Writer Decides to Pen New Bible

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A man decides to write his own version of the Word of God.

Submitted: June 16, 2013

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Submitted: June 16, 2013

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 © 2013


A prolific writer, Theo’s ability in numerous genres was legendary.


Theo wrote romance novels, biographies, books of Christian short stories, and, occasionally, poetry.  


Most of the time, when Theo thought about new possible projects, he sought God’s wisdom and guidance for those undertakings. Occasionally, however, he missed the mark.


One evening, Theo and his wife, Trish, discussed future writing projects for Theo. “I had a dream last night,” Theo told Trish.


“O yeah, What did you dream about?,” Trish asked.


“I dreamt I was hiking up a steep mountain trail,” Theo answered. “I was thinking about ideas for my next book project, and I have made a decision.”


“What will you be writing about, Dear,” asked Trish.


“This will be the most important project of my career as a writer,” Theo announced. “I will be writing a new Bible.”


“But there already is a Bible,” said Trish. “What’s wrong with the one we have now?”


“Oh, it’s okay,” said Theo. “But truthfully, I think I can write better stories than the people who wrote the Bible.”


Theo continued, “Also, the stories in the Bible are not real enough to be believed. They just are not real enough. Too much faith is required to believe them. The stories in my Bible will be more real and easier to believe.”


“Sounds like you’ve put quite a bit of thought into this,” Trish observed. “Will you please give me an example of one of the stories your Bible will have?”


“Okay,” said Theo. “Take the stories in the book of Genesis, for instance. “Adam and Eve sinned when they disobeyed God and ate the fruit of that one tree, right?


“Well, Adam and Eve will still be featured in my Bible, but their sin will be that they didn’t work hard enough to take care of the Garden of Eden.”


In your story, why does God kick the couple out of the Garden of Eden,” asked Trish.


“In my story, God doesn’t actually kick them out,” Theo said. “In my story, God gives them another opportunity to measure up, to redeem themselves. They get to continue living in the Garden of Eden.”


Sin wouldn’t be that big a deal in his Bible, Theo said. “There will be no need for a savior named Jesus to die on the cross,” he observed.


The Lord wanted to put to rest Theo’s idea for a new Bible. Softly, yet powerfully, God spoke, “You will not write a new Bible,” said the real Bible’s author.


“The Bible was written by those whom I inspired to do so,” God said. “The stories actually happened. And I did send my son, Jesus, to die on the Cross for mankind.


“The Bible doesn’t need to be re-written,” God insisted. “You see, from the very beginning it was such an important project that I decided to do it right the first time!”


To contact the writer of this column about speaking engagements, including Christian Comedy Fundraisers and/or puppet ministry, please email raysofson@gmail.com.


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