not so bad. Even if people don't accept it, oh well. If someone can't accept that you are bi-sexual, they obviously weren't a very good friend to start with." I nod my head, chuckling softly as he feeds me the same advice I gave him when he first came out to me. Remy is gay. He came out of the closet to me about 5 years ago. He had my exact fears and I helped him through it. I find it ironic that he's now helping me through the same issue. "I gave her your phone number and address." At his softly spoken words, my head snaps up, my eyes wide. "She gave me hers too, so I could give it to you," he quickly rushes on. "You should talk to her. It would really suck if you go through all of this, only to lose her." I frown as his words cause my heart to constrict in my chest.

As we were heading back to my house, I couldn't help but voice the question that was running around in my head since Remy first mentioned it. "Do you really think I've lost her?" I hear Remy sigh beside me, his arm going around my shoulders. "I doubt it. But, I don't know for sure. Only way to find out for sure is to talk to her about it." I nod my head slightly as we walk up my driveway, digging into my pocket for my key. As I insert the key into the lock, the door swings open. Startled, I look up and see Carrie standing there, a scowl on her face. Suddenly feeling alot better, I grin and sail past her, pulling Remy along with me. "Something wrong, my dearest cousin?" I feel Remy stiffen in confusion beside me as he kicks off his shoes. "Something wrong? Of course there's something wrong! Why would you go around, spreading rumors that I'm gay?" Carrie shrieks. I laugh and kick my shoes off, walking up the stairs leading to the living room. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Emily came up to me and mentioned something about a guy that you saw with me, a guy you wanted. I simply corrected her." I grin and look at her over my shoulder, noticing Remy trying to stiffle his laughter. "If anyone is a liar here, it's you. Now. Why are you here? And where's my dad?" Not really expecting an answer, I head into the kitchen and open the fridge, grabbing two colas and tossing one to Remy. I close the door and turn to Carrie, arching a brow in question. "I have no idea, nor do I care. I want you to tell Emily that you were lying, that it was a guy I saw you with!" She growls, shaking with anger. I chuckle and shake my head, plopping down onto one of the kitchen chairs, opening my drink and taking a big gulp of it. Wincing at the burning in my throat, I glare at Carrie. "I'm sorry. I can't do that. I don't tell lies. Unlike someone I know. Why don't you just go and tell your so called friend the whole truth." "What truth? I am not gay, unlike some people I know," She sneers. I shake my head, sighing and placing my drink on the table. I rise slowly and approach Carrie, a small cheer going on inside of me as she takes a step back. "You've got it all wrong, Carrie-dear. I'm not gay. I'm bi-sexual." I stop and take a deep breath, loving how it feels to say that to someone other than my father or my best friend. At her dumbfounded expression, I laugh. "That's right. Bi-sexual. And, I'm done hiding it." I turn and march out of the kitchen, semi-aware of Remy at my heels as I race outside, without putting on my shoes. I take a deep breath and shout so everyone can hear me, adrenaline giving me the courage to take such a bold step. "You hear that, everyone? I, Lilith Adams, am a Bi-sexual!!" I look around, giving a carefree laugh as I see a bunch of stunned faces watching me. I wave at them, then whip around and run to Remy, hugging him tightly. "I have to see her. What's her address?" Without replying, Remy takes my hand and drags me inside. Confused, I follow, then laugh softly as he puts his shoes on. I do the same, then follow him outside, my heart beating rapidly as he takes me a little ways down the street, stopping infront of a house just a few doors down from mine. I frown, even more confused. "She lives here?" He nods and gives me a little push toward the house. I stumble slightly, then recover my balance and walk up the drive slowly, suddenly overwhelmed with nerves. I stop and stare at the door, then turn toward Remy. He gives me a small nod of encouragement. I smile a bit and turn around, taking the last few steps to Katra's door. As I reach up and ring the doorbell, I quell the overwhelming urge to flee. I wait a few moments, turning to look at Remy, then whipping my head around as the door opens, my hear beating rapidly as I meet Katra's beautiful blue eyes. I look away, then look back, biting my lip as I try to think of what to say. As if recognizing my dilemma, Katra opens the screen door and smiles. "Come in." She looks past me at Remy and nods her head. "You too. Come on in." I give a small sigh of relief, not entirely sure I was ready to go in on my own. I wait for Remy to come up, letting him go first, then following behind. I feel Katra's eyes on me and I look around the house, then meet her eyes again, giving a weak smile. I take off my shoes and follow Katra farther into her house, stopping and taking a deep breath as I continue to try to summon the words that I want to say to her. Behind me, Remy gives a small shove, pushing me toward Katra with a mumbled, "Just say it." I squeeze my eyes shut, then open them again as Katra lays her warm hand on my cheek. All of a sudden, the words start pouring out of me, as if a dam had broken inside of me. "I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I was acting weird. I just really like you and that scares me. I've never liked a girl before, and it's new and frightening, but at the same time, incredibly exciting. I've been thinking about you all day, and, I'm still not entirely sure it's possible, but, I think I feel something deep for you, and I just want to know.."I trail off, looking down. "I feel it too." At the quietly mumbled words, I lift my head, meeting her eyes. She smiles softly at me, and I smile back, asking the question I've wanted to ask since I first ran into her. "Will you.. Go on a date with me? It may take some getting used to for me, but I'm willing to try. I want to try." I close my eyes, praying with everything inside of me that she says yes. I don't think I'd be able to take it if she said no. After a few moments pass with no response, I open my eyes and look at her. As if that's what she was waiting for, she grins at me and nods her head, followed by a soft, "Yes. I would love to go out on a date with you." Inside my chest, my heart seems to burst with happiness. I fling myself at her, hugging her fiercely, unable to hold in a happy giggle. It's funny how things happen. You go through your life, hiding who you truly are. But, when you finally let your true self show, you find true happiness. I guess the only way to deal with life, is to just go through it as you are. Don't change yourself. Don't hide yourself. Just be you. In the end, the real you will be rewarded.


© Copyright 2017 Katra Ariks. All rights reserved.

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