PATH OF DESTRUCTION

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wrote this just a few weeks after my husband commited suicide. Perhaps I should have waited as I was still full of much pain,hurt,sorrow,hatered,confusion...
It's been a few years now and the hatered,part has left me however,I still feel the hurt and the pain along with the confusion.I suppose in some ways I always will. They say time heals all pain. Don't know if time can heal a shattred heart!

Why do people commit Suicide? Is there so much pain,that there's no where to hide? Don't they see the path of the pain that cuts deep? Or those left behind are so distraught and losing sleep? Are they blind to all the hearts that will be broken? As if there's nothing to say,No words were spoken. How does anyone move on from here? How do the rest of us get past the pain,the fears? Isn't it awful to think about doing this to your family? Can we continue with life as if we are carefree? How self-centered would you hav e to be To do something like this to your Son and me? I can't contain the pain and the rage. The domino effect that ended with me in a cage. Broken the moment you made your selfish decision, To destroy our family with accurate precision. Now were left to pick up the pieces And try to move on. The life we had left no trace,it's gone. Fortunately we pray,Those of us left behind. Someday we'll mend but scars left behind Leave a pain that won't end.


Submitted: February 27, 2012

© Copyright 2021 kdoll. All rights reserved.

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Comments

EdwardJBradleySr

kdoll:

Insightful, sincerely & emotionally heartfelt, most descriptively sad and well written. So sorry for your loss. As for your son as well.

Gave it an "I Like It" vote. Well deserved.

Have a posting on the topic of "Teen Suicide". You might want to read it. The comments on it as well.

If you apply to become a fan, I'll gladly add you.

Happier trails,

Ed Bradley.

Wed, February 29th, 2012 6:13am

Author
Reply

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and for you comment. Yes i'll be happy to become a fan.

Wed, February 29th, 2012 10:23am

BITSxOFxKINKY

i think maybe they get to a point when they think to carry on living would be more painful than if they stayed in their loved ones lives ... it is such a devastating decission to make for those they leave behind .. your write carrys so much emotion within i just am not sure what to say other than ((( hugs )))

Wed, February 29th, 2012 11:19pm

Author
Reply

Thank you. Hugs always a good thing. I accept. (SMILING).Sometimes there just isn't a thing we can say.

Fri, March 2nd, 2012 9:29pm

bobthebuilder

Hard to imagine what could go through someone's head to lead them to that decision, but it happens all too frequently. My wife volunteers for an organization that holds camps for children who have lost parents, and suicides are painfully common. My heart and prayers are with you and your son.

Wed, February 29th, 2012 11:54pm

Author
Reply

I do talks at A.A./N.A. Meetings for adults who are thinging of suicide to see the side affects that the one's left behind face. If I can save one life then my efferts are not in vain. This is also my way if turning a very painful negitive time of my life into something positive.My son just did a talk at his middle school about life after suicide.That was a powerful talk.Left quite an impack on his classmates and teachers.A lot of them had no clue.Of course it's not something that is talked about much. Maybe it should be.

Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to read my poems.

Fri, March 2nd, 2012 9:20pm

XxStepByStepxX

I'm sorry you had to go through this, and have a son tangled up in the mess as well. Sometimes though, people get so depressed that they lose sight of everything; often times they feel like they aren't understood, or often times that nobody will. Although, I know that not always they do it with that train of though. Just saying that maybe, he wasn't trying to be selfish. Good job though.

Sat, March 3rd, 2012 5:50am

Author
Reply

That is one question we'll never get answered.I stoped asking. I'm just trying to turn this into a postive thing somehow. I hope that is possible. Thank you.

Fri, March 2nd, 2012 10:13pm

kdoll

Thanks for your comment. Glad you could stop by for a few minutes. Yes the days are getting brighter for my Son and I. I think one of the lessons learned from my husbads suicide was to really treasure your loved ones. Appericate what you hav e today because you just never know. I don't think I truly appericated my loved ones until this happend. I see things in a different light now. I'm just trying to turn the pain into something postive for my Son and I. Something we can learn from and grow from. It's been a hard road traveled however were getting there one day at a time.
Again thanks for reading and commenting. Have a Blessed day.

Tue, April 3rd, 2012 12:45pm

Deathstix

I am very sorry to hear about your husband-the poem you wrote is very touching and emotional...Again, I'm sorry for the loss.
With all due respect, Deathstix.

