Skids (Screenplay) Part 13

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Following the exploits of a group of friends who live small lives and have even smaller ambitions, "Skids" is a window into their lives as they carry on into their early twenties, while still living very much like teenagers. Will any of them escape this downward spiral into mediocrity? And more importantly, do any of them want to? When drinking, partying and acting like a bunch of fools are your chief concerns in life is there really any reason to change? - available on Amazon - 14 parts in total

STONED GUY #1

And the bartender goes...I thought you

loved this bar...what happened...and he

tells him..."I just went into the bathroom

and some dude put a gun to my head

and said if I didn't suck his dick he was

gonna blow my fuckin' head off...and the

bartender says... "What happened?"...

and the guy says...

(stoned and slurred)

"well, din er fuckin' bing nin ya?"

 

Stoned Guy #2 erupts in laughter.  Roger and Tregunna look at each other confused by what he said and why his buddy is laughing.  Suddenly, there comes a pounding on the door.

 

SKID #1

Hey, man.  It's the cops.

 

Everybody starts scurrying around and getting frazzled.

 

STONED GUY #1

Hey, don't let 'em in, man.  Don't let 'em

in.

(yells)

You need a fuckin' warrant pig!

 

STONED GUY #2

Cops are pigs, man!  Cops are pigs!

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. SHOPPING CENTRE PARKING LOT - NIGHT

 

The guys are very drunk and racing each other through the parking lot using shopping carts.  Smyth pushes Bugsy and Morden pushes Trevor.  Smyth's cart gets stuck in the slush and Morden makes it to the end of the lot first.  Smyth starts up again and pushes Bugsy wildly across the lot ramming Morden's cart, knocking it over and sending Trevor and Bugsy and their carts down the hill towards the creek.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. SHOPPING CENTRE PARKING LOT - NIGHT

 

Smyth waits anxiously with Bugsy at the top of the hill as Morden slowly makes his way up the snowy slope.

 

SMYTH

Where the fuck is Trevor?

 

MORDEN

He's still down there.

 

SMYTH

What’s his problem?  How long’s it take

him to fuckin' piss?

 

MORDEN (SMILES)

He got his dick caught in his zipper.

 

SMYTH (ASTOUNDED)

What?

(sees Bugsy giggle)

Hanging out with you guys is like baby-

sitting a bunch of retards!

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. COUSIN MIKE'S (BACK PORCH) - NIGHT

 

Tregunna urinates off the deck.  Roger enters and does the same beside him.

 

ROGER

Fuckin' clowns, all they wanted was to

turn the music down.

 

Tregunna laughs.  They stand quietly for a moment.

 

ROGER (TIRED) (CONT'D)

I think I'm gonna head out.

 

TREGUNNA

Yeah?

 

ROGER

You?

 

TREGUNNA

Nah...I think I'm gonna stick around...hit

on Barb for a while.

 

ROGER

Barb?  Is she the fat one?

 

TREGUNNA

No.

 

ROGER

The ugly brunette?

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Yeah.

 

ROGER

Cool.

 

They continue for a few moments.

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Hey, listen to this.

 

Tregunna changes direction on his stream and it generates a different sound.

 

TREGUNNA (CONT'D)

Do you hear that?  What is that?

 

Roger looks over the edge.

 

ROGER

It's a kid's toboggan.  A sled.

 

They smile at each other and change their aim so that they both can soak the sled.  The name "Rosebud" is written on the side of the sled and gets hosed down in their urine.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. TANGLEWOOD STRIP CLUB - NIGHT

 

The Tanglewood Strip Club is the end of the line destination for strippers far past their prime who couldn't get a job in a normal strip joint.  The few customers they have hang out around the pool table as far from the stage as possible.  Smyth, Morden, Trevor and Bugsy sit in white plastic lawn furniture in stripper's row.  A very large elderly stripper with more rolls and wrinkles than curves dances around for them proud to see some fresh meat in the bar.  Morden sits awkwardly a little intimidated.  Trevor is uncomfortable and adjusts his seat because of his accident with his zipper.  Bugsy sits with perma-grin.  And Smyth just smiles and smokes his cigarette.  The stripper sits in a chair with legs spread wide.  She takes a cigarette from an ashtray on the stage and takes a few puffs.  She reaches her hand between her legs and fondles her folds trying to entice them.

