Skids (Screenplay) Part 9

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Following the exploits of a group of friends who live small lives and have even smaller ambitions, "Skids" is a window into their lives as they carry on into their early twenties, while still living very much like teenagers. Will any of them escape this downward spiral into mediocrity? And more importantly, do any of them want to? When drinking, partying and acting like a bunch of fools are your chief concerns in life is there really any reason to change? - available on Amazon - 14 parts in total

INT. OLD COYOTE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

 

FADE IN.  Tregunna is on top of the Old Coyote having sex missionary style.  After a few moments he hears the TV turn on in the adjoining room.  A look of confusion crosses his face.  Next he feels the bed shake as if somebody had just sat down.  While humping away he slowly turns his head around to see the back of the Old Beggar sitting on the end of the bed watching the TV in the room opposite.  Tregunna's face turns even more confused as he turns back around still thrusting away.  He continues.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. TREVOR'S DRIVEWAY - NIGHT

 

A very drunken Roger tries to shovel out the driveway.  He is about half way done but starts to run out of energy.  He stops for a break.  He looks around at the quiet night then tilts his head back to watch the snow coming down from the sky.  He watches for a moment until the snowflakes start to swerve and sway.  His head begins to spin.

 

FADE OUT:

 

On BLACK SCREEN the word appears:

 

"Friday"

 

Word FADES OUT.

 

EXT. TREVOR'S FRONT SIDEWALK - MORNING

 

A mail man pulls out a few letters with the words "LAST NOTICE" stamped on the cover and a large brown envelope addressed to Roger from a major university that has the words "ENROLLMENT FORMS ENCLOSED" stamped above his name.  The mail man stumbles through the snow-filled driveway.  About half way up the drive he notices that the snow has been shovelled away from that point on.  There is a large pile of chunky vomit on the cement marking the

 

end of Roger's efforts from the night before.  He shakes his head in disgust and carries on up the porch.  Eddie watches from inside and lets out a little squeal as if calling for help.  Trevor approaches him.

 

TREVOR (O.S. FROM INSIDE)

Eddie, what are you doing?  How do you

keep getting out?

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. RESIDENTIAL YARD (SMYTH'S JOB SITE) - DAY

 

Smyth holds open a hot air vent on the side of the building.  He holds up a long pole with screws and nails driven into it.

 

SMYTH

This, my young apprentice, is the "Stick

of Death."  Notice the screws and nails

sticking out of one end.  If there's any

birds or nests in there this'll jab into

them and hook onto them so I can drag

them out.

 

BUGSY (GIGGLING)

Cool, man.

 

SMYTH

Now what I need you to do is...I'm gonna

reach in...and if I find a nest there might

be some babies in there...I'll take 'em out

and toss 'em to you...and what you gotta

do is just quickly grab them by the neck

and...

(makes a jerking motion with his hand)

...just whip 'em like this...and crack their

neck...that'll kill 'em and then you can

throw them in the garbage...

 

BUGSY (GIGGLING)

Cool, man.

 

SMYTH

Then after we get all this cleaned out

we'll go in the house and spray for mites.

 

BUGSY

Mites, man?  Should I be wearin' gloves

then, like you, man?

 

SMYTH

Ah...nah.  You'll be alright.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. BUGSY'S BACK DOOR - DAY

 

Roger stands over Tregunna who tries to get Bugsy's door open.

 

ROGER

What are we doing here?

 

TREGUNNA

Shh...will you get down?  His mom will

see.

 

Tregunna pops Bugsy's door open and they enter.  They head into Bugsy's bedroom and Tregunna starts sneaking around as if looking for something.

 

ROGER

So...should I ask what happened after I

left last night?

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Nah...best we not talk about it.

 

Roger looks down and sees a waste paper basket full of balled up tissues.  An uncomfortable look crosses his face.

 

ROGER

What are we doing here?

 

TREGUNNA (EXCITED)

Ah, here we go.

 

Tregunna sits on Bugsy's bed.

