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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: October 17, 2017

A A A | A A A

Submitted: October 17, 2017



I’ll cut to the chase. You’re about to read a book about a young, eccentric author who decides to write a biography of someone. He doesn’t know I’m here, so he’s under the impression that his readers know less than I’ll reveal. He’s not very subtle about it though. In his mind, he’s clever and witty and that merits him to write a ‘’biography with a twist’’. It’d be more apt to call it an ‘’unconventional biography’’. Between you and me, I’d rather call it a ‘’biography with an endearingly annoying narrator holding your hand through it’’. In any case, you will only see this font twice. The next time will be after the book is finished.












Rosemary Loise Rivers


The name doesn’t exactly scream, ‘originality’. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s unoriginal. For starters, when people hear the name, ‘Lois’, they expect it to be spelt just like that. Hers, however, has an ‘e’ where the name is supposed to end. Sounds a tad unnecessary but if that doesn’t spell originality, I don’t know what does. Well, the word originality spells originality so- Never mind, you get the point! Granted, besides that, her names are pretty common. But this probably has little to do with the name rather than the one who bears it. So who does bear it? The answer: Zazzy Rosie, Para-Rosey, Rosie, Loise Street, Rosie-O-Donald, Ros. That’s who bears it. If the last line or two bears confusion, here’s the explanation: The first two names are her online handles for social media that will remain anonymous. The second one is what I’m calling her. The others are what her closest friends call her, to my knowledge.

This was probably a good idea. I’m always feeling unsatisfied when I’m inclined to do this sort of thing. Most people have a filter, but when I look at someone, my mind is instantly flooded with a self-generated first impression. So chances are, if you walk up to me in the street and I’ve looked at you all the way, your first impression will really be you trying to convince me of what my mind already thinks of you. Which is difficult. So basically, if you have a serial-killer vibe going, you probably won’t get the chance to convince me that you’re just a grocery-store owner with a proclivity for caps and sunglasses….Because I’m cowardly and I have fast legs.

OK, back to the ‘story’ I get carried away a lot. A statement I will stay true to throughout this literation. Whenever I have to fully describe someone, I’m met with one annoying, little thing; limitation. Not today. Okay, this book won’t take a day so I guess what I mean is, ‘’Not in the next [insert number] days’’. As far as this particular woman is concerned, I have a lot to say. There are a number of emotions and opinions, all of which will remain unmentioned now, that hinder me from verbally letting my hair down.

I thought a simple biography would be derivative. Anyone with the knowledge of words can write a biography. It can even be written in point form just to prove that the author knows enough about their target person to write a biography. A biography, to me, also seems like a tenth-grade-final-exam essay with guidelines, or a bicycle with training wheels. I’d like to think of myself as more than an author in this situation. I’ve always been terrible at guided essays and last time I checked, I was able to ride a bike without its training wheels. I doubt I ever needed them in the first place. I’d like to think that my intellect exceeds a simple knowledge of words and that the person I’m writing about is more than a mere ‘target’. I’ve been told that a prologue is supposed to convince the reader of the benefit awaiting them when they read the book. I don’t think there’s any possible way I can do that on one page. Honestly, it’d take me 48 pages to credibly convince you of that. I don’t have that kind of time. With that in mind, I begin chapter 1. Come along…












Chapter One: Purpose























Just because I’ve crossed over the barrier that separates introduction and chapter does not mean I will change my demeanour of penmanship. It doesn’t mean I’ll tell you my true feelings towards Rosemary Loise Rivers. For all you know, 

a) She’s my ex and revenge is a dish best served in book-format

b) I’m in love with her and I’m trying to impress her by writing a book

c) I’m a brilliant writer and I’ve been given her information to write something ‘more than a biography’

d) I’m bored

e) I’m horny and this is just a longwinded creative way to get me laid

f) I’m being paid to write this

g) This is a birthday present


Whatever the case, I’d like you, the reader, to know that the 7 aren’t necessarily, mutually exclusive. In layman’s terms, it could be one, a few, all or even none of them. Before I carry on, I’d like to have some fun with you. You could be thinking, “Anyone with the right and adequate reason/ motivation to write a book must be doing so because they find it fun”. Don’t get me wrong, it is fun. It’s also a few/several (I haven’t decided yet) thousand words and it’s going to take me an unknown number of hours to finish so I’m entitled to extend my ‘barometer of fun’. Here’s the deal: To make it fun, I’ll give you a valid assertion to disprove each of the reasons I offered you for writing this book. Yes, I’m writing a book. It won’t necessarily mean that they are all untrue. It won’t necessarily mean they all are not. But, humour me. 


a) If this really is revenge, why would I be going to so much trouble as to write a book about it? Maybe I care that much to expose her. Either way, it’d mean I’m personally connected to her. We either have a current relationship I’m unhappy with or we used to.

b) By what you’ve read so far, this seems more like a chance to show off my literary prowess than some kind of series of love letters. Still, you haven’t read the whole book yet. Maybe I just haven’t gotten to that part or no matter how hard I try to put this possible love interest on a pedestal, I can’t do so without showing that I’m badass enough to do it. (I’m not happy with the placement of the word, ‘badass’ but I’ll just leave it there to prove that every book has mistakes. Provided the farfetched possibility that every other aspect of the book is perfect holds up).

c) I’m showing an awful lot of effort and devotion into this enterprise so far to just be an author with information and an above average knack for picking the right words to write. Then, again, if I am really a brilliant writer, all of that is expected.

d) I doubt that the reason I’m writing a book is, ‘I’m bored’. According to my calculations, this book will take about 3 months minus one day to write. What kind of 19 year old who’s writing high school finals this year gets bored consistently for 3 months minus one day? Answer: A creatively capable one with no devotion to his schoolwork because he believes he’ll be a great writer one day. By, ’I’m bored’, I could just mean that I have nothing else to do when I’m not studying.

e) It would take me less effort to just get laid by a different girl. Or maybe, every girl I know will read this and this effort alone will get me in good with all of them, which is something I wouldn’t be able to do through any other way except paying for sex. Sitting at a laptop, typing away for 3 months just to get, give or take, 10 minutes of extremely amateur sexual activity. Really?

f) This one is hard. I’ll let this one run free in your noggin. 

g) OK, I’m tired now


You may have noticed that I gave you reasons to believe each of my ‘options’ in addition to the reasons to doubt them. I even went as far as abandoning that paradigm in my 6th ‘assertion’. I didn’t even bother with the 7th. I know, we never agreed to that but then again, I wasn’t talking to anyone else when I wrote this entire book let alone interactively make an agreement with them. You must admit, that was fun. Maybe the reason will clear itself up in time. Now that I think about it, the first readers of this book will probably already know the real reason behind this. That said…

Rosemary was born in the year 1996, I think. It was on the 29th of May and as far as I know, the ‘act’ started around 4am at a little place called, ’West-end Maternity’. That may not even be the real name of the clinic or hospital but I have no strength to do extensive research on things that happened 21 years ago. That might be counterproductive to the whole idea of writing a book intended to solely be about one person but, hey, don’t be so finicky. She was born to a British man and a partly Zimbabwean woman. I just wanted to note her variation.

So, this woman was born on this day and thus began her journey on planet earth. Alternatively, her journey probably already began 9 months or so when she was formed in her mother’s womb. Her whole story hasn’t been set in stone yet. That’s a sensitive way of saying, she’s alive. Oops, that probably eradicated my attempt at poetic sensitivity. I’ll save you the trouble of scoffing at this book and saying that it’s full of contradictions by telling you that the person writing this book is full of contradictions. That sounds a lot more humble than saying,’ the person writing this book is a complex man’, provided people find a certain appeal and suave in the idea of a complicated man. In all honesty, that notion usually ends the way I put it - people find a certain appeal and suave in the IDEA of a complicated man. Once they actually meet said man, they end up being disconcerted simply because of one reason: complexity is hard to put up with. This book is not about that though so, I’ll get back on the proverbial horse.

I won’t tell you that Loise has gone through a tough, interesting life that is worth mentioning. That would ruin the surprise. I haven’t even decided if this book will have such implications. Whatever the case, I’ll start you off with a physical description.  She’s a short and pretty, black girl. I’m sorry, you thought there’d be more? Too bad. If I wanted to give you a physical description of her, I would’ve put a picture of her below, ‘...physical description’. I suppose, now is as good a time as any to inform of you of one of the reasons I’m having you read this.

There’s more to a person than what is on the outside. A charming sentiment, don’t you think? It’s also cliché. Sometimes you’ll actually find that there isn’t more to a person than what is on the outside. It’s this way because one way or the other, a person’s preferred demeanour towards people shows what’s going on beneath the hood. It doesn’t matter if the target individuals in sight of the person don’t see it. It’s there. If a person is talkative and bubbly all the time, that might also mean they’re trying to ignore or bury the deep personal pain inside as opposed to confronting it and becoming sad and moody (A person who is sad and moody on the outside is likely to be sad and moody on the inside as well).

That’s usually the case in my experience. By that, you’ll know this about a person if you’re intuitive and perceptive enough. It doesn’t mean that the information hasn’t been presented to you. Unless you’re one of those people who expects everyone to walk around with a book entitled, ‘The Story of My Life’ hung around their neck. The truth of the matter is, after you read the book, there will obviously be more to the person because,


a) There’s no way for the author(s) to know EVERY single thing about the person unless they’re an omnipotent being.

b) If the book is an autobiography, there’s still no way for one mind to capture every single thought, emotion and experience they go through and pin it in a book.

c) The moment the book was finished, a whole new set of thoughts, experiences and emotions started taking place and those won’t find their way into the book. That would make the book title a lie unless the person depicted is dead.


Even if you could find a way around all the above and every other problem unmentioned, you’d still be too lazy to read the book. What’s my point? I’m not a teacher and we’re not in a lesson so I don’t have to explain myself. Instead, take everything you’ve read so far and think about it. No matter how deep or shallow the thought process is, I challenge you to think in the hopes that you will find your answer. If you picked up this book hoping that it was a biography, I’m sorry. If you picked it up hoping it’s one of those books where the author poses a question in your mind and later answers it, I’m deeply (not really) sorry. If you picked this book up in the hopes of it being something different and worth reading, I’m sorry. It’s probably highly derivative and lacking in a dozen unmentionable ways.

So, what’s the book about? That’s for you to decide. Instead of presenting you with a biography or typical story (no matter how transcendent and expertly written it is), I’d rather offer you something that isn’t immediately decisive or expendable. A biography will end and you will know everything the book allowed you to know about the person. A story will end and in time will be removed from the part of your memory that you will have need for, for as long as you live. The ideas and thoughts provoked by the story may become a part of you and your memory might commemorate it every now and again but that’s all you get. At a certain point in time, the book will be all you care about, all you attend to or all that reigns supreme on the list of your priorities. It will be ‘all the rage’ for a while but in time, it will move to the back of the line or even cease to exist in that line.