 

ELDERLY STRIPPER (GRAVELLY)

You like that, boys?

 

While playing around with her hand between her legs she brings her hand up to investigate something she found down below.  Seeing that it is just a bit of fluff that was caught in her pubic hair she tries to make it a part of the show and acts like she is flicking it at the boys.  She takes another puff from her cigarette.  The boys look scared.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. TREGUNNA'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

The Towel Man enters his dark house.  He is about 5'8" and 380 lbs.  He goes straight to the bathroom and comes out wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.  He heads to the couch to sit down but finds Jamie asleep under a cover of blankets.  His little red briefs peek out from under the covers.  The Towel Man runs into the bedroom and comes back out with the elephant gun in his hand.

 

TOWEL MAN (SHOUTING)

Wake up, fancy boy!

 

Jamie wakes up staring down the barrel of the gun and screams.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. SMYTH'S TRUCK - NIGHT

 

All is quiet as Smyth is driving the boys back home.

 

SMYTH

Is he alright back there?

 

Bugsy turns to see Morden passed out in the back of the truck.

 

BUGSY

Yeah, man.  He's alright.  He's passed out

on the "Stick of Death".

 

FADE OUT:

 

On a BLACK SCREEN the word appears:

 

"Sunday"

 

The word FADES and the words FADE IN:

 

"I realized I missed a day, but I'm too wrecked to care anyway.”7  - BLACKOUT (The Scorpions)

 

The words FADE OUT.

 

INT. TREGUNNA'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - NIGHT

 

Tregunna lies like a sick child on the couch wrapped to his chin in blankets.  The room is black lit only by the 14" black and white TV.  There comes a knock on the window.  Another knock.  After a few moments Roger enters letting himself in to find Tregunna trapped in a day long hangover.

 

ROGER (SMILES)

Man, you don't look too well.

 

TREGUNNA

Ugh.

 

ROGER

When did Jamie get here?

 

Tregunna leans over the edge of the couch to see Jamie's huge body lying on the floor covered in blankets.

 

TREGUNNA (CONFUSED)

I don't know...I've been up a few times...

but I didn't notice him...

 

Tregunna squints to take a closer look at the TV.

 

TREGUNNA (CONT'D)

When I first turned on the TV the

Redskins were playing...passed out...

woke up...and then the Raptors were

playing...and now it's hockey...

 

ROGER

So, you've just been lying here all day?

 

TREGUNNA

Yeah...I got up once...had a ginger ale

and a donut...but yeah.

 

ROGER

Hmm.  We gotta slow down.

 

TREGUNNA

Yeah.

 

CUT TO:

 

On a BLACK SCREEN the words appear:

 

"Monday"

 

The word FADES and a new quote appears:

 

"Now with the aid of your new walking stick, you hobble along through society thick, and look mesmerized by the face of it all, you keep to the gutter in case you fall.”8

- RUN OF THE MILL (Judas Priest)

 

The words FADE.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. ROGER'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - MORNING

 

Roger is awoken by a stream of light hitting him in the face.

 

 

ROGER (ANNOYED)

Oh...fuck off, sun!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. TREVOR'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING

 

Roger comes from the kitchen with a box of cereal in hand.  He takes Eddie out of his aquarium and sets him on the floor.  He pours some cereal for Eddie and takes a handful himself.  He looks out the window to see that it has snowed again.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. TREVOR'S DRIVEWAY - MORNING

 

Roger drags the snowblower out of the garage.  He gets it started but it doesn't sound too good.  It runs poorly for a few moments before a small flame bursts out from under the casing.  Roger jumps back as the flame grows.  He pushes the snowblower into the snow to try and smother the flame but there is less snow today and not enough to do it.  Roger grabs the shovel and starts shoveling snow on top of it.  He covers it with snow and puts out the flame.  Roger takes off his hat and runs his hand through his hair in frustration.  He leaves the snowblower covered in snow and walks away.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. TREGUNNA'S BASEMENT APARTMENT - DAY

 

Tregunna enters to find that his counter top is clear and his collection of beer bottles is gone.  He heads upstairs to find Granny putting some groceries away in the kitchen.