 

ROGER

What is it?

 

TREGUNNA (EXCITED)

Bugsy's resume.

 

ROGER (EXCITED)

Oh, cool!

 

TREGUNNA (POINTING)

Oh, look at this!  He spent three days

working on a chicken farm!  Why would

he put that on his resume?  Who's he

think that's gonna impress?

 

ROGER

Security guard?  Who the hell would hire

Bugsy to guard anything?

 

TREGUNNA

Oh, man!  He never worked anywhere

longer than a week.  I gotta frame this

and put it on my wall!

 

Tregunna stops.  He gets an idea.

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES) (CONT'D)

Heh, look around.  Maybe we can find his

school transcript.

 

ROGER (EXCITED)

Oh yeah!

 

They scurry around and start looking through his drawers until suddenly they hear Bugsy's mom calling from upstairs.

 

BUGSY'S MOTHER (O.S.)

Frances!

 

Roger and Tregunna stop with a look of fright on their faces.

 

BUGSY'S MOTHER (O.S.)

Frances!

 

TREGUNNA (IMITATING BUGSY)

Yeah, man!

 

They try hard not to laugh.  Suddenly comes a long rambling speech in German.  The look on Roger and Tregunna's faces slowly turns to utter confusion as she rambles on.

 

BUGSY'S MOTHER (O.S.)

Frances?  Did you hear me, Frances?

 

TREGUNNA (CONFUSED)

Uh...yeah, man!  Ok!

 

They hear Bugsy's mom walk away from the top of the stairs.

 

ROGER

Let's get the fuck out of here.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. RESIDENTIAL HOME (SMYTH'S JOB SITE) - DAY

 

Smyth sprays pesticides into the oven vent.  The spray makes the air foggy all around them.

 

BUGSY

Hey, man.  Should I have a mask on?

 

SMYTH

Nah...you'll be alright.

(finishing up)

Alright, I'm gonna go clean up outside. 

But I got a job for you.

 

BUGSY

Yeah.  Whatever, man.

 

SMYTH

I want you to make a phone call.

 

BUGSY

A phone call, man?

 

SMYTH

Yeah, I want you to call that pizza place

and tell them you ordered a pizza an

hour ago and you're still waiting for it.

 

BUGSY

We gettin' pizza, man?  That's cool cause

I'm like starvin', man.

 

SMYTH

No I'm just getting that guy fired.

 

BUGSY (GIGGLING)

Ah, no man.  That ain't cool.  You call

him.

 

SMYTH

I can't.  I think his boss recognized my

voice the last time.

 

BUGSY (GIGGLING)

Alright, gimme your phone.

 

SMYTH

No.  You gotta call from the house phone

so they can see it's coming from different

numbers.

 

BUGSY

Ah, I see man.

 

SMYTH

Yeah, in fact we'll call from every house

we spray...complain about something

different each time...that'll get him fired

for sure.

 

BUGSY (NODDING LAUGHING)

Ah...you're like sneaky, man.

 

SMYTH

Yeah.

 

BUGSY (NODDING)

Yeah, but can we get a pizza first?

 

SMYTH

No.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE PARKING LOT - DAY

 

Roger and Tregunna walk through the parking lot.

 

TREGUNNA

So should I ask you what happened with

that chick last night?

 

ROGER (EMBARRASSED)

Nah...best we not talk about it.

 

Tregunna nudges Roger towards Chuck E. Cheese.

 

ROGER (CONT'D)

Where are you taking me?

 

TREGUNNA (SMILING)

Come on.  They serve alcohol.

 

Roger stops.

 

TREGUNNA (CONT’D)

Come on, man.  My sister's having a

birthday party for my niece...we'll hang

out for a little while...have a few beers...

maybe she'll get into a fight with her ex

and we can watch...it'll be a laugh...

 

Roger reluctantly goes along and they walk towards the door.

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Maybe you can pick up one my sister's

fat friends.

