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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
More to come! First time publishing... Comments and opinions greatly appreciated :)

Submitted: August 12, 2012

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Submitted: August 12, 2012

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\"hey...\" it was a whisper as he opened the door for me. I knew he hadn't expected me to show up but it was a last resort for me. Seeing him for the first time in months did not help the situation at all. My heart skipped and my mouth went dry. For whatever reason, I was still madly in love with this man. I just hoped he wouldn't use that against me. He was doing the same thing I was, slowly searching for even the slightest change... His eyes swept over my body leaving fire in their trail. His touch was the only thing I wanted. I didn't want any words, any explanations or excuses. I just wanted to feel his lips on me, I wanted him to satisfy the fire that was rapidly building in me.  I was still standing in the door way when he started to speak again, pulling me from my thoughts. I met his eyes and I was sure he could see the fire in them.  \"I can explain... I just--\"  \"shut up. And kiss me.\"  He slowly dipped his head down, never breaking eye contact with me so that I could see the apology in them. I didn't care. His lips lightly touched mine and I all but exploded right then. My hands reached up to grab the back of his neck and I kissed him. I put all the frustration, the hurt, the sadness in that one kiss. I felt a tear slide down my cheek and mix with the kiss, marking it with the bittersweet taste of goodbye. His arm wrapped around my waist and my body bowed under his. He started to understand what I wanted. He impatiently pulled my dress over my head, tossing it aside. I opened the buttons on his shirt and took it off, quickly working my way to his pants and pulling them off as well. He groaned into my mouth as I worked his clothes off, his hand was exploring my body. My bra and panties were discarded. He slipped his fingers in to see how ready I was, a quiet 'fuck' escaped his throat when he felt how hot I was. My head spun with need. I wanted him in me. If this was it for us then I wanted him as close as possible right now. I pulled out of our liplock to gasp a command \"now.\" He wasted no time. Both of our eyes were black with lust and need for each other. Slipping inside of me, we both moaned, savoring the moment. Then I moved. We poured everything we felt in to each other. I felt how hurt, confused and pissed off he was and I let him know I felt the same way. Both of us were thinking about how the hell we had gotten to this moment.  I trailed fiery kisses up and down his neck eliciting countless groans from him that just turned me on more. He found the spot on my neck that made me moan uncontrollably. We both pulled back from each other and he slowed in me so we both could feel everything. We slowly put our lips together and timidly explored as if this was our first time, not our last. In that moment nothing mattered but us. We both were close to finishing when we said it,  whispering so as not to break the spell we had cast over us \"I love you\". With those three little words we both came. I closed around him, refusing to let him leave me just yet. He let go inside of me, forcing me into a teeth chattering orgasm. He held me as the waves of pleasure rocked through us. When he kissed me I let him slide out and we both fell to the floor, gasping for breath.  He started to speak again but I simply said 'no'. I got up without looking at him but knowing his eyes followed me around the room as I gathered my scattered clothing. I dressed quickly. I went in to the bathroom to fix my hair and came out to find him sitting fully dressed at the table, his head in his hands, the picture of despair.. It tore my heart out. I went to him and lifted his chin so he was looking up at me.  He begged \"let me explain. Please\"   I shook my head and lightly kissed his forehead, his cheeks,pulling back to look in his eyes before kissing him one last time. I felt the tears forming in my eyes and I knew I had to leave him so I pulled his hands off of my back and walked to the door without looking back because if I had there was no way in hell I would have been able to walk out with my head held high. I closed his door behind me and quickly made my way to my car. I shakily turned the key and pulled out. It wasnt until I got down the street that I let myself break down. The tears flowed freely as I looked down at a message from him. \"I still love you. Please let me explain\"  Closing it, I opened my contacts to call my best friend, the only person I wanted to see right now. 

