NM

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
All is well till something devastating happens.

Submitted: January 03, 2011

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Submitted: January 03, 2011

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I wish I had the power to control time and space. To be able to stop time at any moment and just admire the situation or the people in them, just look at everything frozen and admire the beauty of it all. To be able to turn back time and relive certain events of those I have lost in my life especially one in particular, my dad. I wish I would be able to see him again, his smile, laugh, his beard, hell even the smell of the Marlboro cigarettes that would linger with him. Of course this is not possible and will probably never happen, but it doesn't hurt to dream. I still remember the day well and how devastating it was, how alone I felt in the world. It was Thursday March 22, 2002, it was a beautiful day: the sun was shining, birds were singing their happy melody, the grass was moist and green, and I felt great. I was ten years old back then in the fifth grade, and back then oblivious to all that was around me, death was not a concept that I have ever had the chance to experience. Sure I have had pets die before but it was a much more devastating loss when losing someone you love that is human. I went to school like any other day, having been subjected to all the knowledge of math, English, history, science, and some spelling. We would have recess before lunch time and we would go play on the playground until the whistle was blown and it was time to get in line for lunch. Then after we at lunch in the cafeteria it was time to head back to class. Then it was time to do some history, learning about the Civil War: how it happened, what they were fighting for, how bloody it was and how it torn this county apart. There were a lot of stories about the war in my text book and I often wonder if any of it was how it actually happened or if they were just made up like the rest of them. In the article \"Rewriting History', by Anne Scott MacLeod states that, \"Formulas deny the complexity of human experience and often the reality of it as well,\" (MacLeod). Most of those stories will have characters who don't completely act like they would back then. I remember the reading about a story of how General Lee surrendered to the Union and think that no how it happened. As I got older of course I found out that Lee did surrender the way he did in the story, some stories are historical inaccurate but this one was not. After all that my teacher had received a call from my mom telling her to tell me not to stay after school program today, I don't remember the name but it was an after school program to help with my focusing problem. When my teacher told me this I didn't think much of it since my mom would often want me home before she went out to dinner and wanted me to watch the house. So, I continued to do what I was doing not paying attention to the gloomy look in my teacher's eyes when she told me. When school ended and I was walking home I saw my dad's truck parked on the side walk across from my house. I am suddenly filled with excitement, I never been able to see my dad much after him and my mom divorced, so whenever he would come visit I would be overjoyed to see him. When I reached my house and stepped inside, I noticed that only my mom was home in her bathroom, and my dad nowhere in sight. At that point I thought he was across the street visiting my godparents like he usually does. Time passes and I decided to go to the living room to play videogames, when my elder siblings started to show up. This was puzzling to me, why would they all show up here, is there some kind of family get together I didn't know about or something? Again I let it drift out of my mind and kept playing videogames. I could over hear them talking and whispering, I was too far away to eavesdrop but I could tell in their voices that they were deeply sadden by something I wasn't aware of. Finally when my brother Joey, who is two years older, finally came home from middle school, my mom told us to go into the family room, my mom and elder siblings had some news that they wanted to tell us. When I sat on the couch next to my mom I saw the look on all their faces; full of sorrow and pity. That's when my mom told me and Joey, that our dad had died from a heart attack earlier in the day. At first, it didn't register, I thought it was some kind of sick joke they were playing, thinking at any minute they would burst into laughter and I would get mad at them. Alas it was not a joke, but the truth, the look on their faces where serious, and that's when it sunk in and I would never see my dad again. The river of tears came as I was swept with denial, wailing at them; \"No he can't be gone, he just can't be!\" It felt like something in a movie that would get the audience to feel the pain you're going through, and I am sure it would have gotten some tears from people. In \"Judging Cinematic History\", by Robert Brent Toplin, He says, \"Moviemakers employ successful practices of their profession, attempting to create emotionally simulating entertainment,\" (Toplin). Yeah it would have entertained a lot of people, getting them to sympathize with my situation. The wailing and crying continued for what seemed like an hour, was actually only twenty minutes. Everyone came close to give a giant family hug, they all know what I was going through, and were torn up as much as me if not more. At that moment it did not matter to me, I was being selfish, never gave much thought to how everyone else in the room felt. The only one who wasn't showing any emotion was Joey, he just sat there with a blank look on his face. at first I thought he was inconsiderate and did not care that our dad died, quite the contrary, he felt as devastated as I was but kept it all in, showing no emotion, instead he choose to grieve alone in the privacy of his own room. I had no idea at the time of how he was feeling, all I could think about how I would never going to see him again. It felt like time had stopped, or that I just wanted time to stop all together. I just stood there in the living room after everyone had left, staring out the window. All I could really think about is all the times I've spent with him, all the times he took me and Joey out for breakfast on the weekends, and how we would spend the night at his home and listening to him snore. He was a kind and gentle man even though he didn't show it, and a fighter he never gave up always pushing forward till the end. All of these things made me happier, but when brought back to reality I felt alone in the world again. Everyone goes through the five stages of grief at some point in their lives and my family and I were no exception, but I shunned my family out and letting everything revolve around me. It was also tearing everyone my dad ever known apart as well, we all felt alone, but we were not alone because we had each other and that's what helped me get through this ordeal. Eight years have passed since his death and I have grown and matured. I know that my dad is in a better place watching, and protecting us. Over the years I have come to terms with his passing and how much everyone in my family was feeling, how they felt the same pain I did, that I wasn't alone in the world and I still have them. I may never see my dad again but he lives on through me and my other siblings, as he was kind and hardworking I will become as well. He was a son, brother, friend, veteran, lover, husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather and now guardian, watching over us living forever young.


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