If you’ve gotten ahead of me, you may have figured out that I’m trying to say that this book will always be in your mind and will never be expunged from your heart and memory. But, I didn’t say that. You may have inferred but I never said that. However, I’d like you to imagine a book that never ends. A book that is being written every day and is interesting enough to grab your attention each time so you never get bored of it. A book that doesn’t just spawn questions and answers, mysteries and solutions, but a book that spawns ideas on top ideas, questions on top of mysteries and can never really be solved but will always have you believe it can be until your last breath, just to


keep you hooked for life. A book that allows you to embody all that you can and cannot be in order to write and/or finish it. A book that does not follow a set of guidelines, not even those set by its author. A book that evolves and does not just end up the same way it started out. A book that has the ability to begin as a murder-mystery novel but turns out to be a cookbook. That last one may have a cannibalism innuendo frothing from the corner of its mouth. A book that is just as alive as the author who wrote it and the reader who threw it in the recycling bin after reading the first chapter. There is such a book. 








Chapter Two: Conception

















Rosemary was ‘born to be a tomboy’. In her mind, her parents wanted a son and then she came along and so elegantly ruined their dream. Assuming the above thoughts on what her parents wanted is true, they become an example of parents who don’t like taking no for an answer. Their question enthusiastically being,” Can we have a boy?”, and the answer obviously being, “NO!” I’m not saying they didn’t take no for an answer. Just that they didn’t like doing so.  What other choice did they have? It was for the best. If she did turn out to be a boy, assuming she’s dating, I know there’d be a single guy out there. Or maybe fate would allow him to not be single and instead be gay.

So because they didn’t like no for an answer and they couldn’t just get rid of the clothes they’d gotten, they dressed her up in boys’ clothing. Embarrassing, isn’t it? I do appreciate their sense of humour though. “You refused to be a boy so we won’t get refunds on the clothing” (if that’s even an option). I imagine if they were that type of parental unit, they would’ve had that thought between them.

I know for a fact that the now-woman herself would like to be a tomboy for a day…or maybe an hour. She probably said this not knowing that what she thinks to be tomboy traits and tendencies are more on the…hippy side. Don’t believe me? Well, she slouches sometimes - Very laid back thing to do. Get it? Laid back…slouches- huh, huh? In my opinion, it’s quite adorable. If this was about me, I’d point out that I have a partial affinity for laid back girls. Wink. Besides the occasional slouch and other things that may or may not be hiding from my memory, she’s actually quite a girly girl.

So I don’t make this as short as it should be, I’ll mark off each girly aspect in its own sentence. She’s a hugger. That means exactly what it sounds like; she likes hugging people. She hugs them tight. I may or may not have been on the receiving end of one of those but I can tell you in all certainty that such hugs have been coined as “Bed-bug-hugs”. Don’t ask me how I know this. Like every other girly girl, she has thought about her wedding day.

She has an idea of what she wants it to be like. Because you’re being polite enough to read this, I’ll tell you even though it’s supposed to be a secret. Rosie’s mind is one I would like to describe as a beautiful mind. There is mystery and countless angles in that beauty. Chances are, you’ve figured out that I’m trying to tell you that she’s indecisive. She seems so but she isn’t. A more accurate statement, known to those who don’t just consider the outward appearance blindly, would be,” she knows she has a world of possibilities and options to choose from and she doesn’t commit the crime of limiting herself to only one of those options or possibilities”.

On the subject of her desired wedding day, she would like to get married in a garden. Gardens are nice. They have flowers, bees and carry the possibility of bee-stings. But don’t be so pessimistic. Gardens are a statement by the gardener that he can maintain, within an inch of his life, the natural marvel God decorated and fragranced His earth with. They exude beauty, natural sophistication, art (tame or wild), design and pollen. If you’re an allergy-season-victim, don’t go to her wedding. In addition to the beauty of the garden, Loise’s presence in it would be the icing on the proverbial flower cake.

She would also like to have her wedding on a beach. I think this is my own personal preference. Think about it; a pure white wedding on a Cliffside overlooking the beach. The altar would be right near the edge. Not too close though because I’m afraid of heights. Anyway, I’m not supposed to be superimposing my fantasy wedding on this scenario (which I just came up with 93 seconds ago). The point is, the beach is a lovely place to have a wedding. As long as there’s no immediate danger of a tsunami. Ignore that dark line of intended humour.

Normally, an author would simply edit parts like that out. Unfortunately for you, I’m not really an author. Those last two aren’t the only places Rosemary would like to get married at. Apparently, a valley and an aquarium also make it on the list.

I don’t know much about valleys. I won’t apologize for that. An aquarium would be an interesting place for a wedding. Imagine a wedding next to those huge panes of glass where there’s sea life on the other side. Whispering, ‘I do’ in your partner’s ear while a shark opens its jaws at the sight, painting a picture that looks like it’s about to devour the whole ceremony into its hundred or so teeth-covered-mouth. Or for a more light-hearted spectacle, a group of dolphins putting on a choreographed display of zipping past and twirling about in the water. Don’t judge me for the shark bit - I happen to know that the fantasy bride in question would actually not mind seeing a shark 10 feet away from her behind what I hope is shatterproof glass.

For risk of this turning into a glorified bride magazine, I’ll cut the nuptial chitchat…after I talk about the dress. Hey, don’t complain. I’m pretty sure you know that this book is about Rosemary Rivers and that encompasses her wedding fantasies. I won’t offer my opinion on the seemingly lengthy aspect of this matter. I’m just here to deliver this information to my faithful reader(s).

If you were thinking that Rosie-O-Donald isn’t a typical pure-white-dress kind of gal, you’d be right. She’s not opposed to putting a little red or ‘’bloody red’’ into the widely popularized and overused white dress. Maybe even a few soft reddish feathers. Don’t be quick to look down on the idea if you’re one of those close-minded people (If you are, I do apologize for addressing you as such. I understand most close-minded people don’t like being called close-minded). It would be better to look at the smear of chocolate cake on a dress that isn’t purely white than one which is. Why do I say such a thing? Because she wants a chocolate cake on her wedding.

If I wasn’t taken, I’d marry this girl myself. To sum up the wedding talk, again, I’ll just stop now. It might seem like she’s given much thought to this wedding stuff. I can assure you that it only seems that way because of my narration on each but one of the locations. I’m sure she has a far more detailed and interesting view on each of her choices. Whether she does or doesn’t, I think we can both agree that she has more than enough time to mull it over.

That said, there is more to being girly than thinking about your wedding day that may happen 10 to 15 years in the future. There’s also a bit more on her being a hippy, or something akin to one. For starters, Rosemary likes ‘bows’ (Don’t ask). You can tell from this and the fact that she likes dresses in bright colours, that she’s quite a colourful character. I mean that in more ways than one. The tone of her personality is indeed expressed through her clothing.

She also fancies ‘cute’ jewellery. I’m not entirely sure what ‘cute’ means in that context. My guess would be any kind of jewellery she finds appealing and/or quirky. My idea of cute is a litter of kittens. Of course, that idea is thrown out the window once the kittens mature; I don’t like cats. I’m more of a dog person and so my top idea of cute would be a carpet full of puppies. I probably should’ve led with that. When she says ‘cute’, she might be referencing to the fact that she doesn’t just pick up shiny jewellery. She likes the jewellery to symbolize something. They could be earrings shaped like diamonds or bows, or any piece of jewellery that has anything of interest to her like trees, flowers, fish-scales(yes, fish-scales) and the occasional talking starfish.

Despite how girly all of that may or may not seem, she is what is described as a laid back-girly girl. She is girly, yes, but she’s also laid back [as I’ve already pointed out] and isn’t exactly a ‘material girl’. Even if she is a shopaholic. She loves baggy stuff, which could be thought of as typical of hippies, right?

She also has a personal grudge against heels. She’s more into slippers. I won’t make any fashion comments for fear of being labelled as a metrosexual (though, I think that label is present already), but I think her personal style is very nice and well put together. Now, aren’t you glad that this isn’t just a simple biography?










Chapter Three: Television, music & food














I’m not an expert on copyright laws and infringement nor do I have a sound understanding of what that phrase actually means but I shall play it safe by not mentioning any actual TV shows and movies by name. The music industry can just look at it as me advertising their bands and artists through this chapter and I’m sure they will be glad to know that someone is a big fan of their work. Well, at least the work which I will mention in this chapter.

So to keep things consistent and ‘fun’, instead of mentioning the actual names of Rosie’s favourite movies, series and TV shows, I’ll just reference to them. Some lightly and some strongly so you know the kind of thing I’m talking about. Before, I mentioned that one of the things Rosie likes to be portrayed on her jewellery is, quote, a “talking starfish”. In case any of you are unfamiliar with this starfish’s identity and/or are thinking that Rosemary’ jewellery talks, let me clear things up. The starfish is a character on an animated TV show. He lives in the sea, and his best friend works a minimum wage job at a burger restaurant. The sponge talks too, of course.

This is a reflection of Rosemary’ light-hearted side; watching cartoons at 20. I won’t judge; my favourite superhero wears red underwear on top of his ensemble, in many of his depictions. In fact, I think having a favourite superhero puts me in no position to judge without having to mention the type of costume he wears. So I suppose, we all have that inner child. I won’t talk more on the starfish - I don’t really care for him, but she likes him so he had to be mentioned.

On the subject of animation, I’ll go through the other programs that take up the woman’s leisure time. Her favourite animation is about a teenage boy who has a deity complex on top of him being a little…murder-y. It’s one of my personal favourites. Hopefully, the anime I got her interested in last month has also made it onto her ‘favourites list’. That particular one is about a teenager with a big sword and a bigger temper, who fights evil spirits! Is that cool or what? Granted, if you had more information, you’d love it. Or better yet, see me after reading the book (or this sentence) and I’ll give you the name of the anime and you can go watch the first season. I promise, you’ll be hooked after that. Para-Rosey is.

One of her favourite movies include one that has talking farm animals and a charming story about a fish that loses his son in the deep blue sea. She wouldn’t be a normal laid back woman if she didn’t conquer the rite of passage her kind is mostly expected to go through - watching a vast franchise of movies and deviations about a Caucasian, blonde doll. Ladies, you know the one I’m talking about!

The more recent productions to make it onto her top-animated-movies list include a story about a boy with a very cool robot which also doubles as a nurse, and one about an eccentric alien race that comes to earth and makes it their home. Although, if aliens did exist, wouldn’t they all be eccentric in some way or another? They are aliens after all. That ends the ‘segment’ on animation. If you didn’t get some of those, she will. I don’t think she’d mind explaining them to you.

Like any normal 20 year-old woman, she likes series. Did I say ‘like’? I meant ‘love’. These individuals’ worlds would not go on properly without these weekly doses of intriguing, funny, dark, heart-warming or humorous stories to help them cope with the demands of being ravaged by hormones and rapid life changes- an aspect of life the creators of these stories prey on. It becomes very easy to increase ratings on a romantic, supernatural flick knowing that there are thousands, if not millions, of young women out there sitting on their couches, eating a tub of ice cream to stuff their emotions as they think about their recent breakup or unrequited crush or just simply, disappointment in the love department. It’s a gold mine of viewers searching for something they’d never find in real life - werewolves and love. But I think the existence or nonexistence of both is up for debate.

