Sometimes, i dont know what to feel, what to do, what to say! so much is going on, im scared i never know , i dont ever know what am i to doo? i gave up a friend, he has been my friend for 4 or so years at least, but we couldnt be friends anymore, it sucked i hate his guts, and im happy, he never was there for me, he was cruel and a jerk, but now i fight with this girl, i seem to alwaysw bug and annoy her, it kills me! i hate the feeling, of being mad, or frusterated with her, but even worse is the feeling i get when she is mad or annoyed with me! i dont know how to fix it either, i love this girl but im scared, will it work, sometimes i doubt it, but w,e just gotta do what i can right, no second guessing my self. all my life i have i still wear a mask at times i pre i make it seem like i think i know...... i always try to be happy, even wen im ticked i do everything i can to look happy, look calm, look ok, i dont know what to do, the mask burns, i gave up a friend, was it my fault? i dont know, i dont know anything and it sucks, i need someone to talk too but i have no one, the girl, the girl i like, the girl i love, did i push her away, maybe, i feel she hates me at time,s sometimes i dont know, i cant even eat with her anymore at lunch, lies? of course she has, everyone does, i lied to peopel too, but it scares me, what am i to do? how can i save myself, what can i do to make things better, to make me and her better! i need some advice, i need some assistance, i dont know where to turn anymore, i feel lost and afraid, im so happy and a weight has lifted from me, since stopping a friendship, but yet i still cry why? what is wrong with me, what do and did i do wrong? am i a monster, maybe, am i knight, maybe, am i a demon, a soldier, a spy, a slave, a poor man, a boss, a follower, a nieve boy, a strong man, a king, a prince, a lord, or a simple peasant, a man or a mouse, a philosipher or fool, a wise man, a sorcorer, a warrior, what am i what can i do who am i, i dont know, i am afraid thats what, a lost and confused king, a misguided and kind nieve boy, a blind philosipher, a humble fool, a loyal knight, a noble warrior, a wicked monster, a manipulative demon, a trusting soldier, a sneaky spy, a serving slave, a rich poor man, a follower who leads, a boss of nothing, a prince and lord of chaos, and a man And mouse of peace, i am a strong man with weak courage, yet i have the courage of a lion, i am everything and nothing, that is how i feel that is wat i think, im lost and confused. who do i need to bow to? what do i need to say, and do! plz if i can be forgiven then forgive me! if i need apologise or figive u let me do so! if something must be done to make ammends plz give me the chance for i wish to fix and strive in our friendship, i talk about all, but one, none but three, who i speak of is clear and onvious yet hidden and mystories, why i speak i dont know i lost it, i need to let it go, what am i thinking and saying, i dont know, i type i type whatever comes to my head? does it mean something i dont know! is it a random rant yes, but a random rant with feeling and spirit.
WHEW! if u read this all thank you! if u have anything to say, go ahead, sorry that it is so hard to read
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