 

TREGUNNA (CONFUSED)

Hey Granny, what happened to all my

bottles?

 

GRANNY

Your father took them back for you this

morning, just like you asked.

 

TREGUNNA (CONFUSED)

But...the ones on the counter?

 

GRANNY

Yeah, he got those too.  He got almost

forty dollars for them.

 

Tregunna looks genuinely sad for possibly the first time ever.

 

TREGUNNA (SADLY CONFUSED)

Oh...ok...

 

He lowers his head and goes back downstairs.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. SHOPPING MALL (OUTSIDE SUPERCUTS) - DAY

 

Roger walks through the mall, slowing down outside the Supercuts.  He notices Julie talking to one of her fellow hairdressers.  She laughs and puts her hand on her belly showing off her obviously pregnant body.

 

ROGER (MUMBLING)

Big tits, eh Jamie?  Fuckin' idiot.

 

She sees him and smiles.

 

JULIE (SMILING)

Now there's a boy who could use a

haircut.

 

With hair hanging over his eyebrows, he smiles and heads into the Supercuts.  He nods toward her belly.

 

ROGER

Well I guess I don't have to ask what

you've been up to.

 

JULIE (SMILES)

No.

 

ROGER

Congratulations.

 

JULIE

Thanks.  Now take off that hat and let me

see how bad the damage is.

 

Roger takes off his hat and runs his hand through his hair.

 

JULIE (LAUGHING) (CONT'D)

Oh, my.  It's bad.  It's really bad.  Sit

down.

 

Roger takes off his jean jacket and hangs it up.

 

JULIE (CONT'D)

Is that the same jacket you were wearing

when we were dating?

 

ROGER

Yeah.  I guess so.

 

He sits down and she starts running her fingers through his hair gauging the length.

 

JULIE (SMILES)

Didn't anyone tell you that mullets went

out with the eighties?

 

Roger just smiles enjoying the feel of her hands in his hair.

 

JULIE (CONT'D)

Let's get rid of all this shagginess, shall

we?

 

She starts cutting away.

 

ROGER (SMILES)

Hey, don't take too much off.  I always

knew you had a little Delilah in you.

 

JULIE (LAUGHS)

Don't worry, Samson.  Getting all this

hair off will be empowering to you.  Trust

me.

 

ROGER

Hey, that's a little short.

 

She stops and puts her hands on his shoulders.

 

JULIE

Alright.  Close your eyes and trust me.  I

want to surprise you.

 

Roger closes his eyes and relaxes.

 

ROGER (RELAXED)

So do you know what you're having?

 

JULIE

No. We want it to be a surprise.

 

Julie relaxes too.  She seems to enjoy playing with his hair as much as he enjoys her doing it.  They talk to each other slow and seductively like ex-lovers getting reacquainted.

 

JULIE (SLOWLY) (CONT'D)

And what about you?  Any children?

 

ROGER

No.

 

JULIE

Girlfriend?  Or a wife?

 

ROGER

Nope.

 

JULIE (SMILES)

Are you going into the priesthood?

 

ROGER (LAUGHS)

No.

 

JULIE

So what are you waiting for?

 

ROGER

I dunno...I guess maybe I'm just saving it

up for the next life.

 

Julie laughs as their discourse becomes more hypnotic.

 

ROGER (SLOWLY) (CONT'D)

Or maybe just waiting for a girl who

knows.  You know?

 

JULIE

Knows what?

 

ROGER (SLOWLY)

Knows the merit of abandoning the

normal life...the way that normal people

live...a girl who would... give up her

family...and friends...and kids...trade all

of it away...for just a week...or a day...or

just one moment...in the arms of the one

who was truly meant to hold her...for

one song at a high school dance.

 

JULIE

I think you're losing me.

 

Roger laughs to himself.

 

ROGER

Yeah.

(pause)

I remember dancing to..."Hold Me Now"

by the Thompson Twins once... it was a

moment like that...one of those

moments you'd trade the rest of your life

to relive...

 

JULIE (CONTEMPLATIVE)

 

Hmm.


Submitted: November 16, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Kevin McMaster. All rights reserved.

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