Having offended millions by saying all of that, I’ll reassure you and say Loise does not fit into the bracket of above-mentioned females. I hear there’s still some time (could be a few years or an eternity) before she runs into a werewolf though. I wouldn’t hold my breath. As far as love goes, you’d need a personal interview with her to get that information. Having already mentioned the werewolf-genre of series she fancies, time to move on to the next.

She watches a show(s) about vampires as well. You might be confused as to which one because there are more of those than there are churches these days. Actually, I take that back. There are a lot of churches in the world nowadays, but this isn’t a religious report. The point is, people like watching pale actors with fake fangs smeared with raspberry jam on their mouths. Whether the substitute for blood will be jam or something classier is a matter of budget but whatever the case, it must be awfully uncomfortable. I say that as someone who loathes having anything smeared anywhere where it doesn’t belong.

Moving on, she’s also not beneath watching series about young hackers trying to save the world, unknown entities that exhort children into doing questionable acts or televised talent shows. I hit a lot of markers with that last sentence.

As someone who has an interest in the animal kingdom and the supernatural, you can be sure that she likes documentaries about aliens and dogs. Respectively, not together. Although, that wouldn’t be a terrible idea. I suppose all we’d need is to answer a few questions for that show to get made; “Are we alone in the universe?” I’ll look for more questions required after I finish the book so I can get serious with this alien/dog thing!

She’s also into ‘reality’ shows. I put the quotes because the successful ones these days all seem too convenient. No one’s lives are that dramatic except ours. But of course, we’ll never get reality shows. We’d run the lot of them out of business, reality and fiction.

However, I haven’t found fault in the ones Ros watches. That might be because I haven’t watched them before. Not really. They comprise of mothers involved in dancing (or mothers poking their noses into their children’s dance careers. I’m not sure)… dangerous and/or repulsive challenges taken on to win money…fashion, and worldwide races (That one actually sounds interesting). We also share the appraisal of one South African stand-up comedian. Brilliantly funny man, he is. He’s apparently half Swiss.

She’s also a softie at best. A textbook romantic comedy or just a romantic movie can bring her to tears. That is, if the director, his crew and the actors play their cards right. She gets quite emotional in screenplays that evince heart-warming relationships, friendships and even human-animal companionship. A sweet gal, isn’t she? That’s the second time I’ve used the word ‘gal’, ever. I’m ashamed.

I’d like to point out that she’s spiritual. Don’t look at me; that could mean anything. If you think that this spirituality turns her off to the macabre, you’d be wrong. In fact, if I could turn off the spiritual side to her, you’d think she’s a recruiter for the dark side. Do they have those? I’m sure they do. I may have exaggerated just a little bit, but she definitely has gothic traits to her. The dark-side-recruiter bit may have come from my ‘deck of characteristics’. You can clearly see these Goth inclinations in the type of movies she watches, the type of literature she likes and most of all, her choice of music.

She has a pretty broad choice of music but the leading genre, without a doubt, is Rock/Alternative music. She’s also no stranger to Classical music. That gives her music taste a definitive angle of class. Terrible pun intended. Because it’s 11.50 pm right now and my ‘inspirational juices’ are in the narrow crevices of the barrel, I’ll wrap this music section up. I know I said I’d ‘advertise’ the musicians but come on, who’s gonna notice? >Coy smile<

Actually, let me say that, having seen her playlist before, listing all the bands and musicians she fancies would require me to author another book. I’ll write that down as a possible idea for a sequel. She probably would not mind being in one of these musicians’ music videos. Whether it’d be to sing with them or just be part of the experience, I don’t know, but she could do both. OK, enough!

Before I give you the run-up of Rosie and her food, I’d like to start by saying she loves drinking water. The obsession is beyond me – I hate drinking water. It’s not bad but I haven’t quite understood it yet. It might also be connected to her intense love for seafood. I don’t know what a kiwi is but she hates that. Like every other normal person, she loves ice cream and chocolate.

For a woman, she eats quite a lot, which is more than I can say for those women who starve themselves to try and carve out a desirable body for others and themselves to look at. Just eat what you want! Her body does quite well without being starved even though she doesn’t seem to eat much when she’s around me. You can probably tell that I’ve changed the way I’m addressing Rose. The clever ones picked it up a while ago when I started to get comfortable with this whole thing.

You may be able to tell that Rosie and I have or had some kind of relationship but there are still a number of options to fit the bill so I still maintain part of my anonymity. She’s the kind of woman who openly admits to loving ribs and a collection of other foods I either have no space to mention, or will not do so because I haven’t eaten them myself. Several sentences deep into the food section, it might sound like I’m condemning her diet. On the contrary, I like a woman who eats because I, being a fully functional human being with the full and broad use of his wits, eat.

She likes raisins (I don’t get that), ginger (I don’t get that either), noodles, and has a cereal that she holds in the highest regard – unidentified. Before dully closing this chapter, I will save the best for last in saying that she loves fizzy drinks. Her love for these reaches and/or surpasses a level where she finds it ok to have it weekly and precede its mention with the word, “behold”. Apparently, they’re that good. So, with that, ends the third chapter which I so appropriately named. Chapter Four will commence after I get a good night’s sleep and the literary stuff of dreams is hopefully flowing out of my fingertips once more! Although, you won’t feel the time gap at all.











Chapter Four: Avocation



















That didn’t seem like I took a break for 12 hours, did it? That’s because I did not. Although I said I’d be sleeping, I got caught up in other affairs and my plan was deterred. To sum it up, it’s 1.08 am and my back hurts from slouching over my laptop, pounding away at the keyboard. Goodnight!

Good afternoon! Yes, I slept for 12 hours – don’t dwell on the past! Moving on, Miss Rivers is quite an active woman. She’s involved in school sports, clubs and activities, has many hobbies and the most challenging of all, thinks about the sports, activities and hobbies she might want to undertake in the future. Don’t look at that last bit like that! Thinking is hard, alright?

Zazzy Rosie just started university. And already is doing all the above mentioned things. Frankly, I think it would bore both you and me to start mentioning every one by name. But as far as clubs go (not night-clubs), one or more of them are bound to have weird initiation rituals.  So if you were hoping to hear about one of them, you’re in luck! In one particular club, they made the initiates walk around the school, blindfolded while they held on to a rope and followed the person in front. They made them do this while they whispered into the newbies’ ears. Hm, sounds a little fetish-y to me. Get it? Fishy…fetish-y. I’ll stop.

I know one student doesn’t make a school but they sure are lucky to have someone like Loise Street to take part in these shenanigans just to be part of their club. Kudos to the other girls as well. Superhero fans will probably get the joke behind her friends calling her ‘’Loise Street’’. If you don’t get it, look for the synonym for street. If you still don’t get it, go to nerd near you. They’re very conveniently placed these days. She doesn’t swim for the school but it’s one of her many hobbies at home. That was a clever way to escape the school scene and cross over to her hobbies. Oh, I just ruined it. Never mind.

Aside from swimming, she does Pilates. Colour me impressed on that one. I really wasn’t expecting it. As you might’ve pegged thus far, she isn’t your average 20 year old. She’s really into astronomy and loves recording astronomical events. Not only does she find inspiration in the stars, but she’s also one to look for it on paper; she reads books. For fun. Don’t worry, she’s not a bookworm, even though there’s nothing wrong with that.

Your image of her might’ve been distorted now because of that. Are you picturing a girl who’s always indoors with a book in front of her reading glasses? Well, in case you’ve forgotten, I did mention that she’s a shopaholic. And you might argue that she’s the kind of woman who shops for the wrong clothes. She doesn’t.

Forsaking my earlier bland verdict on her fashion choices, I think she has excellent fashion sense. Imagine a bookworm who dresses like a million dollars. Yeah! Well, not really a million but you get the point; her intellect doesn’t match the way she dresses in the stereotypical sense. The stereotypical sense being: nerds dress from the knockoff-clothes flea market and ‘blondes’ dress to kill (so to speak). The knockoff-clothes flea market actually doesn’t have terrible clothes; they’re just hand-me-downs.

Blondes (using the stereotype) can dress poorly and nerds can dress attractively. Just like Rosie is totally a nerd but still dresses like she has her own expert fashion crew to dress her (Just an observation). It doesn’t take a lot to open our minds to the fact that it can go both ways. Besides, the word ‘nerd’ is abused so much these days. Subtract me from that list of abusive people; I said it like it is!

People expect a nerd to have glasses or dress badly and be a know-it-all. In fact, in a generation where people have become so lazy in terms of knowledge and character, nerds are just people who know more than the people who call them nerds, but because these people don’t like to be called stupid, they put themselves on a pedestal for not being in the “bracket of nerd”. So if I know how many bones make up the human body and you don’t and you’re kind of shallow, you start calling me a nerd. Sad but true. I don’t know how many bones make up the human body, by the way.

At this point I have to look at my guidelines so I remember what I’m supposed to be talking about. Ah, yes, Rosie’s hobbies and such! On the subject of her being a reader who doesn’t just pick up a book for school purposes, she’s even read enough books to have a favourite author and remember the names of the books she’s gleaned! Wow, I’m talking to you like you’re an illiterate fool now, aren’t I? Making the concept of book-reading sound foreign. I apologize for that, it’s not my intention. You picked up this book, or it was shoved in your face and you’re reading it at gunpoint, and you took the time and patience to put up with it thus far. For that, I’m grateful. My personality allows me to be condescending by accident. I really should fix that.

Rosie’s favourite author is Gayle Forman. I love books! But I actually don’t read them much. That’s very weird. What I’m trying to say is…I don’t know who Gayle Forman is. I’m sure someone who’s less oblivious than I am does. I hope.

As I mentioned at the start of this chapter, Loise Street isn’t just concerned about recreational pursuits that take up her time now, she also fancies the ones that may take it up in the near future. She really likes to travel. She’s done it several times before, I’m sure, but she’d like to do it more and on her terms. Her favourite destination spot is, without a doubt, Australia. She doesn’t just want to visit there, I know for a fact that she’d be the happiest woman in the world if she could live there too. She even has an Australian flag in her room to prove her affection. She loves almost everything about the country.  I say almost because even though she loves snow, she’d love to live in a country that really doesn’t have any (right?). Hey, beats me!

The UK and The USA are also on her destination list. Basically any place with great tourist attractions, scenery or any country she can skydive in. Skydiving is definitely on her bucket list. I don’t know if it’s on mine. I feel like it’d only get one my bucket list if it was the last thing on my bucket list. Speaking of lethal recreational activities that have the word ‘dive’ in them, she’d like to go scuba diving, too, one day. It seems like she has a death wish, doesn’t it? Maybe she does. But a more accurate thesis would be that she has a thirst for adventure and an appetite for- yeah, forget it. What I’m trying to say is that she’s not boring. Even if you were to sit in a white, windowless room with her, that has no furniture and both of you have had all your memories erased, except the ones responsible for language, there would never be a boring day. Okay, that was creepy. But this deep in the book it’s expected and I know you get what I mean.