 

CUT TO:

 

EXT. COMMERCIAL GARAGE - AFTERNOON

 

Smyth sprays pesticides along the base of the garage.

 

BUGSY

Hey man, you ever try sniffing this shit? 

Will it get you high, man?

 

SMYTH

No way, man!  You sniff this shit, it'll kill

you!

 

Smyth starts to spray the rafters.  It blows back right into Bugsy's face.  Bugsy quickly tries to wipe it off.  Smyth sees a large spider web.  He starts soaking down the spider with pesticide.

 

SMYTH (MANIACALLY) (CONT'D)

Hey, you think you can get away from

me?

 

Bugsy starts giggling.

 

SMYTH (MANIACAL LAUGH)

That'll teach you for trying to live!

 

As the two spray pesticides around like children playing, the store owner watches their immature display from a distance.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE - AFTERNOON

 

Tregunna and Roger sit at a table with Tregunna's sister Lisa while kids run around them rampant and out of control.

 

LISA

So, Roger.  When are you going to find

yourself a nice girl and settle down like

my brother here?

 

Roger and Tregunna look at each other in confusion.

 

TREGUNNA (CONFUSED)

Nice girl?  Who the hell are you talking

about?

 

LISA

That girl I saw you with, at the mall, just

before Christmas.

 

TREGUNNA (CONFUSED)

Dana?

 

LISA

Dana?  Who?  No...I thought her name

was Shelly...or Sheila...or something...the

one who had the little girl...

 

TREGUNNA

Sheryl?

 

LISA

Yeah.  Who's Dana?

 

TREGUNNA

Oh, that's just some girl I was banging.

 

LISA

Well, then who was Sheryl?

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Some other girl I was banging.

 

LISA

So who are you with?

TREGUNNA

Neither...Dana was just a quick, weekend

kind of thing...and Sheryl kind of dumped

me right after Christmas...

 

LISA

Oh, sorry.  That had to be hard at

Christmas time.  What happened?

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Eh...I was gettin' sick of her... so I just

gave her some scratch tickets for

Christmas to try and get rid of her...

 

LISA

That's awful!

 

TREGUNNA (SMILES)

Eh...it worked...I never heard from her

again.

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. MORDEN'S BATHROOM - LATE AFTERNOON

 

Jewel sits on the toilet.  She reaches for some toilet paper and finds that it's at the end of the roll.

 

JEWEL

Allen!  Allen, you fucking idiot!

 

She hears Morden come running outside the door.

 

MORDEN (O.S.)

Yeah, hon!

 

JEWEL

Where's the fucking toilet paper I gave

you money to get?  Well?  Where's the

fucking toilet paper?

 

MORDEN (SHEEPISHLY O.S.)

Umm...I didn't get it.

 

JEWEL

Well, why the fuck not?

 

MORDEN (SHEEPISHLY O.S.)

Um...well...I spent the money on scratch

tickets.

 

JEWEL

You fucking idiot!  How're we supposed

to have a fucking party tonight with no

toilet paper?

 

Morden doesn't answer.

 

JEWEL (CONT'D)

Go get my fucking purse!  And bring me

some paper towels!

 

CUT TO:

 

INT. CHUCK E. CHEESE - LATE AFTERNOON

 

Tregunna and Roger sit watching all the hot looking mothers.

 

TREGUNNA (EXCITED)

This place is a fucking gold mine!

 

ROGER

You and your single mothers.

 

TREGUNNA

I tell you, Rog...single mothers are

perfect...you know they're easy... cause

they got kids...they can never go

anywhere...cause they're stuck at home 

with them...they usually have their own

money...cause they're on mother's

allowance...they all have low self-

esteem...because of their situation...

 

TREGUNNA (CONT’D)

…you just do something nice for them

like pay their cable bill...or buy them a

new DVD player or something, and

you're in...and when you get bored with

them...you just give them some shitty

gift like scratch tickets or whatever...and

that pisses them off...and you never see

them again.

 

CUT TO:


Submitted: November 14, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Kevin McMaster. All rights reserved.

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