Satan was very proud of the weapons he used against God. He talked to his wife, Mrs. Satan, about how proud he was of the weapons he carried in his War-Against-God Quiver.
“I use each of them as often as I can against God the Father, and His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ,” Satan bragged. “And it’s fun using them against God’s children, those pesky Christians, too.”
Fear, Strife, Worry, Gossip, Pride, Disillusionment, Anger and Jealousy were among the weapons in his war quiver. Two of Satan’s major weapons, Doubt and Discouragement, however, weren’t carried in the quiver. They were much more comfortable perched on Satan’s shoulders.
“It’s too crowded in the quiver,” pouted Doubt, whose job was to be the bow that shot the arrow of Discouragement.
“You got that right, Dude,” grumbled Discouragement.
“You work way too hard,” said Mrs. Satan.
“Yes, I do,” grumbled Satan, who hated telling the truth. “But it is my life’s goal to keep as many people from spending eternity in heaven with Jesus as possible. Jesus will be returning soon, so I work while I can.”
“I’m proud of you,” said Mrs. Satan.
Satan was thrilled every time he was able to use one of his weapons. “All of them are very important in my war against God,” he told his wife.
“I can’t always depend on my good looks, good intentions and charming manners,” he grinned.
“Don’t forget your good personality,” said Mrs. Satan.
“I didn’t forget it,” Satan lied. “I was just checking to see if you remembered.”
Satan was an expert at using every tool in his arsenal. And he always took the time to compliment them on jobs well done. Especially Doubt and Discouragement. “You’re my favorite tools,” he smiled. “You are fantasic. I can always count on you guys to get the job done.”
“Thanks, Boss,” said Discouragement.
“We are kind of indispensable, aren’t we?,” chuckled Doubt.
“You sure are,” said Satan.
Doubt and Discouragement got the idea at the same time. “How about a day off, Boss?,” their voices echoed.
“I just told you you‘re indispensable,” said Satan. “I’ll be glad to give you a day off. But you’ll have to spend it in the quiver.”
“Thanks anyway, Boss,” said Doubt. “But I would rather keep working for nothing than to be trapped in that quiver of yours. It’s way too hot in there.”
“Not nearly as hot as hell will be, My friend,” said Satan. “Not nearly as hot as hell will be.”
To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraisers and/or puppet ministry, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
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