This whole story is my true childhood. NO LIES WERE WRITEN IN THIS STORY!
CAUTION: Depressing storys may cause emotional damage.
Updated September 16th, 2013
The red lines are when the info was updated.
June 2010 - September 2013
It all started on June 6th 2010, I was on a broadcasting site for entertainment called blogtv. I met my first girlfriend Shelby. But she lived far away, so we had a 2 week online relationship, but on June 26th she had gone camping with her family and friends. On June 29th my exact birthday she finally came on and broke up with me, she had forgotten about that day was my birthday... It was the worst birthday I ever had... I found out from her sister that she was cheating on me with her friend... I was devistated, the first girlfriend I ever had, that lived far away, threw me away on my birthday. But thats not what pushed me too the deep depression, I had gone for sweden that July, My dearest Karate Master, Mr.Quinn was at the hospital... He was a father to me, like family.. On July 19th he passed away, I couldn't go to the funneral because I was in sweden, I didn't know what to do. My joy lowered greatly for I couldn't think anymore (Not to long ago while i was writing this I actually found the first ever poem I ever wrote, here it is.
"Suddenly everything turns into nothing. The one Master is gone into heaven and i'm still alive. Now i begin to wonder why i am alive and what is everything worth living for. I dont know how to enjoy happyness and light anymore. Now i Just wait..."
It isn't much but thats all I could release back then, continuing to the story) I still continued my karate career like Mr.Quinn would want me too. During Christmas 2010 I was with another girlfriend (online), but the sad part is... my poetry caused her to break up... One of my poems creeped her out, It led to a 2 week relationship. If only I had seen what I've done. Through out 2011, I've been cheat on 3 times, total of 5 online relationships,
How ever, I had a 6 month relationship with a Girl named Kiara, she was a suicidal... she mind controlled me, making me depressed, every day I would have a problem with her. It caused me to lose so many friends and I never did this to her because I didn't want to limit her even if I was jealous, so much pain... it caused 2 suicidal attempts, one with 11 long cuts on my arm (only 1 critical), and almost stabbing myself.
But her stupidity got the best of her, she wanted me to remove yet another new friend, She broke up with me... and she begged for me to take her back... I put my foot down and rejected all her attempts to take me back. That doesnt stop there... I had 2 real relationship in fall 2011, Jessica, a girl who has problems speaking and has some brain damge. She broke up because I wasn't acting like a "boyfriend" when all I did was talk to her.. Then Hailey this was a on and off relationship that lasted for 8 monthes... she was also real... but... she was the worst.
After 3-4 monthes she became sexual and me being in loved just joined in, we became lustful in school (that was the only way we could see each other), touching, oralish, so much... regretness. But she got punished and couldn't go on our 2nd date... if we did go on that date... I wouldn't be a virgin no more.. Thankfully that I didn't go into full intercourse.. We tried in school but we also did... then I hesitated everytime. I wasn't good enough for her and she broke up every time for the on and off. I got back with her because of being still inlove and was suduced into her lust. I found out after school ended she cheated on me with half of the freshman in the school... I couldn't believe how blind I was.. How stupid I was!!
My mom was moving out, away from papa, I wanted to stay at my current home... It was hard. Not to have you mother, the one who always is there for you. I was with my guardian Judi (past co-parent) and papa. I was left to myself most of the time.
I had 4 cheated 10 online and 2 real relationships at the end of summer 2012... then I met Jade on the first day of school... I was instantly inlove, Idk why or how she just seemed so innocent, she also had a seizure dis order... but she has a short temper and didn't know how to control it... She ran out of the school, her classes when she didn't get what she wants. We started dating 2 weeks after school started but I was rejected so many times... because she felt bad for me and didn't really love me. after the 2nd time we broke up Hailey came back... She used her lustfulness to get me to have sexual things with her again... because I was still inlove with her I agreed that after the weekend we would do it in a new secret spot. But then Jade asked me out again, then things got rough...
Jade saved me from being with hailey again.. She saved me from hell... so much hell but she heard about it and i tried to explain that I didn't expect her to ask me out again. I was left in tears and misery. I felt like a pig.. I never wanted to be a pig, I didn't want to be like those guys. I hated those guys. Yet I was still an outcast... and sad, damaged outcast. But me and Jade still went out, She used me several times to get her ultimate crush, I forgot his name but she only loved him... at that time, I was a ugly piece of shit compared to him, I still am too, well atleast to me I am.
Me and Jade went to homecoming together... I thought she actually loved me... I was wrong, she used me to get her crush to like her. She basically ruined his and kinda ruined my homecoming, I quickly wrote my first song "If I ever lost you" and sang it to her... that didn't do shit. I saw her kiss a different guy right in front of me to me. I knew how hyper she was and didnt mean to do that so I let it slide.
But we been together for 4 times at this time and I wasn't dating her at the time ether when she had her worst seizure yet, It caused her to go to the hospital so 2 weeks. I spent some of my days comforting her cause I still loved her truly and deeply. She acted like she loved me because of being there for her. But she continued breaking up with me, until the 8th time when she got rejected by her ultimate crush... then asked me out again... I put her down... She couldn't speak literally, she threw the rings ,that I gave her, at me,but I surprisely caught them, She hated my guts that day until she calmed down the next days, I did still love her no matter how many times she broke up and It never stopped growing, I told her that she used me to get other guys and I rejected her through november and december 2012, no matter how much I wanted her back.. I didn't feel secure with her not looking for other guys...
