Skids (Screenplay) Part 10

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Following the exploits of a group of friends who live small lives and have even smaller ambitions, "Skids" is a window into their lives as they carry on into their early twenties, while still living very much like teenagers. Will any of them escape this downward spiral into mediocrity? And more importantly, do any of them want to? When drinking, partying and acting like a bunch of fools are your chief concerns in life is there really any reason to change? - available on Amazon - 14 parts in total

Submitted: November 14, 2014

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Submitted: November 14, 2014

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INT. MORDEN'S HALLWAY - LATE AFTERNOON

 

Jewel hands Morden some money through the door.

 

JEWEL (O.S.)

And get me some tampons too!

 

MORDEN (SHEEPISHLY)

Um...can I have a little more so I can get

some more alcohol?

 

JEWEL (O.S.)

Oh, for Christ's sake...fucking idiot! 

You've got like fifty fucking bottles out

there!

 

MORDEN (SHEEPISHLY)

But I got some new ideas for shooters.

 

JEWEL (O.S.)

When are you gonna get a fucking job so

you can stop coming up with your bright

"ideas"?  Your fucking friends better not

embarrass me in front of my guests

tonight!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE (BATHROOM) - AFTERNOON

 

Roger is puking his guts out in the urinal.  He stands, wipes the juices off his chin and turns around to see the disapproving faces of a father and his son.  He ignores them, washes up in the sink and leaves.

In the main restaurant area Roger enters to find Tregunna standing, drink in hand chatting up a very attractive blonde girl amidst a group of children.  He staggers a little bit showing his drunkenness.  Roger looks back at the table to see Lisa and her ex-husband screaming at each other and causing a scene.  Everyone watches and tries to cover up their children's ears so they don't hear the vulgar language.  Roger walks into the midst of the chaos to get his jacket.  He leaves and steps out into the parking lot to find that it is snowing again.  A look of exhaustion crosses his face.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. TREVOR'S DRIVEWAY - DUSK

 

Roger is shoveling the driveway, struggling to throw the snow over the huge piles.  The snow falls heavier than before.

 

FADE OUT:

 

EXT. MORDEN'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

 

Smyth smokes a cigarette at the end of the driveway as Trevor arrives with his date Tabitha, who is a large woman with thick black-rimmed glasses, red hair in a bowl cut and an orange sweater making her look like Thelma from Scooby-Doo.

 

TREVOR (TO SMYTH)

I thought you weren't invited.

 

Smyth smiles and gives Trevor the finger.  Then comes a sucking noise and Trevor notices Nancy, on her knees giving Smyth a blowjob, shaded from the light.  Trevor is taken aback and rushes his date inside

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Morden's friends are mixed in with Jewel's.  They fill the room on couches, chairs and even some on the floor.

 

MORDEN (EXCITED)

Ok, everybody.  Can I get your attention? 

I wanna lay out how this is gonna go

down.  I'm going to be mixing up

shooters in the kitchen.  I've got over

twenty...if we make it that far.

 

Roger, unamused and drunk already, raises his hand to ask a question.

 

MORDEN (POINTING AT ROGER)

Roger.

 

ROGER

Are these going to be real shooters or

some goofy gay ones that you created

yourself?

 

Morden ignores Roger's question.

 

MORDEN

So the first one is a creation of my own. 

I've called it the "Creamy Scotchman.”

 

 The crowd lets out a collective "ugh".

 

MORDEN (SMILES) (CONT'D)

Because it's basically Scotch and Creme

De Menthe...

 

Roger raises his hand again.

 

MORDEN (POINTING AT ROGER)

Roger.

 

ROGER

Where's the closest bathroom, sink or

drain in case I have to puke?

 

Morden ignores Roger again.

 

MORDEN

So every fifteen minutes the buzzer's

gonna go off and you can come and get

the next one.

 

Smyth walks in with his penis hanging out of his pants.  He tucks it back in causing Jewel's friends to gasp in horror.

 

SMYTH (SMILING)

Hey, guys.  Nancy's here.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. MORDEN'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

 

Nancy is looking in the car mirror refreshing her lipstick.  Rick and Bugsy arrive.

 

BUGSY (SHYLY)

Hey, Nancy.