Three months later.. I dialed my best friends number quickly, praying she'd answer  \"hey whore! What's up?\" \"hey. When are you comin home?\" \"umm later. Aren't you meeting me at the game in a few?\" shit I thought. Id forgotten all about those plans and we had made them only this morning, it seemed like that was ages ago.  \"nah I think I'm gonna skip this one. I'll see you when you get home I guess. Later\" I quickly hung up before she could say anything else, knowing I didn't have the strength to lie to her.  The pregnancy test shook in my hands, the positive sign staring up at me. Maybe it's just a false positive, I thought, grasping at any hope I could. I reached for the other tests I had bought in fear of exactly this.  Twenty minutes and eight tests later I had finally accepted the obvious. I was pregnant. My thoughts were scattered. I wanted my best friend there to talk to but I didn't want to bother her. So I did the only thing I could think of, I called my ex. We were by no means best friends but it wasn't completely unusual for one of us to call just to check in. We were just leaving the awkward ex lover stage and moving in to the being actual friends again stage...but it was going to take a while. He answered on the first ring \"hey girl! How are you?\" His voice still made my heart skip a beat.  \"I'm alright. I was actually wondering..I mean if you're not busy--If you want, if it's not too much trouble...fuck this is harder than I thought. Can you come over? I just need someone -- \" \"I'll be there in ten minutes.\" and he hung up. I felt my cheeks blush at how stupid I had sounded. I was still beating myself up about that, grateful for the distraction, when I heard him knock on the door. Opening it I looked up at him knowing my eyes were shiny with the tears I was holding back.  \"hey\" I said with a watery smile. Instead of answering he pulled me in to a hug like he used to all the time before we broke up. At that thought I lost it. It was like someone had turned on a faucet and I just couldn't turn it off; the tears I had held in all day rushed down my face making me a blubbery mess.  I heard my door close and I felt his arm around me as he led me to my couch and finally pulled me on to his lap. He curled me in to his chest as if he could protect me from whatever was making me hurt by enveloping me within him. I felt him kissing the top of my head and his hand working small circles on my back, trying to calm me. I managed to take a shaky breath and pull back.  \"sorry. That wasn't fair to you. You want something to drink? Or eat?\" I hoped for a distraction of any kind. He waited until I looked at him, his eyes were full of worry.  \"sweetie talk to me. You know you can tr-\" I raised my eyebrow as he started to say trust, taking a deep breath he started again. \" I want to help you. You don't cry like that for no reason. Talk to me...please.\" he pleaded with me as he had the last time we were alone. I pulled away from his lap, he cautiously let me. I held on to his hand and led him to the bathroom where all the tests I had taken were lined neatly up on the counter.  \"you're....pregnant? Jesus. How? When? Who?\" he choked on the last question but continued, trying to be a true friend. I looked at him, took a breath and answered the simplest one.  \"three months ago.\" I watched as his face went from confusion to shock to blatant disbelief.  \"me and--, it's mine?\"  \"I haven't been able to sleep with anyone else since us so there's not even a chance that's it's not\" I looked quickly away as I said this. Although it was obvious I hadn't said to anyone the reason behind it. I simply wasn't over him.  Looking back over at him, I saw him pull out his phone which I hadn't even realized was ringing. A look of annoyance crossed his face when he saw who it was. I turned away again, giving him privacy and not wanting him to see the betrayal playing across my face.  \"No. Damn it. I said no. I can't talk to you right now-- excuse me? Fuck this. No. I don't want to. I have better things to do. Leave me alone.\" he angrily tossed his phone on the counter. He looked at me and apologized   I let out a dark chuckle. \"guess it didn't take long for you to get back in the sack\" I shook my head and looked down at my hands, playing with the tissue in them.  \"hey now that's not fair. You know it means nothing.\" \"oh yeah how do I know that?\"  \"I'm here right now arent I?\"  I looked up to meet his eyes, I was sure mine showed everything I couldn't say. \"you can go. I don't need you here. And she obviously wants you wherever she is. Go ahead.