We actually got back together on christmas and had our very first New Year Eve's kiss (she never had one ether). She went broke up with me 9th time two weeks later. Also my mom was supposed to be back. Papa found another woman on the exact new years day, her name was montana. My mom was so upset. I didn't want her to think I abandoned her ether... It was so hard to sleep, thinking of my mom being depressed and maybe suicidal... I couldn't comfort my own mother because she was so far away. Its madness! Thankfully she bought the house in march 2013, and I was reunited with her again. I never want that seperation to happen again. But, mommy no her girlfriend susan had a job. So all we had was the money we got from the divorce agreement.
She wanted her crush again but he broke her heart in the whole cafeteria. She was a laughing stalk and she didnt dare go to me because I told her that I wouldn't take her back. It was a solid week without taking her back, Valentines day past too and she had a date though, I forgot his name too so lets call him bob. But bob did something very terrible to her. She looked like she was kicked around and bullied. She broke up with him because of what he did.
The day after it happened she told me that he did something to her then stopped talking to me. Another week passed, no word from her... Her facebook page was filled with rejects and depression, she didn't talk to her friend at school she just walked to her classes with her head down and no smiles to be found... I felt so bad, I still loved her, I wanted to be with her so much, but I was afraid of her obession with boy, her fake love, and the many signs of rejection... Everything went blank then I decided to give her the last chance, I messaged her, and she was surprised.
I talked to her on skype that night and I hanged out over there the next day. She was shy and such... after a few hours passed she said," Kevin... I..." My instincts kicked in and I grabed her and kissed her. I didn't let go and she kissed me back. She said she was so very sorry about everything and said she truly did love me because I was always there for her when she needed comfort and I was her only friend that cared.
We got back together and never broke up since. She improved herself and I'm proud of her. I love her so much and I know she has the same love as I do... She just doesn't really show it as much as I do at times... we both promised to never break up and kept it that way. It was the end of February when we got back together. All together it has been 10 monthes since me and her dated, both our longest relationship ever. The depression moments after some of the fights we had helped me write more. But I talked to her today 6/23/13 and we got somethings back in place. I just hope being so far away for a month destroy our relationship for good...
Papa was also going in debts, the thought of him going bankrupt is unbelieveable. I never wanted all this to happen... The stress and depression from papas debts, becoming poor next year, the losses of my family, college acception possibilities. I tried to plan by making an app for the android play store but... I can't do it! I can't think of a good idea, nor know enough info for java scripting a app... my current plan is to make a video for youtube of my poems called Shadow Realm. I'm making the music, art, just about everything. Then I'm gonna use those songs i made for the video and turn it into a album for the itunes and/or android play store.. Time runs shorter, I can't let this happen... I just can't... There's nothing I can do anymore, my motivation and self-esteem drains away again. I'm just beaten, in god's game of life..
So since august and september, mine and jades relationship has been.. well bad. It all started with school too, and I knew something was gonna happen. She started becoming distant and thats not usual. She was breaking up with me in the mornings and wanting me back in the afternoons and it was madness. But as of September 1st, 2013 me and her broke up. It is rather personal but for the most part she just moved on for some reason. It was an all of a sudden thing. She said we would still be like brother and sister. Ofcourse I knew that was a lie. She became more of a aqquantance to me everyday passing. I texted her alot because i was still in that i miss you so much phase.
One week after she got the school involved and I tried to tell her how I felt about her limiting mine and her friendship. I was almost expelled for talking to her so much. That's what got me over limits. She also said that hugs are not what best friends do. BULLSHIT! I would understand if its still because of the break up but seriously? She said how sorry she was and wanted to stay best friends. I tested this so I said that's ok. But I've noticed she becomes more angry with me being around her then anyone else. She gets snappy at me extremely quick. She is also such a childish bully to me. Like on the 12th we were hangout with our friends and I usually just be plan silly and she would yell how retarded that looked and if I was messing with her EVERY RESPONCE would be, " I will slap you." I don't mind that but she did it the whole time I was hanging out with her. She was so nasty to me. I always had my comback but still it was so so very mean.
It hurts to see her do this shit to me and treat me like complete nothingness for all that I've done for her. I hate how i still love her so much, because she basically wanted me dead out of her life, it feels like that. I want to rip and tear all of the things she has gotten for me and burn them and watch it in ashes, thats how much pain she did to me. As of next day I am not aloud to talk to her and I'm happy with that because I don't want to be around her anymore. She has basically shown me what I mean to her now and if she comes crying back. I will just kick her away because she is becoming dead to me. I don't feel like a friend at all. I feel like an hated enemy. My heart hurts when i see her online or at school because all I can think of is the memories that mean nothing to her. I want her to know how I honestly feel about her and her shit she does to me.
I however 2 days before thursday got to talk to her about how I felt. She gives me shit 2 hours later... She doesn't give a flying fuck about my feelings or about me in general. But at the same time, she doesn't want to know about me. She will never understand my feelings and she will never want to understand her actions against me. I will sadly still love her truly and deeply but right now. She is on my shit list. And if she wants to come crying back, she'll have to pull off something beound happiness for me to forgive her. She has to just give me time which would be a long time. I don't think she'll come back. This time she has moved on. Other than my now ex, Life has been ok. I'm ok for the most part, I have my friends and family there with me all the time. This depression has increased my writing to a new kind oof horrorific style of poetry. It takes more out of me to write now so I currently have 4 unfinished poems from last week, I'm trying to complete them as soon as possible. Also I want to enter this contest and the topic is, "Inspirational, Hope." Basically it's something to the way opposite of what I write in general. So theres me as a writer part going.
I will update last October or early november on how things go for me.
If you want to know more about me, email me at Kevincracker777@live.com OR Kevincracker777@gmail.com OR add me on facebook https://www.facebook.com/Kevin.S.Witt
Thanks for reading :) Bye.
© Copyright 2016 Kevin Witt. All rights reserved.
Poem / Poetry
Poem / Poetry
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