sasuke & tsubaki
“here comes tsubaki with a baby carriage”
chapter one: the morning after
Last night was a thrill; Tsubaki and I had sex for the very first time; Every ecstatic second accumlated the intense pleasure until that ultimate rush. I know I had put a big smile on her face and she had put one on mine.
It's funny really; I just had a heart to heart discussion with my folks about this whole sex thing; if I end up nailing Tsubaki, I had better use protection. Meh so I did and just to be sure I didn't catch any of those nasty STDs... I slipped on an extra one; so like I was invincible. "Safety first," Mom always preached. (Tch this should get her off my back.)
Tsubaki's in the bathroom getting ready for school. I should be getting ready too, so I hop out of bed and slip my pants on. I'm reaching for my shirt when suddenly...
"EEK! SASUKE! Come quick!!"
I race into the bathroom. Tsubaki's holding some weird white stick with a soft pink square on it.
" Uh babe...we have a problem." She timidly annonuces
I gasp. "Crap! My condoms failed!"
Tsubaki raises an astonished brow. "Wait wha... condoms??"
I nod. "Yeah. I slipped an extra one on Mr. Winky so neither one us would catch an STD."
Tsubaki eyes become wide as she takes in what I just said.
"You mean to tell me you used two condoms... and not just one?"
I sense impending doom; mine that is. "Y...yeah."
Tsubaki clenches her fists, crushing the stick. Her face becomes furiously red; a menacing scowl sets in.
Tsubaki's livid and I don't even know what I did wrong.
"Uh...now we would be a good time to leave... right Tsubaki?" I retreat in increments outta of the bathroom but Tsubaki stops me.
"Oh no no no Sasuke. I want you to stay right where you're at." I can see the incandescent flames in her eyes. She wants blood… mine.
"...I'm screwed... aren't I?"
"YOU ASTRONOMICAL IDIOT!!!"
Like a lioness leaping for her prey, Tsubaki pounces me and proceeds to bang my head on the floor.
"YOU EMPTY HEADED NUMBSKULL! Wearing two condoms is just as bad as not wearing one at all because they tear, when the rub against each other!"
She pulls lifts me and violently shakes me. "Because of your lame brain move I'm pregnant!"
By this point I'm seeing stars. "Oh good," I woozily remark, "I thought you caught an STD."
"No knucklehead!! We're going to be PARENTS!"
I rub the throbbing bump on my head.
"Uhnn... parents? You and me?"
"Yes baby's daddy, in nine months I'm gonna pop out our kid. Oh what joy" Tsuabki isn't happy one bit.
"Whoa isn't that like gonna... you know hurt?"
Tsubaki hangs her head and drops me.
My head bounces upon impact against the floor.
"OW! Hey take it easy, I don't wanna get a concussion..."
Tsubaki sighs "A concussion should be the last thing on your mind."
A tense silence sets in.
Tsubaki shatters it with a bold outburst
"Finish getting dressed Sasuke! We're going to the hospital."
"Uh... what about school?"
Tsubaki's eye twitches. She clenches her fists... and proceeds to pound me.
chapter two: what to expect
It was awfully nice of my friend Toni to drive me and Sasuke to Hilda Cross Memorial Hospital. Toni’s not attending anymore so she didn’t mind.
Sasuke’s in the rear passenger seat of the minivan recovering from this morning’s beat down. Normally I don’t get that physical when he’s acting like an airhead… but I really wasn’t in the mood for his oblivious nature… curse that inept side of him… he's a dolt yet sexy when he’s clueless.
“So Tsubaki, you’re gonna be a mommy?” Toni asks with blatant glee.
I sigh. “Unfortunately. I’m just 17 and gonnagive birth to a bouncing baby boy or girl.”
“Yeesh that’s gonna suck. I remember the ordeal I went through with my first kid: getting kicked out, the daddy denying him, being homeless for three months, and on top of all that the excruciating birth but I’ll tell ya hun it’ll be all worth it when you see that plump little face staring right back at ya.”
The thought of eventually holding my baby for the first time warmed my heart enough to expunge the negative connotations of child labor. I can’t believe it, I’m suddenly on Cloud 9.
Oh I wanna have my kid now! I don’t care if I have to go through hell and…”
“Hey Tsubaki…” says Sasuke, still rubbing his bump. “Speaking of kicked out when should we tell our parents the great news. Ma always wanted to be a grandmother.”
I hang my head. Of course Sasuke would say something stupid. His mom might be fine with being a grandmother, but by not only deflowering me and planting a seed inside of me… my mom is gonna disown me and hang Sasuke’s head on a mantle. I’d break the news to Sasuke and sadly burst his bubble… but he already had a rough morning with me wailing on him; I’m not going to ruin this moment for him.