She’s also a fan of golf. Picture me with a befuddled look on my face for that one. It’s rather a far-cry from shooting guns, which she also does. I think scuba diving covers the fact that she’d also like to swim in the ocean. I don’t get it - There are sharks in there. Forget the sharks, there’s water in there...everywhere! To top it off, the water is salty! I value the importance of salt and the memories associated with it will forever linger on my taste buds but I hate salt when it is where it doesn’t belong. I have no problem with sea water as long as it’s nowhere near my mouth.

If you backtrack a few sentences you’ll find that I may have implied that I don’t like water. I do. Just not in vast bodies like a dam, river, lake, waterfall, ocean, sea etc...Basically, if you throw a bucket of water at me without warning, I’ll do this thing that sounds like breathing and gasping - like a suffocating seal. I’m sure there’s a word or term for it but I’ll just leave it like that. It sounds fine that way. And by ‘fine’ I mean ‘weird’.

Following the norm of activities that can easily get one killed...or blown up due to being out of the earth’s atmosphere...I imagine if you go into space without a ‘space suit’ you would blow up or something. If you’re future-Loise, there’s always that danger since one of current-Loise’s fancies would be going to the international space station. Or more accurately, just to be in outer space where she can see the stars and float in harmony, devoid of sound. Even though space scares me more than the ocean does, I have to admit that being in that sort of privacy seems lovely. Being able to see the entire earth and even the sun. The best part about looking down on the earth from space is that even if you look hard enough, you won’t be able to see any people. The whole idea sounds splendid; no noise, no undiscernible chatter, no traffic, you have the place to yourself and best of all, no one is going to bump into you. Okay, now I see why she’d like to go up there. The scenery, of course would be breath-taking as well, no pun intended. OK, intended – that one was pretty good!

That does it for the more dangerous part of her planned future; now to the more ‘safer’ stuff. She loves camping. Being out in the woods, with all that nature and miles away from an internet connection. That last bit isn’t very inviting but camping does sound nice. Whether it’s the out-with-a-campfire-roasting-marshmallows type of camping or being in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, I imagine camping with her would be very nice. Actually, no, I should stop imagining that lest my mind runs away with it. There we go.

Although she’s a mean cook, going to cooking class has a certain appeal to her. I wish I could say the same for singing lessons. She’d like to have those because the woman can’t sing. I wouldn’t say her voice sounds terrible when she sings. Actually, when she sings it sounds like the voice I had, 3 seconds after puberty. When she’s talking, it’s heaven but when she’s singing…pitchfork anyone?


She’s quite lively. Given her playful nature, she’s also the kind of woman you could go firefly-catching with, if you’re into that sort of thing. If that’s not on your possible to-do-list then perhaps some fishing by the lakeside. Now it just sounds like I’m giving you people tips on how to get in good with this woman. Show up with a 9 foot fish stuffed with fireflies and an arrow throw its belly and I guarantee you’ll win her heart on the spot! The last on her possible to-do-list is getting a cat. At their home, they already have cats but I doubt she had much to do with that. She’d like to have her own cat in her apartment-days - the days when she’s left home and is pursuing a career, living in a nice apartment somewhere outside the continent. The independent woman’s dream. As you’d deduce, I’m not a big fan of cats so I didn’t do any research into what kind she’d be into. I always just thought there was one type.

Oh, and by the way, if you bought that poppycock about seducing her with a big can’t be serious. Although it might get you a look of puzzlement from her. That’d be something.












Chapter 5: Inclination






















Boy, it’s been a while since I last did this. It’s been a month, to be exact. I had a serious case of, well, laziness. That said, this is long overdue; moving on...Like any other person, Rosie has a heart and she follows that heart. Anatomically speaking, none of the decisions we make, people/ things we love and things we do are a result of ‘following our hearts’. After all, the heart is only responsible for pumping blood, keeping us alive, blah, blah, blah. So when someone says I’m following my heart or I love you or I love cake and everything else that is predicated on the heart, it’s technically not true. All of that is actually in our brains or somewhere else that shares the same space as the soul.

If you think about it, when you like or love something and there’s something you’re described to have your heart set on, it’s really just inclined to that something. Someone you love is someone you are inclined to spending time with, something you like is something you’re inclined to do the same with and something you ‘have your heart on’ is something you do a lot or in another words, something you’re inclined to. When all those inclinations and fancies are put together, they are represented as the heart and their physical representation is nothing more than, you guessed it, the heart. So when you’re tasked to find the difference between something you do with your head and something you do with your heart, just remember this: Something you do with your head isn’t necessarily something you’re personally inclined to but it may be something consider to be the best option for you or the ‘logical’ decision to make. Whereas decisions made based on the heart...well, I don’t need to explain that bit to you. We’ve all done things that are based on our hearts that obviously don’t coincide with what we’d logically do. But you already knew all of that, didn’t you!? That’s 2 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

So, like everyone else, Ros has a heart. She has things that are in her heart, things that aren’t and everything in between. Para-Rosey likes to touch people’s feet. Don’t worry, it’s not as weird as it sounds. She likes touching the feet of people that are close to her. Not physically, but like I mentioned, people who are more or less in her heart. People she trusts and people who don’t mind her strange behaviour. She likes rhythmic gymnastics, synchronized swimming and athletics. I’m not sure if that’s related to watching the Olympics or if she actually enjoys doing those things. Whatever the case, I know she’s not a good runner. It’s not like she sucks or anything...but yeah, she kinda sucks. Alright, alright, she doesn’t suck. She’s just out of practice. She can get pretty active and whatnot but that does not include her doing any athletics. Even though the last bit about athletics is foggy, I know for sure that she doesn’t play basketball. She sort of likes it, but she doesn’t play.

She definitely likes murky or eerie things. A testament to this is how, if she were given the chance to go to a costume party one day, she’d go dressed as Medusa. Yes, the mythical, evil lady who had snakes for hair and whose sight could turn men into stone. Fun. Of course, the sight of Loise would not turn men into stone...although prolonged staring would cause a certain part of them to become...hard. Let me just say, I would’ve let this one slide but it just seemed too good to pass up and I couldn’t write an entire book without any dirty jokes, now, could I ? I could but I really didn’t want to. If she reads this book, which I’m sure she will, I know she’ll look down on that part so let me just say...I’m not sorry. Ha-ha. Besides, she likes vampires as well so dressing up like one is definitely an option for her.

Staying on the darker side of things, some time ago, there was talk of there being 15 days of darkness upon the earth. No comment. Such talk undoubtedly crossed Rosie’s path and it made her wonder how she’d feel about 15 days of darkness. It didn’t take her long to decide that she would actually like it if something like that happen. Again, no comment. You may or not be wondering why I haven’t mentioned anything about her academic life yet. If I have, forgive me. She’s an artistic and scientific genius. That’s quite a dangerous combination. Capable of great good...and great evil. Aren’t we all glad she’s not on the dark side then?

She likes recording personal events, emotions and everyday least, that’s what I think she puts in her journal. I’ve once been issued a death threat for trying to get my hands on it. Though I don’t think she’d ever lay a hand on kill. She likes baking too! Who doesn’t like baking? Actually, a lot of people don’t like baking...But that’s probably why I’m not talking about them in this book. Her friends are forever singing praises of her kitchen prowess!

In life there’s always that something we love to do but aren’t really good at. For me that would be singing and dancing; I suck at both. Rosemary can dance…but if you’ve been paying attention, she can’t sing either. I suppose while we’re on the subject of things loved and yet unreachable, we could touch on bicycles. She can’t ride a bike. Granted, I’m not sure if she’d love to but there’s a rumour that some guy wants to start teaching her to…from scratch. Lord have mercy on his soul. If the pace or tone of this paragraph seems to have changed in the last few lines or so, it’s because this is my first time on the keyboard in quite a while. More than a month in fact. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Is this guy even serious?’ To be honest, sometimes I’m not. Frankly, my deadline is in a week and I have a long way to go but I’m pretty sure I can do this.

If you reach the end of the book there’ll be a message waiting for you that says,’ I made it in time’. Actually, now that I think about it, if I finish the book there really won’t be any reason for me to leave such a note. Forget I said anything then. If you haven’t noticed by now, from the moment I confessed that I haven’t written in this book for a while, I’ve just been ranting so I can re-familiarise myself with the keyboard and get my ‘creative juices’ flowing. I’m sorry, I don’t usually say, ’creative juices’ but the moment called for it. At any rate, I think my plan is working.

We all have a certain inclination to weather. Since it’s always kind of…there, one has no choice but to form an opinion or a preference regarding weather. Sunny days, rainy days, you get the point, right? Well, much like myself, Loise likes cold weather and rainy days (which still doesn’t line up with her love for Australia! Must be a cultural thing). I don’t know if it’s the heightened enjoyment for coffee, blankets, sleep, television or all of the above but I think we can all agree that people who love cold weather are people who aren’t afraid to play the role of ‘fat cat’ once in a while. Even though it’s physiologically contradictive, I too enjoy being a ‘fat cat’. I don’t think I need to explain the meaning behind a fat cat -someone who likes to be cosy, comfortable and lazy at times. I didn’t want to have to explain that. I know I didn’t have to…but my fingers just kept going.

As I mentioned before in chapter 3, Rosie-O-Donald has an interest in the animal kingdom. She absolutely loves animals. Between you and me, I think she loves them because they remind her of children. She loves those too. As a cat person, she loves lions. She says they’re pretty. Not the word I’d go for but this isn’t my biography. I’m actually a cheetah-man myself. As I’ve mentioned earlier, there’s apparently different types of domestic cats. Why does everything have to be so complicated? I at least found out a bit of extra information on that. She’d love to own a hairless cat. GO, GO, GO!

Who likes hairless cats? Evil queens, that’s who. She isn’t one- far from it- but that had to be said. Anyway, we’re still on the subject of things Rosie is inclined to. Things she thinks about. Things she dreams about. Perfect way to slip in that she’d love to have a tree house one day. Not to live in full time, of course, but still. I wonder if she’d also be open to building the tree house herself. I know I will…one day. On a completely unrelated note, she likes volcanoes. I’m not sure why. I should’ve done more research on that. Too late. At the beginning of the chapter I pointed out that Rosie likes to touch people’s feet. I’m sure you all gasped when you read that one. I’m bringing this up because it might’ve been the best way for me to introduce a sock related like. Since this is ‘feet business’. She loves them…as long as she’s not in bed. No, they fly off her feet the moment she goes into blanket-mode. I get that. It’s nice to feel a little chilly in your blankets. That way you can assume the foetal position with no shame.

Throughout the book so far, you’ve no doubt picked up my hints about Rosie being rather…dark. Rock music, horror movies; the whole shebang. She’s certainly a two-sided coin. Aren’t we all? She’s quite a fan when it comes to dark, ominous and sinister things (are sinister and ominous synonyms?) but if you saw how friendly she is you wouldn’t dream it. That’s the stereotype, isn’t it? ‘If they listen to rock music and watch horror movies and like being scared, they’re ‘bad kids’. Untrue. It’s very true that more than a few examples of media and literature on the dark side of things poisons and corrupts individuals who are drawn to them but let’s not forget that not everyone is corruptible enough to see violence in pop culture and be inclined to emulate it because it’s ‘popular’. Those of us who know better are then burnt at the stake because of mistaken association with weak-willed individuals who succumb to every, and any, doctrine thrown at them. I’m not judging these people who follow bad behaviour because of art and entertainment. I’m simply pointing out that in such an uncertain age like this, there still remain people who do things because THEY want to. Not because a famous actor portrayed it on the telly. Will I get in trouble for calling some people weak-willed? I’m not saying it’s bad to have a TV role model and such. I’m just not a fan of such role models who inspire…trouble. Trouble is subjective.














