my first poem probably no good yet i wanted to say these words to some one please comment

 

Day by day I look away

From the world and darkness that it holds

Day by day I turn deaf ear

To the sound of suffering

And yet today I’m one that asks for help

From the world that I ignored

Yet why is it today that I can hear all and see all

Why couldn't I before

As I ask these questions my eyes are closing

And my breath is getting colder 

Only death still answers silently

Whispering in my ear

Happiness and peace was your glasses.

 

 


Submitted: November 29, 2011

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Comments

LTskittles125

honestly i like it :) i think its great and doesnt sound like a first poem... (major compliment!)

Tue, November 29th, 2011 6:57am

Kestas23

ty for great compliment

Tue, November 29th, 2011 6:40pm

ERcubed

I like this piece. Well thought out and everyone can relate to it, at least I do. The only critique I have to offer is about the last line. Instead of saying "was your glasses" I think it sounds better as "were your glasses". Just my opinion.

Writing is life so keep writing.

Tue, November 29th, 2011 9:15pm

Kestas23

Ty and yes i agree last line could have been like you said

Wed, November 30th, 2011 1:53am

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