Where I came from.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is about me, The most i've ever let anyone into my life. Uhm. This is kind of to let you know you have me to talk to about anything, And I hope you'll understand. Enjoy. :c

Submitted: March 22, 2012

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Submitted: March 22, 2012

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Hello, My name is Julianne. Many people know me by Austii, Or fake names I use so I don’t have to use my real one. I self-harm, And I have over 100 scars at the moment but many more have faded. I sometimes starve myself or purge whenever I do eat.

I’ve been told before that I have no reason to cut and that my life is perfect, But they don’t know me. I have many untold secrets and many told. I have many people that think they know me but don’t. People see my scars, the only things I’m not ashamed of.

If your hoping my story is about me being in love and it all over a guy, your absolutely wrong. I was ten when I first started cutting, I didn’t bleed it was pretty much a scratch. I was eleven when I started bleeding. By twelve I was addicted and cut deeper and deeper. Now by age thirteen it’s something I can’t stop doing.

It started out on my wrist like it usually does and now has developed down all the way to my ankles. I cut for numerous reasons, One was for the feeling of being alone, The other was the alcohol my dad drank, The bullies I’ve had to deal with my whole life, And the last was the mental abuse by my mother.

I can’t explain really how it feels to be alone. How being in a crowded room can still make you feel like your in a dark corner. I can’t explain how long I’ve felt like this or how long it lasts. All I know about how it feels is that when your at your lowest point, The most depressing point you have ever been, times that by about twenty.

My dad use to drink. Not like usual dads do, The normal is about a couple of beers. He would get flat out drunk and I know he hates for me to tell people but I mean I had to live it. So, A couple nights I would disobey and he would get mad. The usual stuff. I just learned how to avoid people. My dad use to be my hero, But now he’s the reason I refuse to let myself get too close to any guy I date. He was the beginning of most of the cutting.

Ah, The sweet bullies they’re so wonderful, aren’t they ? Ha-ha, I can’t fool myself. Everyday since about first grade I was bullied. In first grade it was being pushed into walls being punched and kicked, once I was even jumped. From second grade to now it’s all been mentally. It effects me more than it probably effects a lot of people because of how low my self-esteem is. Just the other day I was called a Hippo, These people and my mother eventually caused my eating disorder.

Now, My mom. I honestly love my parents but when I piss them off it’s completely the opposite. My mom use to call me names. I don’t mean what usual moms call children like, my baby, or my child. I was fat or ugly. Her excuse ? Was I was acting that way or I was eating too much. The same excuses bullies tried to pull. I learned to just deal with the names, I push people away now in order to not have to maybe hear the names again.

There is so much more people don’t know about me. This is about a quarter of it all. I wish I could of written it all but im saving it for my dream. Im saying this to you, I’ve said it in my about me. But I’ve always been told im not beautiful and whether you have too or not whoever is reading this. You are beautiful, More than you think. You are the light to someone, Your smile means something to someone out there, Especially me. I want you to talk to me, If you ever need someone to listen, Im ALWAYS here. I promise.


© Copyright 2020 KilledByPain. All rights reserved.

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