 

Nancy stands upright, ignores Bugsy and flashes Rick a smile.  Nancy's voice is scratchy and skanky seductive.

 

NANCY

Hey, Ricky.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S HALLWAY - NIGHT

 

Trevor walks with two shot glasses in his hands all smiles and proud to be carrying a drink to his lady.

 

JEWEL (TO TREVOR)

Just so you know.  Joan told me she's not

coming tonight.  She didn't want it to be

awkward.

 

Trevor's face turns sour for a moment, but then he reconsiders and doesn't mind.  Smyth comes along.

 

SMYTH (SMILING)

Thanks for bringing the water buffalo,

dumb ass!  I almost lost my hard on!  I

had to shoot a blank into Nancy's mouth!

 

Smyth carries on to the bathroom while Trevor's smile fades.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

 

Roger chugs back a shooter and a sour look crosses his face.

 

ROGER (DISGUSTED)

Oh...that's fuckin' awful!

 

MORDEN (SMILING)

Another?

 

ROGER (DISGUSTED)

Sure.

 

Smyth walks in and starts mixing a rum and coke.  Jewel walks over to Morden, angry and mouthing the words, "get him out of here!"  Smyth closes the fridge door and sees it's covered in photographs of children, family and friends.

 

SMYTH

Man, who are all these kids?  Am I gonna

have to look at this ugly fat kid every

time I mix myself a drink?

 

JEWEL'S FRIEND

That's my daughter!

 

SMYTH

Oh, sorry.  But seriously, why do women

feel the need to put pictures of other

people's kids on their fridge?  And who's

this ugly bitch?  Did someone put

makeup on a walrus?

 

JEWEL (WHISPERING)

Will you be quiet?  That's my friend,

Lacy.  She's in the other room.

 

SMYTH

Man, is she ugly.

 

JEWEL (ASIDE TO MORDEN)

Why did you invite that asshole?

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Bugsy sits on the couch between two upper class friends of Jewel's.  He is very high and wears his typical perma-smile.  They talk back and forth overtop of him.

 

JEWEL'S CLASSY FRIEND #1

Oh, I just love Jewel's new drapes.  Don't

you?

 

JEWEL'S CLASSY FRIEND #2

Did she get those uptown or that new

place near the highway?

 

Bugsy giggles.  They notice but try not to let him know.

 

JEWEL'S CLASSY FRIEND #1

I think it was at Home Sense.

 

BUGSY (GIGGLING)

Drugs!  Oh...drugs!

 

They look at him strangely.

 

BUGSY (STONED MUSING)

Weed, man.  Ha ha!  Fuckin' weed!

 

Smyth enters storming his way into the room.

 

SMYTH (TO RICK)

Hey, Smelly!

 

RICK (SARCASTICALLY)

Ha ha.  It's been two days now.  I think

you can stop calling me that.

 

SMYTH

Sure, Smelly!  But have you had a shower

since then?

 

Rick tries to ignore him.

 

SMYTH (LAUGHING) (CONT'D)

A bath?

 

Rick gets up and passes Jewel on the way to the kitchen where he meets up with Nancy.

 

SMYTH (YELLING DRUNKENLY)

Hey Jewel, don't let Smelly sit on your

kitchen chairs.  He'll get skid marks on

them, the smelly ass!

 

JEWEL (TO SMYTH)

Will you stop being so gross in front of

my friends?

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

 

Morden tries to squeeze out a fart without letting Jewel's friends take notice of it.  Roger notices.

 

ROGER

Tregunna once told me that when he

dies he wants to come back as a seagull

in his next life, so he can drop one of

those percussive diarrhea shits on

somebody's windshield like a bomb while

they're driving down the highway.

 

Morden squeezes out another.  Jewel's friends notice the smell and try to retreat.

 

MORDEN

I don't know what it is... something in

that last shot.

 

ROGER

Maybe the Tobasco sauce.

 

They watch Rick and Nancy flirt in the hallway.

 

ROGER (POINTING AT NANCY)

Did you ever do her?

 

MORDEN

Yeah...once when we were young...she

wasn't so skanky then...

 

They watch as Nancy leads Rick down the hallway.