Chapter 6: Kindred
















The toughest chapter yet? You bet it is! Simply because, unlike Ros, the main character of this book, whom we feel like we know already because we (I) did our research, we don’t know much about the array of individuals who will be introduced next. You guessed it! This chapter entails the ones Ros is akin to. Her friends and family. I do not know enough about these people to perform an in-depth analysis and evaluation on them. I wish I did. Nonetheless, they are in close ties with our subject and we know a lot about her. In turn, she knows a lot about them.

These people, just like any other person, are the people responsible for most of the pain and love Ros experiences in her life. Funny how the ones close to us always rub us the wrong way as much as they do the right way. Whatever the case, good or bad, she wouldn’t be quite the person she is without her dad, her mum, Kuda, Amy, Rudo and Grace. Yep, I’ve got work to do. I better go to bed and continue this with a fresh pane of thought tomorrow. Don’t worry, you won’t even realize I’m gone.

See. You didn’t even feel the 24 hours go by. First, I’d like to start by saying that Rosie lost her Dad at a very young age. She lives with her Mother. I said that Mr Rivers passed away; then why did I say Rosemary wouldn’t be who she is without him? Well, firstly, he had a hand in her conception. Well, not a hand but you get the picture. (Actually, don’t picture that. What’s wrong with you?) But that’s not where my point is. Just like him being present today would’ve made a difference in Rosie’s life, his absence does as well. Since the Rosie today isn’t as lucky as baby Rosie, who got to meet her dad, the capsule in her mind that’s labelled, ‘Dad’ is…empty? No. It isn’t empty. It may not have completely discernable memories, but it has something that’s almost as good- an incorruptible ideal.

Consciously or subconsciously, one way or the other, Rosie is in pursuit of this ideal. Being fresh out of teenage-hood, it’s obvious that she hasn’t yet attained all the qualities that she thinks her dad had. Despite that, she remains in admiration of them and that means she recognises the space in her matrix that can be occupied by these qualities. Qualities that will make Rosemary grow into the amazing impression of her dad that she feels deep inside…very deep. If you want to look at this logically and cast away the credibility of aspiring to something because of a feeling ‘deep inside’ then listen up…Or read properly. 

She has no real way of knowing how her Dad was but if we take her mum’s personality and match it with Rosie, there are gaps. Very big gaps. No doubt, those belong to her dad. Satisfied? Yeah, I got a little logic in me! To my other trusty reader(s), how am I doing so far? Not awful, yeah? I know how sensitive family matters can be. Even more so when I consider that Rosie’s family isn’t the most conventional one out there, so I’m staying within the lines of permission – working on what I’ve been told. If I were to have a moment where I can let my imagination roam free on this delicate subject, I’d probably speak on her dad. I personally think that he was a strong man. A loudmouth yet he knew how to respect others even when he let his hot head lead the way.

I think he was stubborn, for good reason, and brilliant. He knew how to handle seemingly impossible situations because he had gone through more than a few of them himself. He wasn’t perfect but he brought out the best in everyone around him – the light he donned proudly drew the light from deep within everyone else. I seem rather confident. That’s because I’ve seen all these qualities, more or less latent in Ros. Every day, in everything she goes through, she gets closer to her dad’s ideal. It’s a beautiful sight.

Now, earlier, I said that matching Rosie’s personality and her mum’s would leave gaps. You probably grasped the insinuation – She’s not the best mother in the world. Like I’ve already said, I’ll keep a tight formation. I won’t theorise on how or why this woman is the way he is. I don’t know her. What I do know is that she’s a single parent who’s raised a child without the guidance and assistance of her husband, while having to deal with that loss and the loss of her mother. Though not a reason for being a ‘bad’ parent, it factors in – life is hard, and no parents are what you’d call perfect. That said, Ros does not have the fondest of emotions or memories associated with her mum. She’s lived in a house where she’s never felt like she’s at home with a woman who’s never consistently showed that she’s her unconditional-love-filled Mum. The sad part is that it’s all she knows. Being pried away from her dad’s family’s side, she lost the only connection to a loving parent.

Though far from an angel, she’s no demon. It’s clear that something happened in Ros’ childhood, maybe on a once-regular basis. This something allusively pointed out to be the foundation of the story of her life, seems to have pulled apart mother and daughter. An irreversible pull. Judging from the subject’s words – which will remain anonymous –it’s abundantly clear that hers is a broken family. It coexists every day, the broken pieces circulate around each other, bumping into one another, but never in a way that will glue them back together.

Mrs Rivers, being the person she is, has lived long enough to build a generous lifestyle for herself and her family. Material things seem to not be a problem for her so one would think that the rest of her time and effort should be to things that desperately require her attention. Her daughter, for instance. She was able to give time enough to hurt her in a way that scarred her but she won’t devote the same time to at least try to fix it. If it can even be fixed. Arguably, if she continues like this, her best years are behind her because which mum would live a happy life if that life doesn’t have a loving daughter in it?

Rosemary Rivers, has her whole life ahead of her. An entire future ready to be built, mistakes and amends ready to be made, decisions ready to be put in practice and billions upon billions of breaths ready to be breathed. One cannot help but think that because of her unresolved issues with her mother, her life won’t be lived up to its full and blooming potential. Leaving looks like the best option for her and it very well might be, but running away from the place where one gets a snake bite will not make the bite disappear. The pain lingers.

I’m not making any suggestions here. She’s tried to be a daughter despite everything and it hasn’t gone well. Whether her mum is in her life or not, resolving her issues with her [when the day of resolution comes] will breathe new, building life into a broken one desperate to work effectively with its many compromised areas. This life has given birth to conflict, separation, brokenness, hopelessness and many other ugly emotions and conditions. It’s a wonder with all of this, Rosemary is still not a ‘bad apple’. A kind of breakthrough may not look like it’s in the cards at the moment or in the near future but at least she can take comfort in one thing -To be this battered and bruised at 20 and still be holding it together, marching on and hoping on, certainly means better things should come eventually.

Even if we throw hope out the window, statistically, life won’t get much worse for her before it gets better. On the cusp of adulthood, harbouring numerous talents, gifts and the enthusiasm to let them shine through will surely work in her favour. It’s a ‘hard-knock-life’ at 20. One that has made her strong through her tears and moments of weakness. She’s tougher than she looks. OK, you haven’t looked at her but take my word for it. She looks like the representative of cuteness and glee all around the globe but inside is a woman who has seen and felt searing fire…fire that will be unleashed soon enough [in a completely eco-friendly and productive way, of course].

To sum up the mother and daughter ‘segment’, the current situation is of no benefit to either parties. She’s a mother without the love of her daughter and she’s a daughter without the love of her mother. Both of them are far from perfect but no matter where life takes them, God created a part in Mrs Rivers that runs and thrives on the love of her daughter. And though Rosie might argue that her equivalent to that part has gone cold and fallen off, that part still lives and longs for the love of a mother.

This deep into the chapter, you’ve probably noticed that we’ve taken a turn to the gloomy side. Never fear, The Fantastic 5 are here! Yes, that is exactly what I said – The Fantastic 5. That’s the group name that Ros and her 4 best friends gave themselves. Before I reintroduce you to the other 4, I’ll just start by telling you the ‘dynamic’ between them and Loise. They’ve all been friends for 11 years. The friendship probably started out as your average, problem-free, gleeful alliance among 9 year-olds. But time goes on, puberty hits, problems become complex, underlying ones come to light and it starts to feel more like a family rather than a friendship. When they met, two of them went to one grade-school, and the others went to a different one. I’m betting they single-mindedly made sure that their parents send them to the same high school. Because that’s exactly what happened!

Upon ‘’interviewing’’ our subject about her friends, she talked about a few things that more or less characterise their bond. They’re a stubborn, opinionated, at-times-quiet and definitely weird set of women. Rosemary wasn’t shy in admitting that they drive each other crazy at times, but they always seem to find a way to work it out or brave it out! Being an only child who has a cold, distant mother, I feel like her friends are the closest thing she has to sisters…and maybe even a mother. I mean, their combined ages are 80 so I’m convinced there’s enough among them to work as a kind-of-mum.

At least I know that throughout all her trials with her mother, her friends kept her sane. They’ve obviously even bonded to the point where trials and baggage has developed between them! What are families for if they don’t get on your nerves, right? Since her friends get a second row seat to whatever occurs between Loise Street and her mum, who better to understand her, the situation, and then help her through it? Being with her that long obviously means they’ve been entangled in family/relative politics as well so we know they’ve been around the block (or stream) more than a few times. I said stream because she’s called Rivers…Funny, right? No? Well, let’s just move on then.

I hope you’ve been paying attention- don’t drift out. I know when reading a book there exist moments when your brain puts your eyes on autopilot and your mind dwells on other things. If that’s what you’re doing right now or if you’ve done so before, I’m very offended. So, eyes on me, buddy - and by ‘me’, I mean my words. You’ve seen the calmed Dad-section, the entangling Mum-section and the liberating friends-section, somewhat. What say I get you acquainted with the lovely ladies we’ve been talking about in the last few paragraphs! Come on. They won’t bite.

In case you’ve forgotten, they call themselves The Fantastic 5. I probably shouldn’t say this but that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. But they’re a clique and the best ones do that! What, you’ve never been part of a clique before? How sad. Anyway, this isn’t about your sad, clique-less life (Yes, I’m a rude author. You should be over it by now). Here are the names of the official F5, again…You’d forgotten their names, hadn’t you? Or did I make you think I hadn’t mentioned them before? Whatever! Here they are: Grace, Amy, Rudo, Rosemary and Kuda. Before I say my piece about it, a word from our sponsor.

Kuda and Amy? Those two? Oh, my god... they show their love through abuse! It’s not, like, physical abuse or anything like that. No. Just insults…Not serious ones but charming ones. Ya kinda start loving them for it. They’re not huggers like I am but ya can’t have everything. Despite that, they’re actually the most supportive people I know. Rudo is such a speech-giver! I swear, 98 % of the time, she’s saying a speech about something! Last week, she said a speech about the toppings on our pizza! OK, that’s a lie but you get what I’m trying to say. And Grace… She’s not as chatty as the rest of us but she makes up for it in just…everything else. It’s kinda beautiful.