\" he started to say something in response but I just pushed past him and went in to my room. I let the hot angry tears roll as I laid down in my bed. I wrapped one arm around my stomach, protecting what I now thought of as mine and drifted to sleep. I woke up to the shrill sound of my phone ringing. I darted up and ran to get it. My stomach churned with my quick movement and my hand flew to my mouth. I changed my course and quickly dropped to my knees in front of the toilet. I let everything erupt out of me. I felt his cool hands on my neck pulling my hair in to a messy ponytail. I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. I avoided his eyes as I got up and quickly brushed my teeth, my phone long forgotten. I leaned my hip against the counter and looked at him, knowing that he was waiting to say something. \"you're not doing this yourself. I am going to be a part of this. Of your life. Of everything. Please dont try to cut me out\". With that he lifted his eyes to meet mine and I saw that they were shining with tears that he was holding back. I grabbed his hand for the second time today and led him to my couch. This time I sat down and had him lay in my lap. I ran my hands over his hair and let him soak my lap with his tears.  My hand still stroking his hair, I asked him if he was okay. I felt him draw in a shaky breath and nod in my lap, not trusting his voice yet. He looked up at me, ready to say something but stopping, confused, when he saw my face. He reached his hand up and wiped up the tears I hadn't even known were falling. I smiled, \"I'm okay\" I said, hoping I'd believe it as much as he would. The words had barely left my lips when he shot up out of my lap, all traces of his tears gone.  \"No you're not. Fuck Karey. You don't have to be okay all the goddamn time. You're allowed to be pissed off. You're allowed to break down. Hell, you're allowed to be happy.\"  Tears ran down my face again and his face immediately crumpled.  \"I'm sorry\" he said as he gathered me in his arms, rocking us back and forth. I pushed him off.  \"you know what? I am pissed off. I'm pissed off that were in this situation. Shit I was JUST starting to get over you, just starting to move on. And then you got here and it's like you never left. How am I supposed to live my life with you in it but not fully? I'm supposed to watch you bring other women around MY baby? Fuck that. No.\" I was seething now, pissed at this possibility. Pushing off the couch, I went to the bathroom, he was two steps behind me. Pushing all the tests into the trash, I looked at him \"there. Now you can go and pretend that this all never happened. What pregnancy? I have no idea what you're talking about.\" I felt the tears sliding down my cheeks again. He just stared at me, completely amazed. I tried to push past him but he put his arm out to block me.  \"you're not walking out on me again.\" It came out strangled as if the words had to fight their way to formation. I could see the hurt shining in his eyes as he stared into mine. My heart stopped when I realized what he was going to do, he slowly lowered his face to mine, I felt his lips touch mine lightly. His touch no more than a feather sent chills throughout my body. I felt my eyes start to close in response to his kiss and I wrenched myself away from him. \"no. You're not allowed to do that.\" \"do what?\" genuine confusion plagued his features.  \"make me-- you can't just have me back automatically because of, because--\" \"because you're pregnant? With my child?\" Patrick's blatant honesty was one of the main reasons that I fell for him in the first place, now his words knocked the breath out of me. All I could do was stare at him.  \"Karey when you walked out on me... Shit that was the worst day of my life. I've never felt the way I feel about  you before. And yes I still feel the same. I'm still in love with you. And now you're carrying a piece of me inside of you... I feel like it could be a new beginning for us...because all I want is to be with you\" I started to protest, holding up his hand, Patrick silenced me \"and I would want you regardless if you were pregnant or not. I can't force you to want me but I can make sure that you are safe throughout this because when it comes down to it there will always be an us. Whether we want it to or not. And we have six months to figure out what we want.\" he took a deep breath, nervously looking down then meeting my eyes and I saw determination all over his features.  \"for the next six months I plan to do everything I can to make you fall back in love with me. Hopefully you'll decide to give me a second chance.\" Patrick leaned down and kissed my forehead, and I felt instantly safe. He lifted his lips slowly, reluctantly. Then he turned and walked to my front door and closed it quietly behind him. I slid down to the floor, my thought swimming. One clawed it's way forward.. Patrick didn't have to make me fall back in love with him because I was still in lovs with him, always would be. 


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