“Heh heh yeah; middle aged grandparents. Go figure.” I try to laugh it off; instead I end up moaning and pulling my hood over my head.
Sasuke notices my discomfort and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Something the matter ‘baki?”
I breathe in and out then pull my hood back. With a reassuring smile… I lie to Sasuke.
“No…no. Everything’s fine Sasuke.”
I silently weep inside.
Sure… everything’s fine. Just peachy.
I gaze outta the passenger window for the rest of the trip.
chapter three: the waiting room
Toni decided to stay with us since she’s been through this rodeo before. Tsubaki’ been acting really weird ever since we checked in at the front desk. I asked her like five times what was wrong… but she either replied “nothing’s the matter” or refused to reply at all. That’s the thing about chicks. When they say “nothing” something’s up and when they literally say nothing your butt’s on the line. I’ve already been assaulted today so I think I’d better stop with the questions; but on a lighter note we’re already at Hilda Cross Memorial so should Tsubaki beat me into a coma, we’re already here in a hospital.
The three of us are sitting in a row of chairs as we wait for the nurse to call Tsubaki’s name. Toni’s texting her boyfriend Ché, I’m listening to some nu metal and Tsubaki’s just twiddling her thumbs like a jittery little squirrel.
Geez this whole pregnancy thing is throwing her out of whack. By this point of the day Tsubaki is either full of enerngy and exerting it in a constructive manner or she’s beating the crap out of me for suppodesly saying something stupid. What is going through her… wait a second.
I take my headphones off and tap Toni on the shoulder. She sets her phone on her knee.
“Yeah what’s up?”
“Uh Toni… you said your parents kicked you out when you got knocked up.”
“…yeah they did.”
“But how did they feel? Were they like pissed off that you got pregnant?”
Toni giggles. “Brains isn’t obviously why Tsubaki fell for you hun.”
“… I don’t get what made Tsubaki fall in love with me help me figure out why she’s acting weird about her pregnancy.”
“Don’t over think it sport.”
“What I want to know is, were your parents pissed off?
Toni sighs. “Well they certainly didn’t give me a cake and celebrate the occasion.”
“So what you’re saying is…Tsubaki’s not getting any cake?”
“…uh no she’s not getting cake Sasuke.”
“Then why is she…”
Just when I was about to figure out Tsubaki’s dilemma a nurse dressed in purple scrubs steps out and calls her.
“Tsubaki Oribuno, the doctor will see you now!”
I watch as Tsubaki rises like a zombie and drags her feet across the room.
“Poor Tsubaki… I wonder what I can…”
“Hey baby’s daddy, you’re supposed to go with her” says Toni.
“Why? The nurse hasn’t called me yet.”
“She doesn’t have to. The mother is the one that is called because she is the one carrying the child.”
“Oh. In that case why don’t they call the dad’s name too?”
“Good question Sasuke, I’ll answer that for you when God decides its men’s turn to go through child labor.”
“…Oh snap that would totally…”
“GET GOING BEFORE I POUND YA!, YEESH!!!” Toni sternly demands.
“Ok, ok. I’m going.”
I make my way across the room, joining Tsubaki and the nurse.
Hmm… maybe I can find out what put Tsubaki in such a downer in the doctor’s office.
chapter four: the doctor’s office
Ugh. My mind is still wrapped around Mom. I don’t how I’m going to deal with her. Should I just elope with Sasuke and get married in Vegas. Yeah; my dream wedding with the love of my life… united by some Elvis impersonator. Yea-no that’s not happening. What am I going to do; oh God what am I going to do?
“Miss Oribuno,” says the nurse, bringing me back to this comfortable reality. “Take off your shoes and step on the scale.”
I grudgingly obey the directions.
“115 lbs. Good. Good.” The nurse jots my weight in my records.
“Okay you can put your shoes back on and have a seat right there. I’m going to check your temperature and blood pressure.”
Oh no my blood pressure? I don’t want Sasuke to know that I’ve been stressing like crazy. He’ll think that all of this is his fault… well it is… him and his two condoms, but either way I want this to be a smooth pregnancy. Both of us can’t be stressing out. I need to think of something fast to alleviate my stre…
“Hey you, stop that. That’s for hospital use only!
The nurse is yelling at Sasuke, who has gotten onto the computer.
“What? I’m just putting on some tunes,” Sasuke nonchalantly says in his defense as he connects his MP3 player to the USB port. “How would you ladies like to listen to some Crazy Tsukoyumi!?”
Sasuke presses play and cranks up the volume.
The nurse, so livid steam can blow out of her ears, approaches Sasuke.
As I watch the altercation unfold I can’t help but to giggle. Then I begin to chuckle. Finally, I burst into laughter.
The nurse yanks Sasuke’s MP3 player out of the port and tosses it.
