This Was About Obsession

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

The lengths some people will go to in the name of obsession.

I wrote this about a year or more ago so I apologise if it is terrible. It's a cross between a short story and poetry in a way I guess.

Obsession. The sickening smell that sticks to the bottom of a cardboard cup you would get from a cheap burger shop after leaving it out in the sun for too long. You had no reason to put the cup in the sun in the first place, you just wanted to.
Obsession. The prickling sensation of skin on skin as you run your fingers down their perfectly embellished cheek bone. It is the sweat that builds between the indents in your finger prints and smooths out the friction.
Obsession. The umbrella above your head on a rainy day when the newspaper was starting to disintegrate. The gum boots they wear as they step carelessly through the puddles. The look on your face as your eyes dart glances between watching them stare at you and watching their feet dance along the street as though they had been planning this exact moment of saying, “hey you’re in my English class right? Shit, it is cold out. Want to share my umbrella?” since they turned the corner from Forth Street and saw you up ahead.
Obsession. The sound your skull makes when it hits the floor of the girl’s washroom. The colour purple of the blood that gushes from your open wound as you lay weak on the floor. You can still hear them though; still hear them crying for you to just wake up.
“Hey.” Allison something from my school said. She was in one of my lessons. She had dark brown hair and that was the only interesting feature I could place a needle on as I took my first glance at her as she skipped up to my side. I had seen her around school, never took the time to really notice her however.
“Hey.” I echoed, shrugging her off a bit as I stared forward.
This was not about a lesbian or a girl crush, this was about money. This was about friends, this was about cars and shoes and fashion and just all the general jealousy aspects of high school girls. I thought I was average before I met Allison Something.
“You are in my English class right?” Standing this close to Allison I could see that when she spoke her top lip curled above her gum a bit and that her eyes were not brown at all. They were hazel and had thick flakes of green and blue scattered amongst the chocolate brown. Looking down I watched as Allison stepped into a puddle.
I nodded, still looking down at those embarrassing thick, plastic, yellow gumboots that I could have only guessed her mother bought her as a gift for winter. All my mother bought me for winter were a few new jumpers and scarves and tights in all different colours and patterns. I had originally wanted suede boots but after the shoe sales lady explain this winter was set to be a rainy month I had opted not to pay for a waste. After that the shoe sales lady asked if we were interested in a pair of gumboots. I thought she was joking. I humoured her, I did not know it then and I did not know it as I stared down at Allison’s gumboots but she was at the shops that day.
“Shit,” She clasped a black umbrella in one hand and rubbed her free gloved hand up and down her arm, “it is cold out.”
I pressed my lips together, this was the point where I did not know what to say and in avoiding any conversation as best I could I just looked away. The newspaper I had just picked up for my dad from the Forth Street Deli was official ruined and I was sure the front page article about some Priest rapist was melted away and probably stuck in my hair.
“Do you want to share my umbrella?” Allison suggested with that look on her face that just kept staring at me even though we both knew she should have looked away a long time ago. She pushed her umbrella over my head before I could even respond and once it was covering my neatly pinned back hair, who was I to complain about what she was doing?
My only response was a smile and for some reason she thought that a smile instead of a thank you was the same thing as an invitation for her to talk to me at school.
This was not about love, this was that girl that lived down the road and her family carpooled with just the one grey car. Allison Something came from the family who no one knew anything about and no one cared to know anything about. Her dad worked somewhere and for all I knew her mum was dead. Allison Something wore jeans to school every day and she sat alone out the front of the library at recess and lunch.
“English,” Allison tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around to see her sitting where the boy that normally sat behind me sat. I did not know his name either, it started with an M or an A. It could have even been a W. “I told you we had English together.” She seemed so proud of herself yet all I could do was stare at the freckle under her right eye. It seemed so out of place while the rest of her features seem symmetrical. Not her lips though, I could still notice the curling. I felt like slapping her in the face. I did not want her in near me with her perfectly unsymmetrical face.
“Awesome.” She absorbed my every syllable. She soaked up ever last vowel I dropped like it was the sun on a perfect summer’s day and she lapped up each and every last consonant like she was a stray cat searching for a hot meal or at least a quick drink of gutter water.
She was like a fly and all I could do was wish I had a fly swatter and insect spray. I wanted her to be gone. I wanted my usual nobody back behind me.
Rocking back and forth on the legs of her chair and fingers tapping along the surface of the desk, she was staring at me again. This time it was not my expression or my eyes or my lips or my cheeks but my hair that she was gawking at. She looked so intently at my hair. I had brushed it forward that day, to fall right down the centre of my head and have the precise white line of scalp.
“Better move before,” I spoke to her before pausing. What was his name? What happened to name tags glued to the desk? I knew he sometimes wore a blue jacket to school. Or it might have been green. Whatever it was, it would not be important by the week’s end. I would be dead anyway. “Before he gets here.”
