Skids (Screenplay) Part 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Following the exploits of a group of friends who live small lives and have even smaller ambitions, "Skids" is a window into their lives as they carry on into their early twenties, while still living very much like teenagers. Will any of them escape this downward spiral into mediocrity? And more importantly, do any of them want to? When drinking, partying and acting like a bunch of fools are your chief concerns in life is there really any reason to change? - available on Amazon - 14 parts in total

Tregunna starts slapping his knee laughing.

 

TREGUNNA

What was it like?

 

BUGSY (SMILING)

Ah, it wasn't that bad.  Salty.

 

They laugh.

 

SMYTH

Well, you can come work with me on

Friday…but no jerkin’ off in the truck!

 

BUGSY

Hey, cool man.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. TREVOR'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

 

Roger tries to push the snow through the tire tracks packed down by Smyth's truck.  He hears the laughter coming from inside.  He dumps the last load on the lawn, stabs the shovel into the pile and looks up to notice the snow still falls.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. TREVOR'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

 

Tregunna, Smyth and Trevor still laugh from Bugsy's tale.

 

BUGSY

Yeah, so now I gotta get a job. My mom

said if I got time for that I got time for  

work.  Fuckin' bitch.

 

TREGUNNA (LAUGHS)

So what're you gonna do, Bugs?  Go back  

to the mushroom plant?

 

BUGSY

No, man.  I can't work with that bitch  

again.

 

SMYTH

Your mom works there?

 

BUGSY

Yeah, man.  She made me pick fuckin'  

mushrooms with her after she caught me  

stealin' her pain pills, man.

 

SMYTH

Man, didn't you ever get a job just to

have some money of your own?

 

Bugsy giggles.  Smyth turns to Tregunna.

 

SMYTH (TO TREGUNNA)

And what do you have to say for

yourself?

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

What?

 

SMYTH

Speak on it, you whore.  You fucked

Nancy last night.

 

Trevor laughs.

 

TREGUNNA (SMILING)

Come on, would I do a thing like that?

 

SMYTH

She fuckin' told me!

 

TREGUNNA

Told you?  Why would she tell you?

 

SMYTH

She thinks she's my girlfriend or

something.  She's trying to make me

jealous.  Don't change the subject.  Spill

it.

 

TREGUNNA

Well, all I can tell you is what I  

remember...which isn't much.

(trying to recall)

I woke up this morning...massive  

hangover...didn't have a clue where I

was...major blackout... opened my

eyes...and there was a Britney Spears

poster on the ceiling... then I was totally

lost...started looking around the room...

and there's all this shit...like High School

Musical posters and this teenage shit…

 

SMYTH

That's her sister's room.

(smiles)

Not that I would know.

 

TREGUNNA

Yeah...but I didn't know, so I'm starting

to wonder where I am...and trying to  

remember what happened last night...

playin' the night back in my head...and...

then...I felt it...

 

Tregunna smiles to himself.  Smyth looks inquisitive.

 

TREGUNNA (ASHAMED)

I reached down and...I was naked of  

course...but I was wearing something... 

umm...that I don't usually wear...

 

SMYTH

What?

 

TREGUNNA (MORE ASHAMED)

Well...it was a condom.

 

Smyth looks relieved that it wasn't something worse.

 

SMYTH

Oh.  So?  What's wrong with that?

 

TREGUNNA

Well...I never use a condom.  I mean like  

"never".

 

SMYTH (LAUGHS)

With all the skanks you sleep with?

 

TREGUNNA

No, man.  I just pull out.

 

SMYTH

Well, what about cleanliness?

 

TREGUNNA (SHRUGS)

Scrub it in the sink afterwards.

 

SMYTH

Ah, man.  We can't be friends anymore.

 

TREGUNNA

No, but I'm thinking...I don't know where

I am...I'm in some teenager's bedroom...

and I actually put on a condom.  So I'm  

thinking how young was this girl that I

thought I should put on a condom?

 

SMYTH

Oh, that's not cool.

 

TREGUNNA (LAUGHS)

So I'm afraid...and then the bed shakes...

she's still here beside me...and I look

over...and it's fuckin' Nancy.

(laughs)

I don't even remember her being at the

bar...

 

SMYTH

But now you know why you were  

wearing a condom.

 

TREGUNNA

So apart from fucking Nancy...everything  

was alright...I just fucked your girlfriend

that's all.

 

SMYTH (DEFENSIVE)

She ain't my girlfriend.  I just let her blow

me once in awhile.

 

TREGUNNA

I don't know why we did it in her sister's

room.  I never figured that out.  I just got

the hell out of there.

 

SMYTH

She probably had another dude in her

own bed.

 

BUGSY (TO TREGUNNA)

So you did Nancy, eh?  Hey, she's pretty

cute.

 

Smyth looks at Bugsy wondering what he must be thinking.

 

TREGUNNA (TO SMYTH)

So, what's her little sister like?

(smiles)

Is she cute?

 

SMYTH

Man, you're a sexual predator.

 

TREGUNNA (TEASING)

Oh, don't be like that.  I hate it when

you're like that.

 

Roger enters and kicks the snow off his shoes.  Tregunna grabs a beer out of the case that sits at his feet.

TREGUNNA (CONT'D)

Crazy Man!  Oatmeal Stout?

 

SMYTH (TO TREGUNNA)

Man, when're you gonna drink

something normal for a change?

 

ROGER (TO TREGUNNA)

Nah, I gotta get some food in me.  I'm

starving.

 

TREGUNNA

Pizza Shack's got a Tuesday special... 

unlimited toppings.