 

MORDEN (STRAIGHT FACED)

I stuck it in her ass.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Trevor and Tabitha sit together on the couch awkwardly, for a long while, neither able to think of a thing to say.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S HALLWAY - NIGHT

 

Jewel welcomes more guests into the house.

 

JEWEL (POINTING TO THE HALL)

You can put your coats in my bedroom...

last door on the left.

 

The new guests head down the hall.  They open the door to find Rick on his back covered in greasy sweat.  Nancy is on top of him riding him like a bull.  The guests gasp and quickly shut the door.  Morden's buzzer rings from the kitchen.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Roger swallows back another shooter.  His face turns sour.

 

MORDEN

It was the cough syrup, wasn't it?

 

ROGER (DISGUSTED)

It was a little much.

 

Morden takes a tray of shooters into the living room while Jewel stirs up a bowl of jello shooters.

 

JEWEL (TO ROGER, SMILING)

So, Roger.  I ran into one of your ex's at

the hairdressers last week.

 

Roger gets uncomfortable and takes the bowl from her hands.

 

ROGER

Here, I gotta get this taste out of my

mouth.

 

Roger starts spooning the alcoholic jello into his mouth.

 

JEWEL (SMILING COYLY)

Do you know who I am talking about?

 

Roger tips the bowl over his face and starts spooning lumps of jello directly into his mouth.

 

JEWEL (CONT'D)

Hey, watch it.  You were pretty drunk

already when you got here.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Morden places the tray on the coffee table.  Smyth moves some fighting magazines with half-naked

fighters on the covers.

 

  SMYTH

Hey, Chief Two Beers!  What's all this

now?  You finally coming out of the

closet?

 

MORDEN

Jewel's cousin knows a guy who teaches

ultimate fighting.  I'm gonna take some

classes.

 

SMYTH (LAUGHS)

You?  You weigh like ten pounds?  Jewel

could beat you up.

 

TREVOR

What happened to the marathon idea?

 

MORDEN

Ugh...I can't train in this weather.  I think

mixed martial arts is a better fit anyway.

 

Smyth gets up and attacks him, getting him in a bear hug and taunting him.

 

SMYTH

Who are you gonna beat up?

 

MORDEN (STRUGGLING)

You're out of my weight class.

 

Smyth breaks his hold when he sees Rick enter, looking sweaty.

 

SMYTH (SMILING)

Fight Smelly over there.  He's tall but he's

skinny as a rake.

 

MORDEN

Get out of here.

 

SMYTH

I dare you.  Give Smelly a go.

 

RICK (TO SMYTH)

Will you stop calling me that?

 

Suddenly, the heavy metal kicks in from the stereo downstairs.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S BASEMENT - NIGHT

 

A very drunk Roger dances with some of Jewel's upper class friends.  Bugsy plays air-guitar alongside them.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

The buzzer rings as Jewel comes running in from the kitchen.

 

JEWEL (ANNOYED)

Are you going to turn off that damn

buzzer and serve what's left of these jello

shooters?

 

She stops when she sees Morden pinned to the floor with Rick on top of him.  Smyth watches laughing hysterically.

 

SMYTH (LAUGHING)

What do ya think, Chief?  You ready for

the UFC?

 

Jewel becomes disgusted as she sees a drop of greasy sweat fall off Rick's brow onto Morden's face.  Morden cannot move.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S BASEMENT - NIGHT

 

Nancy checks out Roger while he dances.  She sidles up to him.

 

BUGSY (NOTICING HER)

Hey, Nancy.

 

NANCY (IGNORING BUGSY)

Hey, Roger.

 

Roger is very drunk and doesn't answer, but just reaches up, puts his palm to her forehead and gently nudges her away.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S KITCHEN - NIGHT

 

Morden is chugging a beer but then stops to get a breath.

 

MORDEN (SLURRING)

That was fuckin' terrible, man!

 

Smyth laughs.

 

MORDEN (OBJECTING) (CONT'D)

No...you don't understand.  I gotta have  

a shower now.

 

Morden throws back a couple shooters from the tray.

 

SMYTH (LAUGHING)

Woe, slow down there, Chief or it'll soon

be toga time.

 

MORDEN (FACE LIGHTING UP)

Yeah.  Toga time.

 

SMYTH (DISGUSTED)

Ugh...why can't I have any normal

friends?

 

CUT TO:


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