“Who?” Allison Something, Allison Whatever snapped her chair down onto the floor. She leaned forward and sprawled her arms in front of her. If this was an analysis task, you could say she was stretching out to me to show some kind of connection between us. There was no connection, we were polar opposites.
This was not about her being my friend or me being her friend, this was about her being me. Allison Something, Allison Whatever- I was the wish that blew out each last one of her candles on each last one of her birthdays since she met me. And Allison had met me a long time before I had met her.
It was after lunch, it was a Friday and my lips were so cold that I feared they were about to fall off. I was almost out of the strawberry lip gloss that I always had on and I feared even more than my lips falling off was that if they were to fall off, they would fall off unpolished of lip gloss. My friends had all offered me their lip glosses but there was chap stick and watermelon flavour and forest fruits and even something that was titled something along the lines of ‘merry berry wild child mild kitten smitten candy gloss.’ But none of those lip glosses would do. So I went to the girls’ washroom. I wish I never did.
Standing in front of the girl’s washroom mirror all I wanted to do was cry. My lips looked blue and cracked with cold and most disgustingly they looked terribly dry. It was painful to look at and rolling my tongue over my lips, it felt even more painful to touch. I wish I could have bled dry right then and there.
The door opened and all I could see was a tube of that strawberry lip gloss. It was the same brand that I had. “Hey can I-” It was her. Allison Something, Allison Whatever, Allison Who Cares? She was just standing there in the in between of the almost shut washroom door. I cleared my throat, “could I borrow some?”
She stepped further into the washroom and slowly closed the door behind her. We were alone and stuck in this little world of us. The setting of the washroom melted away and there we were, eyes on eyes in a neutral world.
I watched, with my hand extended out to her, palm facing up and just waiting for her to pass it out. She was looking down to the gloss as her hair fell forward into her face. “My hair always does that.” This was me, trying to make conversation. Maybe it was giving her the all clear. Maybe telling her that was telling her she had achieved something. My hair fell like that and now so did hers.
Even though my hand was still palmed out for her to pass the lip gloss to me, she ignored it. She just stared at me with that horrible, terrible, disgustingly unsymmetrical face of hers. “My hair always does that.” Her voice, low. Her lips, barely moving. Her expression, blank. She did not look at me, she looked right past me. This was how I spoke; this was how I looked at people. Allison Something, Allison Whatever, Allison Who Cares? I should have known, I should have cared.
It all sped up after that. I dropped my hand back down to my side by my waist. She backhanded me and the ring that wound its metal band around her left middle finger sliced open my lip. At least my lips were not dry anymore. At least as my face smacked into the door of one of the toilet cubicles I was not so consumed with the perfection of one’s facial symmetry.
This was not about a lesbian.
She pulled my head back by my hair. Pulling out chucks of brunette hair from my scalp, she messed up my perfect parting that ran right down the middle of my scalp. As she pulled my head back she pushed us both forward so that she rammed behind me into the basins. My lip was coated red as though someone had drawn a stick of cherry red lipstick over my lips. My cheek was purple and felt hot and I knew it would bruise. Then I thought a few scratches would be all I had to worry about, then as Allison held the back of my head so tight between her fingers I did not think she was about to smash my face into a cold water tap.
This was not about a girl crush.
I shut my eyes, this was how I made the bad monsters disappear when I was younger and for some reason I thought if I let myself believe it enough that it worked back then, it would work as Allison held me. She pushed my head forward and the sensation of my skull against the metal cold water tap was so intense that I could not feel a thing. My mind felt numb.
This was not about love.
I opened my eyes again and looked at my reflection as she tore my head back up. Looking through the mirror I first saw myself and what was left of my face. The skin was still there, the shape was all there and my whole being was still present. It was just all consumed within a thick mess of purple blood. I never thought blood was that thick.
This was not about friendship.
Allison wanted me to face her; she wanted to stare at me like a mirror. This was her final in the lessons she had been taking for too long now. Before she could force my face to point towards hers my knees were shaking and my ankles felt like they were about to snap. There was a dent in my forehead and the blood was streaming so fast and thick down my eyes that I could not even open my eyes.
I fell onto the floor and my knees smashed into the tiles hard. My body flopped forward and my head seemed to crack. There was a dent in my forehead. There was a cut on my lip. There was blood everywhere.
This was about obsession.

Submitted: May 31, 2010

© Copyright 2022 kittengoth. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



Woah...Allison seriously snapped. I like how you have poetry and a stroy twisted into this. It's a really interesting combination. Awesome (:

Tue, June 22nd, 2010 6:53pm


Oh why thank ya kind friend :D

Tue, June 22nd, 2010 10:58pm


This was absolutely amazing. I loved where as Allison was attacking her, it said how it wasn't about lesbians or it wasn't about girl crushes. And then it the end, you said, 'This is about Obsession.'

Fri, July 23rd, 2010 3:42pm


Oh wow you commenting on this reminded me of this story. I totally forgot I even posted it hahaha. I'm glad you liked it ^^

Fri, July 23rd, 2010 2:50pm

Lady M

i loved this...i hope you have pdf version of it though, reading throught he computer hurts my eyes...

Sun, March 27th, 2011 3:22am


Oh I'm sorry :0 I have no clue if it has a pdf version.. Hopefully! :D

Wed, March 30th, 2011 10:49pm

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