Bet you weren’t expecting that! An actual, direct quote from the woman herself.  I hope it gives you a semi-clear picture of how quirky she is. I won’t tell you how I know these girls or where I’ll find the information to support what I specifically write about them. You just pay attention. I’m not a stalker. I swear. She’s right about Kuda and Amy. 50% of the time, mid-interaction with them, you’re fighting to keep yourself from taking their insults seriously and having a nervous breakdown. For Amy, it’s 90% of the time. Don’t worry for my safety. They proudly admit to these facts. Ros used the perfect word- supportive. They are the complete support system. Kuda is full of wisdom. Most of it, spiritual but she’s got conventional wisdom, too. She’s always the realist but makes sure that she doesn’t tear you down when she’s twining a hope-rope for you to grab onto. Unless she’s chastening you, in which case, she’ll annihilate you. For good reason, of course, and it’s always with the truth. Truth hurts, as they say. She takes the responsibility of making sure that the people that encamp around her aren’t in any way fake, fledgling or weaklings. She’s the best person for a good and truly insane laugh coupled with big-sister love. Not just any kind of love. Big-sister love! This means she’s a proverbial sister-bear for Rosie.

Amy, like I mentioned before is 90% insults. That’s not me trying to be funny- I genuinely think that her entire being is made up of 90% insults. That said, she’s a surprise package when it comes to ‘the deep stuff’. She understands a lot and is the best vessel for the knowledge and mental comprehension entrusted to her because she doesn’t walk around claiming to know it all. To the outside, she just looks like your mean, music-loving, younger sister that isn’t afraid to call you an idiot when the moment calls or DOESN’T call for it. You wouldn’t think, by just looking at her, that she’s wise and has a nerdy side to her. I’m sure her love of rock music is one of the top things she has in common with Rosie-O-Donald. She’s also very sarcastic.

Sadly, I don’t know much about Grace. Like the information states, she’s silent but loving and I’m guessing you’d really have to know her to understand how that works. But since she too, plays a huge role in Rosemary’s life, she, no doubt, plays an important one. I don’t want that to be the only thing I say about her though so here’s a direct quote from a mystery source: Grace is quick to help…like, she’s got the gift of helping. Most people don’t really realize how rare it is having something referred to as a ‘gift of helping’. That’s because this world is filled with selfish people and people who say, ‘on fleek’ on a daily basis. Both sets of people are equally unbeneficial to the progress of mankind! You can’t separate love from giving so Grace is more important than the amount of words on her prop her up to be.

Last, and certainly not least, Rudo. What does Rosie mean when she says that she’s a speech-giver? Well, my sleep deprived friend, I shall tell you. If you’re reading this in clear-cut daytime and you don’t feel tired at all, then that last statement sounds kind of confusing. Just keep moving if you want to finish this book, OK? Good! Rudo is someone I can describe in one word- Mhamha (which means mother). From the day I met her, I’ve always gotten the mummy-vibe from her (There goes my thinly-veiled secret as to why I know so much about them. Drat!). It doesn’t help that she drives a family car and drives her friends around like they’re her kids. Maybe she’s the never-aging, time-travelling mum of the Fantastic 5. Who knows? All I know is, she’s definitely what I say she is; a mum. Loving, kind, generous and just a tad overprotective and invasive. As all good mothers are. They just care so much that sometimes boundaries look like nothing compared to the wellbeing of their child. And don’t think that she doesn’t realize this herself. She does, and sometimes it’s not fun to be recognised as that person who’s like a mum. But just like the other trait that good mothers have, she sacrifices the desire to have people perceive her as just a normal, loving person in pursuit of that unconditional love- for her cubs. She knows that if she wasn’t a bit…much at times, no one else would be and things would be different. People don’t realize that. I respect that. The famed ‘speeches’ are how she shows her love. She’s filled with the unbelievable burden of care and concern about the people around her that she makes sure that no word is left unsaid, lest it be used to help the person she engages in conversation with. Not everyone who does long speeches does so because they love talking [like me]. Others do it to show that they actually give a rat’s hat about the people they talk to. She’s a voice of care and protection.

Learning about Zazzy Rosie’s friends kind of makes you jealous, doesn’t it? Those people, though they don’t share blood with her, share something far more significant – an intertwined story. Five people going through the toughest time in their lives and coexisting in…not always harmony, but love. They don’t put aside their differences in order to get along. Personalities and egos clash on a regular basis and they work through it together and keep on keeping on. It’s like the sisterhood of the travelling pants. If you’ve seen those flicks on TV that tell of different girls in high school, not necessarily overcoming their differences but hashing them out among each other as they experience the true meaning of friendship and wonder if it could be real (most of you say it isn’t), trust me when I say it is. I’ve seen it. I’ve walked in the midst of it.

It’s far from perfect but the fact that that friendship maintains itself through each individual and lives on imperfectly sort of makes it perfect. After all, you’ve heard of ‘perfect’ relationships ending in disaster. Yet this imperfect circle lives on and is responsible for certain traits within all of them. Each person influences the other in some way and consciously or subconsciously, they’ve been building each other’s identities for the past 11 years. That means, apart, none of them would be the same.


I don’t drink but I feel like I need to have a beer right now. I’m starting to sound like a basket of muffins!









Chapter 7: ROSIE





















Now, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, it’s just you? No one else is there? OK. Well, then, lady…it’s time for the moment you’ve been waiting for since you picked up this book- THE FINAL CHAPTER!!! Don’t give me that look. We both know that from the moment you started reading you wanted to finish reading. Even if you enjoyed it sometimes, there were times when you were just like, ‘Oh, my freaking gosh, dude!’ You are, after all, reading so you can finish. If you’re reading for something else, well, then kudos- I’m very proud of you. Be sure to pick up your medal on your way out. Now, enough with the time wasting. Let’s get cracking!

Like I may or may not have said before, herein lies my favourite part of the book. I’ll tell you why, first, before I get to it. Not that this book isn’t ‘free’ enough but like any person mentally collected [or completely insane] enough to write a book, there are set guidelines. Mine were different from the conventional but they existed anyway. Did you get the past tense? Yes! They did exist. Not anymore. If this was wrestling, it’d be a no-holds-barred match. What? We all have a past! For me, that included watching wrestling, don’t judge me. In any case, I’m taking the gloves off, so to speak. Alright, I should stop saying stupid phrases. I’m going to tell you what I think of Rosie, how I see her, random things about her and I’m just going to have fun with this.

You probably think that from what I’ve said so far, I’ve given you the run-up on this woman’s personality. In telling you her hobbies and whatnot, I might have unintentionally dug deeper and revealed the person behind those things and her affinity or relation towards them. I apologize for that. In this chapter, however, I will tell you my intention. I want to inform you of the tiny things that make up Rosie. Everything else before this chapter, we can just take and put in any other random girl but she would still be a complete stranger as compared to Rosie. You might think that if I take the frame of all things mentioned before and put it in a separate, empty shell of a human, that human would be Rosemary Loise Rivers. She wouldn’t. Here’s why.


I met Rosie on the 10th of August, 2014. In the time that I’ve known her, I’ve picked up more than a few things about her. Things you’ve read in this book, schedules and anything that just makes me familiar with her. Don’t worry, I’m not a stalker. I guess I should tell you the truth now, about my true feelings towards Rosie, but something tells me you’ve known all along. Well, since you already know, I don’t have to explain anything. Rosie…she’s special. I’m not talking about her being special to me, no. This isn’t about me. This is about her. And she’s just special, OK? Sheesh!

When I say that, I could be referring to the hundreds of thoughts parading across my mind at super-speed at the moment. I’ve known her for only 9 or 10 months but I feel like I’ve known her my entire life. And beyond. If I had the time, space or permission to explain that last part to you, I would, but I can’t. I hope nothing disturbs me – I’m in the zone! She’s beautiful. Not just on the outside, although that’s pretty hard to ignore. I’m talking about her mind. Her heart. Actually, her heart isn’t beautiful, it’s pristine. Her mind is like nothing I’ve ever seen. I actually haven’t seen her mind- I’m not, like, a brain surgeon. But I see it!

I’ll just start by getting the fact that she’s a reflective person, out of the way. Which isn’t always a bad thing, but she thinks about the past a lot and it affects her. Since her past isn’t filled with the rosiest of memories, you can guess that they don’t affect her in a good way. Because of that, she gets rather negative at times. As we speak, she’s actually quite hopeless concerning the circumstances she’s trapped in at the moment. I won’t tell you what these circumstances are but just know that they are pretty bad. They’re really bad. Oh, dear, she has the worst life in human history! OK, you’ve got me – I’m exaggerating. You probably also got that I’m doing it for a reason. Now the fun begins.

Her life is indeed bad but her state, something only she’s in control of, is worse than any problem she’s facing or has faced. What I’m saying is, Rosie has been shot by a gun but in her mind, she’s already dead. Don’t worry, nobody’s been shot. But I’m making the point that, as bad as Rosie’ s life situation is, her mind tells her that it’s worse and she’ll never get out of her slump if she continues to think like that. As someone wise once said; you can’t go forward when your mind is going backwards and you can’t produce a positive life from a negative mind. The bible has a tripped out version of this. Those two are actually derivatives of that. A good tree can’t bear bad fruit and a bad tree can’t bear good fruit…or so it goes. OK, this isn’t a self-help book.

What I’ve said on this aspect of the matter is very much open to interpretation but I’ll move on. As much as Rosie may claim that she’s lost all hope, I don’t believe that’s true. In her daily routine, or once in a while, she engages in actions that no hopeless person would engage in. She goes to school, she doesn’t just slash her wrists and end it, she dresses up pretty nicely, she eats, she laughs, she entertains, she allows herself to be entertained, she sings(badly), she swims, she runs, she jumps, she studies, she enjoys, she breathes, she lives, she loves, she smiles…you get my point, right? Actions speak louder than words.

We catch the part of Rosie that is negative, in the act because that part makes Rosie proclaim hopelessness - but since that [hopelessness] isn’t the case, Pessimistic-Rosie doesn’t have what it takes to stop Rosie from living positively. Boom. It just proves there’s hope. It proves that there is a pure place where the strength to do all those things is coming from. Already, I think you’re starting to see the beauty in her mind. Beauty isn’t in the eye of the beholder nor is it appealing per say. Beauty is nature showing you what it is, not what you prefer it to be, and still making you love it to the depths of your core. Have you ever looked at a sunset or a starry night? Any natural thing you find pretty will do. You look at it, and the fact that you can’t change or modify what you’re looking at is ever-present, yet this sight makes you fall absolutely in love with it. It sort of teaches you to marvel at what it was meant to be- beyond your comprehension- and in the moment, it’s enough. Though if you could modify it, you might, but you probably wouldn’t know how to and you’d just ruin it for everyone. That’s how Rosie’s mind is like. It surprises you. Sometimes it does something you’re familiar with so you can feel connected to it, but whatever it does, you just marvel.

If you want to get a better understanding of what I mean, think of a TV show you watch over and over, a song you listen to in the same way or a person you’ve loved for longer than you think might be necessary. You don’t care what people say or think. All you do is dwell on it and it sparks something inside of you that leaps for joy each time or spurs familiarity and eternally limited contentment- You know that that song you love only lasts 3 minutes and 49 seconds but in between, it feels like forever. You just want to watch The Big Bang Theory or Bleach, listen to Skillet or classical music or look at the night-sky every night. You just want to experience the beauty. To beauty may come randomness and Rosie is, in my opinion, the queen of randomness. She’ll say something completely ridiculous and find a way to make it make sense. It’s like writing a story about a flying a man and to make people ‘believe’ that he can fly, you give them a reason that doesn’t make sense. What do we call that? Storytelling…Creativity…Inspiration. That’s her every day.

