I can't Sleep.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
My struggles of getting over my ex.

Submitted: August 26, 2009

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Submitted: August 26, 2009

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Yeah I can’t fall asleep.
 
Let me tell you a story I need to get out
 
It’s not happy for me and I’m pretty sure you won’t enjoy this so don’t get your hopes up.
 
So a year and 4 months ago my ex of 1 year and 8 months broke up. I tell a lot of people it was two years but it wasn’t. That my sad attempt at… well I’m not even sure what it is? I won’t dare act like I don’t care. I care more about this than anything ever.
 
Ever since then I absolutely lose it when she’s mentioned or I see her or I talk about her. I know that’s a very long time to get over someone but this girl and this part of my life is like something I have never know before. I have been dealing with it since we broke up and its been super duper hard even know its been so long.
 
So tonight she was going to go to the bar and didn’t end up at the same bar as my friends and I but some of my friends are still good friends with her so they were talking to her. At the end of the night she went home and we did too and she lives like a quarter mile or less from my roommates and I. My roommate who is still friends with her said well me and a few friends could come over and she said “no sorry, I’m getting some...”
 
It’s not solely about the sex and about her connection to a guy besides me but I freaked out mentally and physically (I punched and threw more things at stuff then any other period in my life) when I heard my roommate tell me the text he got and its not like I don’t know that it happens with her new b/f but it hurts so much to hear it straight from her. I wonder if she really knows she makes me cry sometimes? I want to cry right now just thinking about it.
 
I’m not in a good place tonight and haven’t been since we broke up. I wouldn’t have gone there but yeah. It’s really killing me. I still love her so much. It’s so hard. There is no, trust me, no way to get her back. I’m so lost without her and it kills me a little more everyday. Someday, and I and not kidding or crying out for help, its really going to kill me if it doesn’t go away. No mother-fucking joke. I don’t really fell like there is a foreseeable way to fix this but, I need help, I don’t know what help or how or if I just need to meet a new girl and its not like I haven’t met new ones but nothing can replace her.
 
It is the one incomplete part of my life. I don’t ever see myself over her. 
 
Her hand in mine is the only thing that could make things right again for me.
 
And yes, I know this sounds like some kid who just got out of his first relationship in high school but maybe that’s whom I am. 
 

I’m such a fucking sap. Purely pathetic. Fuck. Fin


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I can't Sleep.

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