I'm Living(based on Song)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
On all my stories and poem's they will be based on a song. This song is 'I'm Living' by Evanescene. Hope you like!

Submitted: December 07, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: December 07, 2011



Pokes on my back had me squirming in my seat, glancing at the clock often waiting for this class to get over.

“So you’re singing in the talent show at two aren’t you? Well that’s going to be quite a show.” A snobbish high pitched voice whispered behind me, her breath hot on the back of my neck, making my hairs on the back of my neck rise. Her minty gum wasn't working well for her either.

I leaned forward in my seat and ignored Julia as I tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying about William Shakespeare. I toke this class in hopes of meeting other people that had stuff in common with me, become my friends. But people at this school just toke classes for easy A’s. This was one of them. I was the only one in here that got the grade they deserved and cared.

Me being self conscious I let people get away will hurting and picking on me. I hoped that allowing them, they would see the way they hurt me and stop. But that just made them do it more. They fed on my fear and selflessness. They knew that I could never get mad at anyone and never snitch. And that was true. Never in my life have I snitched or gotten anyone else in trouble. When a teacher would see me crying and another person was with me, when they’d come over to investigate I’d cover the other person saying I was happy at the news they had just told me, and make up something that they had said.

The people at this school just picked on me; they didn’t make me do their homework and all that. They just saw me as a potential victim and they take the chance. In my four years at East View high school, each year made my misery worse. At the beginning I was ugly and had braces and a big mouth. They avoided me because they thought I had some sort of disease. But then I got the braces off, got contacts, and took control over my acne. My mom had remarried and my step dad was richer so he hired a personal trainer to help me lose weight. It worked of course. So now that’s what people made fun of me for, the way I made myself look perfect in order to fit in.

At first it was, I was trying to make people see that I didn’t have a disease and that I was human. But they ate it and spit it back out at me. Telling me I was a wannabe and only wanted popularity. I just wanted friends, or just a friend. Nobody talked to me.

The bell rang bringing me out of my nightmares. It was 1:30 and I had to go down to the music room and get ready. The teacher, Ms. Hernias, had told me to dress up and make myself pretty (her words not mine), but I just threw on some nicer jeans and a pale blue long-sleeve shirt. Wearing black converse instead of the heels my mom had bought and insisted I wear. I would most likely stumble on the way out on the stage before I even sang.

“Hello Nelly. You look pretty.” Ms. Hernias said smiling as I walked in with my guitar glued to my side.

I hadn’t done anything but straighten my hair and put on a little eyeliner and mascara so I didn’t see what she thought was pretty about me. My skin was pale and transparent compared to the tan and gold’s people got from the Texas sun. My mom said she was part albino, but I think she was joking because she laughed right afterwards.

“Hey.” I simply replied turning to hide my blush I got whenever I got any kind of compliment.

“Okay so since you’re going to be the only singer…” she started but stopped when she looked up at my horror stricken face.

“I’m the only singer? But you said this morning while I was rehearsing there was another girl singing!” Panic was clearing heard in my voice.

Ms. Hernias came over and put her hands on my shoulder feeling the true terror I felt as I battled internally whether to back out of not.

“Sweetheart you’ll be fine. The students will love you. You have an amazing voice that should be shared.” Her voice was soft and caring but she didn’t know that half of it.

I only agreed to do this because I thought it was in front of a select group of students. ‘You’ll be performing in front of some students on Friday.’ Was what Ms. Hernias said.

I just nodded my head and looked down at my feet, my auburn hair covering my face.

The bell rang for the end of the last class but nobody was leaving yet. The talent show was in ten minutes and this was when I was the most calm. Why? I don’t know.

People in dancing uniforms, people with bowling pins that were juggling, even a puppet act, all seeming better than my song. People looked at me funny, giving me some familiarity, I don’t know what I would do if they were supportive. They were probably thinking I was crazy, and to be honest, I thought so too.

It was my turn up next and I was nervously playing with my hands with my guitar across my back. The heavy beat of the base in the song that someone had been dancing to stopped suddenly, as if it were a dramatic pause. But it wasn’t. It was the end of the song. My earlier fears that I had forgotten, came back at me like a tidal wave.

“Next up we have Nelly Anderson!” The announcer did a double take of my name, only pausing slightly at my last name.

Some awkward claps rang out as I shifted unknowingly onto the stage. Shouts and laughs rang out when I stumbled over my feet when I finally made it to the stool. I didn’t like the spotlight or the huge gym that had been transformed into the stage. I didn’t like this.

I don’t know what I was thinking but I started to strum my guitar and sing softly, not missing a note.

All that I’m living for,

All that I’m dying for,

All that I can’t ignore,

Along at night.

I can feel the night beginning,

Separate my from the living.

Understanding me,

After all I’ve seen.

Piecing every thought together,

Finding the words that make me feel better.

If I only knew how to pull myself apart.

All that I’m living for

All that I’m dying for,

All that I can’t ignore,

Alone at night.

All that I’m wanted for,

All that I wanted more.

Lock the last open door,

My fears are gaining on me.”

The farther and farther I got in the song the more my fears disappeared. This wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I wished it wasn’t in front of the school. But  I didn’t stop.

“I believe that dreams are sacred,

Take my darkest fears and play them,

Like a lullaby.

Like a reason why,

Like a play of my obsessions,

Make me understand the lesson.

So I’ll find myself,

So I won’t be lost again.”

I sang the chorus one last time before stopping, closing my eyes and strummed the last chord. Silence rang out in the gym, but only for a few seconds.

Roars and cheers filled the silence, whistles and appaulse made my heart swell. I may not become the most liked person, but I won’t be known as the lonely girl. I wanted to be known for who I am not who I reflect. I don’t want to be the girl I used to be. And this song made me finally realize it. Why now? I have no clue, but as long as it helped me and didn’t just make things worse.

I was finally known in the right way.

I’m alive.

© Copyright 2018 KennellyFlatt. All rights reserved.

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