Wed, April 18th, 2012 3:44am

Author
Reply

Thank you for your kind words. My faith has gotten me through. I am a firm believer that God will not give us more than we can handle even though we may not think so as we are going through the struggles of life at that moment. I am trying to post more on this site having trouble though with the format. Will figure it out just have to smarter than the computer I guess (LOL). Have a wonderful day. :)

Wed, April 18th, 2012 8:27am

Ava Rosien

A heart wrenching poem; but in reading your comments I see that you and your son are trying to go forward and help others in danger of harming themselves. That is truely inspirational and shows a strength that lets me know that the two of you will get through the painful times.

I have written a piece on here to reach out to depressed teens; hoping to convince them life is precious and worth living.

My husband's father took his own life and I know what it does to the remaining member of a family.

I'm sorry for your family's loss.

Sat, November 3rd, 2012 5:21am

Author
Reply

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and for the thoughtful reply. Yes my son and I still try to carry the message. It has been an up & down struggle. However, God has been there guiding us along. I never knew just how high the sucide rate was in the school system until this happened to us and my Son started speaking at school events about it. If only people who take their life would just stop and think before they take that final leap as to the chain of emotions those of us left behind must deal with. And the mess we have to clean up. Or the impact that this will have on us for the rest of our lives. Maybe they would reach out then and ask for help. It sure has put a very thick wall up around my heart.I just have a hard time letting men get close. I don't ever want my heart to feel this kind of pain again.I have read your poem as well.

Sat, November 3rd, 2012 4:30am

The elder poet

Those that choose suicide Hurt more than themselves. They don't think about tomorrows beautiful sunrise. or sunset. They think that life will never get better. But it does. But then it's much too late. Keep them in your heart and your memory. They made the mistake . Not you. You keep on living and look to a great future.Keep writting and get that book published. Have a great day .

Tue, January 1st, 2013 9:01pm

kdoll

Elder Poet,
Thank you so much for the comment,and the inspiration. Yes as far as the book goes it is now with in reach. It will be on book shelfs by the fall. Can't Wait.It's been a long process. I've learned a lot along the way. Next book won't take me so long. Have a Blessed day!

Wed, January 2nd, 2013 2:04pm

Russ Barnett

Kudos to you my friend for digging in and finding your strength. People with mental health problems get overwhelmed and can't think rationally about the consequences of their actions. It takes courage to seek help, and sometimes they just feel overwhelmed and embarrassed about the whole thing. It's a shame that more resources aren't spent of mental health issues in this country. A long time ago, I left a wife that I didn't love. She ended up taking her own life. I don't think she considered what it did to all of those she left behind. I don't blame her for that, I just wish she would have gotten help.

Wed, January 23rd, 2013 12:34pm

Indie Skreet

ps I am not pressing the like button due to the subject matter, but your words are well expressed and touching.

Sat, January 26th, 2013 2:30am

Author
Reply

Thank you for your comments and for taking the time to stop by and read my poem.

Sat, February 23rd, 2013 10:33am

Patri Poe

Very sorry for your family's tragic loss. I think that writing this in the wake of your grief brings out the raw emotions and reality of suicide. It poignantly expresses the feelings of the other victims of suicide - the family and friends who are left behind to put their lives back together and wonder if there was anything they could have done to change the course of events or constantly question why they didn't see the signs. So many questions, and of course, the biggest one - WHY? Having had a close friend who committed suicide, I can relate to being angry and thinking, "how selfish?" I was surprised at how much anger I was feeling. I eventually came to the realization that when a person commits suicide, they must be in such a state of mind that they don't realize how valued and loved they are or how much they will be missed. Unfortunately, the questions are seldom, if ever, answered. Thank you for sharing.

Thu, February 7th, 2013 6:04am

kdoll

Patri Poe,
Thank you for you insight and nice coments. Yes sometimes w never know the why of such a thing. I've gotten to the point I don't even ask anymore.Instead I pray that he has found happiness in the after life in heave that he could not find here on earth. I do find comfort now knowing he is not suffering.It took me awhile however I am past the anger and the hurt.It's been a few years now and my Son and I have healed a lot and we have been able to put some kind of normal back into our lives. Thank you again for your comments and for stopping.

Thu, February 7th, 2013 1:13pm

sherry1

I honestly believe the hardest part is the unanswered question of "why ?". The emotions those left behind have to go thru to start the healing process are so very intense. You have found an outlet though and that is a good thing. Remember the good and fill your life with positives. Sincerely sorry for your loss and wishing you every happiness life has to offer. :) Sherry

Fri, March 8th, 2013 2:32am

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