“HEY that thing cost me five weeks’ allowance!” Sasuke leaps and catches it as if he was a baseball player in outfield.
“The next time you do that young man, I’m gonna toss that thing in the red bin.”
Sasuke looks at the red bin and notices that biohazard symbol emblazoned on the bin.
“Because that’s where people store lost and found items that are cool?”
“Ay Yi Yi” The nurse approaches rolls her eyes and mutters some explicit Louisianan Creole under her breath.
I’m still busting my gut from that diversion.
“I’m sorry about that Miss Oribuno”
“It’s no problem. I needed a good laugh.”
She smiles. “That’s good sweetie.” She takes another look at Sasuke, who’s lying on the patient’s table, legs crossed and listening to his music.”
“You’re going to marry him aren’t you?”
I proudly nod my head. “Yep. That airhead is gonna be my hubbie one day.”
The nurse laughs. “I still can’t believe he did that.”
“Oh just wait until the next check-up. I’m pretty sure he’ll do something to top that little stunt.”
The nurse proceeds to takes my temperature and blood pressure.
“Honey next time bring a video camera. Daddy’s silly antics during this pregnancy will be the main attraction for home movie night.”
The thermometer and blood pressure machine finish their tasks. The nurse records the data.
“Well Miss Oribuno… everything checks out nicely.”
I look at Sasuke and smile. He’s sleeping now. I laugh again. The nurse looks at him and shakes her head. “Oh Lord now the boy’s sleeping. Tsubaki Oribuno, how do you do it?”
I breathe a tranquil sigh, “If it isn’t through the grace of God then I don’t know what it is.”
We both share a laugh.
“Aright Miss Oribuno the doctor will be with you shortly… long enough for him to get his fat catting over with. Oh and by the way my name is Hilda Mae. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
I extend my hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too Nurse Hilda.”
“And no they didn’t name this place after me, though they keep me busy enough they oughta add the “Mae” to it’s name.”
We both share a laugh before Nurse Hilda leaves.
I approach “sleeping beauty.” I gently stroke his hair and peck him lightly on his nose.
“Thanks Sasuke. For once you were a pain in someone else’s side and it’s just what the doctor ordered.”
I hop next to him and lay next to my handsome man.
Sasuke, I don’t know what goes on in that empty head of yours… but… I’m glad you wore two condoms after all.
chapter five (epilogue): what the future holds
“So you were stressing out because of your mom? Asks an antsy Sasuke.
I nod my head. “Yeah what did you think I was stressing over?”
Sasuke sighs. “I thought you weren’t getting any cake.”
I raise a bewildered brow. “Say what?”
“It’s true.” Toni replies.
“But wait, Toni said she her parents certainly didn’t get any cake nor a celebration with her first child so I just assumed…”
Toni slaps Sasuke on the back of his head. “I was using sarcasm ya moron!”
“Oh well that explains it.” Sasuke rubs the back of his head.
I lean towards Toni and whisper in her ear.
“Try to avoid sarcasm with Sasuke or else he’ll take you seriously.”
Sasuke notices us whispering. “Hey you chicks aren’t conspiring against me are ya?
I giggle. “Watch this Toni.”
I approach Sasuke and pat him on his head,
“Oh no Sasuke, us girls would never conspire against you. You would read us like a book.”
Sasuke nods approvingly. “You got that right.”
Toni and I do our best to contain our laughter.
“Well if we’re done here I’m heading back to the van.”
Sasuke exits the Hilda Cross Hospital Main Lobby.
Toni nudges me on the shoulder.
“So Tsubaki are ya excited about raising two kids?”
I scoff. “Sasuke’s already proven that he’s willing to man up to be a Dad so yeah I’m excited about parenthood with him, plus he’s smarter than you think.”
Toni yawns. “Mmh, that’s a story for another day.”
“So what’s gonna happen with you and your Ma?” You know how they feel about your interracial relationship with Sasuke what with him being French and you Black and Japanese.”
She’s being a hypocrite because she had a fling with a Frenchman and it ultimately resulted in my birth. Then she married a Black man to make up for her sins… but hey the deed is done.”
Toni rolls her eyes. “Hmph, wasn’t expecting that was she?”
“I dunno. I think she just wants to erase that part of her history but she can’t wipe me out of existence. It’s stupid how people still make a big deal out of interracial relationships. Love is color blind because there are so many mixed children in this world today.”
Toni sighs “And yet society refuses to just blend into a heterogeneous mix.”
I rub my stomach.
“Well little one, I’m afraid this is the world you’ll be entering… unless a miracle can happen in nine months…”
Maybe the world is still not ready to blend one color with another and accept the new color that it yields, but whatever. I’m Black and Japanese and I love a Frenchman The world is just going to have to make room for one more mixed person.
© Copyright 2016 Kevin Howard. All rights reserved.
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