 

ROGER

Nah, I'm gonna get something healthy

for a change.

 

SMYTH (CYNICAL)

Is that why you shoveled the driveway

instead of using the fuckin' snowblower?

 

ROGER (STRETCHING HIS BACK)

Yeah.  Now my back's killing me.

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Get some veggies on it...then I can have

some.

 

 

SMYTH

Getting veggies on a pizza doesn't make

it healthy.

 

TREGUNNA

They got salads.

 

ROGER

Yeah, maybe I'll get a salad.

 

Roger grabs the phone and dials the number from memory.

 

BUGSY

Get some garlic bread, man.

 

Smyth looks over and sees Tregunna smiling to himself.

 

SMYTH

What the fuck're you smiling about?

 

Tregunna squeezes out a long noisy fart.

 

SMYTH (DISGUSTED) (CONT'D)

Ah, you pig!

 

Tregunna starts giggling and fans the smell at the guys on the couch.  Trevor and Smyth pull their

 

collars up over their noses while Bugsy just sits there giggling.  While Roger is on hold, he sees Morden jogging up the drive.  He shakes his head in disapproval.  Morden enters to see the guys holding their noses and fanning the air back towards Tregunna.

 

MORDEN

Hey guys.

 

SMYTH

What the fuck is this now?  The Six-

Million Dollar Man?

 

TREGUNNA

More like the Bionic Woman.

 

MORDEN

What?

 

SMYTH

You're dressed like a fuckin' superhero

in your gay little tights.  It's the middle

of winter.  Why are you jogging?

 

MORDEN

I'm training.

 

Roger talks to Steve the pizza guy on the phone.

 

STEVE (THROUGH PHONE)

Do you want the usual?

 

ROGER (TO TELEPHONE)

Ah, no.  Have you guys got any salads or

anything like that?

STEVE (THROUGH PHONE)

Yeah, we've got a garden salad and

caesar...

 

BUGSY (TO ROGER)

Get some garlic bread, man.

 

MORDEN (TO SMYTH)

I'm going to Montreal in June to run a

marathon.

 

BUGSY (TO ROGER)

Hey, get some garlic bread, man.

 

SMYTH (TO BUGSY)

Will you fucking shut up?

 

 

 

 

MORDEN

Jewel got me a membership to a gym,

and I've been training.

 

Roger listens to Morden's exercise plans with a dejected look on his face while Steve the pizza guy rambles on in his ear.

 

MORDEN (EXCITED) (CONT'D)

I'm benching 180 already and I've been

running about 5 miles a day.

 

SMYTH

If I was living with that bitch girlfriend of

yours, I'd be running too.

 

Roger's attention turns back to his phone call.

 

  ROGER (TO TELEPHONE)

Huh?

 

STEVE (THROUGH PHONE)

Did you want to order one of those?

 

ROGER (LOOKING AT MORDEN)

Nah, just give me the special...with a

double order of every meat you've got.

 

STEVE (THROUGH PHONE)

Ok, um...double every meat...um...do

you consider mushrooms a meat?

 

ROGER (CONFUSED LOOK)

Do mushrooms walk?

 

STEVE (THROUGH PHONE)

Umm...no.

 

ROGER (TO TELEPHONE)

Then no, I don’t consider them meat.

 

Roger hangs up the phone abruptly.

 

BUGSY (TO ROGER)

Did you get any garlic bread, man?

 

Roger doesn't listen to Bugsy but notices Eddie's little head peek out from under the couch.  Roger motions for Tregunna to hand a beer over.  He does.  Roger takes a swig and his face turns sour from the taste of Tregunna's exotic beer.

 

ROGER (TO HIMSELF)

Here we go again.

 

 

TREGUNNA (TO TREVOR)

What d'ya say, Rocky?  Get back on the

horse again?

 

Trevor frowns.

 

SMYTH (TO TREVOR)

What's your fucking problem?  You

haven't said a word the whole time I've

been here.

 

TREGUNNA

He's not talking.  He burned the roof of

his mouth on some hot pizza last night

after the bar and he's been milking it

ever since.

 

BUGSY (GIGGLING)

Man, I've done that before.

 

SMYTH

Moron!  How'd you finally manage to get

him out of the house?

 

TREGUNNA (DEVILISH GRIN)

Actually that's a funny story.

(to Trevor)

Can I tell it?

 

Trevor shrugs.

 

TREGUNNA (SMILING) (CONT'D)

Well you know his girlfriend Joan?

 

SMYTH

The ugly one?

 

Trevor flashes an angry look at Smyth.

 

TREGUNNA

Umm...yeah...well she went to Ottawa

for a week to visit her parents...and

Trevor was so excited that she was

coming home that he decided to meet

her at the train station...in Hamilton...so

he packed a bag...so he could... you

know...stay over...and he walked...all the

way to Hamilton...

MORDEN

Ah, man.  That's crazy.  That's like a two

hour walk.

 

TREGUNNA (NODDING)

Through the snow...

 

SMYTH (LAUGHS)

You dumb ass!

 

TREGUNNA (SMILING)

So after like two hours or whatever... 

carrying that heavy bag of his...you know

cause he always carries his laptop with

him...and I guess...she gets off the train

and sees him...and he's all smiles and she

says to him..."We have to talk."

 

They all laugh.

 

TREGUNNA (CONT'D)

So...not only did he not get to stay over...

did he not get to bang her...she gave him

his walking papers...

 

They all erupt in laughter.


Submitted: November 11, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Kevin McMaster. All rights reserved.

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