Even when she’s having bad days, she has the gift to make at least one person near her, happy. I’ve had that honour. I shall not populate this book with blatant clichés like, she’s funny, charming, bubbly, goofy, stubborn, short-tempered, compassionate, kind and weird. NO! I won’t say that. This is no place for such things! When I say she’s funny, though, I don’t mean in the conventional sense. She makes pretty bad jokes but in her demeanour, she exhibits silliness and humour in a pure form that even when she says a bad joke, you can’t help but laugh. She’s very headstrong and doesn’t like being told what to do. She’s strong. Adding that up on your scientific calculator may say, ‘control freak’. Is she though? Not really but she does like being in control and strongly dislikes it when she isn’t. She likes doing things her way and even when she realizes she might’ve have taken a wrong turn, she sticks with it. I don’t know if it’s to prove that she can do it or feed her pride but, nonetheless, she works hard!

She’s very smart. Book-smart. Common sense in the moment isn’t her strong suit though. Before you think I’m insulting her, here’s what I mean: She’s blonde (No offense to actual or dyed Blondes – I’m just using the stereotype). Froogle matters found in everyday interaction can get beyond her but there’s no doubt that she’s very intelligent so she understands the important stuff. She’s retro and Goth. I’ve already told you about her love for rock music but she’s also almost old-school [in a sense]. She’s quite anglicised but I mean, she takes pleasure in the simple things in life like aw-ing at babies, JAZZ HANDS, believing in love, high-fiving and just having an aspect [I can’t quite put my finger on] that makes me say things like, ‘She’s retro’.

She’s very much into dark and sinister stuff but her outward demeanour sometimes wouldn’t suggest it. Maybe it does when she’s being anti-social. She’s got the feel of a ‘social butterfly’ in that her weirdness is appealing and attractive but she intentionally shuts down and becomes selective when the moment becomes her. Like, when she’s around people she doesn’t know. She’s highly imaginative and expressive. When she’s talking, she truly embodies the phrase, ’body language’. She uses her arms, bobs her head, switches between several facial expressions [normal and weird] and she just goes with the flow. So if you watch something dramatic with her and you ask her to explain to you, prepare to relive the drama, in an even more exciting and interesting manner.

She’s talkative. Boy, she’s talkative. That’s an awesome thing because if she had all these things I’m talking about and didn’t have an outlet for them, we’d be in trouble. She’s a total nerd. She loves the supernatural, science fiction, anime and is just straight up science-y. She’s one of the few people whose days can be made or broken by something on TV, in a book or in a song. Though she’s all for the dark stuff, she’s afraid of the dark, weirdly. She thinks that aliens exist and that they are angels. I’m not completely sold on that theory but I don’t oppose it either. The bible has some really compelling evidence relating to that matter.

Oh, you thought I was kidding when I said she’s a nerd? Well, hearing about angelic aliens probably changed your mind, didn’t it? SHE LOVES MUSIC. She’s always listening to it and- wait, everyone loves music. Right? Then let’s move on. She’s quite awkward in a funny and adorable way. And don’t underestimate the adorable part – if she stood in front of you, looked up to you with those eyes of hers and said something [anything] softly, you would obey her every whim. It’s a mystery to me why she can’t sing. Since her voice is quite something. I wish I could make that sound less generic but by saying, ‘it’s quite something’, I’m not limiting your imagination when you imagine what I’m trying to say.

As aforementioned, she’s all musical [and stuff]. She used to play guitar, the cello and the violin. I hear that once you learn how to play a violin, you never forget though. She still plays the piano. Not done yet. She’s a poet or she used to be a poet. She prefers the latter but I’ve tried her on a couple of occasions and I can proudly say that she is a poet. A good one. To be honest, I had underestimated her before I saw her in action. As much action as poetry can contain.

She’s an artist, on top of being artistic. No wonder her mind is beautiful. You can even tell from her handwriting that she does not conform to the bland rules of marking up paper. I know she isn’t ‘innocent’ but she has a…purity to her. That’s all I have to say on that.

Alright, buckle up! We’re about to go into the speed round. What that’ll be is me randomly copying off the remainder of my source material to finish the section quicker. I’m not being lazy, I like mixing things up, quickly. Here we go!

She used to be a Chelsea ‘fan’ but now she’s a Real Madrid ‘fan’. Why the quotes? Because I’m a football fan and I’m allowed to put quotes there. Her favourite colour is red. I’d mention the other ones, like blue, but the list changes from time to time and I hate being inaccurate. I said something about me being familiar with her schedule, a few parts back. I’ll only tell you that on school days, she switches her phone off at 0620hrs and is on her way to school by 0640hrs (Yeah, her university is close enough to her house that she doesn’t have/get to live there). The time she wakes up is entirely up to her. She finds the getting-flowers-for-someone paradigm cute. She isn’t much of a Shona speaker.

She says, ‘’Oh, my god’’ in most of her sentences. And she says ‘’Like’’, like, all the time! She loves the rain and getting rained on. Just as long as it’s not too much and her phone is magically unharmed by that rain. She loves lightning. I love it too – as long as I’m in indoors. She’s claustrophobic. She has quite a lot of hair. It’s one of the things I lo- Hold on, you’re not supposed to know that. She has a lot of hair and any girl would be jealous. Even girls who like keeping shaved heads would be jealous. She ties it up most days but when she goes out, she styles it. She loathes tattoos!


She has a lightning-bolt shaped birthmark on the back of her neck. Yes, lightning bolt. Talk about interesting, huh? Even her birthmarks embody it. We’re almost done with the speed round. She has perfect vision. You could mouth profanity at her from a hundred yards and she’d know what you said.

I told you that I’d give you the reason why, if we put all that stuff about Rosie in another body that would also look like her, she wouldn’t resemble the original. Interlaced in this whole ramble of a chapter, you will find quirks, idiosyncrasies, tendencies, thought patterns, or lack thereof [in the event that I actually said nothing on her thought pattern], wishes, hopes maybe dreams and find that without these, the previously mentioned shell would not be Rosie. She’d be a knockoff. Let’s call her, Rosee. Rosee, without all the things that encompass this and the dying embers of the last chapter, would probably stumble through life with all of that within her and wouldn’t know how to implement or make use of them to create a fully functional, amazing Rosie. It’s like taking a work of art that was originally put on a large, 10 foot cylinder and putting it on an A4 piece of paper. It’s the same artwork but it will lose its individuality because instead of being on a large curved surface, it’s now on a straight one. [You might be thinking that Rosee is a slender girl that looks like she’s been starved her whole life as opposed to the more defined and curved Rosie. If you are, get your mind out of the gutter – You’re forming a connection where there is none! Though, that part about Rosie isn’t a lie] The observers of this work of art would find that when it’s on the flat-surfaced paper, it won’t make them change their perspective as they follow the piece, like it did on the cylinder. The fun of having to change your position, run around, jump up and down, tilt and turn your head to view the piece in completion would be substituted for simply darting your eyes side to side. That doesn’t sound very nice, does it?





Think about it


Every year goes by and we all say something like, “This year sucked” at the end. That’s because we have nothing notable to speak of after each year. If you do, you either know what I’m talking about or you’re drunk/high and you just feel really good right now. In any case, it’s not like we should put pressure on ourselves to be stressed out mini-adults that ‘work hard’ every day, but to tell the truth, many of us are kind of deadbeats (no matter how attractive we look). We’ve been given all these talents and gifts and to top it all off, we are given 86 400 seconds each day to try and find out what they are and unleash them onto the world, in a non-violent way, of course. If we died today and God asked us what we used all that time on, we would probably only speak long enough to earn less than a thousand of the 86 400. There are many people who don’t have what we have lying dormant inside of us yet we’ve squandered it all so far, complaining and lying around, depressed all day. That one is a bookmark out of the story of my life. What I’m trying to say is that we’re not children anymore. We’ve been in school and we’ve gone through a lot of heartache and ordeals to know what makes up the best of us. If we really want to be able to say something like, “this was a decent year” and mean it, it should be because of our own efforts. We shouldn’t sulk over why God isn’t making our lives spectacular each year; we should do what it takes to make it spectacular ourselves.

It’s time we realized that life doesn’t owe us anything, instead we owe it to ourselves to be better and do better. That last sentence is a quote from my best friend. Uh, naming him/her might spark controversy (Not kidding). She/he is right. What did you do for life so it can hand you unicorn farts and butterflies on a platter every day so you always have a beaming smile on your face? Actually, I don’t think any kind of farts are pleasant and butterflies smell weird but you get the point, right? Life gave you breath. Which is more than what many are able to say. YOU didn’t give birth to you. YOU didn’t bloom yourself into existence. I think we’re all mature enough to realize that existence is a series of give and take.

That said, prove why life made a good choice and didn’t just screw it up for the rest of us. You may be thinking that that thousand-second-time-frame thing I mentioned earlier is an absurd exaggeration but, think about it; one of The Creator’s names has the word ‘create’ in it. Which means He knows everything there is to know and not know about creativity and it also means that He won’t be expecting you to patronize Him with an essay when His question only requires you to answer in point form. It’s Judgment Day here so spit-balling an essay in front of the One who knows every trick in the book is asking for too much. He probably doesn’t need the book. The book is just an imaginary piece of crumpled up paper He threw out on the earth when He was figuring out how to spell His name out in a way humans would understand. The human race then took that piece of paper, idealized all their thoughts, emotions and experiences from 0 BC to now and made it into this invisible book. So instead of thinking that you’re going to string up all the happy accidents that make up the good part of your life experiences and use that to somehow prove that you’ve lived a worthwhile life, you can go out there and actually start utilizing all the valuable time you’re being given. Granted, reading this book may have taken a huge chunk out of that time but there’s no use in crying over spilt milk.















PS: If you don’t believe in God, you can replace any references to Him with whatever you want. As long as it makes sense to you. After all, I can’t really sway your beliefs. Or can I? MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, ignore that last part




‘’Oh, no! He’s about to talk about love! NO! NO! Don’t do it! NO, NO, NO!!!!’’, is probably what just ran across your mind/ mouth just now. Don’t worry, if you’re not about the touchy-feely stuff, just skip this part! I don’t care. Although, I’m not completely sold on the concept of love. Whenever I’m forced to describe it, I always say a lot of objective nonsense and then cap it off with, ‘There’s something more’. So, if you want to hear what an objective point of view on love is, don’t skip this part


‘’Something more’’ is characteristic to what anyone with a ‘firm’ understanding of love would describe it. The truth is, when I’m asked about love, all those words before something more are, at best, uninspired and basic. Whether you believe in love or not I think you can still agree that it is something more and something unexplainable. To the naked mind, you’d probably think that most people can’t describe love with words. I’m not about to but I’m going to try and open my own mind to what the surface of it could be. Yes, this next part is completely unrehearsed and fresh out of the ol’ noggin. (To be honest, most of this book sounded like that, didn’t it?)

Love, like any other thing that is invisible and dependant on people’s belief of it, is...unexplainable. So, if you’re asked what love is, your best bet would be to note down what you observe of it, but knowing that it goes deeper than that, you should also make note of that fact; the fact that even though you’ve explained love, you can’t explain love. It’s the same as how the soul cannot be quantified or how people do some things with their ‘heart’ when the heart is nothing more than an aortic pump and the representation of the human mind’s inclination, or gravity...or even God’s existence. All these things are said to be unseen, unproved, unquantifiable, and mythological but they are also another thing - powerful. Or at least powerful enough to move millions/ billions. I think that’s enough to open one’s mind to the existence of such things…Maybe.

The truth is, something as powerful as love can never really be explained for one reason only: You can’t put love in a jar and examine it thoroughly for your desired results. Love is said to be ‘something more’ because it defies logic and reason. Don’t take this the wrong way. Saying ‘’Love defies logic and reason ’‘is not a class-A example of how cliché my explanation can be - I’m actually telling the truth. You should also remember that love isn’t just being considered in terms of a romantic relationship. These days, it’s rarely that, but it’s between family members and friends. Love, for example drives a person to do any and all of the following things:

1) Love someone completely, despite their flaws.

2) Make major life decisions that aren’t logical to anyone but themselves knowing full well the implication and possible repercussions of doing so. This can include, marriage, murder, both, imprisonment, entrapment, personal, career or academic sacrifice and maybe even death.

Actually, I think that’s it. All I can do now is give examples of actual events showing these.

-It’s easy to love someone who does, says or is whoever you desire them to be. The challenge is loving someone together with all their flaws and imperfections when the easier thing to do would be just to find someone else. If you’re a die-hard-lover, to that previous sentence, you’ll probably say, ‘Well, it’s common sense to know that everyone has flaws and no matter how hard you look, even the next person you find will have flaws as well. Some even worse than the other person. The ‘easier’ and reasonable thing to do is to be content with who you have and work on your relationship with them so you can love them deeply with those flaws’. If you would say that then I agree with you 99%.

The other 1% is saying that it’s easy to leave someone who has ‘too many flaws’ for someone who will love you so much that they will extinguish or hide as much of their flaws as they can so that both they and you can be happy. People like that actually exist; people who change themselves for the other person to make it easier for that other person to love them because they love that person so much that they want that person to never leave. I’m pretty cynical about the world but some aspects of me scream, ‘eternal optimist’. One of those aspects is the one part of me which believes the person I mentioned before can exist for any one of us and with that alone, I find it very EASY to leave a relationship with someone who has ‘too many flaws’ in search of someone with less.

It occurs to me that most of you won’t harbour that kind of optimism so let’s just say that there’s always someone better or the grass is always greener(in some cases, it actually is as green as you first perceive it). So, even though it is easier, I wouldn’t do that. Despite my reasons for saying that, I’ve already proven that, to me, it’d be illogical and/or unreasonable for me to stay in a relationship like that, but I’d do it anyway because of love (Uh-oh, I’m actually owning up to believing in love, aren’t I?). I’d do this (I’ve done this) because even though it’s nice to know that someone is out there willing to make themselves better for me, I’d never leave the person who was enough to make me love her in the first place in search of that other someone better.

Even though it’s easier to run, it becomes preferable for me to stay and not only accept my loved one’s flaws but also attempt to understand them and in time, love them as well. I’d do this because I know that my love with that person would be deeper if I understood and embraced even the less desirable aspects of her and she’d love me more deeply if she did the same. If your loved one had, for example, a bad temper, and you hated that about them, those feelings of disdain would be spurred up every time your loved one got angry and you’d spend those moments of anger hating your loved one instead of loving them. However, if you attempted to understand why your loved one has a short temper, you probably wouldn’t mind as much every time they got mad. These things aren’t a one-time-operation; you never stop learning about the person you’re in a relationship because, despite society and its most habitual inhabitants, humans are complicated creatures. Meaning, you won’t stop learning why your loved one gets angry and if you’re always learning, you’re always getting stronger together. So, actually, flaws consequentially have the potential to make a relationship MORE than what it is and make it stronger even.

All this in an attempt to achieve a deeper connection that goes beyond the accepted microcosm of love and its habits.

That seems highly irrational to me. Yet love makes people do it. I know it makes me do it.


-Marriage is devoting your entire being to one person for the rest of your life (at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be). This includes, leaving your current home or bringing that person to live with you. Either way, you get a new roommate for life or YOUR life suddenly becomes OUR life. No matter how worthwhile and fulfilling marriage can be, that is still not an easy or logical decision to make in this day and age. Yet people do it.

-Spouses have committed murder to save their loved ones by stopping an intrusion, a robbery, a threat to the other’s life, etc.

-Spouses have killed each other for various reasons I won’t get into. All of which are predicated on ‘love’ or the idea of it. Frankly, I don’t think that’s love. It just seems like insanity...So actually, scratch this one off the list. Or don’t – whatever you want.

-People have taken the fall for someone else they love to spare them from illegal entrapment or jail-time. Mostly, it’s the other person’s fault but a loved one spares them the punishment because they love them or want to protect them.

-Marriage is already an example of personal sacrifice. People leave or pursue careers or possible careers to look after a family or be the loved one they are required to be by the other person(s). People give up school or shift their academic aspirations to be with their loved one or to make it more convenient for said loved one.

-For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. [I believe that. I won’t judge you if you don’t.]

Love has the power to steer people from what they would normally be, what they would normally do and what they would normally say to something else that is considered by many as illogical or unreasonable. The explanation I gave is not an exhaustive explanation. It can be expressed in countless possible and impossible ways. The truth is, we may never be able to put it into words but one thing for sure is that we know it’s there because we see what it can do.

NB: You may have a problem with me saying that Gravity is unquantifiable because it apparently is but I was making a point, OK? You can’t see gravity so that means it qualifies into my list of examples.























I really wish I could’ve made this book longer. I wish I could’ve said more about her. I wish I could’ve said everything. But this is my take on part-biography, so that means it should document the life and times of Rosemary Rivers. Her character too. But because her life, her ‘times’ and her character aren’t on their final stage yet, this isn’t a complete [final] biography. Rosie once said to me that she’s changed into a different person and that she’s not who she used to be. As you guessed it, she was saying that in a negative tone. The way I look at it, she is a different person. She has changed. No one is in their prime and final form at 20- that’s absurd. On the road to becoming the people that we are meant to be, there will be more than a couple of reforms and metamorphoses. The trick is to welcome them all and still recognise when you have to ‘shed your skin’ on the way to a better version of you.

I could go on but like I said before, this isn’t a self-help book. I’m not here for advice! Yeah, I just had to be rude. I’ve gotten too soft lately. Well, friend(s), we’ve had fun. I, probably, more than you. Because even though you read this while sitting on your backside, I got to write it and that, in itself, is its own reward. I’m thankful I was able to write all this – and on time too! I don’t want to say too much in the ‘closing credits’. I’m certainly not going to say something philosophical or with deep meaning. Screw that. I’m all used up. I, myself, didn’t realize that this pipedream I started a few months ago would be realized but here we are.















Oh, remember all that jibber-jabber I said before chapter 2 started? That book is called life. If you don’t recall you should probably double back for this next part to make sense. This book already has a title but I also call it life. Why? Well, I’ve already told you about a few people’s lives in here. That alone and the fact that I was able to get you this far into the book means you’ve figured out the real meaning behind it. I wasn’t putting all of Rosie’s information in one place to show her how much I pay attention or how much time I can devote to something for her. Of course that was part of it but the biography wasn’t the actual chewy centre in this hard lollipop.

The grand meaning was, you guessed it – Me .My life [I’M THE STAR OF THE SHOW!]. There’s no way the average reader could’ve ploughed through all this information in its bare sense. So I put life in it. Everything we create and craft and write and compose – it’s all our minds bringing our ideas to life. It’s our minds bursting out onto the scene, front and centre to show the vibrancy of life that lies behind our foreheads. The mind is full of logic but it’s also responsible for illogical things, contradictions, organisation and disorganisation, needless and often useless thoughts! Opinions, rants, random creativity in whatever form and random un-creativity in every form. The mind, just like humans, just like life, is imperfect and therein lies the beauty in it. The awe.

I mean, let’s be honest here, this biography has been bonded and interlaced with the life that my mind brings. Completely and totally unrehearsed brain activity pouring out on paper…or on a screen as it were. Just like any other mind, it was at times complicated, stupid, funny, gloomy, inspiring, confusing, random, unnecessary at times, rude, condescending, hopeful and any other quality that I hope you noticed. I’m pretty sure there are other books out there like this but right here, right now, you’re reading this one. And I’m here to say it isn’t just a book. It’s my mind bringing these words to LIFE. This is how my mind works. I bet even when I’m working equations, I find a way for them to appear condescending on paper (probably not, but you get the point). The goal wasn’t really to make it a refined work of literature or even an attempt at that. The goal was to give what the birthday girl wanted. What did she want? Well, here’s the last quote you’ll hear from her in this book. 

‘’ I wish I could see into your mind right now. Not like mind-read you or anything odd like that…Just see how your thoughts dance around with each other before they decide to come out of your mouth or stay in your head. I want to see your mind working before my eyes.’’

So this is my mind intertwined with bits and pieces of Rosie’s life. I love her so it’s natural that her life is scattered in my brain. So if I was asked to lay my mind, raw, on 49 odd pages, this is what it’d look like. This is what it looks like. I’ve splattered and immortalised my mind for Rosie on these pages, so she can smile knowing that she got what she wanted. She may have been insane when she said that above quote but I have fulfilled her unwitting request. Obviously it’s not all of it. Uh, we’d need an unknown number of pages to capture the whole thing. But this is what I could get from it these past few months, on this number of pages.

Despite all my indications pointing to more than one reader, this book is for your eyes only, Rosie. I pray you live to be so old that I always have no excuse for writing a sequel.

Happy 21st birthday to the love of my life, Rosemary Loise Rivers.




















So there you have it. This documentation was that of a young author, driven by love and an irksomely high IQ, to craft a birthday present solely for Rosemary. He wrote it for her and it was only meant to be read by her. He felt that he could use his gift for something more than just showing off [and pissing off] to his peers. Being a teenager, he didn’t have any money, so he gave Rosie something worth more than money – time. After all, you can’t make money without time. I would love to go on and say that this story had a happy ending. I really would love that. But 3 months after Rosie’s birthday, her mother physically abused her to the point of death. Our young author, upon hearing this, committed suicide by driving a knife into his neck, while watching a video of his lost love. Even though, I, the presenter –not narrator - of his book, am a work of fiction, and the people documented here are of the same ilk, I think we can all agree that in every work of fiction resides innumerable shreds of truth. This was meant to be a blank page in the young author’s book. I merely took the liberty of using it to sign off. My job is done.














Her favourite number is the same as this page number - 51




























Original Cover-Artwork done by Kudakwashe Rwizi

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